“Do you have anything healthy in this house, Jjong?” Onew called from the blonde’s kitchen. He was currently searching through the pantry and the fridge for something to snack on. The idol had come to Jonghyun’s apartment often enough that he was now more than comfortable navigating the home as if it was his own. Even Jiwoong, who was initially slightly resistant of his presence in the house had come to treat Onew almost like he lived there. The artist had even got the singer washing his paintbrushes a couple of times; something Jonghyun had initially protested due to Onew being a guest. However, after Onew had insisted he help out, considering the amount of time he spent in the apartment, the singer had been helping out with day to day tasks more and more.

“Not really,” Jonghyun called back, from the living room, “Everything in there is Jiwoong’s. I haven’t been shopping yet.”

“Lame.” Onew quipped as he wandered back into the living room empty handed and plopped down next to his friend.

Jonghyun looked down at his lap, hiding his eyes with his hair – he really needed to get it trimmed soon, it was starting to impede his vision. Although, in this situation, that suited his purposes perfectly, “I was planning on going tonight.”

“Sounds good.” Onew said, turning and smiling at his friend. His smile faltered a little as the blonde gave little reaction to his words, only looking further down at his lap. Reaching out and grasping Jonghyun’s knee gently, Onew turned his body to face the composer, “Wanna order something in?”

Jonghyun shrugged, “I guess,” he agreed, finally looking at the singer from under his hair. “We could do that.”

“Cool.” Onew said, pulling out his phone and navigating to an internet window. “Korean food?”

“That works,” Jonghyun agreed. “Can you get extra kimchi, please.”

“You sound like you’re talking to your boss.” Onew joked lightly. However, if one looked at him closely, his smile was less wide than it normally was and his eyes looked worried.

It was unlike Jonghyun to be this detached. The blonde had been pulling away for a few weeks but it hadn’t been too worrying. The idol had assumed the man was just busy at work and his tiredness was affecting his social interactions. However, this was a little more extreme than it had been. Since Onew had arrived at the apartment at the predetermined time, two hours previously, the blonde had barely interacted with him. He had responded when openly questioned but he had treated Onew like he was someone else’s guest. He didn’t look comfortable around his friend, for some reason. Onew honestly didn’t know why this was.

They’d been friends for months at this point and, over that time, Onew had thought they had become very close. So, he doubted this behaviour was because Jonghyun was suddenly questioning their friendship – they had gotten past that stage way back when they first began to talk regularly. Thus, this behaviour was probably due to some other reason and Onew was worried. The idol hadn’t seen the other man for just over a week due to his busy schedule and the two had only interacted through text messages during that time but the composer hadn’t seemed too distant through that medium. In fact, this change in behavior, including radio silence on their messaging except to confirm their meeting time, had only occurred after the blonde had gone to visit his sister. Although, Onew wasn’t sure how the two events were related, if they even were.

Jonghyun shrugged, still not making eye contact with Onew. “Sorry.”

“Jjong,” Onew said, softly, the tone of his voice causing Jonghyun to look up from his lap once more. Onew was struck just then by how vulnerable the blonde looked. There were grey smudges underneath his eyes, which only highlighted the slight glassiness in his gaze. His expression was odd, too; a mix of apology, confusion and fear. “You ok?”

“Yeah.” Jonghyun said, obviously falsifying happiness. “I’m good. So, food. I’m thinking something warm, it’s a cold evening.”

Onew sighed, studying his friend. Shifting a little on the sofa, he turned, pulling his feet up under him, so he was sat sideways with his back against the arm rest. Not saying anything, he just watched the blonde. As he watched, his friend became more and more uncomfortable. The composer’s hair once more fell into his face as he looked away. His fingers twisted into the thin material of his shirt and he crossed his legs self-consciously, the leg nearest Onew being placed over the other so the composer’s entire body was subtly pointed away from the other male.

Holding the silence, Jonghyun felt every second pass like it caused physical pain. Finally, he looked at the idol once more. The look on the older man’s face actually hurt to look at. The singer was so concerned for Jonghyun’s well-being, the emotion was written plainly across his expressive features and his body language showed nothing but a desire to be close to his friend.

“Is it something I did?” Onew asked, maintaining eye contact with the blonde. “Is there something I can do to fix it?”

“No!” Jonghyun protested, his eyes finally showing the spark of life and energy Onew was used to seeing. “You didn’t do anything, it’s all me.”

“It’s not you, it’s me. Sounds like a bad chick flick.” Onew joked, laughing a choked sounding laugh. He was trying to raise the mood and ease the tension a little, anything to get Jonghyun to stop with this strange mood and come back to being the friend he was used to.

Onew hadn’t expected his words to garner much reaction, however the blonde male flushed almost immediately. Jonghyun felt the heat spreading across his face and looked away immediately but not before the other male saw his reaction.

“What was that?” Onew asked, hearing the other male mumble something quietly.

“I said, that’s exactly what this is.” Jonghyun said, louder this time, still not quiet making eye contact with his friend.

Onew looked at the composer in confusion. Shifting himself on the sofa once more, he moved towards his friend, hoping to ease his distress a little. “How so?”

Jonghyun groaned, leaning back into the sofa cushions. “I’m pathetic. I’m worse than a teenager. Why is this so hard?”

Onew looked a little startled at his friend’s sudden outburst. “Jjong?”

“Jinks,” Jonghyun countered, visibly pulling himself together. Sitting up straighter and dislodging Onew’s hand from where it was resting on his shoulder, Jonghyun tried to compose himself. Turning towards the idol, he took a deep breath before speaking, “I need to tell you something, why I’ve been acting so weird recently.”

“The bullying hasn’t started again, has it?” Onew asked, concerned at Jonghyun’s sudden change in demeanour but happy he was showing emotion once more.

“What?” Jonghyun asked startled, “No.”

“Then what? You said it wasn’t something I did and you seem to be doing ok at work, you haven’t been stressed or anything, right? So-“ Onew rambled.

“Jinks!” Jonghyun called, stopping the singer mid-rant. “I’m fine.”

“You clearly aren’t.” Onew mumbled, looking at his friend, worried.

“I am.” Jonghyun assured, not sure when this conversation had gone from him being comforted to him doing the comforting. It was definitely easing his nerves a little, whether that was Onew’s intention or not. “It’s,” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, displacing the already messy blonde strands, “complicated.”

“So let me help.” Onew implored.

“You can’t help.” Jonghyun said, stopping Onew as he looked like he was going to interrupt. “I have to do this for myself. I...” he hesitated, unsure how to start. “Since SHINee debuted, I’ve kind of had this thing for one of the members. In a purely fan sort of way.” He placed his hand over Onew’s mouth and shushed him gently, determined to get through this uninterrupted. Onew looked uncomfortable but quietened down, “I knew I would never date him, hell, I thought I would never even meet him. But that admiration and those feelings were there. Then… Then I did meet him. I met not only the idol, but the person behind that polished image. And... and he was as amazing as I had always believed. But it was still an abstract thought. We would never date, it was never like that. It was a day dream nothing more. But then the wouldn’t let me go. He’d text me at odd hours of the night, he’d start conversations even when I was being painfully awkward and then, then he became a permanent fixture in my life. It was at that point, that crush that would never amount to anything was gone. It was gone and it was replaced by something I couldn’t avoid. Instead of loving the polished idol from a distance, I realised I had massive feelings for Lee Jinki, the person who loves anything fried – his diet be damned -, the person who uses all my teaspoons and manages to leave them scattered around the house, the person who brought me into his life, ignoring the consequences, the person who is sitting right here, right in front of me. I...” he looked down at his lap, suddenly nervous after his little speech, unsure how to continue. His eyes were brought up, level with Onew’s, as a gentle hand grasped his chin and raised it, so they were once more making eye contact.

“You?” Onew prompted, gently. His voice not judging or angry, as Jonghyun had feared. Instead, it sounded endlessly tender and calm. This soothed the blonde and he took a gentle breath, focusing solely on the other male.

“I, Kim Jonghyun, am irrevocably in love with you, Lee Jinki. You don’t have to accept my feelings; we can carry on as we have been. I just, I needed to tell you. It wasn’t fair otherwise.” Jonghyun felt so much lighter. Onew hadn’t given him any sort of response, other than not showing anger or fear, and Jonghyun was almost certain he wouldn’t give a positive response anyway. However, it felt so liberating just to have let the other male know. He was sure now, that he could carry on their friendship with minimal worries. Sure, it would be a little sad to desire something he couldn’t have but he wasn’t selfish – not hugely so. He would be satisfied just being around the other male without the lingering awkwardness of unshared feelings.

“Is this why you’ve been acting so strange?” Onew asked, taking Jonghyun’s hand gently.

“I...  yeah.”

“I’ll admit,” Onew began, looking like he wasn’t sure how to word what he wanted to say. Jonghyun looked up from their now conjoined hands and watched as the singer worked something out, a series of emotions – all positive – flitting across his face in quick succession. “I have never considered actually dating you. You’re attractive and I might have considered other things. But dating you was never something I imagined.” Jonghyun nodded sadly and opened his mouth to reply that he understood however, a finger was placed over his lips, stopping him. “I have never considered it, but I’m not against the idea. Would it be selfish of me to ask you to let me test this out and see if it works?”

“No, that wouldn’t be selfish.” Jonghyun said, looked up at the other male in happiness. “This is...” He trailed off, “I mean, I never even thought...”

“I get what you mean, Jjong, don’t strain yourself.” Onew chuckled, ruffling Jonghyun’s hair gently – a gesture that suddenly meant so much more to the blonde. “So how does this work?”

“The same as it has been, I guess?” Jonghyun said, not quite sure himself, “We can just see where this takes us.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Onew grinned, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand gently, “So… what are we ordering for dinner?”

Jonghyun laughed aloud at the dramatic change of subject. “I don’t know, whatever you’d like.”

“This is a celebration,” Onew grinned, pulling Jonghyun up from the couch and into the kitchen. Beginning to rifle through the many restaurant menus Jonghyun and Jiwoong had accumulated over the years. It was a slight struggle as the idol refused to let go of Jongyun’s hand but he eventually succeeded. He cheered aloud, doing a little dance and pulling Jonghyun with him, when he extracted one that looked like it had potential. Slamming it down on the counter dramatically, he proclaimed, “We need fried chicken!”

Jonghyun, who had been chuckling lightly the whole time finally lost it. Laughing uproariously, he clutched onto the idol in order to remain upright. It felt like all the negative feelings had been erased. He hadn’t received the fairy tale response to his proclamation and he hadn’t expected to. However, the answer he had gotten was still a dream come true and nothing could make him happier than he was right now. Onew looked at the male in confusion before shrugging and joining in the laughter. This reaction only set Jonghyun off more and the two remained that way for a little while, their laughter echoing around the small room.

It was as they were laughing that the door to the apartment opened and, whilst giving them a strange look, Jiwoong made his way to his room. “I don’t want to know.”

“He...” Jonghyun gasped, struggling to breathe through his laughter, “Thinks chicken is a celebration food.”

“Chicken is an always food.” Onew chuckled, finding Jonghyun’s laughter more amusing than the actual situation.

“Dorks,” Jiwoong muttered, retreating into his room. “Order enough for me, will you?”

 

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CHAPTER NOTES: Finally, right? It only took 26 chapters. I said this was a long, slow story :P

It's a long weekend in Autralia (Labour day) and I am spending the weekend at a friend's place . So I'm sorry to say there won't be another update until monday/tuesday. I left you with a happy one though. No horrible cliffhangers.