BOMI POV

After what happen between me and Baekhyun, I try to avoid him. If I saw him at the cafe, I’ll try to make accuse to my friends and walk away without waiting for them to answer or ask why. I know Naeun, Namjoo and Eunji can sense that something happen but there just let me be and don’t force me to tell her. that’s why I love them so much.

Since that incident, I always be alone and walk alone because Kai and Naeun will be together especially at cafe. And when Kai is there means Baekhyun will be there to and I really can’t face him.

And since that day, me and Barom got closer and I was aware that he was my one year senior. Just like Baekhyun.

There you go again Bomi thinking about Baekhyun. You need to forget about him.

BAEKHYUN POV

Since the incident happen between me and Bomi, she’s been trying to avoid me. i know because whenever I saw her enter the cafe, and when she saw me, she’ll give an excuse to not be there. and when we were in the same hall or alley, she’ll use the long way to her class or just turn around and walk away. I swear this is so frustrating.

What more frustrating is that I saw her talking to the guy she bump not once but a lot of time. And I hate it. I hate it so much until I feel like punch him in the face. He is a bad news and I know it. And one day, he show’s that he was really a bad new when I saw him talking to Bomi and he look at me and smirk. I swear, if he even thinking of touching Bomi, I’ll chopped his hand. I don’t care if will get expelled from this college or rotted in jail. But no one touch my Bomi.

BOMI POV

It’s been a week now I’ve been ignoring Baekhyun and didn’t have breakfast and lunch with my friend and I miss them so much. And it’s been a week Baekhyun didn’t talk or disturb me and I miss him. I miss him so much. I try to throw away this feeling but it keep on coming back and I hate the it. I hate it because I miss him like crazy.

He try so many time to talk to me, but every single time he walk toward me or try to say something, I’ll shut him up by running away or just say that I don’t want to hear anything and I was late for class.

I was sitting on my bed and in a deep taught when I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I look at the person and it was Namjoo and Eunji and Naeun was there too. Then Namjoo ask “Bomi, are you okay?”

I smile and nod “Yeah I’m fine.”

“but why do I think you’re not.” This time Eunji said.

“What are you talking about Eunji?” I try to look like I don’t understand although I know what there were trying to say.

“Come on Bomi. Stop pretending you don’t know what I mean. It’s been more than a week we didn’t have our breakfast and lunch together. and you’ve been avoiding Baekhyun sunbae. Even his acting weird this past few days. He look depress. What happen Bomi? You can tell us if you want. We will always there for you to support you. What really happen between both of you.” Namjoo said who now is sitting beside me.

I turn to look at her and I hug her and cry. Letting go everything out. I can feel Namjoo was rubbing my back and telling me shooting word to calm me down.

“Tell us Bomi. What really happen? Why are you acting like this?” Eunji ask.

“I’m scared guys. I’m really scared.”

“About what unnie?” Naeun ask.

“About everything.” I said.

 Namjoo pull me out from his arm and said “What is it Bomi? What are you scared about?”

I wipe my tears and take a deep breath and let it go. I know I can put my hope on them since they know my secret and past. I need to tell them and let them know. So I did.

“Baekhyun said he love me since the first time he saw me.”

“We know that Bomi. We know because they way he looks at you. Kai told us that to. So what is the problem? Why is it so hard for you to just accept it. I can see that you have feeling for him to. If not you won’t act like this.”

“I can’t guys. You need to understand that I don’t have a beautiful past. He’ll hate me, guys.”

“What make you so sure about that? Did you told him about your past?” Naeun said.

I shook my head and said “No I didn’t. I don’t see the point for me to tell him.”

Namjoo sigh and ask “Bomi can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Do you love him?”

“No. I don’t know Namjoo. I really don’t know.” I admit.

“Do you miss him when he is not around you?” Namjoo ask.

“Yes I do. I don’t know why but I do miss him.”

“before you sleep, do you think about him.” She ask again. I just nod.

“When you dance to let out your frustration, you always close your eyes and imagine that you were dancing with some. Who do you imagine?”

“Him.” That’s only what I was able to say.

“And since when did that happen?” This time Eunji ask.

“After he saw me dancing in the room.” I told them the truth.

“And do you like it just thinking about that you were dancing with him.”

I nod my head. Then Namjoo, Naeun and Eunji smile.

“Then it mean you love him unnie.” Naeun said.

“I don’t think so.”

All of them chuckle and said “Keep denial it Bomi but that’s the truth. You love him just the way he love you.”

“But I can’t guy. I have a family to take care of and my past won’t allowed it.”

“I know you have a family to take care off. But you deserve to be a teenagers and fall in love to. And about your past, you need to forget about it.” Eunji said.

Then Namjoo add “Bomi remember one thing you are your mother’s daughter but you are also your dad’s daughter.”

“I need time to think guys. I really do.”

“Sure. Take your time. Don’t worry, that jerk Baekhyun can wait for you. he waited for you almost 3 years. Waiting for another couple of weeks or month won’t affect him.” Namjoo said. We all laugh.

I hug all of them and thank them. I know I can hope on them.

I stand up and walk to the bathroom to wash my face. Then I take my bag and said to them that I’ll go for a walk. I really need a fresh air to open my crowded mind. I was tired but I just need this walk because I feel like there will be an answer out there.

BAEKHYUN POV

It’s been more the a week I didn’t talk to Bomi and I miss her a lot. I just able to see her face for a short time because everytime she saw me, she’ll run away from me. I was on my bed lying and trying to sleep but my eyes just don’t want to sleep. I keep on thinking about Bomi and about her past. The reasons she’s not opening her heart to any guys. Yes I know she didn’t have any boyfriends at all and I was happy to heard it. The taught that she never like or love other guys make me happy.

I stand up from my bed and took my jacket. I need to a walk and fresh air. I need to find an answer and my heart says that this walk will give an answer.

BOMI POV

I was walking at the park near our college while the wind was slapping my skin make my pull my coat closer. I keep on walking until suddenly I feel my head spinning. I even start to feel nausea and I throw up one of the nearest tree. When I was done, I wipe my mouth and rub my stomach. I didn’t eat anything this past few week and the only thing I eat is bread and that will be on dinner. I hold on to the tree and start pressing my head. It’s getting worst, so I brave myself and push myself to walk again. I taught that I need to go back to my dorm and rest. Just when I take two step, my head start to spin again and the next think I know, I heard someone call my name and I fall on the ground and the darkness invite me.

BAEKHYUN POV

I’ve been walking for half an hour now and my leg start to hurt so I sit at one of the bench. While I was sitting there looking at the people, well most of them are young couple, I spot the girl that I miss. She was there walking all alone. Then I saw her throw up at the tree and was rubbing her stomach. So I walk to her and ask if she was okay. When I was walking toward her, she just start to walk away. Then she stop just after taking two step and fall on the ground. I shout her name and run to her. I rub her cheek and slap lightly on her cheek to make her conscious and she did but instantly fall asleep. So I pick her up and bring her to my house because I don’t know where she leave and I can send her to her dorm since it’s almost  and I can’t go in the girls hostel.

When I arrive at my apartment, I lie her down on my bed and place her bag on the floor by her side. I pull the duvet cover her up until her chin. Then I try to find her phone in her bag but something caught my attention. It was her diary and a handkerchief. I move that aside first and switch on Bomi phone. It’s good that her phone have no password it’s easy for me to go through her phone. I find one of her friends number and text her that she fainted and she’s with me.

Then I place her phone on the side table and take the diary and the handkerchief. Just by looking at the handkerchief make me smile.

She still keep this with her and bring it with her. Then I place the handkerchief on the side table and look at the diary. I really want to open it and read it but it’s not a good think to read someone diary without permission. But I really want to know what’s inside.

I bite my nails and was think should I open it or not. Then the devil in me wins. I open it and read it.

15 May 2008

Today omma and appa fight again. I don’t know why are they keep fighting this past few week. Mom keep on saying that appa don’t love her because appa is always busy and don’t have enough money to take her shopping. I don’t why omma keep on saying it. She was happy before.

I really can’t take it anymore. It’s so sad to see that appa will always cry after fighting with omma. I know his hurt but he never show it to us. I hate seeing appa crying. I hope I can do something so that appa will stop crying and we can be happy again like we use to.

***

25 May 2008

Sorry diary. It’s been awhile isn’t it. I’ve been busy this past few days. I been working secretly because I want to make appa happy and take omma and appa to shopping so omma and appa won’t fight again. I work at one of store near my school. It’s really fun working there. the owner is friendly and always make us happy and comfortable. You know I’m so happy when I got my first payment. It feel like I did a very good job and proud of myself. There is so many to talk about but I’m tired so I need to go to sleep. Good night.

***

11 Jun 2008

Diary, I’m sad today. I’m so sad. I saw omma kissing other guy today at one of the restaurant near the store. I was wanted to say hello to her so I walk in the restaurant but she wasn’t alone. She was with a man. I was about to walk to her when I saw her kissing that guy. Why is omma cheating with appa. Appa is a good man. Why is omma doing this to appa? What make me more broken is that appa was there to watching. He must be very broken and devastated. I feel really sorry to appa. Omma is a bad girl. I hate omma. I hate her so much because she did this to appa, me and Yu Jin.

I stop reading when I heard she move on the bed. I look at her to make sure she’s not awake. When I was sure she was sleeping soundly, I continue reading her diary.

***

13 Jun 2008

Diary, omma and appa fight again and this time is worse. Omma is so bad. she left appa today and said that she never love appa, me and Yu Jin. Omma said that appa is useless. She said that she was destroy when she was pregnant with me. I was a mistake. She said her dream to become a model destroy when I was in her. It’s hurt. It hurts so much. now I understand why she always treat me and Yu Jin harshly. I taught she was just tired. But no. She hate us.

***

15 Jun 2008

It’s hurt to see appa smiling, laughing and taking care of us like nothing happen since omma left. I hate to him like that. She wasn’t smiling like she use too. His eyes look tired and sad. I need to do something so that I can help appa and make him happy. I know his tired working early morning until late night just to make sure that me and Yu Jin won’t starve. I’m going to help him diary. I’m going to find another job so I can survive myself and appa don’t need to give me money. I’m going to help him.

***

18 Jun 2008

Everyone here is looking at me and Yu Jin with disgusting face. I know there already know what happen to our family. Last two days I was walking with Jun Jin when her mother stop us and said to Jun Jin not to be my friends because my mother is a gold digger and I might turn out like her. Now I know why they look at me like that and keep their daughter and friends away from me. It’s good that Namjoo and Eunji is still my friends even after what happen to me and what other people and my school friends call me gold digger. It’s hurt to heard and get humiliate in the school when people call me that but I need to ignore it. I need to study and score and continue my study in college and achieve my ambitions so that I can prove them that I am not a gold digger and I can make my own money.

***

19 Jun 2008

Hey dairy. I have a happy news and sad news today. I’m sad that today I got humiliate infront of everyone and got hit by them. It good Eunji and Namjoo was there to save me if not I don’t know what will happen to me. I run away from school today because I’m so hurt. Not only hurt because I got bitten but because my heart really can’t take it anymore. I run as far as I can until I stop and fall down on the ground because I was tired. No one stop to help me but suddenly, there was this one boy came and kneel down infront of me and asking that do I need any help. He help to stand up and sit at one of the nearest store and help me treat my wound. Just then I saw him. He was cute. He looks like a nerd but his cute with his big glasses and braces. He was kind to. I didn’t know his name because he wasn’t wearing his name tag but one thing I know, he goes to Shinhwa School. It’s a rich people school and I heard that people there are all snob and arrogant. Maybe I was wrong. Not all are like that. This boy is different. Then he wrap my wounded knee with his handkerchief. When he was done, he ask me that he can send me to my house but I refuse. I’m not going to let him see where I leave. If he know where I leave, he’ll look at me in disgusting. She force me but I refuse until she defeat. I thank him and he walk away. Then I remember that I didn’t ask his name. I wanted to stop him but it was too late. He already walk away. I promise myself that I will find this boy and give back his handkerchief. The only clue I have is his signature name on the handkerchief. ‘BBH’. I will find him because I like him.

She was just like me. She like me too. I need to do something so that she know it’s me. Should I wear my glasses and braces back so that she know it was me. God! Just thinking about she likes me make me happy.

***

23 Jun 2008

I got a big slap today from one of my friends mother because I was walking with her son. I know this will happen. She said that what they was talking about is true, that I am just like my mother because I keep on walking with a different guy everyday. I didn’t want to walk with them, they were the one wanted to walk with me. they even said that the reasons I still be friends with Namjoo and Eunji is because of her money. They said that no one deserve to be my friends or boyfriends because I will turn out like omma. Then I taught, I fall in love with the boy that help me. so maybe I am like my mother. A gold digger. So I promise myself today that I will never going to make a friends or fall in love with anyone. Because I don’t trust myself. I might be like omma. Maybe, I am like omma. That mean the boy that help me is just a memory. A good one. I won’t find him anymore. And I will be busy now since we will move to other place. Appa said that it’s too hard to leave here since the rent is expensive and the neighbour keep on insulting us.

Now I understand why she said that she don’t believe herself. Because of this. How dare them to said like that to Bomi. Who are they to judge Bomi like that. Now I understand why she was trying to be far-far away from me. Because she’s scared that she’ll turn out like her mother.

I look at her and see her innocent and pure face. She can’t be like her mother. She’s different. If she’s like her mother, she won’t be working hard just to help her dad and Yu Jin. She’s way different from her mother. Then I keep on reading her diary. I realize that since she move, she barely write. May she was busy with studies and works.

I was about to close the diary when I saw today date. So I continue reading it.

***

18 March 2015

At last, I get to tell my friends about what I feel and now here I am in the park alone writing my diary and thinking maybe they are telling the truth. I don’t know, but everytime I’m near him, I feels like killing him and when his not there with me to disturb me, I miss him. I miss him so much. and it’s been more than a week I didn’t talk to him and now I miss him so much. Is that love? Well they told me is love but I don’t believe it. I don’t think so. It’s normal isn’t it. I miss Namjoo, Eunji and Naeun when we were on holidays and don’t meet each other. I need to figure it out. Is it that I really love him. If that’s true, I need to throw away that feelings. I can’t. If he know about omma, he will hate me and taught that I will be just like omma. He will hate me and I don’t want my heart to broke. I just can’t fall in love with him because his from a rich family. I won’t mind if he is just like me. a poor person who trying to help family. No Yoon Bomi don’t even think about it. If not whatever people been saying, it will come out true that you are a gold digger. So no Bomi. A big No.

But what if I already fall in love with him. What should I do? God, help me please. I need your help. Please throw away this feeling from my heart.

Yes, she already fall in love with me. is just that she don’t know. Wait is she’s talking about me isn’t it. Not that jerk. I hope it’s about me. Please be about me. then I close her diary and place it back in her back so that she won’t know that I read it.

I sit on the edge of the bed and look at her. She look so beautiful even when she’s sleeping. I move the strand and tug it behind her ear. I just couldn’t stop smiling looking at how peace full she look. I move down and kiss on her forehead and then peck on her lips. Then I heard her murmured

“I’m not a gold digger and I won’t be like omma, Baekhyun. Believe me. So don’t leave me.”

I smile and said to her “I know, beautiful. I know. Don’t worry. I won’t leave you.” then I stand up and was about to walk away, when I felt my hand was being pull. I turn around and saw her smiling and hugging my arm. Then she said in her sleep “Don’t leave me. Stay.”

I smile and said “I love too, beautiful but I can’t. It’s not a good thing to do.” So I pull my arm slowly so that I won’t wake her up and then walk out from the room and sleep in the guest room with a big smile on my face and determination to make her fall in love with me and make her believe that she is not like her mother.