Opening his favourite fan site one evening, a few weeks later Jonghyun almost choked on his own saliva. The news section on the front page usually featured important details about SHINee’s activities: their most recent variety show appearances, live performances, future releases and anything else they were doing that was considered important by the site admins. However, today, a large banner ad took up most of the space. This was unusual, the front page was usually a set layout and this ad definitely didn’t fit with the theme at all. It wasn’t the ads presence that most shocked the teen however. It was the contents.

The ad had clearly been copied from the official SM Entertainment site and it advertised a competition. A very interesting competition.

 

Many competitions had been hosted by SM over the years; ranging from art to dance and anything in between. The prize was usually a one on one with your favourite idol or a chance to audition at the company. Jonghyun ignored most of them, not having enough confidence in his singing or dancing to get out there in public. Despite enjoying the music SM Entertainment artists created, Jonghyun had no interest in auditioning for the company himself.

 

There had been that one misguided month when he was fourteen and was convinced he could be an idol. He had spent four weeks singing and dancing around the house, much to the chagrin of his family who had to put up with him. He had continued with his misguided notion until one fateful Tuesday when his sister had caught him in their mother’s make-up drawer; his lips a deep rouge and his eyes looking like he had been punched. Sodam still liked to imitate the scream he gave upon being discovered. So that dream, if it had ever been a dream at all, had died a rather dramatic death to the sounds of his mother’s yells of anger when she discovered her expensive eyeliner nothing more than a crumbled mess on the floor.

 

Nowadays, the boy was far more interested in his compositions, creating songs for others to perform, than being the one on the stage himself.

 

It was this interest that made this competition so enticing. It was a song writing contest and the winning song would actually feature in SHINee's upcoming album and be performed by the group on national TV. For an up and coming composer like Jonghyun, this was an amazing opportunity. There was no mention in the contest fine print - following an in depth analysis of the guidelines by the man - of an ongoing contract with SM Entertainment. Further analysis of the guidelines revealed that all rights to the song, bar his name being shown as the author, would be purely SM Entertainment's. There wasn't even a chance for royalties. The rules were all very thorough and well thought out; it was proof of SM Entertainment’s large team of lawyers. However, it was a fantastic opportunity for the teen to get his name out there in the composing world. Instead of being some young kid with no professional experience, he could become a young kid who wrote a hit song for a massive idol group – he refused to believe that any song performed by SHINee could ever be a failure. Winning this competition could be nothing but a boon to his future career and would probably make the college application process a lot easier. After all, a high school graduate who worked as a barista wasn’t that interesting but a high school graduate who worked as a barista and had one of his compositions selected by one of the largest entertainment companies in the country, if not the world, well… that was a lot more interesting.

 

Not to mention, he'd be writing a song for SHINee! His favourite group could be singing and performing a song he had written and composed!

 

He supposed it was only a benefit that, since the debut of his favourite idol group, every song the barista had created was in four parts. If two of those parts happened to be mostly rapping and the other two were more complex singing parts, well that could only be a good thing. He supposed it was also a good thing that he had gotten into the habit of creating instrumental breaks in his more upbeat songs that could be used for a dance break. It was also, likely, a benefit that he tailored every line to the aesthetic of a certain all-male line up and his lyrics were all family friendly and acceptable for performance on television. I mean, probably.

 

Reading over the rules one final time, Jonghyun navigated to his composition folders and began sorting through all his pre-created songs. He wasn't sure yet if he would create a new song entirely for this competition or if he would rework an older piece. However, he was absolutely certain that he was entering this competition. Pushing his dark hair back from his face and smiling determinedly, Jonghyun got to work. It was a month until the deadline and he was going to make use of every free second he had.

 

-

 

Three and a half weeks later and Jonghyun felt he was almost ready for this. He was certain his sister thought he had become a recluse and his mother was probably plotting to get him checked out if he didn’t start coming out of his room soon. None of that mattered to the teen, none of it at all. After many hours of work and effort, he had finally finished his song.

 

Over the course of the last three weeks he had written, composed, reworked and scrapped a lot of works. He had drawn inspiration from all aspects of his life; from his one disastrous dating experience (with a girl, which was likely the reason it was disastrous), to the cute older couple that frequented the coffee shop, to his bosses marriage woes, to the book he was currently reading (very slowly). He had, more than once, caught himself humming melodies as he showered, worked or walked down the street. He had even woken up humming once. It had been a good tune too. It was a shame he had forgotten it by the time he had fully woken up and scrabbled around his bedroom for a sheet of paper and a pen.

 

This competition had really done wonders for his creativity. In three weeks he had created two entirely new songs, from melody to lyrics, and completely reworked another. Not to mention the many short snippets he had created but never fully formed into songs. Honestly, he felt that these were some of his best works yet. Usually, pressure made Jonghyun work slower as he found it difficult to concentrate when his mind was occupied, but, for some reason, that wasn’t the case this time. It may be because this was a song specifically written for SHINee to perform; he had always worked better when the four-piece group was involved. It may be because he finally had a purpose and a direction with his work. Or, it may be because he had just overcome the extreme composition block he had been suffering from. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to complain. He hadn’t been this happy with anything he had created for a long time.

 

However, no matter how proud he was of his work, Jonghyun had never felt so nervous about the click of a single button in his life. For weeks he had been preparing for this, never feeling a hint of nervousness as he composed. Now, as he sat at his computer staring at the submission screen, he was feeling all the fear that had been missing during the composition process.

 

That little red `submit` held the potential to change his life entirely.

 

He wasn't nervous because he wasn't confident about his compositions. In fact, out of everything in his life, his music was something he was always, always confident in. Even his less well-crafted pieces were things he held dear because, between the poor melody and cheesy lyrics there was always something worth taking away. A single lyric that's exquisite, a short melody only heard in the background of the original song could become a chorus of another, the bass line could be the best one he's ever created but is drowned by the other sounds. Every song was created with his heart and soul and therefore, with a little work, everything he composed could become a work he truly loved, even if the final song sounded nothing like the original piece. Jonghyun had tried to explain this concept to his sister once, when she complained about him filling yet another portable hard drive with songs. She had insisted he delete the songs he didn't like and didn't seem to understand that he couldn't do that because he honestly liked every single one.

 

Even if others disliked his work, Jonghyun didn't care. It was a personal thing. It was something he had been working on and improving for years. If other people enjoyed the music he created, that was fantastic but what was important was that he, himself, enjoyed it. Each song he wrote brought back memories of the time it was written. From the instruments and melodies he had used he could tell exactly how the Jonghyun of the past was feeling as he wrote the song. From the changes in the writing style in the lyrics, he could track his maturation and his growth through his teenage years.

 

Every so often, on a free day, Jonghyun found himself exploring the many files, he would go through his back catalogue, listening to the many songs he had created and marvelling at how much he had improved over the years. Some songs were finished, some were not. Yet, each one inspired him in some way, gave him motivation to keep going, to keep improving. It reinforced the idea that his dreams to work as a composer were not merely false hopes and made him remember just why he loves the process so much.

 

So, Jonghyun was nothing but confident in his skills, but this, this tiny, insignificant button was terrifying. The song he had decided to submit to this competition was an old one. He had written it just after SHINee`s debut with the group in mind. He had spent many countless hours crafting it; both when he first wrote it and again following the competition announcement. He had tried hard to ensure that each member was featured equally and each idol had a section in the overall song which highlighted their individual strengths and guarded their weaknesses. He had also tried to stick to the image the group portrayed to the public. There was no point submitting a dark, brooding rock song because that wasn't fitting with the idol’s image and would never be selected as the competition winner. SHINee were light and poppy, yet original and creative. They were a shining light amongst the other kpop groups; at least, in Jonghyun’s opinion.

 

The original melody and lyrics were something he was incredibly proud of. In his opinion it was probably his best work to date. The other two songs he had written post-competition announcement were also stellar, well he thought they were. However, his selected song was just a step above the rest and he was incredibly proud of it. He felt he got his meaning across well and he hoped the judges appreciated the feelings he had poured into each line and each note. He truly felt it was a song that represented both himself as a composer and a SHINee fan, and SHINee as a group. 

 

Scanning over the online entry form once more, Jonghyun checked everything necessary was present. His name and contact details, a copy of the sheet music, an audio recording of the song that he had created through the merging a backing track created in a cheap (slightly terrible) downloaded music program and a recording of his own singing and his idea for a song title, `Juliette`.

 

With all that checked over – for the twelfth time – and with it, once again, all being correct, Jonghyun had no more reason to postpone his submission. Steeling himself he took a deep breath in and reached his arms out in front of him to stretch out the muscles in his shoulders, enjoying the way they clicked audibly, before shaking himself out thoroughly. Preparations complete, he reached for the mouse with his right hand and clutched the edge of the desk with his left as he navigated the pointer over to that tiny, terrifying button. Taking a deep breath once more, Jonghyun pressed his finger down on the left mouse button.

 

As the computer loaded the completed submission screen, the short boy let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and ran his fingers through his hair in relief. He knew he was probably grinning like a loon but he couldn’t care less. He had done it. What was done was done and now all he had to do was wait for the results.

 

At that moment, he didn't even care too much if he won. Ok, that wasn't entirely true. He really did want to win a lot but he was realistic. Why should he, a nineteen year old cafe worker, win when there are so many other talented and dedicated people around?

 

He was sure, when the results were released and he wasn't he winner he would be disappointed. He also knew that, no matter how much he would try not to, he would judge the winning entry harshly. He couldn't let just any song be sung by his idols, especially not some sub-par submission that didn’t deserve to win. That isn’t to say he wouldn't be happy for the winning composer. They would probably be equally as psyched as he would be to win but there would always be a hovering disappointment there. A feeling that maybe if he’d tried a little harder it could have been him.

 

Standing up and forcing himself away from the computer, Jonghyun aimed to distract himself from getting his hopes up by staying busy. He had heard Sodam muttering about the kitchen being filthy earlier, so he headed downstairs to see if he could make any headway on that mess. At this point, he was willing to try anything to take his mind off of his doubtful thoughts. For the next few months he would try incredibly hard not to think about the competition at all. It was probably best that way.

 

 

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CHAPTER NOTES: SM holds composition competitions, ok? No? Well, they do now :P

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