January 12, 2017

Kyungsoo grits his teeth as he yawns with half lidded eyes. He gently pushes the sheets away from his body and he rolls over. His head still throbs a bit but was never a huge bother. He rose from his bed, stretches but then the pain inside his head started again, that's when he groaned and buried his face on the pillow, it even smell alcohol more than his perfume. 

He is sober but his vision's spinning.

The scent of alcohol still lingers around his room and he's certain that if Baekhyun would enter his room, he would curse him to death. Baekhyun hated people who drinks alcohol, even if it's just a little. He would lecture Chanyeol or him about the bad benefits of it. There's a point wherein the two would argue since it's just alcohol and not cigarettes. Kyungsoo was never alcoholic but the strong taste was just too pleasuring for his stressed out life. 

Besides, maybe he deserves the reward after coming home with a solved case.

But up till now, his smiles are mostly empty. Four years ago and he's still trapped inside that trance.

He finally opened his eyes and kicked the sheets completely off his feet. He scans his room and sunlight had already reflected against the small mirror at his small desk. He scrunches his nose due the stench smell. He just drinks when he's stressed but what's the true reason for drinking too much last night?

He glances at the Calendar on the table just beside his bed.

January 12, 2017

It was his birthday.

Kyungsoo frowned, does his birthday even matter? Who would even celebrate it?

Kyungsoo shrugs, finding no big deal from it. He wasn't entirely this negative, it just dawns on him and he would ride along the trail of gray.

He leans on the small table with a groggy vision and found two empty bottles of Soju and a small blue sticky note with a messy handwriting, he immediately recognized whose letter it was.

'hey if you read this.....yeah you can strangle me after my date with my channie. I hid your other bottles of soju and wine ㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ because of the date today, tomorrow and the other day. Wouldn't want to remind but i bet you're thinking it. Anyways goodluck with new clients at your lawfirm!!! Bacon on the table, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOO!!!!!!! HEY DON'T BURN ME OKAYY??

MY BIRTHDAY WISH FOR YOU IS FOR YOU TO LET HIM GO.

OKAY BURN MY NOTE BABYE SOO K BYE ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

pps: there's a hottie with a long chin that i'd like you to meet, 2 pm at starbucks.  he goes to the same school like us? don't you remember him huh? KEEP HIM I MIGHT DROOL.

- byun b.

No doubt.

It was from his roommate, Byun Baekhyun.

That annoying immature beautiful creature.

Kyungsoo shook his head. Baekhyun is such a good friend indeed, even reminding him of the things he tried to forget but anyways, he lit a small smile knowing that there's bacon on the table that baekhyun himself prepared. Maybe Baekhyun really did effort despite being lazy or maybe it's just because it's his birthday.

But he doesn't feel like it.

What's so good about this day? What will he look forward to? The surprise of some of his friends?

January 12 for him is a curse.

It was the exact day when he thought his world was regaining back its colors but actually it was all in a black hole. He tries to recall that simple day and the answer is just too excruciating. People might tell him that he's just overreacting but what they don't understand is just that person who broke his heart at the very same day is also the same person who loved him dearly, or did he? Kyungsoo doesn't know what to believe either. He still tried his best to know what he did wrong, if he didn't do something enough. Maybe they were just young to understand what true love meant.

Or maybe it was really just his fault.

Kyungsoo sighs.

It was damn 4 years ago.

His friends praised him for always being the smart one. He was always the one who had a side, a stand. Kyungsoo was a keeper. Kyungsoo was this, was that. Kyungsoo thought he was good enoug, but that's ironic to maybe what Jongin thinks. Kyungsoo doesn't know if he'll strangle Krystal for being a toxic in their relationship but no, after all, it was Jongin who admitted and treated him like a pure stranger.

It was Jongin who let go.

It was Jongin who didn't fight with him and chose to be happy with someone else.

It was Jongin who married Krystal Jung.

It was Jongin.

And it was Jongin who Kyungsoo still loved.

Stupid.

"Even your smile haunts me right when I open my eyes." Kyungsoo murmured, trying to conceal that bittersweet feeling. It was no use, why would he always think of his ex? There are plenty of guys to date, there's Junmyeon and a few Hoobaes. If the heart can just be ordered and not followed, things might've been easier.

But why is Jongin an exception?

Why is Jongin who hurt him so bad still the one that he's thinking? Really stupid.

His phone was ringing when he stood up. His hand crawled under the sheets and took the call while hoping that the day will come out for the better. "Hey Kyungsoo," Minseok greeted while taking a sip from his coffee. Kyungsoo can sense him smiling. "Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks?" Kyungsoo replied, voice somewhat bored. "Did you really call to just greet me? you could've just send a message." Minseok snickered from his friend's sass. "Chill out Soo, it's not just because of that. There's a birthday gift for you here."

"Ohhh, is that food or money?" Kyungsoo played along with him, hoping his mood would improve. 

"Uh, you could buy food with the money you'll earn from my gift. It's a client, a big one. I can't deny him though so, meet us now."

"I thought it was my break?" Kyungsoo asked as he frowned. He thought that it was his break free from stress after his last case regarding a divorce. Minseok scoffed at the other line.

"Come on lazy yehet-asshat. Let's give it a go. I heard the client is really desperate."

Kyungsoo palmed his face but it suddenly stirs his interest. "Desperate huh? Fine." Kyungsoo couldn't say no to new clients, after all it was what he wanted, that's the path he chose and the reason why Jongin drifted away from him, because of his Job. He was about to put the call down when he heard Minseok's last remark. "Oh by the way, He knows you. He even requested you."

Kyungsoo was about to protest but then Minseok cut the line off already.

Curiosity got the cat.

---

Kyungsoo taps his fingers on his lap as he patiently waits for Minseok and the client at the new venue. He was getting nervous all of a sudden and he didn't like it. He stutters too much and gets too uneasy. He observed the surroundings and he classifies people as they walk by. The sun is shining brightly and the weather is a bit warm making Kyungsoo yawn. 

What's so good about this day?

And Baekhyun hid the bottles of Soju, now what does he need to do?

He rolled his eyes.

Where could Baekhyun hid it? Under the Bed? Inside the Bathroom?

His roommate is really annoying. Sometimes Baekhyun would go from a whining puppy to a Love Guru. Kyungsoo is still fascinated about how deep people could go like Baekhyun are in Love. How these people have grown addicted to it making them go and create quotes posted in tumblr every night. It wasn't law of physics, it was human nature.

Human Nature.

If You fall in love, you fall out of love then you love again.

"Kyungsoo!"

Startled, he turned to the voice, it was minseok's alright. A smile spread across his face knowing that Minseok wasn't late; he doesn't like people who doesn't come on time. He becomes paranoid that they won't come and leave him hanging again. 

"Hyung you---"

But that big smile dropped when he saw the person behind Minseok with a crooked and anxious grin. Kyungsoo pins his vision at that person, wanting to confirm something. He didn't assume at first but the way how that stranger smiles, his mannerisms, nervous glances and movements. He's certain. He's certain who that someone is. He can't be wrong, it's still him. 

It's been four years.

Kyungsoo wanted to turn his back and walk away with no words like how that person shut him off. 

"There's a case that I wanted you to handle." Minseok announced as he sat down in front of Kyungsoo before pointing the client, now beside him. Kyungsoo gulped, trying to calm down. He doesn't know where to look and how to start. He gets it that they were fated to meet at first but why are they meeting again? What's even the ing point?

The day that he feared happened and it was on the very same day. It was such an unfortunate day that Kyungsoo would favor if January twelve won't  exist ever again. He shrugged, he should be professional here. He chose this.

"You okay?" Minseok asks, finding discomfort and tension. Kyungsoo reassures him with a small smirk. Minseok obviously doesn't know why, he doesn't know.

"Here's our Client." Minseok introduces the person, "His name is Kim Jongin."

Kyungsoo and Jongin's eyes meet for the second time and something blows up in front of Kyungsoo. He blinks several times to check if he isn't dreaming. A part of him slightly wanted to hold his hand again but then, the familiar pain is building up. He breaks the eye contact that seemed like needles and chose to show Jongin the new him. Crying, it's just so tiring plus the client seem not to mind. Who would be hurt? Why would it still hurt? How come he's still stuck at that trance? Jongin had moved on so why couldn't he?

Was it because he needed closure? Answers?

Was it because he's still guilty?

Was it because he wanted a second chance?

Jongin gazed Kyungsoo, not even minding that that person was his ex. "It's nice to meet you." he greets, trying to make his voice a bit ebullient. Kyungsoo was quite shocked, Oh wow, it's not like we met four years ago? 

"He was the one I was talking about; his wife is in a very desperate case. You do know him right?" Minseok asks, breaking the ice and nudged Jongin to lay everything out.

"I need your help." Jongin starts, "Please."

No greetings.

No answers.

No nothing.

It was nothing related to the 4 year trance, Jongin just sees Kyungsoo as his new lawyer.

"Of course." Kyungsoo unconsciously replied, his tone hard. Of course, he came back just because of his help, just the help---he needed to plant that in his mind.

He agreed.

So is he also agreeing to the next events?

"What happened?" Kyungsoo tried to be professional. It was much unexpected and he never anticipated this day. It was even the day of his birthday, worse. He wanted to slap a big WHY on his face 

"It's my wife, Krystal." Jongin sounded really worried that bothered Kyungsoo. Couldn't he have at least some seconds to scream? And wife, hah, of course his wife. "Our attorney, he left and we're losing the proceeding trials. I-I can't bear her in jail."

"Is this homicide, suicide, murder---" What the heck is Kyungsoo saying? It's all about death? "---divorce, accidents, politics--"

"She'll tell you that. I'd like you to meet her soon." Jongin responded, quite breathless.

Wow, soon. Kyungsoo tells himself. "Mr. Kim, I think we should---"

"Come with me please, she's not very stable."

"Is she dying?" Kyungsoo asked that made Jongin almost dumbfounded to think that maybe his ex still had grudges. He knew that Kyungsoo was his ex, that maybe there were still uncleared things but that---he doesn't matter anymore, what matters more is his wife, Krystal. Things about the past doesn't matter anymore. What needed to be settled must be given attention and not petty romances. 

"No." Jongin gritted his teeth, finally alarming Kyungsoo that he's lacking time. "The other side's got their evidences already. They're squeezing her at the court." Then he stood up, turning to Minseok. "Thank you, can he go with me?"

Minseok nods without any hesitations.

Wow everything escalating so damn quick.

--

Jongin told Kyungsoo to come with him with no words wasted. 

Kyungsoo's still a bit shocked and awkward but he needed to push this through after all, their new meeting will not revolve around both of them. It'll revolve around Krystal and Jongin only., right? What is he even thinking? Things are a bit serious right now and he's still dreaming and seeking out his feelings? Well, nobody can't blame Kyungsoo. He's left alone, no answers. No clear statements. Just words that are vague and Kyungsoo heard it right, straight to his ears, alarming his heart. Hi ego and pride crushed dozens of times. 

Kyungsoo shrugs, if Jongin sees him only as his lawyer then he'll just view him as his client.

Jongin leads him to an empty parking lot and told him to mount his convertible. He fished his phone out of his pocket and Kyungsoo, after putting on the seatbelt almost hit his head. Jongin was rushing too much. 

Jongin closed his door shut and started his engines, not minding Kyungsoo at the passenger's seat. "C-Can you please open the window for me?" Kyungsoo requested in a shy manner. It was uncomfortable as hell but he couldn't let his condition be a martyr just because of Jongin. 

Jongin deadpanned him and focused on the road and all ears on his phone.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. 'I-I'm sorry but, I don't----please just open the window, I'm not very good at closed spaces." Kyungsoo started to get worried. There are a few times that the small spaces are suffocating him causing him to puke. Plus that tinge of alcohol is still present. 

Still no answers.

Doesn't Jongin remember?

"There there hyung, I told you that we should've kept the window open." Jongin consoled Kyungsoo who's puking. His mouth tasting salty and bad. His stomach turning upside down. They stopped at their tracks and parked somewhere to ease Kyungsoo's condition. Kyungsoo had a bad stamina and Jongin knew it, only Kyungsoo was stubborn.

When Kyungsoo stopped puking, Jongin wiped Kyungsoo's drool using his thumb. "Does your head still hurt?"

Kyungsoo nodded, holding his stomach and caressing his forehead with his free hand.

Jongin wasted no time and planted a soft kiss on Kyungsoo's forehead. "There, does it make you feel better?"

Kyungsoo suddenly got conscious, "Jongin, we're beside the road."

"Doesn't matter, I just want you to be okay." Jongin replied with a smile. "And why would I be embarrassed? I wanted them to know that you're mine."

Kyungsoo just elbowed Jongin.

There's also a reason why Kyungsoo's still doubting to buy his own car. He's still scared of driving after his sister dies in his hands. He can also be easily sick when driving due the confinement inside the car, the air and such.

"Hey Suho Hyung? Can we visit her? I mean, I got the new lawyer." Jongin stated, his left hand firmly holding his phone. "Oh yes, I did. Tell her that I love her for me okay? I'll see you soon hyung." Jongin drops the call.

Kyungsoo just stared at the window, afraid that his stomach might give a signal, causing him dizziness and eventually---puking. Jongin already started the engines and the window's not yet down. Kyungsoo stopped insisting and instead just tried to control his breath.

"Hey," Jongin called out in thin air. "You'll do it right?"

"What?" Kyungsoo asked. He's still thinking about the case, about Krystal.

"You'll do it right?" Jongin repeats and Kyungsoo immediately knew what he meant.

Of course.

But , he couldn't even call Kyungsoo by his name.

"Don't worry about it, I can handle it just fine." Kyungsoo said confidently, holding his slightly throbbing head and heart. "I am someone of my words."

"Please, please fight for her." Jongin pleads, even throwing Kyungsoo a frustrated glance. "I-I can't l-loose her..." His whisper was nearing a faint and Kyungsoo could only clench his fists. 

It's already dead end. stop it Do Kyungsoo. 

"I'll fight for her, I promise." Kyungsoo answered, his eyes focused only on the road. He doesn't know what's hurting or what matters now. "I'll fight for your Krystal."

Jongin lit out a wide smile and it isn't even hard to notice from Kyungsoo's position. Those eyes that he adored so much are in a lovely crescent too. "Thank you! Oh God, Thank you so much."

If that's the reason why we met and if that'll end my questions...

That's where he weighs if second chances do exist or do they?

The battlement of sacrificing and letting go.

---