Jonghyun was bored. It was barely 4am and he was wide awake and just couldn’t get back to sleep no matter how hard he tried. Counting sheep didn’t work, his thoughts were too conflicted and busy to properly clear his mind and relax. Drinking warm milk had just made him need the bathroom, thus ruining his relaxation as he wandered through the apartment, managing to stub his toe on Jiwoong’s easel on the way – though why it was outside his bedroom door he wasn’t sure. He felt a sort of sleepy vindication as his loud swearing from the pain woke the artist up resulting in something heavy being thrown at the other side of the wall and an unintelligible yell of annoyance. Served the man right.

He had first woken up at around 3.30am, the nerves and excitement for the day ahead ensuring he could not remain sleeping. For the first time in his life, he was going abroad. Ok, so he was only going to Japan and probably wouldn’t even get to see any of it apart from the airport and the concert venue but, to Jonghyun, who had never been on a plane, let alone left the country, this was a terrifying yet thrilling experience.

SHINee were doing two shows in Tokyo. They had managed to book out a large venue and the tickets had sold out in seconds. Jonghyun was, as always, to shadow them and attend all events the members themselves attended so he was to go too. The fanboy in him was freaking out. He was going to see a SHINee concert from backstage. Backstage! In Tokyo!

He had had his bags packed for days in preparation for this. He had googled what he needed to take on an overseas trip, unsure about what exactly he would require. There was a chance that he had packed too much or too little but, as the flight was that morning, it was a little late to change it now. He was sure, if he went back into his bags to repack them, he would forget something vital – like his toothbrush, or clean underwear – so it wasn’t worth the risk.

However, the flight wasn’t for a while yet and he wasn’t due to meet SHINee and Manager at the SM Entertainment building for a few hours. So now he had a lot of time to kill, as sleep clearly wasn’t coming.

Flailing slightly, Jonghyun dislodged the bed covers that had wound themselves around him in his effort to get comfortable and sat up, stretching out the kinks in his back. That done he sat for a while, unsure what to do with his time. Looking around, he tried to draw inspiration from his room but found he was drawing a blank. Most of his composition stuff was packed in his small suitcase and hand luggage, along with his laptop and his...

His laptop! Activity decided, Jonghyun leant down from his bed, too lazy to stand up, and rooted around in his bag for the device. Grabbing it he sat up in triumph, only to almost fall off the bed and onto his face. Regaining his balance he pulled himself back up onto the bed, sat comfortably and placed the laptop on his lap and booted it up.

He hadn’t been on the SHINee forums for a while – not even to lurk.

Logging in recently was always a bit of a shock. Although, in the past, Jonghyun had had a couple of friends on the site, he never really received many notifications. A couple of forum replies maybe or a funny link to something in his PMs. When the bullying situation happened, his PMs were full of hate and a couple of messages of support. Thankfully, those had died down over time and he was back to square one with little to no messages or notifications at all. However, since his job working with SHINee had been announced, he had suddenly become the most popular person on the site. He regularly logged on to a full mailbox with more coming in as he started to clear it out.

The same was true today. He checked them, just in case something important had become lost in the masses and quickly realised nothing had. The messages were the usual: a mix of people begging for SHINee’s contact info, people telling him to stop lying about the members, hate messages, messages wanting to suddenly be his best friend and several people begging him to get them a job at SM Entertainment.

Rolling his eyes, the composer hit delete all and enjoyed the experience of having a clean mailbox – for as long as it lasted. Navigating to the forums, Jonghyun scanned the new posts quickly, finding little of interest. Sighing Jonghyun clicked on the button for the live chat application. It was 4am and there was little chance many people, if anyone, would be online but it was always worth a try.

BlingBling has logged in

StuckOnew Hi!

BlingBling Do you live on these chats or something, Stuck? You’re always here. It’s 4am!

StuckOnew I’m only here for you, bb

BlingBling Ooh, saucy

TaeminsAngel Is that appropriate to be saying to a man over the internet? :P

StuckOnew Probably not

StuckOnew So how you been bling?

BlingBling Pretty good. Idols have hectic schedules. You don’t realise until you live it. Its tiring. I’m wiped

TaeminsAngel So what do they have you doing?

BlingBling Basically I follow them around. If theres separate schedules I follow one member. I spend a lot fo time  writing too. The big boss likes to check my work randomly

TaeminsAngel So Minnie?

BlingBling Followed him today, he had a photoshoot for [redacted] he looked super good in [redacted] and [redacted]. I’d look forward to [redacted] it’s going to be a good one

TaeminsAngel You’re mean *pout*

BlingBling But seriously, you want the deets huh?

StuckOnew Duh

BlingBling Taemin is super nice. He’s the only one I could consider a close friend.

That was totally true. He had started considering Taemin a friend before he got the job and now, being in close contact with the younger male, their friendship had only grown. The dancer was fun to be around, always joking and willing to chat. He could also be exactly what Jonghyun needed to snap him out of a funk.

Overall, Jonghyun’s life was fantastic. He had a dream job, his friends were great and he was all around content with the direction his career and social life had taken over the last few years. He even felt better around Onew – the only potential stain on his idyllic existence. Initially, it had hurt to even see the singer’s face on TV or on advertisements, however that sharp pain had dulled to an ache that often, was barely noticeable at all. It was remarkably easy to pretend there was no history between them.

Of course, that ease was partially born from their lack of interaction. The idol seemed to be ignoring him. Jonghyun still cared for the male, he doubted that would ever change, and he would still jump at a chance to date the other once more however, he knew that was not an option. Onew, despite caring for him too, cared for his job more. Jonghyun didn’t fault him that. He would feel immeasurably guilty if the singer had given everything up for him, for a relationship that wasn’t guaranteed to be a success.

Personally, Jonghyun would have preferred that he and Onew were on talking terms. Before they started dating, they had been friends and, honestly, Onew was his closest friend. Although they hadn’t been in contact anywhere near as long as he had many of his other friends, Jonghyun found losing that bond as hard as losing the bond of their relationship. However, if Onew found it easier to cope with their break up by limiting their interactions, Jonghyun wasn’t going to fault him that. Everyone was different.

Occasionally, Jonghyun would find his mood slipping. There was often no real reason for it, however it was very reminiscent of his mood just after the break up. His thoughts would drift towards Onew and he would find himself starting to withdraw from the group. The members all noticed and he was sure most of them realised what caused his sudden change in demeanour. But it was Taemin who dragged him out of it again. Sometimes he would come and chat to him, his inane chatter drowning out the negativity. Sometimes he would start roughhousing with Minho or Key, their antics never failing to draw a chuckle from the blue-haired composer. Sometimes he would just sit nearby, providing silent comfort until Jonghyun felt like interacting with people once more. He was rapidly becoming a friend on the same level as Jiwoong and Eunji.

BlingBling The others were a little awkward at first. For obvious reasons.

Jonghyun chuckled at the truth of that statement as he typed it. Onew was the prime example, however Key and Minho were also a little awkward to interact with.

With Minho, he always felt like a fan talking to his idol. Minho wasn’t yet comfortable around him and was therefore quiet and reserved. They talked occasionally but it always felt too formal, too workplace, to be truly comfortable. According to Taemin, the tall rapper liked Jonghyun and would like to consider him a friend at some point but, as of right now, was more comfortable getting to know him first. Jonghyun didn’t mind that at all as their conversations, though formal, were enjoyable and the rapper had a lot of insight into many interesting topics.

Key. Key was more strange. Most of the awkwardness there was on Jonghyun’s side. The composer hadn’t yet been able to reconcile the image of Key, the sassy rapper, with Key, the man who hated him for his association with Onew, with Key, the man who helped him get the job of his dreams. The other male was a puzzle and Jonghyun often found himself unsure how to interact with him. They had talked a few times; it was unavoidable and Jonghyun wasn’t about to sabotage his job because he was unsure how to interact with the man. However, Jonghyun always felt like he was second guessing himself, worried that the idol was somehow judging him or assessing him somehow. It was strange and unnerving.

He was planning to put more effort into getting to know the SHINee members on their upcoming trip. He had a whole week of continuous access to them, after all, and other such opportunities were sure to crop up in the future. It would not do to ignore any of them. Plus, as a SHINee fan, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to dislike any of them. He wasn’t sure he could, awkwardness or not.

StuckOnew It must be weird suddenly having a guy you don’t know with you all the time

BlingBling Exactly

BlingBling So Taemin first?

TaeminsAngel YeS!

BlingBling He’s super nice. Always ready to chat, always got an opinion. Although he’s a little dense at times he sometimes has amazing insight. He’s less ... cute than he is on TV but I’ve been saying tht for years, its nice to know i;m right haha

BlingBling He works amazingly hard. I really respect him for that. They all do, actually. Being an idol is hard. I think my job is hard sometimes but they have it so much worse. And they cant even get away. Idol life is 24/7. I don’t envy them

TaeminsAngel true i never thought of that

StuckOnew What about the others?

BlingBling Key was a bit standoffish at first but i think thats just how he reacts to new people. Hes more powerful in person than he seems over the screen. He can be intimidating but it always seems to come from a place of care.

BlingBling Minho is quiet but nice enough. I haven’t really had much chance to talk to him. He comes across as really shy which is interesting because he’s so alive and interactive on tv. Maybe its a new people thing. He’s a puzzle.

StuckOnew most important for last? :P

BlingBling Always. Onew... I haven’t really interacted wth much. He’s super busy being the leader and all, we’re rarely in the same room. We see each other at group meetings and events but one on one is very rare. Honestly, he makes me a little nervous, so that might be good :P

Jonghyun glossed over the bad aspects of the idols. He knew many fans would want all the dirt on their idols but he wasn’t about to betray the SHINee members’ trust. They may not all be his friends but he respected them all and wanted to become closer with all of them.

Plus. he’d probably get fired for bad mouthing the members. Social media policies and all that. He was sure SM Entertainment was monitoring his conversations online, especially as his username was so well publicised.

StuckOnew I guess he would be busy. Is he as cute in person as on tV?

BlingBling More

StuckOnew don’t my heart cant take it. The images are physically painful and beautiful all at once

TaeminsAngel youre so dramatic

StuckOnew it’s part of my charm

StuckOnew So how’s the job?

BlingBling Inspirational. Sounds like a cliché i know but seriously, i haven’t had this much fun with composing since i was in high school. I love it

And that was true. Being around the idols, living their life, seeing what they saw. He now understood where idols who wrote their own music got their inspiration from. It was an amazing – if difficult – life. He saw so many people, fans, antifans, reporters, staff, and every single one had a different reaction to the idols. Add that to the amazing back-stage access to the waiting rooms, TV stations and restricted access areas a composer would normally be barred from, he had a wealth of places to draw inspiration from.

However, the place he draw the most ideas from were SHINee themselves. He saw them before make-up, after make-up, with a face covered in mud from whatever variety show they were filming, sweating buckets, dressed in suits, dressed in outfits most wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole. He saw their interactions with each other, with the fans, with Jonghyun himself. He saw them tired, happy, excited, inspired, annoyed. He saw them in so many situations and it had resulted in his composition folder on his computer almost doubling in size. He had no complete tracks yet. However, the motifs, the melodies, the lyrics he did have were, in his opinion, some of his best and, from their reactions, the upper management seemed to agree.

All the angry mutterings from the management about his being chosen for the position appeared to have died down. Instead, he was treated with a slightly grudging respect. It was gratifying and freeing all at once.

StuckOnew i’m super happy for you

BlingBling Thank you <3 You know I always appreciate you guys, all you guys

TaeminsAngel fans should stick together. I haven’t known you long but you seem cool. I’ll support you fromthe mean people.

StuckOnew mean people are mean

BlingBling They are indeed.

TaeminsAngel So tell me more about Taemin!

The three SHINee fans chatted for a while longer, their conversations meandering from the SHINee member’s personalities and Jonghyun’s job to more normal topics for fans – how excited they were to see SHINee on TV again, how good Minho was looking recently.

Looking away from the bright light of the computer screen, Jonghyun gasped as he realised the sun had risen outside. Looking at the clock in the lower right of his screen he swore aloud, typed a quick farewell message and flung himself out of bed. He still had to shower before he left and he now had a scant fifteen minutes to do so. So much for looking good for his first foreign trip.

BlingBling Gotta go, flight to catch.

BlingBling has logged out

StuckOnew Methinks someone lost track of time

TaeminsAngel Methinks you are right xD

 

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CHAPTER NOTES: I'm headed to the coast to see the cherry blossoms this weekend. I'm excited :3