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“Thing with your heart’s desire is that your heart doesn’t even know what it desires until it turns up” – Why We Broke Up, Daniel Handler.

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JUNHO

“I told you. Because I love you”

I felt butterflies in my stomach. I felt like my 14 year old self. When he used to tell me this every morning before we went to our respective classes. And at that moment, I wanted to live. Just to hear it every day. He leaned down and kissed my forehead.

He always did that when a few kids teased me in school that I didn’t have parents. Or whenever I was sick. Or whenever I was down and my mood was off.

It was a sign of true love.

No matter how sweet all these things sounded, I was still bitter about them. I didn’t deserve all this. I was still scared. But for the moment, I closed my eyes and felt his soft lips on my skin. A tear fell down my eye. He buried my face in his shoulders and hugged me. I felt him pecking my head. I lost myself as I got intoxicated in his minty scent.

I tugged on his shirt and closed my eyes. Tears squeezed down and soaked the cloth of his shirt. I thought the tears would stop, but they didn’t. He rubbed my back soothingly. I almost gave in to him. But I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

After a few minutes, I regained my composure and moved back.

“Do you want to sleep?”

“I’ll just lie down” I said. He helped me pull the pillow down as I lied down. Just this conversation got me exhausted.

“Do you want me to leave?”

 I’m going to get nightmares. But somehow my eyes felt heavy after I took my pills.

“No” I said.

He sat down next to me and kept my hair while I looked at him. I wasn’t sure if I could let him come close to me. I realized it wasn’t trusting him I was scared of. I was scared of myself. I had no control over myself and that made me afraid of myself.

I had clutched the blanket in my fists. I remembered feeling his fingers gently running through my hair as I fell asleep.

WOOYOUNG

Even though it was pretty late at night, Nichkhun agreed to meet me. I was thankful. I really needed some company right now. We sat on top of a hill which had the whole view of the city and on our ice creams.

You could see the tiny orange white lights in the buildings and moving red lights of the cars. There was a lot of greenery at the place we sat which made the place cold.

“You weren’t sleeping?” I asked.

“Nope”

“It’s pretty late”

“I know”

I wanted to ask him what he was doing. But it was none of my business.

“I’m planning to already give you the job” he said smiling.

“But you haven’t even tested me yet” I said.

“You have a pretty good location sense. It’s such a pleasant place” he said looking around.

That was a compliment.

“Thank you”

“So why are you feeling down?” he asked

“You’ll be bored if I tell you”

“Tell me. I like listening to you”

My heart stopped beating.

“I mean, people in general” he added after an awkward pause. I relaxed. I hope I didn’t show my blush when he said that.

“Why can’t our heart just pump blood? I mean, why do they have to meddle in my relationship with people?” I asked. I was being such a child, I knew it. And I was sharing it with the wrong person. He was my to-be boss.

“You had a break-up?”

“We never started”

“So it was…one-sided?”

I nodded looking down.

“Hmm”

“Have you ever experienced a break-up?” I asked.

“Yes”

“How did you feel?”

“I felt like…a part of me went numb. I was devastated, more because I felt like the other person was unaffected by it”

I wondered who would be willing to breakup with such a guy.

“But you know what? There wouldn’t be any fun in living life if there wasn’t any ‘meddling’ done by our heart” he said.

I looked up at the sky wondering if time was going to heal my wound again.

“Why did you ask ME out of all the people to come here?” he asked.

“I don’t know…I have very few people I can turn to when I’m depressed”

“You easily trusted me?”

“Honestly, you don’t look like someone who would break someone’s trust”

“What do I look like then?”

“Someone who would treasure his lover. Like give him all the love in the universe. Someone who’s smile would be enough to light up someone’s world.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. What were you expecting?”

“I like the bad boy image. Or a playboy”

“You look nowhere close to playboy. It doesn’t even suit your character” I said frowning.

“Okay” he laughed.

 There was a silence then. For some reason, even the silence between us was comforting. Everything felt serene with him.

“Thanks” I said.

“For?”

“Coming with me. Even though you didn’t have to. You’re like my boss and I called you at this hour to share my nonsense.”

“First thing, it’s not nonsense. Second, I don’t like ‘boss’. Third, Thanks you too. ”

“For?”

“The ice-cream”

“That’s not even a reason to thank me”

“Exactly. Don’t thank me either. I’d love to talk to you whenever you feel down”

“You’re more like a friend” I said stealing a glance at him. He looked so adorable with his lips circling the ice cream.

“I am your friend” he said.

“You’re my boss”

“I hate being called that, don’t call me that”

“Why?”

“I just don’t like it”

“Okay”

“I’m your friend okay?”

“Okay” I laughed.

My heart finally felt at ease. It lightened up once I talked to Nichkhun. He just had th