Soo allowed herself to cry out all of her tears before she finally stood up from her place on the rocky ledge. Her half-eaten rice ball was still in her hands, and she quickly scarfed it down, not wanting to waste food, even if the little appetite she had before had long disappeared. Once she finished, she trudged the long way back to her room. When she arrived, she made sure to stay quiet as she walked back to her room. Well, it wasn’t her room per say. Unlike at Damiwon, where she had her own room, here at the Gyobang she had to share her room with 3 other maids. Granted, they never spent much time in the room anyway, since most of their day was outside on the river washing clothes, hanging laundry, and repeating the process until the sun went down.

She opened the wooden and paper door quietly, slipping inside and closing it behind her. Her thin blanket and sheet were tossed carelessly to the side, different from how she folded them that morning. She wasn’t very well liked, was she? She never did try to make friends here, always keeping a distance after the trauma she had experienced. At least she was always allocated a space on the floor on one side, where she had room to sleep. That was where she went to lay down after making her place on the hard wooden floor. Resting her head on her arm, her thoughts went toward the encounter she just had with the 8^th prince.

He had changed so much within a year. And she supposed she had too. She wasn’t the happy-go-lucky, optimistic girl who was determined to live like she used to be. Her happiest days were spent at Wook’s residence, while her Myung Hee unnie was still alive. The thought of Myung Hee brought a deeper frown on Soo’s face. A year ago, she was naïve, but she was also cruel.

It was wrong of her to pursue her feelings with Wook, especially while Myung Hee was still alive; she knew that now. Even after she had passed away, Soo should have cut off her relationship with Wook there, but she didn’t. It was an insult to her unnie’s memory, and yet she still pursued the relationship. Letting out a sigh, she knew that tonight had permanently put an end to those feelings. She could no longer have any sort of affection towards someone who now treated her so coldly. She didn’t want to believe anymore in the man who had promised so much, yet gave her nothing. Furthermore, she had no wish to be involved with any power play. She just wanted to survive peacefully, away from all the politics, and away from the main palace. Although she was a musuri now, she was still tied to the palace. At least she wasn’t in the thick of it anymore. Pulling the covers up to her chin, Soo wondered if she would ever be completely free from the palace.

She supposed she could have been, even if for a short while…if she had listened to Court Lady Oh when she offered to take Soo to her hometown. It was practically offered to her on a silver platter, the chance to leave the palace. But at the time, her naivety led her to her ruin. She trusted Wook so much, but did not have the courage to be herself with him. Despite this, she wanted to believe that their love was true. She wanted to believe that Wook would not change, and that he would marry her. But she was wrong, and all pleas from Court Lady Oh to deter her from the 8^th prince fell on deaf ears. The water maids were right when they accused her of being the reason for Court Lady Oh’s death. She was the one at fault, and the thought brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. If only she had listened when Court Lady Oh told her to stay away from the princes. If only she had listened and followed Court Lady Oh back to her hometown. Court Lady Oh would still be alive now if she had. She would still have a mother figure to care for her, someone to look over her while she was at the palace.

And so it was with tears in her eyes and the thoughts of Court Lady Oh that Soo eventually fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning, Soo woke up with sore and red-rimmed eyes. When she heard the other maids whispering, she ignored them, just as she always had when they talked about her, or anything else for that matter. She ate her breakfast slowly, tastelessly, and then went to get her first load of laundry for the day. Soo held back a groan when she found that all the other maids had gotten the easier loads of clothing, and left her with baskets full of sheets. The sheets were always hard to wash because they were so large. Not to mention, once they were wet, the sheets were that much harder to handle. There wasn’t much else she could do, was there? All the other maids had already left with their baskets. Taking in a deep breath, Soo hauled her first basket and made her trek down to the river.

She took as long as she thought she would, and by the time the sun was setting, she had barely finished her last load of sheets. Soo made her last trek from the river and when the clotheslines were in sight, she almost cried out of happiness. Walking to the last empty line, she began hanging the sheets. It was quite inconvenient, especially since she was so short and the lines were pinned so high. Thankfully, she found that if she tossed one end into the air, she would be able to hook it over the line and pull it over before straightening out the sheet.

Soo was on her last sheet when the wind blew a few strands of hair into her face. While raising her hand to swipe away the loose hairs, she thought she saw a shadow to her left. Turning her head over to look, she saw a glimpse of black robes in the distance before one of the sheets blew in the wind, blocking her view. Wang So? However, once the wind stopped and the sheet dropped to a standstill, she saw there was nothing behind it. She rubbed her eye, blinked, and looked again, confirming that there really was no one there.

Turning back to the current sheet, she willed her hope to go down. Of course he wouldn’t be here. The 4^th prince was sent on an ambassador mission for an indefinite period of time. It served as punishment for taking her side when she kneeled in the rain. She had been kneeling on the stone walkway outside the King’s quarters for days, though she didn’t know how many. All she knew was that she was desperately begging the King to spare Court Lady Oh’s life. And when the rain started pouring down, So was the only one who stood with her, shielding her from the rain despite not shielding himself. Once the bells started ringing to signal the execution, she had hysterically tried to go to Court Lady Oh. However, she could not move her legs, and during that time he was the one who took care of her, the one who tried to calm her all through the calamity. She knew he was keeping her there because he didn’t want her to see, or remember a scene that would scar her forever. Despite that, she screamed and continued to struggle against his arms. Eventually, her body gave into its exhaustion, and the last thing she saw was his face, his hair matted against it from the rain, his eyes looking at her with concern, and his hand caressing her face. So was calling her name as she faded into the darkness, and Soo remembered thinking she would be safe with him. When she woke up, Ji Mong told her she would be leaving the palace, demoted to a musuri and forbidden from seeing any of the princes again.

That was the last day she saw So when she gave him back the pin he had gifted. She told him to forget about her, that she was nothing but bad luck and not someone he should be involved with. He didn’t agree with her though, saying that he was the one with a scar on his face, and thus the unlucky one. He then told her he’d be going away as an ambassador, and that she should stay put at Damiwon. Although she did not reveal to him her demotion, Soo told him that she would not wait for him. But So refused to listen, just like he always did when she was being serious, instead choosing to pull her close and leaning down to kiss her. She had seen it coming and lowered her head just in time, but he still managed to sneak a peck on her lips before he left.

“I lied,” he had said with a Cheshire grin on his face. Even after he walked away, he turned around and waved to her with the pin in his hand, and a smile still present on his face.

Back in the present, she shook her head slightly and focused on hanging the last sheet on the line. She had only just started patting away the wrinkles when she felt a presence behind her.

“I told you to stay put at Damiwon.”

Soo was sure she was imagining things, but then she heard the voice again.

“Then again, doing physical labor suited you better than being a court lady anyway.”

So’s boots could hardly be heard on the grass as he walked closer to her, and it was only after he wrapped his strong arms around her waist, leaning his head down and resting it against the side of her face, that Soo let out the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding.

“I missed you.”

His arms tightened around her waist as he pulled her closer, and she let herself savor his warmth, even if for a little bit before her brain told her to be reasonable. She could not be seen with him, lest he be punished.

“You should not be here. Pretend you did not see me,” she said before pulling away from his embrace and turning around.

The first thing she saw was his black mask, embellished with silver designs. Their eyes met, before his glanced down as his hands found hers, running a calloused thumb over her hand ruined by days washing in the water and harsh soap. Her eyes were still focused on his face, and the mask when he spoke again.

“Just as always, you are beautiful.”

She didn’t have time to process his compliment when her immediate concern was why he had the mask on again. She began to worry for him.

“Why have you covered it up again? Have you forgotten how to prepare the make up? Has your scar gotten worse?”

She realize that she might have been a bit rude, asking so many questions without letting him answer any of them. The corner of his mouth turned up, showing his signature smirk as he reached up to untie the string holding up his mask.

“You hated it so much, so why would you cover it up again…”

Her words died in as he removed the mask completely to reveal a perfectly flawless face underneath. So hadn’t forgotten, and that at least gave her some relief. His mouth formed a slight pout, before he admonished her.

“Why? Did you think I would forget how to apply the make up after being away for so long? Give me some credit.”

He tucked the mask into his robes, before looking up at her.

“Although, it was difficult to find ingredients to make the cream sometimes during my travels. Regardless, I never forgot. I did have the best teacher after all,” he said with a grin.

“But if you went through the trouble of applying it, why did you still wear the mask?”

He diverted his eyes for a second, almost out of shyness before his eyes met hers again. He smiled and finally replied.

“I didn’t take it off so I wouldn’t forget you.”

She sighed internally. Why would he do that? What was so special about her that he was so determined to wear a mask for the past year, just so he wouldn’t forget her?

“I was determined to come back and see you.”

She stepped back even further, diverting her gaze. They had briefly reverted back to their old ways, having such comfortable and honest conversations. But his confession made her remember she was now a Gyobang musuri, and no longer a lady who could freely speak with a prince.

“I am not a Damiwon Court Lady, but a Gyobang musuri. I am not at the level where I can meet you, your highness.”

He was about to retort, but she spoke again before he could.

“You have returned safe and sound. You know I am doing well….that is good enough.”

She bent down and picked up her empty basket before limping past him and away towards the Gyobang to escape. Having him here in front of her was making her feel things she shouldn’t be feeling. A part of her was relieved to see him safe. She was happy to see him, and if she were to be truthful, she missed him. She missed their banters and their honest talks. He was the only one she was completely comfortable speaking with. Every time she was with him, her true personality came out. She didn’t need to pretend to be Hae Soo; she didn’t need to speak properly for him to understand. Even if she let slip a few modern words, he simply asked her to explain it, and didn’t look at her strangely. She was simply herself, and he was So.

However, another part of her was also terrified. What if he was punished even more because he was seen with her? What if she herself was punished for defying the King’s order? Despite her happiness from seeing him again after a year, she wanted to get away from him as quickly as she could so she could protect him. But of course, she didn’t get very far before a hand reached out to pull her back.  The motion turned her around to meet his face again.

“Soo ya.”

“Please, go!” She said with a sense of urgency in her voice. She couldn’t be caught with him, and any second longer they were together, the chances of that would be increased. But she could see his in gaze that he was determined to stay.

“This isn’t where you should be. Let’s go. I’ll resolve this somehow.”

He kept his hold on her wrist and turned to take her away, but she gathered every ounce of energy she had left to yank her arm away. She prepared her voice and spoke, hoping it came out angry as she wanted it to, even if she didn’t really feel that way.

“Leave me alone!”

His eyes widen at the tone of her voice but that kept her going. Yes, she had to make him feel this way.

“I’m only here because I can neither die nor live. Whether it’s Court Lady Oh who died because of me, or the scary life in the palace waiting around every corner, I can forget all of it if my body grows weary.”

She took a shaky breath, realizing she had tears in her eyes now that her vision of him was blurred. At least this way she wouldn’t let his expression affect her.

“You must stop caring about me—”

“I refuse.”

“Your highness…you must forget about me. It is for your own good.”

“No, I refuse to forget you. I will watch over you just like when you helped me. I will help you forget it all even without living this hard life!”

She shook her head, feeling some tears running down her face now. He stepped closer and reached his hand up to wipe them away, but she lowered her head to avoid his touch, stepping away even further.

Please, don’t abandon who you are for me. You are a prince born under the star of a king. You must not care for me if that is to happen. I cannot let you stray away from that path.

“Soo ya, please let me help you. Don’t avoid me.”

“Even if the person I want to avoid most is you, your highness?”

“But—”

“No!”

She took another breath and spoke again, all anger gone from her voice. All she felt now was tired; worn out.

“No…When I meet you, I recall everything I want to forget. Go back. I am living just fine.”

“You are not,” So said with conviction. He closed the gap between them with a few long strides and pulled her closer, his hands placed firmly on her weary shoulders.

“It has been a year, Soo ya. Yet why do you still have that limp? Have you been taking medicine? Why did you not have it treated? How have you survived this past year like that?”

“I can survive,” Soo retorted. She looked up at him again, steeling her gaze. “I have survived for the past year, have I not?”

He shook his head.

“You may have survived, but you are not living. Where is the girl who told me that it was not a crime to want to live? Come with me Soo ya, I will make this right again. I will get you out of the Gyobang and back into Damiwon.”

“I do not want that, nor do I need your help. I am fine where I am.”

“Soo ya…”

She had to get away from him now. Soo knew So was the type of person who would sacrifice everything for her. She knew that much after he drank three cups of poison for her. It would not be right, for him to help her again. She couldn’t bear to get her hopes up again, or allow him to help her. It was too dangerous, for her and for him.

“Your highness, please live in peace. I may not be living but I am alive. Do not hate or hold grudges. Forget everything and leave me behind.”

For the last time, she pushed away from the 4^th prince and gave a bow before standing straight.

“Only then will no one get hurt.”

She turned around and quickly made her way away, praying he would not follow her. For once, her prayers were answered and she managed to get away. After depositing her basket where it belonged, she went back to her room. Thankfully it was empty, and she slid down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head in her arms.

She had survived a year without the princes, but after last night and today, Soo wondered if she could continue living that way. Why was her life becoming difficult again?

No copyright infringement was intended. This is simply a fan work based on the drama "Moon Lovers - Scarlet Heart: Ryeo".