Jieun’s POV

Jonghyun had been right in his guess that it had been a blown fuse. Together we found the fuse box, and he fixed it, bringing the whole place back to light.

It was such an easy fix too. A flick of a god damn switch, literally. I felt monumentally stupid at that point. I had had a panic attack over a blown fuse. A blown fuse.

Just great.

As if I didn’t feel pathetic enough at that point, when the lights came back so did my reflection. This time in a different window, and looking even worse than before.

My eyes were wider, more frightened, and more stupidly childish. My whole face had paled a shade, dragging attention to my messed up hair which was now instead of slightly frizzy, it had fallen out of its bun, falling loosely in uncontrolled waves down my shoulders giving me a half manic look.

I looked like a frightened little girl, not my usual cold masked self.

“Come on.” Jonghyun, tugged on my hand, unaware of where my thoughts were leading me.

He gave me a small smile that made my brain short-circuited, momentarily making me forget everything that had been on my mind. But I came crashing back to earth with his next words.

“I’ll take you home.” He said, making it sound like an offer, but as soon as I started to refuse a stern look crossed his face letting me know I didn’t have much a choice in the matter.

“Really Jonghyun. I have to finish closing up anyway.” I said shaking my head.

As I was saying the words I realised the truth in them. I hadn’t yet locked up all the windows and doors or double checked the safe.

“I’ll help.” Jonghyun persisted, and this time he didn’t even try making it sound like an offer.

“Jonghyun.” I started, shaking my head again.

“Jieun.” He mimicked me before I could continue.

“You’re not getting rid of me, you might as wall embrace the fact.”

I chewed my lip, my blood warming at his words. Did he mean just tonight, or did he mean longer? How long was he going to be there for me? I swallowed, pushing back the questions.

“Why? “I asked, running my free hand through my hair.

Why was he being so nice? Why had he come all this way no questions asked? Why wasn’t he mad at me now, when I had disrupted his sleep over a blown fuse? Why didn’t he pull away when I hugged him? Why had he taken my hand? Why hadn’t I pulled away?

“Because, I’m not letting you walk home alone at this time of night. I have a car if you didn’t realise.” I bit my lip.

“I get carsick.” I argued, wishing he would let it go, but another part of me wanted him to keep caring enough to argue.

“Then I’ll walk you.” He said shrugging his shoulders.

“Are you being serious right now?”

“Deadly.” He told me, not a trace of humour in his voice.

No one was this nice before. Not without getting something in return.

I bit my lip, shaking my head, but I could feel myself giving in. I didn’t have enough energy to fight this battle and push him away. Why was it so difficult to push him away?

“You’re being impossible.” I told him weakly.

“Good, then stop arguing with me and just accept it.” Unlike me his resolve only sounded stronger than before.

I dropped my head in defeat.

“Thank you.” I said those two words but they still didn’t feel like nearly enough.

”That’s more like it.” Jonghyun grinned triumphantly, nodding his approval at my submission.

I threw him a very half-hearted glare, not able to find it in me to be even a little mad that he was teasing me.

“And again, you’re welcome.” He said with a smug grin.

I rolled my eyes at him. As he promised he would Jonghyun helped me finish closing up the Sunshine Cafe. He even did the job of turning out all the lights at the end, without me asking him to.

“Now. Let’s get you home.” He said, sounding half eager, and all too chipper seeming as he was about to go out of his way to do me a favour.

He cheerfully started leading the way. In the opposite direction of his car. I didn’t move, staring at him curiously.

“Um Jonghyun.” I called getting him to look back at me. “

Where are you planning to go? You do realise your car is over there right?” I asked, pointing to his vehicle.

Jonghyun raised his eyebrows at me, and then gave me a look like I was being the silly one.

“I know.” He told me, sounding amused about my confusion that I wasn’t bothered in trying to hide.

“So why are you going the wrong way?” I asked him.

“Because, cars make me uncomfortable.” He answered befuddling me.

He smiled brightly, humour lighting his eyes.

“Liar. No they don’t. Why would you own one if they made him uncomfortable? It didn’t make any sense.”

“No they don’t. But they make you uncomfortable, and you’ve had a bad enough night as it is.” He casually said, his eyes dancing with laughter.

He was doing this for me?

My heart was being tugged around in my chest, by my sudden changes in emotion. Confusion. Happiness. Fear. Gratitude. Something else. They all went and fled too fast for me to be sure. But it settled on guilt.

“I can’t let you walk just because cars make me uncomfortable.” I said shaking my head at him in refusal.

That was too much. I had already succeeded in disrupting his night by wrenching him away from sleep and having his help with closing up the Sunshine cafe. To have more from him, to have him offering me more, it was too much.

“Sure you can.” He waved off my protests easily.

“And I’m not actually asking for your permission. I’m walking whether you want to or not.”

Guilt ate away at my insides. Could someone die from being overly kind? If so I was worried for Jonghyun’s health.

“Come on.” He said as he picked up my hand.

But he was still walking in the wrong direction. I dug my heels into the ground which makes Jonghyun to loosen his grip so he wouldn’t hurt me.

“Don’t fight with me on this.” He said sternly.

The stubbornness on his face made a small smile crack onto mine.

“Either way, you’re going the wrong way. I live in the other direction from you.” I said jerking a thumb over my shoulder.

Jonghyun’s eyes widened when he was which way I was pointing. I knew why too. My area wasn’t exactly well known for its lack in crime. It was an admittedly dodgy place to be living. But hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

“Change your mind about walking me back?” I asked teasingly, when I saw the worry lighting his eyes.

I tilted my head to the side, a small smirk growing on my lips. I didn’t expect Jonghyun to start shaking his head vigorously.

“No way am I letting you walk alone now. Not in that area, especially at this time of night.” His tone implied that he thought I was completely crazy.

I blinked at him. My brow wrinkled as I tried to work out exactly how his mind was working.

“Jonghyun, I walk alone all the time. It’s not a big deal.” His eyes flashed dangerously, but to my own surprise I didn’t even flinch.

“It is a big deal! I’m not letting you walk alone.” He said with his jaw clenched.

“You don’t have to let me Jonghyun. I told you I’m fine to walk alone. I have some pepper spray in my bag if it helps.” I said with a sigh.

His shoulders relaxed a tiny bit, but not much. His hand was also a considerable amount tighter on mine that it had been before. He just stubbornly shook his head at me.

“I’m walking you back Jieun. “ He said, leaving zero room for any argument.

“Fine! That’s your choice then Jonghyun! Do what you want!” I half shouted, ripping my hand from his.

I wanted to push him away; I wanted to stop him being so kind to me. I didn’t deserve it. Especially not from him. I didn’t deserve his kind of pureness in my life.

Hurt flashed across his eyes, making my guilt increase tenfold. But he still looked at me with complete determination, and I knew at that point nothing I said would change his mind.

He was walking back with me.

Hunching my shoulders, I ran my hand through my hair, ignoring how cold it felt now that it wasn’t holding Jonghyun’s. I had half a mind to snatch his back up, but he already stuffed his hand into his jacket pocket.

“Lead the way.” He said blandly, making my chest ache.

“Jonghyun, please, just go home.” I begged.

“No.” He told me, his voice unwavering in its resolve.

“Lead the way.” He repeated and I let out a long sigh.

Turning silently on my heels I started the familiar route to my house. Jonghyun followed me, wordlessly.

As we walked the silence dragged on between the two of us, and guilt weighed down on my, like a giant stone, crushing my chest. I tried to keep my head forward, trying my best not to look over to him. But my eyes couldn’t seem to help themselves from constantly drifting in his direction.

He on the other hand, wasn’t sparing me attention at all. He was vigilantly watching our surroundings, like he expected someone to jump out and attack us at any moment.

My heart clenched, because there was a hard-hearted expression on Jonghyun’s face that didn’t match up to the Jonghyun I knew at all. It hurt more to know I put it there by being a to him.

The guilt felt even heavier thinking about it.

After everything he had done for me I’d thrown it back in his face. And still he was walking me home. I didn’t understand it at all. Why hadn’t he stormed off to his car and driven away? Why was he still here?

My eyes were drawn to Jonghyun’s hand that was now swinging in the empty space between us, and a large part of me wanted to pick it up, and turn him to face me so I could apologise again and again. I clenched my hand into a fist to stop myself.

What was wrong with me?

Less than a few hours ago the thought of being that close to someone would make me want to be physically sick. But here I was daydreaming about handholding with Kim Jonghyun of all people.

The same Kim Jonghyun that was the school’s golden boy.

I forced my eyes away from him, staring pointedly at the ground, watching my feet. It took over fifteen minutes of agonising silence to reach my house.

Guilt had consumed me whole by the time we had reached there, and my voice made barely any sound at all when I muttered a tiny ‘we’re here.’

Jonghyun had no trouble hearing me over the complete lack of noise though, and I saw his shoulders relax a little as he gave me a silent nod, not meeting my eyes.

I told my feet to start walking to my door. To say ‘goodbye’ and leave it at that. But my feet felt glued to the ground. Instead I stood in place, waiting for something, anything, to come from Jonghyun.

Because his silence was killing me.

“How do I get you to stop being mad at me?” I blurted in one go, wincing inwardly at the ungraceful way it had left me.

But I was desperate to know his answer. I didn’t want to lose his friendship, but I didn’t know how to fix what I’d done either. It wasn’t like last time where I gave him the letters. This time I had no idea where to even start.

Jonghyun’s eyes lifted to mine looking slightly confused, but before he could answer my question I was rambling.

“I’m sorry that I yelled.” I told him sincerely.

“I’m just really not used to people doing things for me. And you were being so kind, I didn’t know how to deal with it.” I said sadly, running a shaking hand through my hair.

“What do you mean?” Jonghyun asked me for the first time since he had told me to ‘lead the way’.

Relief poured through me at just the sound of his voice, I felt a little of the weight drop away.

“People don’t do nice things for me Jonghyun. You were really there for me Jayden, but I just don’t understand why you would bother being so nice.” I elaborated, my lips twisted into a grimace.

I met his eyes imploringly, needing to know why someone like him would nuisance themselves with someone like me.

Jonghyun’s expression softened, as he gave me a brief smile.

“We’re friends, Jieun. That’s what friends do. You’d do the same for me.” He said the last sentence with unshakable confidence that shocked me to my core.

What shocked me more though was the knowledge of how true his words were. I would do it all for him. If the situations had been reversed I would have done it without a second thought. There wasn’t, I realised, a hell of a lot I wouldn’t do for Jonghyun if he asked me to.

”Thank you Jonghyun. But I don’t think I will be able to pay you back.” I chocked out, my hands trembling a little.

There was nothing I could do for him that would amount to what he had done for me tonight. Not just tonight even. For everything he had given me. For the help he gave me with English Literature. For the lunches he brought for me every day. For all the lame jokes he told me. For his reaction to the letters. For being there when I most needed him. For hugging me back. For holding my hand. For walking me home.

I owed him so much it was overwhelming.

How would I even begin to give him half of what he had given me? I stared at the ground, wishing that there was something I could do to amount to what he’d done for me. But there wasn’t anything.

But Jonghyun was shaking his head at me. He caught my jaw like he had before, again guiding me to meet his eyes.

“You don’t have to pay me back Jieun. I’ll do it again in a heartbeat. I don’t even need to know why. I’ll be there because for you I want to be there. Okay?”

No, it wasn’t okay.

He was being too kind again. He was getting to close, but I couldn’t pull away. I was addicted to the way things were so much better when he was around.

“I’m terrified of the dark.” I told him quietly, even though he had just said he didn’t need to know. I wanted to at least give him an explanation.

Understanding flashed across his eyes, before his hand left its hold on my chin to cup my cheek. My heart sped up, but I didn’t pull away.

“Then whenever it gets dark I’ll be there for you.” He vowed solemnly.

I didn’t doubt his words. If nothing else he had proved that to me tonight. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the moment wash over me before I stepped back a little, letting his hand fall back to his side.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked, knowing that this moment did have to end, no matter how much I wished it didn’t, because for the first time in a long time I felt somewhat safe.

I wasn’t scared. I had Jonghyun.

Jonghyun’s lips stretched into a wide, heart-stopping, smile when he heard my question.

“Of course.” He promised.