Jieun’s POV

I felt like the world had come and kicked me in the face as I stared at the door in front of me, trying to get the key to work and my hands to stop shaking.

“ing dickhead had it coming! He deserved worse than the beat down I gave him.” My dad was yelling, his words slurring together slightly.

I winced, trying the key again. He was spitting mad and seemed to have no idea we were in public. But he must have been cold because as soon as the door clicked unlocked he shoved me to the side, stomping loudly past me into the house, where he proceeded to stumble into furniture.

I flinched at the sound of his explosive cussing, knowing it was a bad idea to be in the same room as him when he was this angry, but hesitantly stepping inside the house anyway.

“Why is it such a ing tip in here anyway?!” My father yelled, when he almost tripped over the coffee table.

He whirled around on the balls of his feet, throwing an accusing glare in my direction.

“I’m sorry Dad.” I muttered.

I only half meant it. How could I be truly sorry for the last week of my life, when I had loved it so much? Even though I knew he needed me and I had abandoned him, I couldn’t be completely sorry. My apology didn’t seem to help any either way though, his eyes still blazed hot with fury. Giving him a tight-lipped smile, I stepped cautiously closer.

“Come on, Dad. How about you sit down and rest, and I’ll make you a sandwich or something?” I tried to coax him into sitting in his favourite chair, but he didn’t want to.

He gave a loud hoot of derisive laughter at my suggestion.

“You cook? You’re ing useless in the kitchen. Your of a mother ran off before she could teach you anything useful.” He mocked.

My throat and chest tightened. I knew that my father had to be either extremely drunk or excessively angry before he would ever mention of my mother and today it seemed he was both.

“But then again she always was a useless . I bet she was stupid enough to think I didn’t realise she was cheating on me.” He looked straight at me, leaning in closer so his alcohol-soaked breath almost had me gagging.

“I always knew though.” He grinned.

It wasn’t a happy grin. It was a cruel, contemptuous one, full of loathing.

“And then she left. Then I got stuck with you.” He said, as if I didn’t know that already.

The way he spat ‘you’ out had my stomach churning, and my heart breaking. I wasn’t fool enough to think he in any way loved me but today the way he spoke made it sound like he hated my very existence. I ignored the hurt.

He didn’t mean it like that. He needed me, and tonight was proof of that.

He needed me and I couldn’t abandon him. The truth made me want to cry. I didn’t want that. I wanted to be able to turn away and never look back.

“Dad, please.” I was begging him to stop. I didn’t want to hear this.

I’d rather have him beating me black and blue then listen to him talk about my mother.

“I’ll order something in. How about Chinese?” I suggested.

“I don’t want food you useless !” He thundered, his face going a shade redder as he swung out his arm, missing me by inches.

I flinched backwards, my eyes closing automatically in fear, my heart stilling in terror. The air around me rippled at the close hit. And my dad let out peels of laughter.

“You’re so scared. Just like when you were younger. Always cowering at everything.” He continued to laugh at me.

My chest clenched painfully. I really didn’t want to reminisce with him. He was laughing hard enough now that he stumbled over catching himself on the nearest wall.

“It used to really piss your mother off, you know.” He said once he had caught himself.

I remember.

I didn’t say the words out loud.

“That’s why she was never around. You were too much to handle.” His voice lost some of its mirth as he shook his head.

No. That was a lie.

“That’s not true.” The words left my mouth shakily. It was the first words I was ever saying back to him.

And my whole body was trembling with the effort of getting the words out. She left because of him. Not me. It was his abuse she was running from. Not me.

“Really? Because ’before’ you came around we were happy together.” He said.

Was that true?

I thought of all the times I had seen the bruises and scars that had riddled my mother’s body. I had always assumed that was what had kept her away. I had always thought that was why she had run away and left me behind.

Was it really me she had been running from? Had she not even loved me a little bit?

My heart was tearing itself apart inside my chest, and I tried hard to keep the tears from falling from my eyes. I worked hard to try and keep my expression neutral; it must not have been working though because he kept going.

“We were in love. And then ‘you’ ruined it.” He taunted, with another laugh.

“Don’t” I said my voice came out cracked and broken.

Why was he telling me this? It felt so much worse than a kick to the stomach ever could.

“She never loved you. No one did. She loved me and you chased her away.”

He’s drunk. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

But that didn’t stop the small tear drops from dripping down my cheeks.

“No one’s ever cared.” He continued gleefully, seeing how much pain it was bringing me.

“That’s a lie.” I said quietly.

“It’s not.” He said, much more confidently than me.

If this had been a week ago I would have believed him. But it wasn’t. I didn’t believe him.

“Jonghyun.” I said firmly.

My dad didn’t say anything, he just stared at me in drunken stupor. He had a look on his face as if to say, ‘what are you blathering on about.’

“He cares about me.” I said, growing more confident with every word that left my mouth.

He cared a hell of a lot more than he did.

“Shut up.” He ordered, suddenly a whole lot less willing to have a heart to heart.

“No dad.” I refused stubbornly. I knew it was a stupid thing to say. He was too drunk to curb his anger. Still I continued.

“He cares.” I repeated.

“Don’t be so childishly naive.” He said knowing exactly where I was weakest.

I shook my head, stumbling back from him.

“I’m not being childish.” I argued, not caring when his eyes flashed dangerously.

He could throw his worst at me, but that didn’t stop my words from being true. He cared. I know he did. I wouldn’t listen to him telling me otherwise. He couldn’t take it away from me. I wouldn’t let him.

“He cares.” I said again.

“He doesn’t.” He promised venomously.

He hated being argued with. I was on dodgy grounds, but I wasn’t going to back down.

“And if he did, there would have to be something seriously wrong with him.” He continued.

My own anger flared this time.

“There’s nothing wrong with him!” I said hotly.

He’s my friend. I wouldn’t let him say anything bad about him.

Something snapped inside my dad at my anger and his fist came swinging. But this time it didn’t miss. My vision blurred as it connected solidly to my forehead, sending ricochets of pain bouncing around my head. I was knocked back and the other side of my head collided with the wall behind me. There was a loud ringing in my head, as I fell to the floor but it was nothing I wasn’t used to.

“He cares!” I repeated again.

His foot shot out aiming for my stomach but hitting my ribs.

“Shut up.” He demanded. I would have screamed the words at him again, but he had winded me with his kick.

Instead I shook my head in a strong ‘no’.

“They care.” I choked out, gasping in breaths, as I struggled to sit up. Ignoring the way my head pounded in protest to the movement.

He glared at me, his eyes saying everything his words weren’t. He thought I was disgusting and deluded. He honestly couldn’t come to grips with the fact that anyone could love me. For the first time ever, I felt the taste of my own hate sitting vilely in the back of my throat. No, it wasn’t hate, it was resentment.

He was meant to love me. He was meant to care for me. But he didn’t.

“And you know what else?” I said getting to my feet unsteadily, letting my anger decide my words for me.

“I’m not going to stay here anymore.” I told him firmly.

I could see the fury that clouded his expression.

“You’re running away too? Going to sneak out in the middle of the night just like that did?” He asked maliciously.

“No. I’m not running away. I’m leaving.” I told him.

He stumbled towards me, easily towering over me but I refused to flinch away. Not anymore. I wouldn’t let him control me like that ever again.

“Shut up!” He warned, but I didn’t listen.

“He care’s. And I’m l – “ My words were cut off when a large hand clamped itself tightly around my throat.

It was painful but I couldn’t get a cry out as he pinned me tighter, the smell of alcohol overpowering me at the distance.

“Shut up!” He ordered again.

Even though I had no choice I tried to get words past his hand but I wasn’t able too. All that came out was a painful gargled noise. He clenched his hand even tighter, his eyes burning brightly. My eyesight started blackening, as my lungs burned. I felt him lift me forwards before pushing me and banging my head forcefully against the wall. He kept shouting things at me but it all became white noise.

In the back of my mind, I could hear Jonghyun’s voice.

No that wasn’t right. He wasn’t here.

Was this what dying felt like? If it was I was glad it was Jonghyun’s voice that I was hearing last. Even if it was just an illusion. My vision was almost covered completely by black dots.

He’s going to kill me.

The realisation wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’d finally stood up against him. I finally managed to stand my ground and fight back. Though there were a great many number of people I’d rather have spent my last few moments with, I wasn’t resentful. Again, I thought I heard Jonghyun’s voice calling out my name.

Everything was black now. Everything was numb. I couldn’t feel anything but a blinding pain in my head but as I heard Jonghyun’s voice, I felt my lips turn up into a slight smile. I could picture his face in my mind, smiling at me. Telling me I never had to be scared again. But no. That wasn’t right either.

He was calling my name.

There was desperation in his voice. No. I liked the smiling Jonghyun better. I liked him happy. I wanted him to be happy. The desperate sound of my name being called in Jonghyun’s voice came again.

He needed me.

I needed to stay with him. He was trying to say something to me, but I couldn’t hear. He wanted me to stay. He was begging me to stay.

I wanted to, but slowly his voice was fading, leaving me. Or was I leaving him?

I wanted to stay. I really wanted to stay. It was painful but I wanted to make this upset Jonghyun smile. Jonghyun should be happy. I tried to stay. I really did. But slowly his voice was nothing more than a whisper, swallowed by the numb.

And then there was nothing.

 

Jonghyun’s POV

My legs ached and my lungs burned as I ran in the direction of Jieun’s house. My mind replaying the same words in a loop.

She went to bail her dad out of jail.

Worry was making my world spin. I needed to get to her. Why? Why couldn’t she have just left him? Something was wrong. I could feel it. Paranoia or not, I needed to see her. I needed to see that she was okay.

Despite the pain flooding through me, having already exhausted myself at football practice a few hours earlier, I pushed myself to move faster when I to her street.

She needed to be okay.

But I couldn’t get a rid of the sinking feeling in my chest.

I turned into her house, leaping over the gate of her house, bounding up the steps towards her front door. I pounded against the wood with my knuckles, yelling Jieun’s name.

If nothing was wrong and she was fine I could deal with her being upset at me for this but I couldn’t get rid of the sense that something was dreadfully wrong.

“JIEUN!?” I called again, my cry becoming more frantic at her lack of response.

.

I ducked away from the door, my chest clenched tightly. I could hear yelling from inside her house now. Images of Jieun’s scarred stomach came to mind. What if he was doing that to her right now? I had to fight back the urge to be sick.

I had to get in there.

“JIEUN!” I called out frantically, beating against the door again.

“YA! Stop shouting kid!” Jieun’s neighbour poked their head out of the door, anger clearly on their face.

“I have to get in there! She’s going to get hurt. I need to help her!” I kept shouting, close to hysteria.

His expression changed into one of surprise as I turned to try shoulder the door down. Pain exploded down my shoulder as I tried. I hadn’t noticed her neighbour getting close but now he could hear the yelling coming from inside too and his eyes widened.

“. Stand back kid.” He told me.

Without hesitation I did so, just in time to avoid his leg as it swung up to kick the door down. As it banged loudly against the wall. The yells were a lot louder now. I could hear the words clearly.

“You want to leave just like she did, huh? You’re really stupid if you think anyone could ever care!” I didn’t her give any response but I followed the sound of his voice.

The neighbour hot on my trail when I found him, standing against the wall, pinning Jieun by her neck. Her face was already a visible blue from lack of oxygen. He was drunk enough that I wasn’t even sure he noticed he was about to kill her.

I heard her neighbour curse as we both rushed forward to pry him away from her. My thoughts were clouded by anger as I joined. He stumbled away as we pulled against his arms, yelling his loud protests, and swinging his fists about.

“Get off of me!” He shouted gruffly.

I ducked under his swinging fists as I saw from the corner of my eye the neighbour rush to Jieun’s side. I was about to do the same when I felt a fist him me in the face, sending me back and my head spinning slightly.

My eyes focussed back onto Jieun’s father, he had a triumphant grin on his face as he went towards me again. But his moves were thoughtless and drunken. Putting all my force behind it, I swung my fist at him and he fell gracelessly to the ground with a loud thud. Dizzy and drunk he let out a low mumble and groan, so I hit him again.

I wanted to kill him.

Images of Jieun hurt bombarded my mind. I remembered the scared look in her eyes that day in the alleyway. I remembered the discrete flinches and the way her face paled when people got too close. I remembered all the injuries she had brushed off as nothing.

It was all his fault.

I physically hated him with everything in me. Only the sound of another voice broke through my thoughts.

“ man, she’s bleeding too much and not moving.”

The one sentence changed everything as I turned towards where Jieun was slumped against the wall, still faintly blue. But more worrying was the amount of blood that was seeping onto the ground from her head.

I knew if she didn’t make it through this, that image would haunt me for the rest of my life. I didn’t care that I had to push the neighbour out of the way to be by her side and he didn’t protest as I did so. Or maybe he did. I wasn’t listening.

“Jieun?” I called out desperately.

“Please stay with me. Please Jieun.” I begged, not knowing if she could hear me or not.

My hand went to her hair, coming away blood.

“Jieun.” I begged.

From behind me I could hear her neighbour calling an ambulance and explaining the situation. I was grateful at least he had the presence of mind to do what I couldn’t. I could feel the panic rising up within me.

“You have to be okay Jieun. Please be okay.” I said through tears that were streaming steadily down my face.

I could hear someone talking to me but I wasn’t listening.

“Please.” I begged again.

Not caring that I sounded like a broken record. Her breathing was shallow and raspy. Barely even there. And it frightened me out of my wits.

“I love you.” I said desperately, needing her to know at least that.

Praying with everything in me that she could hear me.

“Please don’t leave Jieun. Stay with me.” I said.

The thought of losing her, stole all the breath from my lungs and I couldn’t choke out any more words past the lump in my throat. I would do anything. Give anything up, just to have her stay with me. I wanted to be able to hear her laugh, and see her smile. But I’d settle for a snarky comment or a glare. Anything.

The very thought of her being gone had me breaking apart inside But I could feel her leaving. Her lips were ever so parted, as if she was on the verge of saying something. I wanted to hear that unfinished sentence. The ending felt too abrupt.

I let out a cry as I felt her being pulled physically away from me. There was a man in a paramedic uniform, taking her out of my arms and another trying to tell me something. But his words fell on deaf ears.

No! I couldn’t lose her!

But there was a taunting voice in the back of my head, letting me know it was too late.

It couldn’t be.

But there was so much blood around me. If I had been in my right mind I might have thrown up, I had never dealt well with gore. But everything in me was too focussed on Jieun to care that there was plenty of blood on me from her injury.

Too much blood. I’m too late.

“I love her.” I said as if the words would bring her back to my side.

They didn’t. I didn’t even know who I was saying it to.