From: Jun oppa

[Byeol, I’m outside.]

[Please open the door.]

[Let me in, Byeol.]

[You promised me you weren’t going to avoid me.]

[Byeol.]

[Please.]

[Please don’t do this to me.]

[I can’t do without you.]

 

The banging on the door goes on for a while, but I drown it all out by listening to music with my earphones.

 

“Lee Byeol!” Namjoon shouts through the door. Even with loud music in my ears, I can feel my name on his lips as the waves vibrate into my aching heart. Tears fall and I close my eyes, turning my body around to face the ceiling. All is unmoving for a while until my hand is yanked on and I am pulled upright from my bed. A warm body embraces me in a tight hug.

 

For a moment I am caught off guard and don’t know what to do but my body reacts before my brain does, and I hug Namjoon back with comparable force. The wire of my earphones tangles between us as I bury my face into his chest, his shirt soaking up my tears. With his arms wrapped around my torso and mine around his waist, we sit in each other’s comforting embrace, the world around us quiet except for our breathing. My earphones fall out of one ear and the blasting music is let out, shattering the silence.

 

 

 

Namjoon sniffs and lets out a soft laugh, awkwardly lightening the damp mood.

 

“You can’t just run away and listen to songs like this,” he says, still not letting go of me. I smile at the thought that I, too, have no intention of pulling away.

 

“I was on shuffle.”

 

“Shuffle, but in what playlist?” He asks. I remain silent and unwillingly push myself away. I force myself to look into his tear-filled eyes.

 

“Oppa.”

 

“Ah… I think my stomach’s growling. Byeol-ah, let’s call for delivery.”

 

“Namjoon oppa.”

 

“Chicken? Let’s get half and half.”

 

“Kim Namjoon!” I stop him from diverting the topic. If he was even a bit taken aback at the call of his full name, he doesn’t show it. Instead he lies down on my bed and pulls me along with him. Under the warmth of the blanket he pulls over us, he hugs me and closes his eyes.

 

“We have a fan sign event tomorrow,” he tells me. “Will you come?”

 

“I have classes.” I conveniently leave out the part where classes are only at night.

 

“Are you free for dinner?”

 

“Still having classes.”

 

With his IQ of 148, there’s no way he didn’t catch my hidden meaning. Silent, he tightens his hold around me. With furrowed eyebrows and a creased forehead, I can tell that he is having an equally hard time falling asleep. With a finger, I push up on the spot between his eyebrows to straighten them out. Namjoon momentarily opens his tired eyes.

 

“Close your eyes,” I tell him. Turning to lie on my side facing him, I hug him and with soft pats on his back lull him to sleep. It is not until I feel his body relax and breathing steady that I drift into a dreamless sleep myself.

 

Namjoon is still fast asleep when I wake up at five in the morning. I cannot bring myself to think about how tired he must have been. He doesn’t even stir a bit when I detach myself from his arms. Grabbing my phone from the vanity, I wait until I’m out the room to check for messages.

 

From: Soo

[6AM is so early :(]

[But ok.]

 

This is in response to my text to her last night – we need to talk about Ray. I ignore the few other notifications from a group chat.

 

To: Yoongi oppa

[What time do I wake him up?]

 

His reply is surprisingly instantaneous.

 

From: Yoongi oppa

[We’re not due until 7.]

 

And he’s already up? Still drowsy with sleep, I drag my feet into the bathroom to start my usual morning routine.

 

To: Yoongi oppa

[Are you still awake from yesterday…?]

 

I type while brushing my teeth.

 

From: Yoongi oppa

[I’m just about to sleep.]

[Are you going somewhere? Early in the morning?]

 

To: Yoongi oppa

[Yeah.]

 

Leaving my phone on a dry spot on top of the toilet tank, I take a quick shower.

 

“Oppa?” Namjoon is slouching on the sofa when I come out, his fingers lazily scrolling on his phone. He looks up as I approach him, a frown forming on his face.

 

“Look at you.” He shakes his head and gestures for me to hurry over. When I do, he makes me sit at an angle on the sofa. With my back to him he takes my towel and gently dries my hair.

 

“You’re up early.” I try to take my towel back but Namjoon stops me.

 

“Sit still.” As he continues working on my hair, he says in a low voice, “You weren’t there when I opened my eyes. I thought…”

 

There’s something not right about Namjoon. The way he’s behaving, speaking… I turn around and cross my legs under me.

 

“Namjoon,” I call his name, bringing the attention of his glassy eyes to me. Caressing his face with one hand, I let him take my other hand in his.

 

“Byeol?” Weak. More than tired, his voice is weak. I look into his eyes and see that they’re not sparkling with life like they usually are.

 

“What has he done to you…?” As a tear rolls down my cheek, I reach over and pull Namjoon into a hug.

 

The doorbell rings. Could it be…?

 

“I’m coming in!” Soo’s voice comes through as she punches in the passcode. Releasing Namjoon, I stand.

 

“Why are you here?” I ask when the door opens.

 

“You weren’t answering your phone so I thought I’d come by check on you.” She glances at Namjoon.

 

“Oppa, you should go sleep a while longer.” I take his hand and pull him up. Soo looks at me understandingly. In my room, I tuck Namjoon into bed and let him hold my hand for a while.

 

“You’re not going anywhere, are you?” He looks up at me with watery eyes.

 

“I’ll be in the living room,” I tell him. “Just sleep.”

 

“You can’t go anywhere! Please don’t leave me…” His hold on my hand tightens.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Reassured, he closes his eyes. I lay a soft kiss on his forehead before tucking him into the blanket properly. I leave the door slightly ajar when I return outside and sit down opposite Soo at the dining table.

 

“You have to talk to s.”

 

“I know.” Sighing, I rub my temples. For how long has he been like this? Why haven’t I noticed it earlier?

 

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

 

I rack my brain. “Did you give him my passcode?”

 

“This is your important something?”

 

“Ray’s stage fright is back.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Oh. Oh! Wait, what?”

 

Soo rolls her eyes. “Hey, I’m the band manager. Isn’t it my responsibility to look over the wellbeing of the members?”

 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“It’s not like we don’t know how sensitive he is on this topic. Besides, I knew he would look for you first.” Soo sighs. “So what did he tell you? Does he want out?”

 

“Soo…”

 

“Feels just about right. Woong has been talking about scouting from an agency. I think he’s interested in their offer.”

 

“What about you and Seob?”

 

“That kid needs to start focusing in his studies. Well, so do I.”

 

Silence.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Byeol. It’s not anyone’s fault.”

 

Stirring from the room interrupts us.

 

“Go. I’ll call the band over to my place for a meeting.”

 

Nodding, I hurry in to check on Namjoon.

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