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“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart” – The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins.

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*

JUNHO

That’s insane. Why would he still love me? Ridiculous. The idea of it was really great. But no, it wasn’t possible. I zipped open the empty suitcase. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. A part of me was happy that I was going to meet him, but the other part of me was scared as to what I’d do when I meet him.

What would I do when I enter the conference room and see him for the first time? How would he react? Will he recognize me? Would I even be able to talk about the project? Or just stare at him like a creep? This was going to be damn difficult. But I had to do it.

His voice. So serene. So pure. I could drown myself in his voice.

As I put the neatly folded clothes in the bag, I remembered the day I made the stupidest decision of my life.

*

I stood in the tiny office of the orphanage. I was staring at the books kept on the table. I had already read all of them. Uncle Kim had called for me but he wasn’t here. Uncle Kim was our caretaker and the owner of the orphanage. He was the world’s kindest person. Since he didn’t have kids, he decided to start an orphanage, and helped us go to school. There were only a few kids in the orphanage which is why he could afford it. But nowadays, he was always worried about something.

The door opened and he entered the room. His glasses hanging around his neck bouncing on his pot belly. A middle aged couple followed him. The lady had blonde curly hair and the guy was all muscular. They looked rich. They looked at me and studied me. Their eyes moving from my head to toe. The lady smiled and looked at her husband. He smiled back at her.

“Is that him?” she asked Uncle Kim.

“Yeah” he replied.

“Oh my god! He’s really cute” the lady said touching my cheek.

“I’m Marie” she said again holding out her hand.

“Junho” I said smiling faintly and shaking her hand with a slight bow.

“I like him” the guy said.

“And I’m Yi Jung by the way” the guy said ruffling my hair lightly. His smile was so wide.

“They want to adopt you Junho” Uncle Kim said.

I couldn’t register what he said for a minute. Did I hear right? Yeah. They wanted to adopt me. ADOPT. I’d have parents. To care for me. My eyes glistened with excitement. Though I never showed it, I really missed my parents. Neither Uncle Kim nor Minjun would tell me how I ended up in an orphanage. But now, I was getting parents. Was it a dream? I blinked in confusion and felt the lady touch my arm. It wasn’t a dream. I was actually getting adopted. I was getting a chance to be like other kids in the school. They had parents who came to the Parent Teacher Meet every year. Minjun and I just had to bunk at those times.   

Minjun. I couldn’t leave him.

“Would you like to come with us?” they asked.

Now that I think about it, I wish I had said no. I wish I had just run away from there. Just go back and cuddle with Minjun to sleep.

“I’d love to. But can Minjun come along with me?” I said.

They looked at each other nervously and then turned towards Uncle Kim.

“They can afford only one child, son” Uncle Kim said.

“But…” I didn’t know what to say. As much as I wanted to be with Minjun, I needed parents also. I wanted to feel parents love.

Only if I knew I wasn’t that lucky to feel parents love so easily

“Can I have some time?” I asked biting my lip.

“Okay. Umm…we’ll come tomorrow” the couple said and they left. They could be my future parents, I thought as I saw them open the orphanage gate and leave in their car. They had a car. I would go to school in a car if I was with them.

“Junho” Uncle Kim called me.

“Yes?” I asked turning towards him

“I want to talk to you” he said patting my shoulder.

We sat in his office. I didn’t like it when he was in tension. It was better when he was chirpy and played along with us.

“The thing is, I’m losing out of money” he said looking down. I could feel his helplessness in his voice

“I can’t provide you with a better future either. Its better if you go with them” he continued

“But I don’t want to leave Minjun. He’s been my only support”

“You can come meet him sometimes. It’s not like you are getting separated forever and you’ll never be able to meet again”

“But-“

“Don’t you want parents Junho? You are getting a chance to live with PARENTS. The other kids are craving for them. They chose you Junho. Don’t you want a better life? To gain something, you have to lose something. Haven’t you heard that?”

Somehow that blinded me. But somewhere in my heart, I had a hard feeling about it. I just didn’t want to leave Minjun.

But the 4 letter word just found its way out my mouth.

“Okay”

“Okay?”

“Yes”

I was excited and emotional. I had less than 24 hours with Minjun. I’d leave this place forever.

“Okay” I said and got up from my chair. I did a short bow and left the room. As I got out of the room, I leaned on the adjacent wall. That’s it. He was ringing the phone.

“He said okay. Please see him tomorrow”

There was no going back now. I felt a pang of guilt rush through me. I hadn’t even asked Minjun.

I ran to the orchard where he was waiting