“Jonghyun,” Sungkyu said, quietly, as he poked his head round the purchasing office door, “Can I see you in my office, please?”

Jonghyun gave no reply but stood up and moved to the door, following his mentor as he headed back to his office. The composer failed to notice the concerned looks the others in the room sent him and he had no way to know that, right at that moment, a long, detailed group conversation was going on about him in the company instant message program. It mainly contained messages of concern and a few half-started plans to help the male cheer up a little and was growing in length by the minute.

Following the man into his office, Jonghyun sat in the indicated chair and waited for the man to speak. He honestly wasn’t sure why the older composer wanted to speak to him. Their meetings were becoming less and less regular as Jonghyun became more comfortable with his working life and the job he was expected to do, so this meeting was unusual. They still met occasionally, of course; there were their usual weekly meetings and, sometimes, the composer would request Jonghyun’s input on a composition. However, their interaction was much reduced as of late.

Jonghyun didn’t mind meeting less often. Sungkyu was a busy man, after all and anything that made his workload easier was a good thing in the blonde’s mind. However, considering it was a Tuesday morning and their usual meetings were scheduled for Thursday afternoons, Jonghyun was a little confused as to what this could be. Every other impromptu meeting was not that impromptu at all. Sungkyu was usually very good at informing the blonde ahead of time, via email or instant message, when he would like the meeting to be – except for that disastrous observation of a girl group for Jonghyun’s first solo project. He also always gave the opportunity for Jonghyun to reschedule if the times did not work for him. Yet, that hadn’t happened this time.

“I would like to discuss the draft you sent me yesterday.” Sungkyu said, looking serious. He was leaning his elbows on his desk, as if he was tired, his fingers steepled in front of his chin.

Sungkyu, as a way of observing his work and ensuring he was meeting targets – both for professional reasons and for Jonghyun’s personal learning and growth – expected Jonghyun to send him a copy of all composition work he was doing. Those emails were usually sent on a Monday afternoon and would be discussed in the Thursday meeting when Sungkyu had had a chance to look them over.

“What about it?” Jonghyun asked, quietly. Speaking for the first time since Sungkyu had invited him into the office.

“It’s not up to your usual standard.”

“Well, it’s just a rough draft.” Jonghyun said defensively. “You can’t expect it to be perfect.”

“I can’t and I didn’t.” Sungkyu retorted, his eyebrows furrowing and resulting in a little wrinkle forming between his eyes. His tone was a little sharper than normal, showing his displeasure at being addressed like that. Jonghyun, despite feeling irritation at what the man was saying, vowed to keep his impulses under better control. Sungkyu was, after all, he boss and more than deserved his respect. “However, it still wasn’t to the standard I know you can produce. You made mistakes in this piece that you haven’t made since your first year at school.”

Jonghyun looked down at the desk, observing the fine wood grains. He felt well and truly cowed by the older man’s words. He was aware that it wasn’t his best work but personal pride did not allow him to accept any criticism against it. Following a dark stripe in the wood from one edge of the desk to the other, Jonghyun remained silent. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was meant to say in this situation. ‘I’ll do better’ was the obvious one but somehow, that didn’t feel like what Sungkyu was looking for. So, the blonde remained silent. Hoping his mentor wouldn’t be too harsh on him.

Seeing that his protégé wasn’t going to speak any time soon, Sungkyu sighed heavily. Jonghyun looked up at the sound, a little confused by that reaction. He hadn’t expected the man to sound so tired. Exasperated maybe, but that sigh was full of exhaustion.

“How is everything at home?”

Jonghyun was surprised by the sudden question and answered hesitantly, “Good. Jiwoong is never home because of his girlfriend. It’s quite refreshing, actually, to have the place to myself.”

Jonghyun watched his mentor’s face, not quite sure where that question was coming from. The man seemed satisfied with his answer, however. Though, the tension in his expression remained, showing he was still worried about something.

“Good, good.” The man said, looking at Jonghyun as if observing him closely. He almost seemed like he expected to find something terribly wrong with the younger male. “And the bullying hasn’t started again?”

“No?” Jonghyun said, still confused.

“Good. I’m glad.” Sungkyu said, absently. “What about your friendship with that singer boy?”

Jonghyun flinched back at that, the question touching a raw nerve. “Fine, it’s fine.” He said, tersely. Leaning back in his chair, the blonde played nonchalant, pretending the question hadn’t surprised him. He knew he had been unable to hide all the pain from his voice, however he thought he had done an ok job at hiding the exact extent of his feelings.

Unfortunately, Sungkyu seemed to see right through him. The composer always had. Whenever there was a problem, he seemed to be able to get to the heart of it faster than anyone else; even Sodam.

“I’d say it isn’t fine, if it’s affecting your work. You don’t normally allow such things to influence you. Even when you were bullied…” Sungkyu trailed off, not needing to say any more in order to get his point across.

Jonghyun tensed a little at the reminder and looked down at his lap once more. He twisted his fingers together, observing the way the skin creased around his thumbs as he did so. “I’m not being bullied again.”

“So you said.” Sungkyu agreed. “However, you clearly have a problem. Did you argue with Onew?”

“Argue…” Jonghyun mused. “No, we didn’t argue.”

“Then what happened?” Sungkyu asked, concerned. It was obvious to him that the boy in front of his desk was not lying. He did not have an argument with his friend. However, the cause of his mood was definitely linked to his friendship with the idol.

“We spoke and decided we shouldn’t be friends anymore. Simple.” Jonghyun said, his facial expression showing it was anything but simple.

“Why would that be necessary?” Sungkyu asked, leaning forward in his seat. He hoped the blonde would look up at him soon, it was hard to convey his concern when the boy wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“It just was.” Jonghyun mumbled, crossing his legs and folding in on himself. “We decided it was for the best.”

Sungkyu suddenly remembered something. He wasn’t usually up to date with the latest news in the idol world – he had little interest – however, one piece of information had been making the rounds of the SM Entertainment building.

“Is this because he’s dating someone?”

“No.” Jonghyun said, defensively, shaking his head forcefully. He finally looked up at his mentor as he continued to speak. His voice was louder than it had been all meeting and there was finally some emotion in his tone. “He’s not dating anyone. That was the point.” The young composer mumbled the last line, obviously not intending Sungkyu to hear.

Sungkyu did hear and watched, silently, as he tried to work out what that statement meant. There were many possibilities as to what he could be referring to. Sungkyu knew that his protégé was very close with the singer and he knew the two spent a lot of time together, so cancelling their friendship had to be for a good reason.

Unless.

The two had always been close. From the start, from the first day they had met, the blonde had been enchanted by the idol. That was clear to anyone who looked at him. Sungkyu was also aware of the boy’s previous love of SHINee. On that first day, when the boy came in for a meeting about his competition entry – looking incredibly young and incredibly nervous – his love of the group had been plain to see to those who payed attention and Sungkyu had always considered himself to be very observant. So, it stood to reason that the blonde would jump at a chance to be friends with the other male. Granted, there had been an initial nervousness there and he had been reluctant to make a fool of himself but, eventually, he had gotten over it and Sungkyu knew the two had become very close.

Sungkyu hadn’t seen the two interact on a personal level, past that meeting he set up for them because of the bullying. However, the blonde had seemed happier recently and he was often seen rushing off after work finished for the day claiming he was meeting a friend. Sungkyu had accepted the friendship easily – even if it did mean Jonghyun occasionally spent more time on his phone at work that he probably should – because it made the boy happy and that was all Sungkyu wanted for Jonghyun; his happiness.

There were rumours around the office that the blonde was dating someone, too. The members of the purchasing office were often heard teasing the boy about it. Sungkyu had dismissed the claims. He was fully aware of the boy’s preferences and knew that the boy was highly unlikely to date at this point. He had confessed once, in one of his more emotionally vulnerable moments – when he was stressed from exams and terrified he was going to ruin his life – that he had no plans to date unless the perfect man came around. He was a practical boy, if a little immature at times, and Sungkyu had always trusted him to make good decisions in life.

However, what if Jonghyun’s ‘perfect man’ was Onew? As a fan, Jonghyun had practically worshipped the ground the singer walked on. He wasn’t one to take that and misconstrue it into love or anything so advanced as that but, combined with the friendship of the male, those feelings could form the basis of a relationship.

Luckily, Onew was known around SM Entertainment as the nice guy of the kpop industry. So Sungkyu didn’t have to worry about him treating Jonghyun badly. However, something happened here. Something to make the two break up – if he was correct and they were dating – and that something was affecting Jonghyun enough to result in poor composition work. That was concerning. Even when the bullying scandal occurred, the blonde had not let it affect his composition. Throughout that period, he had funnelled his anger and his hurt feelings into his writing, coming up with innovative pieces that were different from his usual work yet still impressive. So, this melancholy must be severe.

“Were you and he…” Sungkyu hesitated, not sure how to word his question in a way that wouldn’t scare the boy or make him angry, “were you involved?”

Jonghyun looked up in shock, his eyes wide. He looked ready to bolt and it was only Sungkyu’s calm demeanour that kept him firmly in his seat. “I…” The boy began, stuttering slightly, “I, uh, yes. I guess you could say that.”

“I see. And what happened? You broke up?”

“Not… Not really. I mean, kinda. But it was a mutual thing.” Jonghyun said, hesitantly.

“And yet you clearly did not want it.” Sungkyu mused. “So in what way is this mutual?”

“He didn’t want to break up either. At least, that’s what he said.” Jonghyun said, looking back down to his lap. He remained tense in his seat, ready to run at a second’s notice.

The singer had told him, as they planned out what they had to do, that this was not something he enjoyed or something he wanted to do. However, Jonghyun had a niggling doubt in the back of his mind. It was probably nothing, after all, everyone said Onew liked him as much as he liked the singer. Sadly, like many people, Jonghyun was just a little self-deprecating in the way he thought. In the back of his mind, there was that little voice. The one that told him the singer was better off without him. That he was happy to have an excuse to be rid of him. That it wasn’t really the mutual deal they had agreed upon.

It was ridiculous, of course. Onew had never been shy about showing his affections – in private, for good reason – and he had repeatedly said that talking to Jonghyun was a highlight of his day. If the other male knew the directions Jonghyun’s thoughts were heading in right now he would be greatly hurt. Such thoughts put so much unnecessary blame on the singer and they weren’t fair; especially when there was no reason for them. 

However, the mind was a traitorous thing.

Sungkyu noticed the composer’s stiff pose and made sure to speak softly, so as not to spook the boy. “If neither of you wanted this, why?”

“Because we had to!” Jonghyun exclaimed, like it was obvious. His back stiffened as he spoke and he resembled an agitated house cat in his manner. Even his hair looked fluffier than usual, like it was stood on end.

Sungkyu folded his hands in front of him and hummed thoughtfully. “So, let me get this straight. Neither of you wanted to break up, yet you both felt you had no choice and this choice is affecting your demeanor and your work.” Jonghyun nodded mutely and Sungkyu continued to speak, “Can you explain your reasoning to me? Why did you have no choice?”

Jonghyun stood up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Walking across the room to the left-hand wall he muttered quietly to himself, too quiet for Sungkyu to hear and appeared to be observing the painting of flowers Sungkyu had on display. However, his eyes were unfocussed and his mind was far away from the room they were currently in. He was far too focused on working out where exactly to start.

“We’ve been dating, were dating,” he corrected, “for two months.” Jonghyun said, moving away from the wall and walking back across to his chair, leaning on the back of it. His eyes were looking at Sungkyu but it was clear by their glazed appearance he wasn’t seeing the man at all. If he had, he would have seen a look of surprise flicker across his mentor’s face. The man hadn’t expected such a long time scale, he had assumed they had been dating for a few weeks at most.

Jonghyun remained silent for a moment, still thinking about what to say. Finally coming up with something, he continued. “During that time, we went on dates, met each other’s friends, he even told his parents about me and we had-“ Jonghyun coughed slightly, cutting off what he was about to say as if realising that, despite their close ties, Sungkyu was still his boss. “He’s great. He’s really great. He was nothing but caring, never hurt me. We fought, obviously. Every couple does, but it was always stupid things and never anything serious. He always made it clear he loved me, too. Made sure I knew, even when we were jokingly insulting each other. I tried to do the same in return.”

Sungkyu wasn’t sure where this was going. All his protégé had said so far were positive things. Honestly, this is exactly the kind of relationship he had hoped the boy would find one day. He deserved to be happy. Why would he then break up with the singer if their relationship was so great?

“But,” Jonghyun continued, “he’s an idol. We couldn’t go on dates outside or anything. Not easily. We did a few times but it was a challenge. We limited our contact and acted as if we were nothing more than friends. It was difficult but we usually managed it. A couple of times we got caught outside. Well... he got caught. Fans can be scary. Jinki actually yelled at a girl once because she pushed me when she was trying to get to her ‘oppa’.” Jonghyun chuckled slightly, leaning a little more onto the back of the chair. He looked like he was remembering a good memory. “He was a little intimidating, actually. Scared the poor girl. We also had to run from the media a few times. There are a lot of downsides to being famous, I guess.”

Sungkyu was still a little confused. Was Jonghyun saying that the two broke up due to the stresses of Onew being famous? Jonghyun didn’t seem like the type to pin that blame on Onew and he also didn’t seem the type to give up just because something was challenging. He had proved his tenacity time and time again. After all, if he was a quitter he would have given up his dream of being a composer the first time his father told him it was a bad decision. Clearly, he wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. Especially for something he loved.

The blonde clearly loved the idol. The way he spoke about him was very similar to the way Sungkyu knew he himself spoke when he talked about his wife and daughter. Granted, Jonghyun was far younger than he and his love was still new, but the underlying feeling was very much the same. Sungkyu would be very surprised if the idol wasn’t very much the same when it came to Jonghyun. He seemed like the type to fall fast and hard.

So why did they break up?

“You saw the new articles.” Jonghyun said, out of the blue.

Sungkyu looked at the blonde in confusion, “News articles?”

Then it slowly dawned on him. News articles. About Onew. About Onew dating someone. Onew was dating Jonghyun. Onew would never cheat on someone it went against his fundamental nature. It could be a misunderstanding. But it was much more likely that-

“You’re the one from the news article.” Sungkyu concluded. “The unknown date.”

Jonghyun nodded. Moving around the chair once more, Jonghyun sat down and pulled his right knee towards himself and wrapping his arms around it.

Sungkyu watched as the boy moved, starting to understand what went on between the two males. “He’s an idol.” Jonghyun nodded, seeing the older man was starting to understand he allowed his mentor to continue talking and figuring it out for himself. “Idols are rarely allowed to date.” Jonghyun nodded again, resting his chin on his knee. “But SHINee are an older group, they’d be allowed, surely.” Jonghyun shook his head. “Because you’re both male...” Sungkyu said, trailing off. Jonghyun nodded shallowly, barely moving his neck. “So you decided to prevent anything bad by breaking up.”

Jonghyun nodded again, finally speaking. “The agency wouldn’t accept it. They’re getting better about their talent dating-“

“But even the most liberal agency would be unlikely to support a relationship between two males.” Sungkyu concluded.

“Plus, Jinki couldn’t accept disappointing his fans. There’s already a lot of backlash online and people only speculate he’s dating. Speculate he’s dating a woman.” Jonghyun said, speaking softly. “I get it. Being an idol is his dream. He lives for it and would be devastated if he lost it. I’d be the same if I were to suddenly lose the ability to compose. If...” Jonghyun looked sad at the words he was about to say yet also determined, “If it was a choice between composing and Jinki, I’d choose composing every time. I absolutely understand.”

“But that doesn’t make it any less difficult.” Sungkyu said, finally starting to understand.

The two were actually being very mature about all of this. There would always be a chance, if they continued dating as they were, that they would be caught. It wasn’t a guarantee but, if they were, Onew would likely lose his job. The articles had highlighted that to the two- they clearly hadn’t fully considered that before. The fears had now come to the forefront of their minds. Thoughts that they previously hadn’t had would start to creep in. Why are we together? What will people think? No one will like it. I could lose so much? He won’t get hurt if we get caught. If we get caught he’ll get hurt so much. That realisation alone would put new strain on the relationship.

“We decided to mutually break up before anything bad could happen. It’s hard and it’ll probably hurt for a long time. But it’s for the best.” Jonghyun said, placing his foot back on the floor and uncurling himself slightly.

Maybe this choice wasn’t the best one. Maybe there was another option that allowed them to be together and keep realising their dreams. However, such a solution wasn’t immediately obvious and the two had decided to walk a very difficult path. Sungkyu respected their choice.

“Just make sure it doesn’t affect your work in the future.” Sungkyu said, signalling the conversation was over.

“I will.” Jonghyun said, bowing his head as he stood.

Moving towards the door, the blonde pulled it open but stopped as he heard his mentor speak once more.

“And Jonghyun, remember my door is always open if you need to talk.”

Jonghyun smiled weakly, feeling emotionally drained from their talk. His mentor hadn’t said much but his body language had said everything he needed to say. The fact he didn’t freak out or tell Jonghyun to leave, the fact he let Jonghyun speak and listened carefully, the fact he didn’t pass any form of judgement. That meant more to Jonghyun than any number of words.

“I will.”

 

---

CHAPTER NOTES: I realise 2 months is a short time-span to say ‘I love you’ but you have to remember that Jonghyun has loved Onew for years and they were friends for months before they even broached dating as an option. So it isn’t that fast.

I feel bad doing this to the boys. But alas, drama must be had to make the story progress.

Small note about my life. I fly to Korea tomorrow (scary D:) so I will try to update once more before I get on the plane and then there may be a slightly longer delay than usual before the next update. It all depends on if I can get internet, etc. But I will do my best :3