A/N: Be prepared for the longest chapter ever! 

Jieun’s POV

“Are you sure you’re okay to lock up?” Min asked me for the millionth time.

She was biting her lip worriedly, watching me clean the tables as she slipped her coat on.

“I wouldn’t usually ask but my mum is coming home tonight – “

I cut her off from what was probably going to be her thousandth apology by shaking my head.

“And you need to be there for her. I get it Min. Now get going before you make yourself late.”

I made a ‘shooing’ motion with my hands indicating her to leave. Min shot me a grateful smile.

“Thank you.” She said appreciatively, shrugging on her coat.

I rolled my eyes at her and pointed to the door, making her laugh. I let out a loud sigh to myself when she left, letting my shoulders slump with exhaustion as soon as the door fell shut behind her.

I still had to clean all the tables, sweep the floor, count the cash, and double check all the locks before I could go home tonight. I felt like I was on the verge of dropping to the floor from the lack of sleep I’d been getting in the last few days. Rolling my sleeves to my elbows I set to work.

Around half an hour later I was close to done. I ran a hand through my hair, catching my reflection in the pitch-black window. I winced at what I saw. I looked just as drained as I felt with dark circles my eyes, a deep frown set into my forehead, and my hair frizzing out in odd directions.

Comforting to know that I not only felt like , but looked like it too. Really.

As my jaw clenched I felt a stab of pain through my cheek. Letting out a sigh I leant closer, able to see the now fading bruise across the left side of my face. I reached a hand up to touch it, and my reflection dutifully mirrored my actions.

That’s when it happened.

There was a dull, thudding click, and I couldn’t see my reflection anymore. In fact I couldn’t see anything anymore. Not a damned thing.

My heart jumped into my throat as I stumbled back, a shriek caught up in my throat that had closed in on itself. I panicked, toppling over my own feet I felt the back of my knees touch something.

I fell backwards over one of the dining chairs. I bit back a loud curse as pain threaded up my side and arm, where I fell at a funny angle. The more pressing matter was I couldn’t see. It was too dark.

Where the hell did the lights go?

Panic welled in my helplessly in my stomach, and I couldn’t hear anything over my laboured breathing, as my head pounded.

Calm down! I kept yelling at myself in my head. But I wasn’t listening. I knew that if I could have seen anything right then it would have been nothing more than colourful dots, and darkening edges.

I fumbled around on the floor, trying to get to my feet again, but the best I could manage was to sit up, because my legs weren’t working properly. They shook like jelly as soon as I tried putting my weight on them.

It’s stupid to be afraid of the dark, Jieun. You’re not a kid anymore. You need to grow up. Only kids are afraid of the dark.

The words were ringing in my head, none of them helping in calming me down. Not when I couldn’t see so much as an inch in front of me.

I clenched my eyes shut, knowing that it made no difference, as I scooted myself backwards towards the counter where I could lean my back. I’d feel less exposed that way.

But it wasn’t helping me. I brought my knees to my chest, trying to control my breathing.

One. Two. In. Out. One. Two. In. Out.

“You’re a big girl now, Jieun. Grow the hell up, and act like it.” I whispered to myself when I was capable of speech, willing my mum’s familiar words to harden me. I didn’t like being this weak and pathetic.

What kind of eighteen year old is scared of the dark?

I don’t know how long I sat there repeating the same words I had drilled into my mind over and over again, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. I pinched my skin, trying to un-cloud my mind.

Curling myself into a ball and hyperventilating wasn’t doing me a world of good. I needed to start thinking straight. It felt even worse than usual. I pinned my head in-between my knees, gasping for air. Maybe it was because I was too tired.

Two-tired.

The ridiculous joke that Jonghyun had told me came back to me, and I could perfectly picture the bright-eyed grin on his face as he told it. And in my bubble of hysteria for a glimmer of a moment it seemed funny to me. Before I knew it a slight giggle left my lips.

I must really be going insane. Isn’t this a sign of hysteria? And then I realised I was breathing more normally now. Jonghyun’s image was still burning in my mind.

Jonghyun

Before I knew what I was doing my hand shakily patted down my pockets, searching for the small device I never really put to any good use. I felt my heart stop all together as I found it and slid it out of my jeans.

I froze staring at it, memories of a couple of weeks ago coming back to me.

 

“You have such an ancient phone”.

That had been the first thing Jonghyun had exclaimed when he had seen it one day at lunch when it had fallen out of my pocket.

I distinctly remembered that I had given him a non-too-polite response about how he could shove it where the sun didn’t shine, and tried unsuccessfully to snatch my phone back.

“Nuh-uh.” Jonghyun had said like a little kid, refusing to give it up.

Then he had started messing around on it. Apparently my phone had redeemed itself a little by having some sort of a snake game. I hadn’t particularly cared much; I just let him continue to insult it and mess about with it.

“You have such a pitiful amount of contacts.” He had informed me with a disappointed shake of his head, which had earned him a heartfelt glare from me.

“Here I’ll add mine.” He said as he went on to add his number.

I had opened my mouth to protest but he hadn’t let me, because he was already cutting me off before so much as a sound could escape my lips.

“In case of emergency if nothing else.” He had said with an easy grin, stopping me from telling him it was pointless because I never used my phone.

 

In case of emergency.

Did this count? My fingers were making up my mind before I did, opening up my contacts. My thumb hovered over ‘call’ button, hesitating. My hand trembled a little. And then I forced myself to press it.

I listened to the dull sound of the call being connected. My heart sank as the dial tone continued. He wasn’t going to answer. My stomach clenched, and I was just about to snap my phone shut when the dial tone stopped, replaced instead with a groggy voice.

“Hello?”

I didn’t understand the wave of relief that crashed over me, I didn’t even realise I was just sitting there in silence, until I heard him repeat himself.

“Hello?” I heard a shuffling sound on the other end.

“Jieun?” This time when he spoke he sounded much more alert, and even concerned.

”Jieun? Are you there?” I felt my heart calm a little just listening to him talk, and my eyes fell shut.

I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

“Jonghyun?” I responded, trying to sound as normal as possible, but I don’t think I managed.

“Jieun? What’s wrong?” I bit deeply on my lip, half tempted to tell him nothing and hang up. I was going to sound so stupid.

“Are you alright?” Jonghyun asked again when I didn’t respond.

“No.” The answer fell out of my lips in a broken way, before I had time to stop it.

I felt guilty because I could practically hear Jonghyun tensing at my answer.

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” He asked immediately and I could hear the sound of movement once again from his end.

“I’m at Sunshine Café.” I answered.

I went to carry on and explain that the lights had cut out, but before I could say another word Jonghyun was talking.

“I’m on my way.” My heart stopped altogether, and I couldn’t think of a way to respond.

I could only sit open jawed as I heard the sound of his feet racing down stairs. Was he seriously coming? I couldn’t wrap my head around it at all.

“What?” I asked in a choked voice, sure I must have somehow gotten it wrong, but I could hear the sound of a car door opening.

“I’ll be ten minutes.” He said firmly.

I bit my lip ignoring the fact that it took longer than ten minutes to drive from his house to Sunshine Cafe. Jonghyun had said ten minutes, and no part of me doubted he would be here just as promised ten minutes later. I swallowed, readying myself to tell him thank you.

“Don’t hang up!” I blurted instead.

“I wasn’t going to. I’m going to put you on speaker phone. Okay?” I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest knowing he was going to stay on the phone with me.

“Okay.” I whispered, hearing the engine of his car grinding into action.

I clutched the phone tighter to me. It felt like my only lifeline.

“Hey Jonghyun, can I ask something weird of you?” I said in a shaky voice.

I immediately wanted to kick myself afterwards. Jonghyun didn’t mention the fact I was already asking something huge of him, and instead said ‘sure.' I bit on my lip, trying to force my question out.

“C –can you tell me one of your jokes?” I asked, struggling to get the words to leave my mouth.

I knew I sounded stupid, but right then it was what I really needed.

“One of my jokes?” Jonghyun said, sounding perplexed.

“Yeah. Like the horrible knock knock ones you do, or the one about the bike being two-tired.” I explained, wincing at how ridiculous I felt asking this of him.

“Uh-sure.” Jonghyun sounded a little floored, but he quickly regained his easy stride.

“How do you make holy water?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I answered weakly.

“You boil the hell out of it.” I felt my lips twitch upwards and some of the tightness in my chest faded away.

I didn’t even need to ask for another, because Jonghyun was already on it.

“Where do you find a dog with no legs?”

“Where?” I asked.

“Exactly where you left it.” It took a second to click but when it did I let out a little groan.

Jonghyun heard me and laughed loudly on the other end. Where did he even get all these jokes from?

“How did the hipster burn his tongue?” Jonghyun asked this time.

“How?” I prompted him to continue.

“He drank his coffee before it was cool.” I shivered a little, shaking my head.

We hadn’t been on the phone long, and I had barely spoken at all, but I already felt a lot better. I could almost pretend that instead of sitting in the Sunshine Cafe I was at school with Jonghyun, with him telling me terrible puns in attempts to brighten my mood.

“What do you call a fake noodle?” Jonghyun continued.

“What?” I asked, realising he was once again waiting for me.

“An Impasta!” I smiled at the amount of enthusiasm he told that joke with. He was making it easier for me to imagine that nothing was wrong right then.

I bit my lip. A normal day. What would I say if right then I didn’t feel like my chest was being crushed under a two hundred pound weight?

“Those jokes are really terrible.” I said, trying to keep the shakiness out of my voice.

I don’t think I managed, but Jonghyun didn’t say anything about it.

“I think the word you’re looking for is hilarious.” Jonghyun corrected me.

“You’re an idiot.” I said half-heartedly, leaning my head onto the cool counter behind me.

I was glad he wasn’t being any different from his usual self-right then.

“Again, wrong word. I’m amazing. Not an idiot.” My lips twitched higher.

“I’m starting to think I should buy you a dictionary.” He mused, and before I could stop it a breathy chuckle escaped me, and I heard a faint sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.

“I’m almost there.” Jonghyun said softly.

I clutched the phone tighter to me, ignoring the way it was digging into my ear.

“How close?” I asked.

“Really close.” He said.

I nodded my head, even though he couldn’t see me. My breaths were still coming out in short bursts, but it was easier to breathe than it had been before. I just wished he could be hear right now, giving me one of his reassuring smiles, like he did when I had a hard time understanding a question in English.

“Hey I have another joke.” Jonghyun said, changing the topic.

I tried to steady my voice. “Is it as bad as the other ones?”

I could almost picture the smile he gave with the next word, I could hear it in his voice.

“Worse.” promised.

“I’m not sure that’s possible.” I told him weakly, aiming for my own joke.

“Sure it is.” He said, not at all shaken by my lack of faith.

“Why did the coffee taste like mud?” He didn’t even need to wait for me to ask why.

“Because it was grounded two minutes ago.”

I groaned, and supressed a laugh. There must have been something seriously mentally wrong with me for me to be finding that even a little funny. But I did.

For the next few minutes Jonghyun kept telling horrible jokes, leaving no break for silence. Every so often his jokes would get a small smile or a feeble groan from me, and I kept expecting him to run out, but he never did.

And I was grateful for that. He helped me keep my mind off of the fact that I was sat alone, blanketed in complete darkness.

Eventually though I heard the sound of Jonghyun’s engine cutting out, over the other end of the phone, followed by the sound of a door opening, making my heart leap.

“I’m right outside.” He told me needlessly.

“The front door is locked. Can you come in through the back?” I said.

I heard him agree, and then a few seconds later another door opened. Except this time I didn’t just hear it over the phone, because the sound reverberated through the entire diner, filling me with relief.

“Jieun!” I almost wanted to cry, as a crushing weight that had been resting on my chest eased up a little.

I could actually hear Jonghyun’s voice. The real thing. Not just over the phone. I heard the sounds of his footsteps drawing nearer. And when he was close enough that I could see a dim patch of light, I called out his name. I was blinded slightly when he rounded on me, his phone that he was using as a flashlight, hitting me squarely.

But it was such a relief to have light again. I blinked a few times, and Jonghyun’s face came into my view. Jonghyun had never looked ugly, but right then the sight of him hit me hard because I’d never seen him look more amazing than he did to me in that moment.

He came.

If I could have moved at all I might have thrown myself at him, but my legs were far too shaky.

“Hey.” Jonghyun croaked in a low voice, his eyes scanning over me.

I could see his face relaxing a tiny bit, his worried frown slowly lessening. I in a deep breath, the first real breath I had taken since the lights had cut out.

“Hi.” I muttered back weakly.

Jonghyun gave me a soft smile before reaching out and shutting my phone that I hadn’t realised I still had in a death grip. My heart pounded. Why was he looking at me like that?

Shouldn’t there be some kind of humour in his eyes or something. I was an eighteen-year-old girl who was afraid of the dark.

So why wasn’t he laughing?

I was jumped back into reality when I felt his fingers lightly brush my face. I fought the urge to flinch away. I reminded myself. This was Jonghyun.

Staying perfectly still I felt Jonghyun’s fingers sink gently into my hair, comfortingly. And surprisingly it really was comforting. The heat of his hand had the buzzing in my mind quietening down. He leaned a little closer to me, and my heart jerked a little before resuming pace.

I was safe. This was Jonghyun.

Concern lighted his eyes. I knew for some reason that should bother me, that it would bother me if it had been anyone but Jonghyun giving me that look. But some part of me was happy that he was worried about me. That he cared enough to be worried.

“The lights cut out.” I offered a feeble explanation.

I don’t know why I said it, he hadn’t asked. I linked my hands together, trying to stop their trembling. Such a stupid fear. Jonghyun made a shushing sound, shaking his head gently.

“It’s fine.” He told me gently, his thumb starting to patterns into the bare skin on my neck, over my frantic pulse.

My heart thundered faster. Why wasn’t that causing me to have a panic attack?

“It’s probably just a fuse going out. You’re safe. Don’t worry.” Jonghyun murmured reassuringly.

I took a deep breath, letting the words register in my mind. Just a fuse going out. Just a fuse. I was safe. I kept repeating his words over in my mind.

The dark’s nothing to be afraid of. Grow up already.

My mother’s words this time. I gulped wincing. I truly was pathetic.

I pushed the thought aside though, because Jonghyun say speaking again, his low voice capturing my whole attention.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

I bit my lip, not realising I was shaking my head until a broken ‘no’ tumbled out from me. And then out of nowhere I threw myself at him. Needing him close to me.

I needed his comfort. Just for a little while.

Jonghyun fell from his crouch, down onto the floor, but he didn’t say anything. Instead his arms wrapped around me too as mine entwined around his neck in a desperate grip.

Right now I should have been more freaked out than calmed down. I hadn’t been this close to anyone in a long time, without my heart almost giving out in fear. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, in a hold I doubted I could have escaped from. But it didn’t feel like he was pinning me down so much as securing me to him. Keeping me safe.

I’d somehow reverted back into my prior, nine-year-old, self, in desperate need of someone to hold and chase my fears away.

And unlike in the past there was actually someone here this time, holding on to me just as tightly as I was clinging to them. I had someone.

Jonghyun was here. With me.

Jonghyun didn’t say one word about the face I was hugging him, unlike I would have expected. I was half waiting for him to make some cheesy comment on how we were closer friends now, but he wasn’t saying anything. Instead he was just holding onto me. Keeping my fears at bay.

I felt his hand run gently through my hair again, and I dug my fingers into his jacket, tugging him closer, not letting him go.

We sat there in utter silence, limbs locked together tightly. It was me that broke away from the hug first, when my shaking had died down into a manageable shiver, and I had enough brains about me to remember that I wasn’t meant to be letting anyone that close to me.

Thank you.

The two words lay on the tip of my tongue, but they stayed there uselessly, because when I opened my mouth something else entirely escaped.

“Y-your jokes are really lame.” I said not meeting his eyes, still embarrassed over the way I’ flung myself at him.

I looked up when he started laughing though, in time to see him lifting the hand that had been running through my hair moments ago to run through his own. My chest pinched a little and I suddenly felt a colder. I wanted so badly to go back into his arms. But a part of me refused to let that happen. The sensible part.

“They’d grow on you.” Jonghyun promised, holding out his hand to help me to my feet.

That’s when I realised I was still on the floor. I felt another wave of embarrassment. I tentatively took his hand, because I wasn’t sure my legs would be able to support my weight right then. I studiously ignored the rush of warmth it sent through me to be touching him again.

I stayed staring at the ground, as I stood, too ashamed to meet his eye. I was being so dependent. So needy.

As I refused to look up my eye caught onto something I hadn’t noticed before. My face scrunched up in confusion, my shame put to the back burner.

“Jonghyun?” I started in a questioning voice, my eyes fixated on the plaid patterned trousers bottoms covering his legs.

“Are you wearing Pyjama bottoms?”

My question hung in the air, unanswered for a long time, making my eye drift up to meet his expectantly. I was surprised to see a sheepish expression on his face, as he scratched the back of his neck

“Well, yeah.” He answered with a half teasing grin.

“What did you expect when you called me up at quarter to midnight?” He asked, stunning me into silence.

Had that been the time when I had called? My eyes widened, as I stared up at him.

“I hadn’t realised it was that late.” I murmured weakly, feeling a knot of guilt weighing down in my stomach.

I remembered how groggy his voice had been when he had answered the phone, and guilt hit me even harder when I realised that before I had called he must have been sleeping.

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Jonghyun said reading my thoughts.

He was shaking his head at me, but I still felt horrible despite his protest. I looked down at the ground, but Jonghyun caught my chin, gently guiding my eyes to meet his, and my heart sputtered at the contact.

“Jieun. I don’t care if it’s four in the morning, you can call me whenever okay?” He asked.

I opened my mouth to argue, but the stern look in his eyes warned me against it. My heart clenched, and I was crushed with the urge to hug him again. But this time I had enough self-control to hold myself back. I forced my hands to remain by my side, and slowly I nodded my head.

“Thank you.” The words came a lot easier now.

I couldn’t have held them back if I had wanted to. My throat was tightening, and I tried to let him know just how grateful I was with those two words, because they didn’t seem like nearly enough in my mind’s eye. Something softened in Jonghyun’s eyes as he regarded my thanks.

“You’re welcome.” His voice was doing that strange thing again, where he sounded almost strangled, and for some reason that had my heart stammering.

We both stared at each other, neither one of us breaking the silence we were both stuck in. But eventually Jonghyun cleared his throat, correcting his voice to its normal state.

“We should go.” He said, pulling his eyes away from mine.

It was probably a good thing too, because I think it might have killed me if he had kept staring at me he way he had been, my heart had been stuttering out all kinds of crazy beats, threatening to give out with each one.

But still I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

“Yeah we should.” I agreed, before I could dwell on the thought for much longer.

Nodding his head, Jonghyun’s hand attached to mine absentmindedly, like it was the most natural thing in the world to him. I was too wrapped up in staring at our hands to notice Jonghyun was leading me through the room in silence, his phone easily lighting the way in a way that my dinosaur of a phone couldn’t.

Maybe I did need to change my phone, in case I was ever stuck in a situation like this again. I didn’t say anything about our attached hands, in case Jonghyun maybe hadn’t noticed he had even done it. I didn’t quite want him to pull away yet. I should have. But I didn’t.

Right then I wanted the support his hand offered, because it was forcing away the prickling fear in my stomach.

But it didn’t stop my inner turmoil. It didn’t stop the little voice in the back of my head whispering that I was letting him too close. That I was giving him too much of an opportunity to hurt me. My insides warred against each other, some deep part of me knowing that Jonghyun would never hurt me, and my brain battering down that confidence, convinced that I couldn’t possibly know that for sure.