Jieun’s POV

I held myself back for the millionth time to stop myself reaching self-consciously to the bandage on the side of my head as another person whispered and pointed to it.

I couldn’t blame them for their curiosity. My dad had gotten clumsy in his placement of my injury. His throwing arm didn’t have much aim whilst he was so drunk. His strength however…

I winced as I remembered how hard the beer bottle had flown at me. I wasn’t looking forward to the question I was sure Jonghyun was going to throw at me today. I didn’t like lying to him, knowing that he never lied to me.

But in all honesty, I am nothing like him. I tried warning him away and telling him that I wasn’t going to be his friend. I was still fighting it, but I had to admit it kept getting harder to be mean to him.

I couldn’t find it in me to push as hard as I used to. Not when he still told me lame jokes every day and now he also brought me a sandwich every lunch. I’d told him a few times to stop but he didn’t listen well. He would always wave it off and after a week I just gave up.

It felt nice to have the promise of one solid meal a day.

So I stopped trying to argue with him as much. It was a waste of energy and I was pretty sure that he was going to disappear as soon as the project was done anyway. And even if he didn’t, the end of the school year didn’t follow long after and then I planned on leaving this town once and for all.

Anything to get away

“Jieun! Wait up!” The now familiar voice yelled out after me, making me look over my shoulder.

Jonghyun was holding up his hand, indicating me to stay where I was as he told his friends a quick goodbye before rushing towards me. I forced myself to hold my ground as he got closer. He waved at me a brown bag that I knew contained another sandwich. He had his usual carefree grin on his face as he held it out in offering.

“Lunch milady, chicken an – “

“What’s up?” I asked, wondering why he had stopped talking to stare at me.

He didn’t answer straight away. Instead his sight was stuck on the side of my head. Almost absentmindedly his hand went up to reach for me but when I stepped away he quickly pulled back his hand.

“What happened to your head?” He asked, concern flooding his voice and expression.

I tried to avoid the question by taking the sandwich still dangling limply from his half outstretched hand.

“So chicken and…” I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t.

“What happened to your head?” He repeated once again.

I sighed irritated, feeling my heart beat increase nervously from the lie I was about to tell him.

“I got into a fight.” I told him simply.

His eyes widened before his eyebrows knitted together.

“Does that happen often? You said the same thing before, at the Sunshine Café – “

“Oh! You mean when you stalked me to my place of work?” I cut him off.

I teased trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work. He didn’t so much as flash me a smile.

“It’s not uncommon.” I answered his question almost honestly.

“Who the hell do you piss off exactly?” He said sounding sad.

I shrugged my shoulders, and avoided eye contact by busying myself with putting away the lunch he had given me into my school bag. I didn’t look back up knowing that once again I couldn’t give him a straight honest answer.

“The wrong one.” I said distantly, before risking a glance up.

“Well stop.” He snapped. “You could get seriously hurt Jieun.” My heart started pounding.

I wasn’t used to having someone care for me.

If only it was that simple.

“Better yet just cut whatever people doing this to you out of your life completely.” He advised.

I felt my lips pull up involuntarily.

It wasn’t so easy when that person had a key to the house.

“This isn’t funny Jieun.” He told me misinterpreting my sour amusement for the real thing.

I quickly dropped my face once more back into my neutral expression. I nodded my head and cleared my throat.

“Look can we just drop the subject?” I asked him.

I moved to go to my locker without even waiting for any kind of reply. He followed me looking annoyed.

“For now, but Jieun please tell me you’ll think about it.” He begged.

“Sure.” It wasn’t a lie.

I didn’t need him to tell me to think about it. I always was thinking about it. I would spend hours some nights imaging what it would be like to finally be away.

Jonghyun gave me a relieved smile. I wasn’t able to return it, but a small part of me wanted to. I knew this was going to come around and bite me in the later, but I was deep enough not to care at this point.

We arrived at my locker at this point and my heart plummeted. There was another note, but that wasn’t the worrying part, the worrying part was that Jonghyun noticed it before me. He instantly lit up.

“Ohhh! Another love note.” He grinned and ripped it off my locker before I had the chance.

“You can’t hide it from me this time.” He teased holding it out of my reach.

“It’s not a love note. You’d probably don’t want to read it.” I tried to warn him away.

But it was too late now. His smile had already dropped off his face and I could see the anger that replaced it. His knuckles slowly started to turn white, making my heart miss a beat in fear. The paper crinkled as he tightened his hold, denting the paper to the point there was a danger it would rip.

“What the hell is this?” He asked angrily.

My hands shook slightly at his tone and I quickly faced my locker so he wouldn’t see the evident fear on my face.

“Probably a hate letter.” I shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant. “I wouldn’t know, you took it before I could read it.”

He didn’t look impressed at my joke. Even from the corner of my eye I could see his jaw tighten.

“Not funny. Who the hell is this from?” He hissed.

I risked a glance at him. He was quickly turning an unhealthy shade of red.

“I don’t know. No one ever signs their letters.” I said honestly.

“This happens a lot?” He said sounding extremely pissed.

“Every so often.” I said cautiously.

I didn’t bother telling him that it was happening more often since his decision to try and befriend me.

“Why aren’t you reacting?” He asked in frustration.

I sighed, letting a silence fall between the two of us as I thought over my answer.

“How do you want me to react? I didn’t even read this letter.” I said.

“How many more of these do you have?” He asked.

“A few.” I hedged.

He didn’t look impressed.

“Look are you going to pass me the letter or not?” I asked holding out my hand for him to give it to me.

“Trust me, you don’t want to read it.” He said making no move to give it back instead he went to rip it.

“The hell Jonghyun! Don’t tear it up!” I screamed which made him paused and look at me.

“Why not? You can’t honestly want to keep this.” His fingers tightened at the idea of it alone.

“Not that it has anything to do with you, but yeah I do intend to keep it.” I snapped back, reaching out to take it off him.

“What the hell, Jieun? Why would you want to keep this thing?” He hissed at me, not letting go of the letter.

I gritted my teeth together, clenching my hand. We’d attracted a fair amount of attention from other people in the hallway.

“Because I keep all of them.” I snapped back.

He retracted slightly in surprise making me let out a sigh of relief. He had been getting dangerously close. I was in shock that I hadn’t gone into a full blown panic attack.

“How many do you have exactly?” He tensed, repeating his question from earlier with more force.

“A few.” I gave him the same evasive answer.

“How many?” He asked again, more sharply not letting it go.

I give up. This conversation was only repeating itself.

“The one you have makes 94.” I gave him a straight answer.

His eyes widened at my precise answer.

“94? Are you serious?!” He exclaimed.

“Yes.” I confirmed, not meeting his eyes.

 He looked almost betrayed that I would do something like that, and it made no sense to me why.

“And you kept them all?” He asked sounding horrified.

“Yep.”

“Jesus Christ, Jieun! Why would you do that?” He ran a hand through his hair, before clenching his fist around a clump and tugging on it in irritation.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” I snapped back, slamming my locker door closed.

“The hell you don’t! This letter alone is sick, why would you keep them?” He snapped right back.

The bell rang loudly, indicating lessons to start. Watching eyes slowly dispersed to their different classes. I sighed in relief and went to copy but Jonghyun stepped in front of me, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“Answer the damned question.” He ordered.

“No.” I refused point blankly.

“Yes.” He fought back, stepping closer. “For god’s sake Jieun, this is really sick why would you keep them? Do you get some kind of rush off being insulted like this?”

“Of course not!” I argued, my voice echoing down the now empty corridor.

“Then why would you keep them?” He pursued.

I let out a frustrated groan.

“Just let it go. It had nothing to do with you.”

“The hell it doesn’t Jieun. It has everything to do with me when someone is insulting you like this! I’m not going to let them get away with it.”

“You’re blowing it out of proportion.” I warned him.

He didn’t care one little bit. He in fact only seemed to get angrier.

“You’ve got to be ing with me right now.”

Jonghyun’s POV:

I didn’t often swear but now seemed the appropriate time. In fact I wanted to be yelling curses at the top of my lungs because trying to get through to Jieun right then was pure torture.

She just kept looking at me blankly, like everything was A-Okay in her own little world that she seemed so stuck in.

One letter was bad, but ninety four?

I wanted so badly to kick something right then and I think it was written clearly across my face from the way she kept backing away from me.

I wanted to do just the opposite. I wanted her not to be so calm and collected so that I could pull her into a hug, and act like the calm and collected one. Shouldn’t it be that way around?

Why wasn’t she the one needing the most comforting right now?

Wasn’t she the least bit bothered?

I let out a frustrated noise from the back of my throat, holding myself back from punching my fist into the lockers. I wasn’t a violent person at the best of times, but seeing that letter, reading the words that had been so maliciously directed at her pissed me off in ways I couldn’t even fully explain.

“Why are you being like this?” She questioned still edging herself away from me.

“Why do you think? Like it or not Jieun I consider you my friend, I don’t want to sit here and read something like this about you.” I waved around the letter.

“Why the hell do you keep them?” I asked and she ignored my question completely.

“I told you wouldn’t want to read it. You should have listened to me.” She pointed out. I narrowed my eyes in her direction.

“Not helpful. Because that’s not the point Jieun.” I muttered angrily.

She huffed out an exaggerated breath. “Yes it is. You were never bothered before you read it.” She hissed out.

She had to be being this difficult on purpose. There seriously couldn’t be any way that she wasn’t even a little bit hurt right now, because that would be almost inhuman.

“I didn’t know about them before this!” I argued.

She shrugged her shoulders in an offhanded way that made me want to scream.

“Ignorance is bliss.” She said simply, in what I think was an attempt at a joke.

“Not funny Jieun.” I told her, my shoulder muscles bunching with the effort of keeping my voice at an appropriately low level, so that we wouldn’t be overheard and told off for not being in classes.

She didn’t seem bothered by my comment. In fact she didn’t seem bothered at all. By anything. Not even the letter in my hand.

And that pissed me off more than anything.

 

“Just let me go to lessons.” She said trying to step around me, but I mirrored her actions, staying in her path, blocking her from going any further.

“If you’re not going to tell me why you keep them, I want to at least see the other 93.” I said stubbornly, trying for a compromise.

She wasn’t having any of it. She just rolled her eyes, knowing there was nothing I could do to make her show me the letters. She was holding all the cards here.

“I’m not letting you see the letters. You already freaked out over that one.” She nodded to the letter in my hand.

My anger flared. Of course I freaked out.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere until you say you’re going to let me see the letters Jieun.” I said crossing my arms and using the same tone I would on a six year old, which she seemed to hate.

“Go. To. Hell. We’re not friends. We’re not anything to each other. It’s my own personal business and it has nothing to do with you. So back the hell off.”

I would have to lie to say her words didn’t sting. It wasn’t like I wasn’t used to her telling me we weren’t friends, but before now it had least felt like some kind of inside banter between the two of us. But there was nothing but anger fuelling her words now, and there was no denying she meant them. I wanted so badly to yell, but I held it back. Yelling wouldn’t help this situation right now.

“Jie – “Before I could even finish saying her name I was interrupted.

“Kim Jonghyun! Lee Jieun!” A sturdy clipped voice echoed down the empty corridor causing us both to tense before turning. A teacher, Mr Park was storming towards us, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

Jieun stayed completely silent as he approached us.

“Lessons started ten minutes ago.” He stated.

I nodded my head, realising that Jieun wasn’t going to contribute anything to the conversation, but it was her who he was staring accusingly at.

“We were just about to go.” I told him, grabbing his attention.

His head turned so that he could survey me in much the same way that he had Jieun. I had to admit that the look made me extremely uncomfortable. I wasn’t one to get into trouble. Even with my parents.

“Lee Jieun. I suggest you go to lessons, and come by my office later to pick up a detention slip. If you don’t pick one up by the end of the day it will be doubled.” He turned back to her without saying anything to me

Once again she nodded her head silently, sending me a glare before hurrying away. I wanted to follow her and apologise for getting her into trouble, but Mr Park held out his arm preventing me from going anywhere.

“I want a quick word with you Kim Jonghyun” He said ominously as I watched helplessly as Jieun turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

As soon as I couldn’t see her anymore I turned to Mr Park, my stomach swarmed with guilt.

“It was my fault that Jieun was la – “He didn’t let me finish, but instead cut me off.

“It’s not about that. Jieun has received many warnings about her punctuality before, it was only right to give her a detention. That’s not what I want to talk to you about”.

I wanted to argue, but it wasn’t in my nature. My internal debate on what to do rendered me completely silent and it ended up being Mr Park who spoke again next

“I just want to give you a warning.” Mr Cross said.

My stomach dropped a little. This couldn’t be good.

“A warning about what?” I hedged carefully.

“Lee Jieun.” He put bluntly.

My spine bristled as he said her name.

“What about her.” I cautioned carefully.

He scrunched his nose slightly in distaste, making my stomach twist sharply, as he let out a loud sigh.

“I’m just worried what toll it would take on someone like you to be around someone like her.”

“Someone like her? What do you mean?”

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, knocking his glasses up his face.

“I mean that I’ve never had troubles with you before, and I don’t think its coincidence that the first time I see you hanging around in corridors instead of going to lessons you’re with Lee Jieun.”

My jaw tightened as I held back the want to yell in his face.

“I was the one who stopped her from going lessons not the other way around.” I said tightly.

“Look Jonghyun, some people just don’t want to be helped. And we can do nothing for them. Jieun is one of those people. Trust me. I’ve extended so much kindness and opportunity to her and she has done nothing but give sarcastic replies and cause more trouble. Those who refuse to accept the help aren’t worth helping.”

I felt the urge to swing my fist in his face right then. Because I was already pissed at whoever wrote this letter, but I couldn’t take it out on them because I didn’t know who had written it. Mr Park was right in front of me saying bad things about her, in reaching distance.

I was freaking out. I realised that. I wasn’t thinking right. I shouldn’t be listing the pros and cons of punching someone in the face mentally as they insulted Jieun. Especially when that person could expel me and ruin my opportunity of ever being offered a scholarship.

Why was I even freaking out in the first place? Wasn’t these the same thoughts I used to have about her?

But that was before I knew her. Or at least knew as much as she had let me see of her. It was before I knew about the smallest smile that would grace her lips when you did something even slightly nice for her.

It was before I knew how much she hated car rides, bad jokes, and loved my mother’s chicken salad sandwiches. It was before I saw the soft look in her eyes she got when speaking to my brother.

It was before I knew about the letters.

My fingers clenched tightly around the one in my possession. Part of me wanted to shove it in the teacher’s face and tell him to off.

I wanted to give him just a little bit of insight so he could shut up and stop thinking about her in the way he was.

Keeping the letter to myself, I welded my jaw shut to try to stop myself from saying or doing something that if I had any sense at all I would regret in the future. Because it wasn’t just a stupid move for my future, I knew Jieun would never forgive me if I did show him the letter.

“I’m just warning you for your own good.” He said in a sad tone, shaking his head.

“Understood, sir. But you don’t have to worry about me. I do however need to get to my lessons.” I said trying to hint an end to this conversation.

Catching on he gave me a brief smile.

“Of course. Hurry on.” He said.

I didn’t need any further encouragement to speed away, putting as much distance between myself and Mr. Park as possible.