A/N: Hello guys! I decided that this chapter will be split into two. One will be Jieun's POV and the next one will be Jonghyun's POV. This chapter will be mostly about Jieun trying to convince herself to stop feeling anything for Jonghyun. But will it work? Read on to find out and leave your comments down below^^ 

Lee Jieun POV

I didn’t see Jonghyun the next day. Okay so that’s a lie. I did see him. From a distance, and only ever crowded by his friends. Things were back to normal. They were back to being the way that they should have always been.

He didn’t once try to talk to me; he didn’t even so much as look my way.

It took me a while to realise that he was upset with me. I’d expected him to do what he always did. He was meant to give me when of his stupid smiles and then tell me a stupid joke in an attempt to make me smile. The same way he had done whenever we disagreed about something.

I sighed trying to brush the thought away. He actually wasn’t meant to do anything like that. He was meant to be keeping a distance from me. I’d told him to leave me alone so many times in that past few weeks. It shouldn’t bother me so much that he had actually listened to me.

Except it did. It bothered me a lot.

I’d grown used to him hounding me about being my friend. I’d even started to enjoy the attention he had been giving me. But that was stupid. I didn’t deserve that attention. I knew that it wouldn’t last, and I was right. That’s why it had been so god damned idiotic of me to have become attached to it.

I was so stupid.

I missed having him around. The whole day just seemed to take even longer than usual. I just wanted to hide away from the world. I should have just stayed home.

As soon as I thought it I wanted to take it back. Great one guy stops talking to me and I’m already ready to start running away like a child.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, willing the developing headache to go away. When it didn’t work I let out a loud sigh, leaning my head against the back wall of the school, just under the archway in the courtyard, protected from the falling rain.

This was how it was meant to be. I was meant to be alone.

I pulled my knees to my chest, trying to ignore the stabbing pains there. Pressing my lips into a thin line I tucked my face into the crook of my elbow. I should be grateful that he was leaving me alone. I shouldn’t want to have him here with me. I don’t need him here with me.

What I needed to do was snap out of it. What if someone saw me like this? Curled up on the ground? Acting like a child?

Eleven Years Ago

“What are you doing Jieun?!” My mother hissed between her teeth, as she wrapped a strong, manicured hand tightly around my arm dragging me forcefully to my feet.

“I – I – “ I blubbered out through my tears.

Her hand was crushing my arm on an already formed bruise I had gotten the night before.

“We’re in public! Stop acting like such a baby. You’re six for crying out loud! What were you doing all curled up on the floor crying?” She asked with clear distain in her voice.

I knew she hated crying. But I couldn’t help it. I’d been scared.

“I – I – “ I  couldn’t get past the lump in my throat as I tried desperately to calm down, so that she would stop giving me the look of disgust.

“Oh for heaven’s sake.” She said through clenched teeth, her hand tightening in frustration.

“Stop mumbling. Chin up and speak normally.” I followed her instructions, straightening my posture, and biting down hard on my bottom lip so hard that I could feel blood, pouring into my mouth from where my teeth had pierced the skin.

"I couldn’t find you. I got scared – “ That had been the wrong thing to say.

Her hand tightened again as she glared at me.

“What have I told you Jieun? You’re not a kid anymore. You need to grow up.” She said tightly.

I nodded my head solemnly. This was my fault. I was being childish. She had every right to be mad at me right now.

“I’m sorry. I thought something bad had happened to you.” I said in a plea, begging for her forgiveness.

“I was just across the street for ten minutes.” She rolled her eyes at me. “And if you hadn’t gotten distracted by the stupid flowers you would have seen where I was going.”

She pointed down to the daisies that had made me stop and stare only a few minutes ago.

“Daisies are your favourite. I wanted to pick some for you.” I said in a quiet voice.

She narrowed her eyes.

“Don’t talk so lowly. And I don’t want flowers Jieun. If I had wanted flowers I would have picked them myself.” She pointed out sharply.

I lowered my head and nodded. “I’m sorry.” I repeated.

She gave no acceptance to my apology.

“Don’t you ever embarrass me like that again.” She ordered instead.

“Imagine if someone else had found you like that. What would they think of me? Raising a child who just cried at everything. That’s so humiliating.” She shuddered.

I felt my chest tighten as she went on about how embarrassed she was by me.

I didn’t try apologising again, because it would only make her angrier with me. I didn’t want her to be any more furious than she already was.

Present day.

I clenched my jaw. If she saw me now she would be even more ashamed. I was eighteen now and I was acting no better than I had all those years ago. The same feeling of loneliness and fear were gripping at my stomach. The only difference now was I had learnt not to cry.

I wouldn’t do that again. Not since that day. For weeks after that day, my mother had been too annoyed at me to even speak a word in my direction.

I hated that I was reacting this way.

So what if he had finally stopped talking to me? It shouldn’t have such an effect on my emotions. I shouldn’t be feeling this measly, guilty even, because of someone like Kim Jonghyun. I tightened my arms around my knees, clenching my jaw.

God I was so pathetic.

I wanted to hit myself. What was worse was that I was now running away from him. Instead of going to our English Literature lesson I was hiding away in the courtyard, waiting for enough time to pass that I wouldn’t have to see him today.

Tomorrow I’ll be stronger. Tomorrow I wasn’t going to hide away like this. I wouldn’t run from my troubles.

I wouldn’t back out of my promise to Jonghyun. I would help him get the A he needed and then I would be out of his life forever. I owed him that much. Because, even if it was only for a short while, he had made me feel something close to normal.

I only needed to be weak today, so that tomorrow I wouldn’t be disappointed when he didn’t give me the smile I had now grown used to. I just needed today so that I wouldn’t feel the need to run and get the letters for him like he wanted.

He didn’t need to read them and I wasn’t going to let him. I wouldn’t let him be that close. I wasn’t going to be that stupid.

By the time that long enough had passed that I was sure the lesson had ended I had managed to make myself feel numb again. I’d managed to keep my expression completely neutral even as I thought about him. I’d even talked myself up into telling him that I no longer could keep up with meeting him after school.

But he managed to break all of my effort down to nothing in a heartbeat.

I stared down at the outside picnic table that I always sat on with horror swirling in my chest, because right then I felt the closest I had to tears than I had been in years.

There in front of me there was no Jonghyun, and I knew it was because he was annoyed and upset with me, and I would have kept being alright with that if it wasn’t for the fact that he had still left a brown paper bag on the table, with the note ‘chicken salad’ waiting for me.

Even though he had avoided talking to me all day. He’d still gone out of his way to make sure I still ate lunch.

And that’s when my brain made a whole new resolution. As I stared down at the sandwich I realised that it was already too late. I was already too attached.

And there was no point pushing him away any more. Instead a huge part of me wanted to just hold on to him for just as long as I could. It was already going to hurt too much to lose what little friendship we had, so why not put it off?

Why not delay the pain for as long as possible? Because if it was going to happen, why did it have to happen now? Why couldn’t I enjoy it for just a little bit longer?

All I had to do was show him the letters. He wanted to read them. And he had read one of them already. Would it really hurt to give him what he wanted?

Fear encased my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. Could I even let someone that close? Could I trust Jonghyun with that much of me?

My eyes went back to the sandwich, and it reminded me that he was already that close. It was just time for me to stop denying it.