9 Years Later

“Jieun are you okay?” Min’s concerned face was hovering above me. I nodded shakily, taking the glass of water that was being held out to me with a wobbly smile, trying to assure everyone that I am fine.

“I’m sorry Jieun, I never thought you would react this badly.” Yumi piped up.

I smiled bitterly. Of course they didn’t see it coming. It wasn’t a normal reaction to have a panic attack when someone threw you a surprise birthday party. I pressed my free hand, that wasn’t holding the cup firmly on to my leg, trying to stop shaking or at least make it less noticeable.

“I’m not good with surprises.” I mumbled, staring at the floor.

I felt so overwhelmed by the crowd. It was almost suffocating. Everyone in the restaurant, all the people I worked with, they were all staring at me. I pressed my palm deeper into my thigh, letting my nails dig in. They have a reason to stare.

I was a freak. I messed everything up.

I looked up at the ruined party. They had gone through so much effort. It must have taken hours to blow up all the balloons, stick up all the banners and prepare all the food. My eyes flickered to the three-story cake. It was beautifully decorated and I recognised Mina’s hard work.

But apparently I couldn’t appreciate that.

I couldn’t be like everyone else and just be happy but instead I melt down. I hated how they were all watching me now. If I were anywhere else I would have screamed at them ily not caring about how much hard work and effort they had gone through.

But I wasn’t anywhere else. I was at Sunshine Cafe. These people were like family to me. I couldn’t do that to them. I closed my eyes wanting to sink into the ground and disappear.

Why won’t they stop looking at me? in a deep breath I rose to my feet.

“I need some fresh air.” I announced.

I didn’t bother to say anything to anyone as I silently stormed past them. I breezed through the crowd as they all backed away from me as I approached them like I was carrying some kind of disease. I can’t blame them because this wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t them I was angry with. I could only blame myself.

I exited through the back door. As soon as I was out of sight I could feel myself breaking down. My walls of self-assurance were crumbling down and no one was here to witness it. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want anyone else to see me like this. Everyone knew not to follow me outside but I still didn’t feel covered enough. I needed to be far away. Stumbling through the alleyway, I turned into the dead end.

This was so stupid. Why couldn’t I be normal?

My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. Making my way to the darkest corner I placed my back against the cool wall behind me. I could feel its chilling temperature seeping its way through my slim jacket and shirt.

I sighed with relief at the comforting feeling because it meant that nothing could sneak up from behind me. It made me feel safe. I curled tightly into a ball, making myself as small as I could possibly be.

I hated this feeling. I felt as if I was drowning and not only was I incapable of swimming but someone was pinning me down. So no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get air. I gasped, clinging to my chest, trying desperately to hold all the pieces of myself together.

“Grow the hell up.” I chanted the words to myself. Taking deep breaths I let them out slowly. “Grow the hell up Jieun.”

The sound of pounding footsteps made my head snap up, so fast that it felt like the world was spinning out of control. My heart rate picked up.

Oh god no.

“.” A rough voice swore.

I saw the tall figure that had rounded the corner. His eyes were wide, as he looked around frantically, searching for something. Some place to hide. I couldn’t stop staring. This couldn’t be happening.

His blonde hair was stuck up, in a styled fashion. He was wearing a pair of fashionably ripped jeans, and a tight t-shirt that clung to him showing off his chest every time he took in a large breath. He was leaning on his knees, clenching his jeans, his eyes scanning for an escape. I felt my heart pound when his eyes landed on me.

I knew him.

The thought terrified me. The thought of someone seeing me in this pathetic state. His eyes narrowed in my direction, and I guess that meant he recognised me too.

“Lee Jieun?” He asked, shocked.

Even in his shocked state he still spoke my name with distaste. He definitely recognised me too.

Perfect.

“Kim Jonghyun.” I said back, letting no emotion seep through my voice as I eyed him.

This was exactly what I needed. He didn’t mean anything to me. He was a boy at my school.

He was the golden boy at my school.

I would have stood to my feet but I wasn’t sure if I could handle it without just falling down again. And I wouldn’t let Jonghyun see that side of me. I wouldn’t let anybody see that side of me. I refused to be weak. I carefully kept my facial expression neutral.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. The smile that had been on his face before, had just disappeared.

I fought back the wince that wanted to escape.

“None of your business.” I snapped, my fingers curling into my legs.

I let my nails dig into my skin. The pain kept me from breaking down.

“What are you doing here?” I fired back at him.

I had never spoken to him before. That made it so easy to be someone else. Someone who wouldn’t have a melt down from a surprise party. Someone who wouldn’t freak out like a child in the dark. His scowl deepened, as he straightened his posture, having gained control of his breathing.

“I-“He was cut off from what I was sure was going to be an insult by the sounds of more footsteps.

He looked over his shoulder, just as a brunette boy came skidding into view.

“Jonghyun you are so dead!” He yelled, tackling the guy in front of him.

Great more people.

My whole posture stiffened. I wasn’t even sure how to act in the situation. I just wanted to be left alone.

“Idiot, get off of me.” Jonghyun said gruffly, pushing the guy off of him. I recognised the guy then. He was Lee Taemin, best friend of Kim Jonghyun. Jonghyun’s head nodded in my direction, making Taemin turn to look at me. I just want to disappear. Swallowing, I slowly rose to my feet, dusting myself down.

“Well this was fun but I have places to be.” I lied emotionlessly.

Jonghyun snorted at that. My eyes narrowed. I knew what he was laughing at. Where would I need to go? What people would want to see me? My hands curled into fists.

“Got something to say, princess?” I sneered at him with a heavy glare.

His expression darkened.

“What would I have to say to you?” He asked. As much as I didn’t want it to, the way he said you like I was something disgusting, stung. It stung a lot. Keeping my calm mask in place, I pushed my hands into my pocket.

“Probably nothing interesting. You goody-two-shoes princess aren’t exactly the most enthralling of people.” I told him in a lazy drawl, whilst keeping a cold smile on my face.

He opened his mouth to reply, but I didn’t let him.

“Now if you don’t mind.” I said flicking some of my hair out of where it had fallen in front of my eyes.

“There are better things to be doing, then wasting my time with someone like you. Tearing my finger nails out for example.” I added onto the end.

Not giving either of them a chance to say anything I stalked past them. It felt good to be a . When I was a no one wanted to get close to me. It was a good place to hide. Looking over my shoulder because I hated to have people behind me, I saw them looking at me. I gave them a fake cheery smile, waggling my fingers at them in an enthusiastic goodbye wave. Seeing their confused looks I smirked, turning my wave in to a one-finger salute.  As soon as I did I let my shoulders slump. I felt exhausted from the effort of pretending to be fine. As I walked away I in a deep breath able to hear one word muttered between the pair I left behind.

“.”

The word made me feel horrible. I wanted to throw up. I felt guilty for taking my frustrations out on them. A part of me wanted to turn back and apologise to them. Closing my eyes I shook the feeling away. God I felt so naïve. Apologies don’t fix anything.

You’re a big girl now, Jieun. Grow the hell up, and act like it.

The words echoed themselves around my head as I forced myself to walk away.

 

Jonghyun’s POV

I ran down the street, laughing loudly at Taemin as he tried to keep up with me. He was so slow, I knew he wouldn’t catch up to me. This was all his fault anyway. Chuckling to myself, I skidded around into the alleyway. He was so far behind me now. Grinning to myself let out a little laugh.

He was the one who asked for me to cover for him not being at the last football practice. He didn’t specify how. So how was I supposed to know that he didn’t want me to tell everyone he was at the doctors dealing with Chlamydia?

True, I hadn’t expected the rumour to leak its way back around to his long-term girlfriend. I grinned as I remembered the look on his face when Krystal had hunted him down and left a nasty red imprint of her hand on his face. That had been funny.

I had officially lost him, but it wouldn’t take long for him to find me. Running around the corner I was forced to a halt. It was a dead end.

“.” I murmured to myself.

I started to scan around for an escape route. My eyes almost skipped over the small figure hunched into the corner. Almost. Doing a double take it took me a second to recognise who it was. Because she didn’t look anything like she usually did. The girl in front of me was staring up at me with wide eyes.

Frightened eyes.

She looked so vulnerable. Recognition flashed through her eyes quickly before it disappeared, replaced by a blank stare. Then I realised exactly who I was looking at.

“Lee Jieun?” I asked, retracting away from her a little.

She was the last person I would expect to run into. I knew exactly who she was. Everyone knew exactly who she was.

She was the school . Everyone was scared of her. Just one of her frosty looks could send a grown man crying. So why was she sat here, curled into the corner of the alleyway looking so scared.

I looked into her eyes again but I saw nothing now.

“Kim Jonghyun.” She said with no hint of emotion.

I frowned to myself. I had to have been wrong. Jieun didn’t get scared. She didn’t get anything. She was emotionless.

“What are you doing here?” I was more surprised than anything.

She was one of those people you just didn’t expect to exist outside of school. It was so weird to see her, looking so small. All thoughts of here looking small exited my mind when she gave me the dirtiest look.

“None of your business.” She snapped icily.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

I doubt she was expecting an answer though. Straightened my posture. Yeah I had definitely been wrong. This girl was anything but vulnerable. I doubt she would feel it if someone hit her over the head with a truck.

“I-“I wasn’t sure what I had been planning to say, but I never needed to say anything else because just then my best friend found me. Not that I had been doing a very good job at hiding.

‘Jonghyun you are so dead!” He growled at me.

My eyes widened as Taemin pounced on me. I instantly fought him off, nodding my head to indicate that we weren’t exactly alone. His eyes widened a little as he looked to where Jieun was sitting.

She was now rising slowly to her feet. She looked confident. Like she didn’t have a care in the world.

Some people got it so easy.

Jieun was one of those people that just never tried at anything. She skipped school half of the time, and the rest of the time, she looked like she was about to drop to sleep in lessons.

“Well this is fun, but I have places to be.” She said, her voice completely flat, as she brushed dirt off of herself.

I couldn’t hold back the snort of amusement that escaped. Or maybe I could, but I didn’t try. If she had somewhere to be, why had she just been sat here in a deserted alleyway?

Her eyes darkened as she looked at me.

“Got something to say, princess?” she spat out angrily.

I felt my amusement die, when she called me a princess. Just who the hell did she think she was? Glaring at her I pulled my top lip up in disgust.

“What would I have to say to you?” I felt harsh saying it, but she showed no reaction so I assumed that I hadn’t affected her at all.

And that just pissed me off more. Just her cold glare was affecting me, why couldn’t I affect her?

Her next words made me twist inside with anger.

“Probably nothing interesting. You goody-two-shoes princess aren’t exactly the most enthralling of people.” She said calmly, lifting a slim eyebrow up in our direction.

That’s why people called her a .

I opened my mouth to snap a reply at her, but she didn’t give me the opportunity to.

“Now if you don’t mind.” She said as she flicked her head casually to the side, causing a loose strand of hair to flip away from her face. “There are better things to be doing, then wasting my time with someone like you.” She looked at us both with her lips twisted into a smirk. “Tearing my finger nails out for example.” She pushed further.

I clenched my jaw. She had to act like she was so much better than anyone else. I wanted to say something that would tear her off her pedestal she had placed herself on, and make her realise she was just the same as the rest of us. That she had no right to be a .

But I couldn’t think of anything. She was already brushing past us. Looking completely relaxed. How could it not matter to her that she was like this? Didn’t she even feel guilty? Pressing my lips together I watched her walk away.

Of course she didn’t feel guilty! She was just so numb all the time!

But I couldn’t help but notice that her walk was just a little too forced. Her shoulders were a little too stiff. My mind instantly flickered to the image of her crouched into a tiny ball.

She had looked like she was hiding. But from what exactly?

All these thoughts vanished when she turned back towards us, a forced smile on her face, as she cheerfully waved goodbye. I felt my face scrunch up into a confused frown. A second later though she changed from giving us a wave to flipping us the middle finger.

My hands clenched themselves tightly into fists.

She really was a

“.” Taemin commented, seeming to read my thoughts. I nodded my head in silent agreement. But I still felt a flicker of self-doubt. I couldn’t get the wide-eyed frightened look out of my head.

But I had to have been imagining it, because there was no deep dark story to Lee Jieun. She was a , full stop.

Everyone knew it.