Jonghyun shifted uncomfortably on the plush leather couch, the lens of the camera looking incredibly large and intimidating in front of him. Looking just above the lens at his interviewer – a petite woman named Minji who wouldn’t be appearing on camera herself – and Sungkyu, Jonghyun saw the composer gesturing for him to straighten up and to smile. The teen, still nervous but wanting to give a good impression to the many people in the room, did just that.

“Ok.” Minji began, “Let’s get started shall we?” Looking at the crew, who all gave her affirmative responses she turned back to Jonghyun and received a thumbs up from him too, before he settled back in his previous position. He looked nervous but overall pretty professional on camera. For a teen who had no training he was trying hard and he certainly had the look. He wasn’t quite the usual pretty boy idol type but there was definitely a flower boy charm there that the interviewer could appreciate. She, and Mr. Song, who had come to speak to her following his initial meeting with the boy, were very happy with this. A good looking man was less likely to receive backlash from the fans than a less attractive person, no matter how talented. Some fans were fickle like that.

Already there were some murmurings in the fan community that they were keeping an eye on. Some fans didn’t seem to appreciate that a male had won the prize. Many were speculating what kind of person he was and Minji – and everyone else involved – all hoped the boy would give off a good image on camera. It would certainly help with dealing with the aftermath. Luckily, from reports from Mr. Song and Sungkyu, the teen in front of the camera was a SHINee fan and that was definitely a benefit. It meant they could angle this as ‘superfan wins competition’ or something similar. Hopefully, the other fans wouldn’t hate on one of their own.

To be perfectly honest, Minji expected hate no matter who won. There were always those fans that wouldn’t accept anyone other than themselves as the winner of a competition. It was a fact of life. Minimising the numbers of these fans was their best bet. Honestly, they were used to it. As an entertainment company, hate came with the whole package and, although they worked hard to prevent any potential scandals, it wasn’t their job to control the fans unless they got completely out of line and aimed to harm one of their artists or employees.

“Congratulations on winning the composition competition, do you want to start with a small introduction?” She asked, professionally. There was a high chance all her speaking parts would be replaced by on-screen subtitles in the final cut of the documentary, however, she had to record it as if she would be heard to allow the show creators to do as they wished with the footage.

“Hi.” Jonghyun chirped happily, waving at the camera. He had been told to relax and act as he usually would. So, receiving an encouraging smile from Sungkyu behind the camera, Jonghyun tried to do just that. “My name is Kim Jonghyun, I’m nineteen years old and I work as a barista, have done since I graduated high school. In my spare time I write music and I aim to go to music school one day.”

“Awesome.” Minji said, looking to the other workers around her, “Looks like we don’t need another take of that. So let’s get into the interview proper.” Clearing and composing herself, switching on her interview voice once more, “Jonghyun, what made you enter the SHINee composition competition?”

“I am a massive SHINee fan,” the boy said, looking a little nervous as he first spoke it aloud but, seeing no judgement from the many people in the room, he continued, gaining more confidence as he spoke. “I’ve been writing songs for SHINee for ages. They are a huge source of inspiration for me. I never intended to ever show them my work but when someone posted the competition link on a fan site I use, well, I took my chance.”

“So you are a big SHINee fan?”

“Huge,” Jonghyun grinned, “I saw their debut and just... there was no going back. The amount of money and time I have invested in SHINee related things. It’s not even funny, really. I just appreciate them a lot. They work so hard and it inspires me to be better, too. And they don’t seem to care what others say about them. I take too many things to heart so I’ve been trying to learn from them. I...” He trailed off, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He was probably completely messing up his hair and his stylist would be angry with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Yeah, I’m a big fan.”

Minji chuckled, breaking her professional persona. Her sweet laugh wasn’t judgmental and it soothed Jonghyun a little. It was starting to dawn on him exactly what he had said. It was embarrassing. Everyone would know he was a fan. Not just a fan, a super massive, over the top fan. However, he had literally just said, he was working on accepting himself better. Maybe this was the time to start. Minji clearly wasn’t judging and Sungkyu already knew about his ... slight obsession so maybe others would react the same way. Taking a few seconds to compose himself before the interview continued, he then signalled to Minji to ask the next question. “How did you feel when you entered the competition?”

“It was terrifying.” Jonghyun said, slumping back on the sofa dramatically, pointedly ignoring the snicker he heard from Sungkyu at his action. “There are so many people who are better composers than me, out there. I basically taught myself, so I’m not the best. But it also felt freeing, like I was finally taking my first step towards the career I wanted.”

“Could you explain the inspirations for your song?”

Jonghyun grinned and began to relax. This was an easy question to answer. He was always willing to talk about his work, with anyone who was willing to listen – as long as they wouldn’t judge him for his likes and dislikes – and right here, on this set, he had a crowd of people who wanted to know his story. Or at least, they wanted him to say it so they could use it in the show. He had been informed before filming began that, no matter how much he talked, he would likely only get five to ten minutes of airtime in the documentary. He was also informed that he was better off talking more, as it allowed the show-makers to choose the best shots for use. The more shots of him they had, the less likely a truly embarrassing one would be aired.

Minji had been incredibly encouraging before they began. As she coached him in the best way to sit, pose and act on camera, she had been nothing but supportive of him. She had not heard his song but, from the sounds of it, she had interviewed a large number of stars and normal people alike before this and, according to her, Jonghyun was a lot easier on the eyes than many of them. After coaching him for approximately ten minutes, she had declared that the boy was ready. When he had looked at her in fear she had grinned and clapped him on the shoulder informing him that he was good-looking and had a cute personality, he would be fine.

After a further ten or so questions – some specifically about his song (How long did you work on it?) and some more inane (Who is your bias?) – and some gentle prompting from Minji when Jonghyun wasn’t giving quite the answer the crew desired, the interview was over and Sungkyu stepped forward to guide Jonghyun to the next location.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?”

“No.” Jonghyun agreed as the two men strode down the hallway. “It wasn’t bad. I was actually less nervous than I expected.”

“You were really good on camera. Maybe you should have gone for that idol thing.” Sungkyu teased, winking at the blonde boy. “You’ve got the voice, the look, the presence.”

Jonghyun chuckled, “I’ve already said that’s not for me. I’m not sure I could deal with everything else that comes with being famous. I’m happy doing composition.”

“So, we have an hour or so to play with, before you’re meeting with the boys. We can grab a bite to eat if you wish. I would also love your input on a song I am writing.”

Grinning up at the man, glad for any opportunity he could present to get the teen’s mind off of his impending meeting with his idols, Jonghyun nodded. Gesturing down the hallway, Sungkyu led the way to the cafeteria. The blonde’s nerves were still apparent, even after the success of the interview. His walk was a little more erratic than normal and his hands were constantly moving – wringing together, picking at his nails, clenching and unclenching. It was clear that, despite trying to act unaffected, the teen was incredibly nervous and excited for this meeting.

As much as he was hoping to calm the boy down a little, Sungkyu was also truly interested in the teen’s input on the song he was working on. Jonghyun would occasionally suggest unusual ideas that often seemed to work in the context of the music he was writing and Sungkyu was always willing to accept input, no matter the source. So, guiding the boy to his office, the composer began to explain his concept and a little on the type of group he was writing it for – although not divulging specific names. Due to the nature of the company, there was always possibility that his song would not be going to the group he believed it would anyway and instead be given to someone else entirely. It had happened before. So, genres and general music styles were probably safer to say than specific group names, anyway.

It seemed that their quick lunch, as lackluster as the cafeteria food was, and their discussion had aided in soothing the blonde’s nerves, at least a little. He was no longer so jittery and he wasn’t jumping every time a new person approached them any longer.

“You did well,” Sungkyu smiled, reassuring the teen once again, as the pair walked through the many similar hallways to Sungkyu’s office, “You looked like you were made to be in front of the camera.”

“No way!” Jonghyun protested, “I was such a dork. I can’t believe how embarrassing that was.”

“You were great. People like it so much more when they are watching someone be genuine and you were nothing but genuine out there.” Seeing Jonghyun’s disbelieving look, Sungkyu laughed aloud and spoke once more, “Ok, so your genuine is a little over-enthusiastic but it’s cute, people will love you. I know Minji did and I think you charmed Subin, too.”

“If only they were men, then that would mean something.” Jonghyun muttered quietly, before catching himself before he said anything too incriminating.

“What was that?” Sungkyu asked, stopping walking for a second to look at the teen, “I didn’t catch that.”

“Nothing.” Jonghyun squeaked, “Nothing at all.” Cursing his large mouth, the teen walked into the elder composer’s office quietly, not wanting to bring more attention to himself now. He had almost outed himself and that just wasn’t a thing he wanted to do. Sungkyu was a great man and he would most likely support Jonghyun in this, but it wasn’t a fact Jonghyun wanted spread around, so not telling anyone was his plan of action. He couldn’t believe he spoke to himself aloud. He would have to stop that habit before he got into trouble.

“Ok,” Sungkyu said, settling into his desk chair and gesturing Jonghyun into the one on the other side of the desk, seemingly not noticing the uncomfortable look on the blonde’s face, “So we’ve done two out of three things we had to do today. Now we have a little time until your meeting with SHINee. We could have gone straight there but I assumed you’d need a minute to come to terms with what’s coming next without hundreds of staff staring at you.”

“I appreciate that.” Jonghyun agreed absently. His mind already miles away as he thought about what was about to happen. He was going to meet SHINee.

Sungkyu, as much as he claimed he wasn’t a people person and would rather just write songs, was actually incredibly good at getting Jonghyun to relax. Maybe it was because he knew the teen, so knew what topics to talk about to take his mind off of the upcoming meeting. Or perhaps it was just his genuinely nice and kind personality. Either way, his mere presence aided in Jonghyun’s mental state big time.

The blonde didn’t want to imagine what his nerves would be like if he was with Mr. Song. The older man was not comforting in any way and would most likely just leave Jonghyun to stew in his own thoughts until the meeting time. Jonghyun shuddered as he imagined how awkward it would be to sit in the manager’s office. The silence would be oppressive.

“Right!” Sungkyu exclaimed, after approximately fifteen minute had passed. Some of those minutes had passed in a content silence, others contained inane small talk (mostly about music) but, all round, the composer’s aim to keep the teenager in his office as relaxed as possible seemed to have been achieved. “Let’s get you back to make-up to fix everything up and then you have a meeting to get to.”

Jonghyun, despite that vital calming time provided by Sungkyu, could honestly not tell you what happened in the following twenty minutes. His memories skipped from being in the man’s office to being sat in yet another film set – this one was a little bigger, with a couple of large squishy couches and a slightly brighter decor. His make-up was, once again, immaculate; all smudges and smears that had been obtained in the time since it was first applied were removed. His hair was also back to its perfectly styled state. He had messed it up during his interview as he had a habit of fiddling with it when he was uncomfortable, much to the chagrin of Subin who had to fix it all up again.

Shifting nervously on the too-squishy couch, Jonghyun gulped nervously as one of the staff announced that they would begin rolling tape as SHINee were due to arrive soon. Standing up slowly – something that took a lot of effort considering the way the couch seemed to be trying to eat him with its squishiness – Jonghyun smoothed out his clothes and tried in vain to look a little less like he was freaking out like a school-girl about to talk to her crush (a more apt description that he would ever admit to anyone).

Jonghyun was sure his facial expression when the door opened and a man who he recognised to be SHINee’s manager walked in would be in the documentary. He was never very good at keeping his feelings from showing on his face and, at that moment, there were a lot of feelings all battling it out simultaneously. Top of the list was excitement and extreme happiness, two emotions that were very similar, then there was nervousness, awe and a little fear. There was a lot going on in his mind. However, the second the first member of the idol group walked in the room, every single thought in his head miraculously evacuated and he was left with an inability to say or do anything for a few seconds.

He was snapped out of his shock when Minho approached him – the Minho, the tall, handsome Minho that seemed even taller in person (curse Jonghyun’s short height) – and greeted him warmly. He wasn’t sure what exactly the other man said and he was sure his response was embarrassing, if the tall boy’s smirk was any indication but he had made it through one introduction alive. Only three left.

Those went well too, although meeting Onew was almost too much for the blonde, who babbled his appreciation of the group’s music and personalities and looks at the bemused leader. Onew, for his part, was gracious about the whole thing, guiding the blonde to the sofa and sitting him down, taking a seat next to him.

Sitting down seemed to snap Jonghyun back to himself and, blushing heavily, he looked at the assembled group members properly for the first time since they had entered. They all looked good, very good in fact. Ruffling his hair subconsciously, Jonghyun bit his lip lightly as he looked at the assembled idols and muttered a soft “Hi.”

“I think he’s broken. He stopped talking.” Key grinned, poking at the blonde’s arm, enjoying the way the other teen looked down at his finger in confusion. “Did we break you?”

“No?” Jonghyun said, although it came out as more of a question than a statement.

“Leave the poor guy alone,” Onew chimed in from the blonde’s other side, “He’s probably just overwhelmed.”

“That’s one word for it.” Jonghyun said, looking at the people around him once more. “Sorry, I never expected this to happen.”

“Never expected what?” Taemin asked, leaning towards Jonghyun from his seat on one of the other couches in the room. He was exactly what Jonghyun had expected him to look like in person yet also, somehow, more. They all were. They were in casual clothes, yet each outfit had clearly been carefully selected by a team of professionals. They appeared to have minimal make up on, yet what they did have was immaculately applied and emphasised their best features. They were all looking at him like he had short-circuited when he didn’t answer the question.

“This.” Jonghyun said, shaking himself out of his thoughts and gesturing around the room full of staff and crew as well as the idols themselves. “I just wanted to make music; I never really expected to make it, well, here.”

“Your music is good.” Minho said, his calm voice doing wonders for Jonghyun who was still slightly freaking out. “I can’t wait for our fans to see it. I think they’ll love it.”

“It was like it was written specifically for us. I remember reading somewhere that you wrote it before the competition was announced but, I don’t know, it still seems like it’s for us.” Taemin grinned, talking when the silence after Minho’s statement went on too long. They were being filmed for the documentary after all and they needed to give the crew a lot of clips. Also, he genuinely wanted the other teen to talk to them. He wanted to get to know him. Meeting their fans, especially one on one like this, could be a really interesting experience. There were such varied pasts and stories there, it was fascinating to hear about.

“That’s because it was.” Jonghyun said, blushing slightly, looking down as if he could hide behind his hair. He couldn’t believe the SHINee members had been told the specifics about his song. He had casually mentioned it to Mr. Park, Woo and Sungkyu in their editing meeting but hadn’t expected the information to go any further than that.

“It was written for us?” Onew prompted.

“I did edit it for the competition.” Jonghyun stated, getting more comfortable due to the kind looks on all the idols’ faces. “But I wrote that song about six months after you debuted and” he trailed off, embarrassed, “yeah, it’s sorta written for you not just edited.”

“You’ve been a fan since debut?” Onew asked, smiling at the boy next to him. “That’s awesome!”

“Of course he was.” Key chimed in. “We’re fantastic, everyone should love us.”

Onew laughed that loud, unabashed laugh of his that Jonghyun loved so much. “Shush you.” He grinned, leaning across Jonghyun to swat at the sassy idol – an action that pressed him incredibly close to the blonde. The teen was glad his expression was blocked by the leader’s body because he was sure it was mortifying. “It’s unusual for us to have male fans. Especially those that admit they are fans.”

Jonghyun blushed once more, not sure how to admit this without letting down the leader somehow. “I sorta didn’t admit it to anyone – except my sister. She had to know so I could force her to come to your concerts with me.”

Taemin laughed loudly at this. “Let me guess, you pretended she forced you?” At Minho’s odd look, the youngest member explained himself, “It’s what I would do.”

Minho was still looking at the youngest like he had said something weird. When Jonghyun admitted “That’s exactly what I did.” The main dancer stuck his tongue out at the taller.

“See, my logic makes sense.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Minho argued. “You’re both just insane.”

“Hey!” Taemin and Jonghyun protested simultaneously.

“It makes perfect sense.” Jonghyun argued, becoming a little defensive. Because the conversation had now morphed into a more natural chat, Jonghyun felt far less nervous than he had done before and the righteous indignation allowed him to overcome any underlying worry he may have had. “I went on some SHINee fan sites and saw some people weren’t receptive to fan boys and my friends at school definitely weren’t, so I hid it. My sister was the perfect cover. Not that she liked it very much.” He muttered the last sentence with a chuckle.

“You and Taemin are strangely similar.” Key said, directing his statement to the blonde fan.

“No way!” Jonghyun protested. “I could never handle being famous like you guys and he’s way more,” he trailed off, not sure what he was trying to say and settled for gesturing at Taemin as a whole.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” The dancer grinned.

“It was meant to be.” Jonghyun smiled back, happily.

“You went on fan sites?” Onew asked. “I’ve never really been on them. It always seemed like pushing the boundaries too much.” It was a statement clearly meant to move the conversation on to other topics before they strayed too far into unusable territory, footage wise.

“Yeah.” Jonghyun said, turning to look at his bias. “Well... one fan site. I still use it, actually.”

“I thought you said they don’t like fan boys.” Key asked, genuinely interested now.

“Not don’t like. More, don’t understand?” Jonghyun said, a little unsure himself. “I never gave away my gender. So no one judges BlingBling.”

“BlingBling?” Onew asked curiously.

“Oh, damn... probably shouldn’t have said that on camera.” Jonghyun said, looking down at his lap and playing with the edge of his shirt due to nerves. “It’s my online persona.”

“It’s ok.” One of the staff called from behind the camera. “We’re filming a lot more than we need, so we’ll cut that bit. Just relax; a lot of this section will have music over it and a muted audio track anyway.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun said, his mouth opened wide. “Cool.”

“So just relax,” Taemin grinned at the older teen. “We aren’t scary.”

“You are a little.” Jonghyun laughed. “Well, more intimidating than scary.”

“I’m intimidating?” Onew gasped dramatically, clutching at his chest in mock hurt. “Key I can see being scary. Even Minho. But me?”

“I’ve looked up to you guys for over a year.” Jonghyun said, the tone of his voice getting all the gathered idols to focus on him only. They had previously been messing around but it was clear now that the conversation was straying into more serious topics. “Since your debut, you have inspired me so much more than you know. I was struggling before. I had this dream to go to music school but I had no way to achieve that and I was starting to think I would never make it. Then you debuted; you were near my age, you had worked hard for what you dreamed of and you were having fun doing it. It was...” He hesitated, not sure how to continue. An encouraging pat on the shoulder from Onew made him finally look up from his lap. The supportive and proud look on the singer’s face allowed him to formulate what he wanted to say and he continued, “It was the push I needed. I started to write seriously again, something I hadn’t done for a while. I became happier in my life. You guys reinforced why I was doing what I was doing. Working a dead-end job – that I love but isn’t going anywhere – still living with my parents, being mostly penniless because I invest everything into my college fund. It was all because I have a dream and you guys all helped me remember that. This competition,” Jonghyun took a breath, composing himself slightly, “This competition was just an added bonus, something I hadn’t planned for and certainly hadn’t planned on winning. So once again, you have provided me with something great. You are so much more than singers and performers. You are an inspiration. I hope you know that.”

The idols all had different, yet similar responses following that speech. Minho was smiling softly at the blonde teen, looking incredibly touched. Taemin looked equally as touched, his mouth stretched into a small smile as he leaned against his fellow group mate, receiving a pat in the shoulder from Minho for the action. Key didn’t smile, although it was clear he was pleased with what the competition winner had said and his posture became slightly more relaxed – he had been in the same poised position since he had sat down in the room and, although he had been laughing and joking around had never seemed fully comfortable. He was clearly comfortable in front of the cameras, however, he was still guarded and a little defensive.

Onew’s reaction was the most intense. His eyes were glazed over, a sheen of happy tears blurring his vision. Leaning across the couch, he pulled a startled Jonghyun into his arms. The blonde lost his breath the second SHINee’s leader touched him and as the singer’s arms wrapped around him, he felt his heartbeat speed up dramatically.

Pulling away, Onew looked the teen in the eye and spoke quietly, his words holding incredible meaning. “Thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me. Thank you.” Jonghyun went to answer and was cut off before he could say anything. “Just...” the leader said, breath stuttering slightly, “I became a singer because I love to sing. I love music and I love the buzz I get every time I perform. But one thing I didn’t realise I would love so much is people like you. The fans that give us so much of themselves. It’s because of people like you that I continue to give my best even on my worst days. So you are an inspiration, Jonghyun. And I hope you remember that.”

“What he said.” Minho said, his deep voice displaying all his feelings clearly as Taemin nodded happily from next to him.

Jonghyun looked up at the leader, his own eyes misting over slightly. Rubbing his arm across his face and laughing softly with embarrassment, he smiled softly at the older teen. “I will.”

The meeting became a little more relaxed after that. It was like the release of emotions allowed Jonghyun to completely relax and get over his nervousness around the other teens. The idols, for their part, moved the conversation on to lighter topics following that deep part of the conversation. For the rest of their meeting they talked music, hobbies and work.

As Jonghyun walked out the SM Entertainment headquarters that evening he turned around and stared up at the large building, a big grin on his face. Raising his arms to the sky – irrespective of the people around him – and spun around once before he turned to face the train station and practically skipped to the platform. His day had been nothing short of fantastic.

 

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CHAPTER NOTES: SHINee! I tried to base Jjongs feelings on my feelings when I went to interviews with employers and stuff as well as my feelings when I met people I look up to. Those are some hard emotions to put into words. I hope I did it justice.

And thank you so much, all of you, for all the subscriptions, views, comments and votes (whatever those mean :P). I love you all for your support, even you silent types who don't like to give an indication you're there. You're all beautiful people.

And a fun fact for you all, this is the longest chapter yet and this fic is now up to 24,998 words. How cool would it have been if I wrote just 2 more words? Maybe I'm just easily amused.