"No," Chanyeol utters, continuously shaking his head in disbelief. "I don't believe you."

"I'm so sorry, Chanyeol."

"You're just joking, right? There's no way you're going to die."

"I wish the same too but..."

"No!" the taller cries. "You're not dying!"

Baekhyun turns his face away, not liking to see the other's teary eyes. "I only have a few months left."

"Then we do something! I'll find the best doctor to check you up and cure whatever your disease is. Baek, we're not going to give up."

"No. Chanyeol listen! There's no cure to this disease, just like cancer. Let's face it, I'm not going to last."

"Then why did you come back? What for?!"

"I was just supposed to ask forgiveness from you! That was the top of my bucket list. But I didn't we would fall for each other again." He pauses, letting his tears roll down. "That wasn't part of my plans."

"You're not ing fair," Chanyeol grits.

"That's why I'm sorry for getting your feelings involved." Then he forces a smile. "Despite that, I don't regret anything because you let me feel love again even before I leave. That's more than enough for me."

Chanyeol holds his shoulder firmly. "If you really love me, we're going to make a way to help your problem. You have me. I will do anything to rub out that cancer from you."

The shorter male breaks himself free from his hold and steps back. "You should not see me anymore, Chanyeol, for your best."

"What world are you living in that you think I would let you go again?" He asserts, raising his voice. "Especially now that I know about your condition."

"Please, don't oppress yourself.  Just let me go."

"No!"

"Just forget about me and pretend this never happened!" Baekhyun cries and pushes him on the chest. "Leave me alone, goddamn it."

"But Baek—"

Baekhyun proceeds to step back, expanding the distance between each other. He rubs the tears off his eyes. "You don't deserve me."

"No—"

"Goodbye, Chanyeol."

Then he swivels and walks away.  Still in daze, Chanyeol couldn't move his legs even though how much he wants to stop the brunet. Maybe because a part of him agrees to Baekhyun, that they need to separate, he needs to let go of him.

Even how much he wants to deny it, Baekhyun will only leave him.

With a heavy heart, he takes a deep breath and turns around. Accept it... you don't have any choice, he mentally says to himself as he begin to walk, allowing the tears to flow out of his eyes. His heart hurts so much, it feels like all the strong aches that he had in the past come back and become one. He decides this is the most pain that he have ever received from Baekhyun. It seems like a nightmare that has no ending, like the world has collapsed. He no longer wants to live anymore.

He remembers everything that happened between him and Baekhyun, since the moment he saw him in his building until the last night that they shared together. Everything is just brief, temporary and almost just like a dream. He should not have let himself fall for him again so he wouldn.t feel this big thorn in his heart.

 

Suddenly, he hears a loud noise that is relatively from a vehicle, waking him from his trance. Soon, he hears some shouts and screams as well from people behind him as if something conspicuous happening in public. Uncertainly, he turns back, looking at the crowd of people at the road, the same direction where Baekhyun left.

His body freezes, his heart begins to beat faster.

Baek....

Quickly, he drags his legs toward the crowd and car and engages into a run. When he's much nearer, he squeezes through the bunch of people, pushing some of his way. When he reaches the spot, he looks down at the body on the ground.

Baekhyun is wincing in pain. There are visible bruises and bloods on his face, arms and legs.

Quickly, Chanyeol crouches down and holds the brunette's delicate body. Baekhyun moans in pain. He hears the people calling for ambulance while he tries to talk to Baekhyun with much fright and worry.

"Yeol," Baekhyun calls.

"Baby, I'm here. I'm just here." He holds his body closer and reaches for his hand that has wounds. "Don't worry, we'll get you to the hospital."

"Don't leave me," Baekhyun whispers softly.

Chanyeol feels himself on the bridge of crying again. "I won't. I'm just here. I will never leave you, Baek."

Despite the fresh wounds and pain he's feeling on his whole body, Baekhyun makes a way to smile. He holds in Chanyeol's hand tightly until the last thing he remembers is his face before everything fades into the dark.

 

He leans his back against the wall, watching the nurses and people pass, impatiently waiting for the doctor to come back. He sighs deeply and rubs a hand on his face from too much exhaustion, his clothes dirtied and wrinkled. He cranks his head up and blows raspberry in the air.

He doesn't understand why all of these are happening. He was already happy and content with Baekhyun until the stupid dilemma came. Baekhyun's cancer that shortens his life. And now he's in the hospital, still unconscious. Maybe the odds are really against them and won't let them be together.

But they better know Chanyeol doesn't easily gives up.

He removes his hand from his face and jerks his head to the right when he hears Kyungsoo's voice calling.

"What happened to Baekhyun?" he asks shakily.

"He's in the room. They're already treating him. We just have to wait for the doctor to—"

"I'm asking you what happened!?"Kyungsoo cries, catching the other male off guard.

Chanyeol casts his eyes down and waits for another second to answer. "He got bumped by a car."

"What?!"

"It wasn't that severe. He was just hit lightly," Chanyeol assures.

"But you said he's unconscious!"Kyungsoo retorts, noticing the taller's blood stained hands.

"I—I don't know. Maybe that has something to do with his cancer."

"Crap," the smaller curses under his breath, rubbing his temple. "I shouldn't have told him about your company. I shouldn't have let him meet you."

Chanyeol frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's better off that you don't have any idea of his sickness. It's much better that Baekhyun doesn't see you anymore so he could move on and live what's remaining in his life without thinking of you, win-win right?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Soo." The latter scoffs and turns away. "You're not in my shoes to think or say those things. You would never understand how is it like knowing the only person you love is going to die soon."

They keep staring at each other for long silent seconds until Kyungsoo sighs.

"I'm sorry, Yeol. I just... I'm just a bit mixed up, having my friend's life on stake."

"Do you think you're the only one who suffers right now?"

"But I think you should let him go because...look at him, he really wanted to end his pain and wipe them all away, and I think that's the only way to make his death less painful, only if he could move on before he dies."

 

 

It's like eternity before Baekhyun wakes up. He opens his eyes and instantly remembers everything that happened before he black out. His eyes fly open, he rises from the bed and that's when he realizes he’s in the hospital with the cords connected to the back of his hand. His heart begins to beat faster, evident to the beeping monitor machine at the side of his bed.

The door suddenly creaks open, making his head jerk towards the door. Chanyeol appears, mirroring the same reaction he has.

"Baek." he breathes out, instantly going to his side. Baekhyun his dry lips.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Twelve hours," Chanyeol answers calmly. He tries to reach for the brunet's hand, Baekhyun flinches a bit but let him touch his hand anyway. At least he finds a little relief from Chanyeol's warm hand enveloping his cold one. "You don't have any idea how scared I was for you when you got hit by that ing car. If only knew, I shouldn't have let you walk away... I could have saved you."

Chanyeol's eyes are red and watery, full of sorry, sadness and frustration. They are not what he wanted to see in Chanyeol's eyes. If he's around, Chanyeol would always be miserable.

"A-are you feeling OK now? Thank god you didn't get hit terribly or I wouldn't know what I would feel I lose you in that moment. Let's forget what we said to each other back there in the park. Please, come back to me," he pleads with trembling voice, holding on his lover's delicate hand tighter.

Baekhyun doesn't know what's more painful, having a cancer or having the love of your life still loves you even when you already broke his heart. Maybe he'll choose the latter.

"We'll try to do something for your condition. I'm not going to find the best doctor to cure your cancer. I'll pray to every gods just to take that out of your body. I'm willing to lose everything just to keep you with me."

Baekhyun smiles. "I'm happy hearing all of that Chanyeol. I know you're going to do that out of love but... be that as it may, let's just accept that I'm not going to live any longer."

"No." Chanyeol frantically shakes his head. "Don't say that."

"You know before the second that car hit me, I didn't feel any worry or fear of dying. Maybe because I already accepted my fate that death is near for me." A tear rolls down his pale cheek. "But before I die, I don't want you sad or feeling any regret. I was to mend your heart, that was my main perspective of coming back but I think I just made the crack on your heart even worse. I shouldn't have returned to you. I'm so sorry."

"What the hell are you talking about? You're the best thing that happened in my life ever since I met you. And don't ever think I regret having you back because if you didn't, maybe I'm still lonely, miserable and cold hearted right now. No one would ever bring colour to my life but you, even how much cheesy that sounds. I will never find someone like you again that's why I can't lose you."

Warm tears continuously roll down, while he feels weight in his chest because of the words that coming out of his lover. He loves Chanyeol more than anything but some things are cannot be changed. He had already broken this man's heart more than he should, intended or not. Baekhyun needs to let go of him. "Chanyeol. Please, I already caused a lot of pain to you. You can't keep loving me, especially that I'm dying. I... I need you to be happy even before on my last day."

"I don't care how many times my heart will break for you," Chanyeol counters. "I'm game to welcome any pain you'll give to me just to make sure you'll never leave me again."

"Chanyeol, cut it out. You don't need me in your life. Y-you're going to be better off without me. If you can't take the fact that I'm going to die, you better not see me anymore."

"What do you want me to do? Leave you? Forget you?" Chanyeol asks, raising his voice. He doesn't like what Baekhyun is suggesting to him.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun gently pulls his hand out of the giant's hold. "You know that it's the best option to save you from further pain. I don't want to see you heartbroken even before I... don't you understand that?"

No, he doesn’t want to understand that at all. Chanyeol moves to the bed and cups his face. "Don't be stubborn. I'm staying with you, we're gonna cure you and that's final."

Baekhyun holds on his arm. "Chanyeol—"

The taller leans closer and pecks his pale lips. "I'm not gonna leave you," he promises before hugging Baekhyun's petite body. Baekhyun's arms voluntarily wraps around his waist as he cry on Chanyeol's shoulder.

 

 

Kyungsoo and Yongguk visit him the next day. His best friend brings him his favourite fruit and snacks whilst Yongguk updates him about the progress of their project back in the mountain, also the other workers in the company that he misses working with. Chanyeol just stays there sitting by his side, listening and joining to their conversation. But Yongguk leaves too soon after his secretary phoned him.

Kyungsoo insists Chanyeol to go home so he can shower and eat proper meal. The president hesitates at first, not wanting to leave his lover. He only gives in when Baekhyun tells him that he can wait for him to come back. Chanyeol smiles and kisses him patiently the smaller male kisses back, holding on his shoulder. Kyungsoo turns his head away, holding back his grin.

"I'll be back after three hours."

Baekhyun responds with a sweetheart smile. "Don't go anywhere," Chanyeol adds playfully, making the other chuckle weakly.

Kyungsoo has grown irritated, rolling his eyed as he push Chanyeol toward the door."Yes, we know you're coming back so please just go already?"

Chanyeol pouts, holding the knob of the door."Don't be mean to me, Soo. You know I really don't want to leave my love."

"That's so sweet of you but sorry lover boy, you need to go home too," Kyungsoo says strictly. Giving up, Chanyeol heaves his shoulders and gives his lover a smile before leaving the room. Kyungsoo mumbles something under his breath while closing the door. He’s practically envious of the two's sweetness but on top of it, he admires and respects their strong love. He turns around, he sets an enthusiastic smile.

"Baek, I have good news for you, “he announces excited, sitting on the chair.

Baekhyun gives him a questioning look. He's not really sure if there's any more good news since his cancer returned. "What is it?"

"Dr. Hyunwoo called my number this morning because he couldn't contact yours. And guess what he told me." His eyes shine. Baekhyun only remain staring at him. "He informed me that he asked a doctor from Russia about the a patient there who had the VW disease as well, same case as you, and the doctor said they did experiments for the cure and not too long they tried it to the test patient."

"What happened?"

"The result was perfect," Kyungsoo exclaims."The treatment was successful, the cancer was removed from this person. This guy survived! Do you know what that means? You have a chance!!"

"But we're not sure if this works to all people who have this same disease," Baekhyun quickly counters. "Come on, we should not jump yet," he mumbles.

"What's with that attitude?" Kyungsoo complains, thumping on the bed sheet. "You should be over the moon now. There's already a cure for your disease and that's a fact! You don't need to lament and cry anymore. You know what we should do? We prepare our passports and fly with Dr. Hyunwoo to Russia."

"How long does the treatment will take?"

"That..." Kyungsoo chuckles sheepishly. "I'm not sure. But definitely it will take more than a year or so. You should ask your doctor about this stuff. But anyway, you should tell Chanyeol about this too."

"No," Baekhyun yells.

Kyungsoo frowns."Why?"

"I'm not going anywhere," he says in a stern voice."

"Are you kidding me?"Kyungsoo groans inwardly.

Baekhyun shakes his head, seriousness written all over his face. "I already refused to that order. I'm sorry but I'm not going to change my mind."

Kyungsoo's jaw hangs open in utter shock and confusion. "What the hell are you trying to say? Do you just wanna die without trying?!"

"Kyung—"

"I don't understand. Why don't you want to try? Don't you want to get cured? Don't you want to have more years to live with Chanyeol?"

"I love him but he doesn't deserve me, don't you understand that? You know how many times I killed him. I... I can't take him to love me anymore. I should probably just let myself die than be with him."

"You're nuts! Stupid even," Kyungsoo hollers."I can't believe a have a friend like you. Please keep your mistakes aside, stop thinking of all the fault you did, goddamn it. No one cares about those but you. None of us want you to pass away, mostly Chanyeol. Imagine how he would react if he finds out about the possible cure. You want him to be happy right?"

"And what if the treatment was negative? We'd more . I already gave up long time ago.

"No. no. I can't let you give up. Maybe you're not in your proper mind right now because of the medicine." He stands up from the chair and walks to the door. "It's impossible to the talk to you. I don't give a if you refuse or not, we are going to Russia next week."

"You never consider my reasons, Soo," Baekhyun yells, his eyes getting watery again. "You think you're helping but you're not. Lay off!"

"Blah, blah, blah. I'm just gonna get coffee," Kyungsoo shrugs off. "I'll be back in an hour."

 

In fact, neither himself understand why he couldn't accept the treatment offered by his own doctor. It's not that he want to leave to another country... it's just he really is hopeless for himself now. And besides he doesn't want Chanyeol to see him anymore, that guy should despise, hate him for rejecting his proposal repeatedly, for ing with his feelings all over again. He's not worthy of Chanyeol's love. He should have known it sooner before getting back with him.

Even if he's to survive from his cancer, he still can't be with Chanyeol. He wants his lover to find someone else that will never break his heart. He should never show his face to Chanyeol ever again.

Tears drop on his weak hands that are clenched on his lap.

 

 

Keeping with his promise, Chanyeol returns that night. He gestures for Kyungsoo to leave and the latter complies, giving Baekhyun a look before disappearing into the door.

"Are you sure you're taking a leave tomorrow just for staying here?" Baekhyun asks.

"Yes. I want to keep an eye on you in case your cancer's symptoms suddenly show up."

"Do you realize you're making me hate you more for choosing over your business, right?"

"Like I told you, I rather lose everything than lose you," Chanyeol says, slumping down the couch beside of the door.

"Well, I don't need you. I have coped with my cancer for years without you, I can use for more months."

"Whatever you say to make me leave, I'm not going to move out of my position."

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Hate to break it to you too but I'm also sleeping here."

The smaller groans in annoyance. Chanyeol smiles, enjoying the look on his face.

"Well, I'm going to sleep now."

"Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight," Baekhyun replies in mumble before rolling over to the side, so now his back facing the other

"I love you,” The president whispers, not minding to get a response from his lover. "I just want you to know that my love never changed now that I know you're sick. Don't ever think I will leave you. The pain is no longer here. I'll fight with you till the end until we get your cure... because it'll be the death of me if I totally lose you."

Baekhyun suppress the tears from coming out again. If Chanyeol only knows he's making him feel more guilty by saying those words.

"Even how much you want me to leave you, I'll never go."

Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut, allowing the hot tears to flow. He doesn't know how many times he cried in one day, he already lost track of time. All he can feel at this moment is the ache in his chest. Even how much he wants Chanyeol to stay, it still won't be right for him. He doesn't want Chanyeol to be there on the day he dies.

If Chanyeol can't leave him, then he will.

Now he's ready to make another choice that will possibly break his lover's heart again.

 

 

 

 

"Chanyeol, wake up!"

The latter slowly flutters his eyes open. "What?"

"Baekhyun's gone."

His heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"Can you ing rise up?!" Kyungsoo yells in his face. "My best friend is gone, literally! You’re the one who stayed here all night. Where the hell is he?"

With that, he rises up on the couch in a heartbeat. He looks at the Baekhyun's bed and sees no one. No.

"Maybe he just went to restroom or something."

"I already checked the ing bathroom, no one's there."

"Then where the hell is he?"

"I don't know!" Kyungsoo snaps angrily.

"Call him."

"Yeol, he left his phone back in the apartment before he even got bumped by a car. His phone is with me all the time."

"."

 

Quickly, they go out of the room and ask the first nurse they see. The latter shakes her head and takes her leave politely. They search for the doctor who's checking Baekhyun for the last two days.

But much to their dismay, the said doctor also doesn’t know where the patient is.

"I'm sorry but I don’t know where he went."

"So he just disappears without anyone knowing?" Kyungsoo asks in anxiety. Chanyeol only remains silent. His head is mixed up, he couldn't think straight. He doesn't have any idea where Baekhyun possibly went and why. His head aches from thinking of any places where his lover could be at this moment.

"We need to report this to the hospital security immediately to search for him in the whole building. There's possibility that someone took him or he absconded."

Kyungsoo frowned at the last suggestion. "Why the hell would he run away? I'll bet he can't even move from the bruises and broken bone he has. If you don't find him here in this damn building, what hell should we do then?"

"I'm so sorry for this inconvenience. If we don’t find him everywhere, we're gonna ask the security for video surveillance but we'll do anything to find out what really happened." the doctor assures before calling a male nurse.

Kyungsoo runs a hand over his face from disappointment. Resting his hands on his waist, he turns to Chanyeol and quickly notices how tense the taller is. He can't blame him. They merely feel nervous, worried and scared for Baekhyun due to the fact that he's still in his delicate condition.

"There's no way he's going to run away with that body," Kyungsoo says. "What do you think, Chanyeol?"

It took seconds for Chanyeol to react and speak. "I don't know but they better bring Baekhyun back before I lose my temper and snap."

 

"I shouldn't have fallen asleep," Chanyeol mumbled to himself as they return to Baekhyun's room.

Kyungsoo pats his shoulder. "Come on, don't blame yourself. We both know Baekhyun's emotionally ill since we brought him here, “the smaller assures."This is not the first time he escaped hospital."

"What do you mean?" Chanyeol asks lowly despite the anxiety in his chest. He brings his eyes back to the empty bed, feeling a lump in his throat.

"He ran away the first time he was diagnosed for the unknown disease he have," Kyungsoo tells, leaning his back against the wall. Then his brows crease. "But I know when he runs away, he leaves a note or something."

Chanyeol swallows. "Do you really think he ran away?"

Kyungsoo ignores his question as he start looking and rummaging around the room, even on the bed, leaving Chanyeol dumbfounded.

"What are you doing?"

Kyungsoo looks under the pillow. "There must be a note... but I'm not sure."

Then something clicks in his head. He jerks his head to Chanyeol. "Where did you sleep?"

"What? Here on the couch."

"Would you mind looking?"

Chanyeol sighs and obliges in defeat. He turns his heels and goes to the couch. He groggily takes the pillow and sees a folded paper under it. Frowning, he takes the paper and examines it carefully.

"Did you find anything?" he hears Kyungsoo ask.

"Kyung." He starts unfolding the paper.

"What?"

"Come here."

And he sees a long paragraph.

Taking a deep breath, Chanyeol starts reading with his eyes.

 

"Chanyeol, I know if I did this, I'm about to give another scar to you. But I had no other choice but leave if you can't. Please, don't look for me, you'll never find me anyway. I decided to run away because I don't want you to suffer more because of me. Now that I'm gone, you should find the right person for you, the one that will never leave you or break your heart, and that person is certainly not me. I want you to be happy and start over without blaming yourself. Remember that I ran away because I love you, but I don't think I deserve your love anymore. You can't keep hurting because of me. You can erase me and replace me with someone else in your heart but I can assure you that you will always be in my heart even if I die tomorrow. You’re the only man I ever loved and always be. Don’t think that you can't move on, just let time heal you and forget me. Forgive me for being weak, for that we can't keep our love, it is only the memories that I can keep.

Love, Baekhyun."

 

His hands shake as he let tears roll down from his eyes. Kyungsoo on the other hand just holds himself from crying. He steals the letter from Chanyeol's hand to read the letter himself. He gasps audibly and looks at Chanyeol with wide and watery eyes.

"Baekhyun ran away..."

 

---

A/N: 

I'm so sorry for this chapter

(Inspired by maroons 5's Maps.. love that song ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡)