_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Sometimes people are beautiful, not in their looks, not in what they say, just in what they are” – The Book Thief, Markus Zusak.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

*

JUNHO

“I knew it wasn’t a good idea” Chansung said as I told him about my dream.

“Yeah” I yawned. Now that I was at the office, I was feeling sleepy. I should have slept more.

“So now?” I asked.

“Just keep taking the pills. You need to talk to Minjun about it. When are you doing that?”

“I don’t know. Whenever I see him, I want to shrink in a corner, I can’t see his hateful eyes”

“You haven’t even given him a chance to know the truth. How will you expect him to understand?”

“I’ll talk to him” I said. Though I had no idea when and how.

I stood in front of the mirror in the washroom. I splashed cold water on my face to get rid of my sleepiness. I rested my hands on the sink and looked at my wet face in the mirror. I had to gather up courage. He had to know everything.

As I turned to leave, I froze. He entered.

Gather up courage. Do it now. TALK.

He stopped in his tracks as he saw me. He looked at me for a good 3 seconds. I could swear I heard my heart pumping. He looked like he was judging me, loathing my presence here. I held on the sink for support as I was going weak in the knees. I looked like a loser I guess.

 He slowly turned and walked towards the door to leave the washroom. I don’t know how I got the guts, I rushed forward and grabbed his wrist. Just the contact with his soft skin gave me goosebumps.

Please look at me.

He turned away from me. I wanted to know what he was feeling and thinking. But he looked away so I couldn’t see anything. I could feel the heat gathering in my cheeks. I lightly squeezed his hand.

“Minjun please…” The words barely came out of my mouth. It was more like sobbing and choking on my own words.

“It’s been 12 years…” I said.

He turned towards me showing me his red puffy eyes. Looking at those eyes, I almost forgot what I was going to say next.

“Exactly. It’s been 12 years. You don’t have to bother now. We’re done”

“Please listen to me” I begged.

“You were the one who left me”

“Yeah-”

“You said you loved me”

“I do-”

“Just stop it. Neglecting me for 12 years isn’t a way to show me you love me”

I could only hear hatred in his voice. I could feel his anger towards me. There wasn’t even a tiny bit of a positive feeling for me. I had never seen this side of him. I bit my lip as his eyes told me he didn’t love me at all anymore.

He jerked his hand away from my grip and strolled out of the washroom leaving me crying. I could feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. I didn’t stop the tears from falling and stood there with my back leaning against the wall. I regretted my decision to leave him 12 years ago more than ever. I had never in my life, seen him cry. And the reason he had those puffy eyes was me. I had made him like that. I’d kill myself to make him feel better.

My head felt heavy and I had to crouch on the floor because standing felt too exhausting. I felt dizzy and everything looked blurred. There was a pang of pain in my head. My breath fastened and I felt like I was back in the closet. Where Marie used to throw me in after she was done hitting me. I brought my legs to my chest and tried to calm myself down. Slowly breathing in and breathing out. It always worked.

Slowly my blurred vision became more focused. I was breathing heavily and it took me minutes to regain my composure. I splashed my face countless times with cold water. Every time the water hit my face, a slight pain would come and go in my head.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I walked out of the washroom to my office. Only Suzy was sitting inside as I entered.

“Where’s everyone?” I asked.

“In the meeting for the budget discussion. I was waiting for you” she said.

. I had forgotten about that.

“Oh. Yeah. Let’s go” I said picking up a pile of papers as she