Interlude – American Blues (chapter 7)

*V’s point of view*

Kim Taehyung had a big crush on his noona.

He wasn’t sure when it had started really, but he knew that the affection he felt for her was more than just that of a little brother for an older sister. Unfortunately, he knew that that was exactly how she viewed him: as a little brother.

When she’d come to see him in New York, he had been so happy, and then, after his concert, he hadn’t been able to get in touch with her so he’d gotten drunk at the after-party and ended up stumbling into her room at 1am, knowing he shouldn’t be there, but not really caring. The lights were off when he walked into her room but he could make out her shape under the blankets, so he waddled over, ditching his shoes and sweater on the way, and climbed into bed, between the sheets with her.

He knew she was a light sleeper – she had told him many times before – but she never even woke up. He snuggled up close to her, as carefully as he could, until his nose rested against the back of her neck and whispered “Noona…”

Slowly, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. “Noona, I wish you would see me as I see you…” he whispered in Korean, feeling his heart beat much too fast at the proximity of the object of his desire, and at the same time, feeling afraid that she might wake up at any moment and push him away. He tried to stay awake, relishing in the warmth of her body against his skin, but a few moments later, he fell asleep.

He woke up hours later to the sound of a door slamming shut.

He opened one eye slowly, but when he realized that he wasn’t in his room, he suddenly sat up in bed, remembering the previous night’s events. He looked to his left quickly, but the large bed was empty except for him. He turned to look at the door in a panic and took off at a run, forgetting to even put his shoes on.

She was still in the hallway, waiting for her elevator and all he could think was, “Thank God.”

He’d been afraid that she had gone before he could say goodbye.

She turned as he stepped into the hallway and he walked over to her and looked down into her face. How was she so little even though she was so much older? He felt his heart pounding in his chest, and as he stared into her eyes, for a split second, he felt like he would be able to tell her. But then the moment passed and he couldn’t do it. Who knew what would happen if he confessed his feelings to her? He didn’t even understand them that well either. So he just asked for a hug, and as he held her, he cursed himself for being a coward, and only reluctantly let go when she said she would miss her flight. He watched the elevator doors close on her face, feeling as if he would never see her again.

Days passed and he grew more and more sullen.

At first, no one really noticed, and he was still energetic enough during live shows and interviews that his group members could pass it off as tiredness, but as the days went by, he retreated so much into himself that even s started to notice. “What’s wrong?” they would ask him. “Nothing.” he would answer, shrugging off, and pushing them away.

It got so bad that one day, Rapmonster actually scolded him for being completely unresponsive during a filmed interview.

“I’m sorry hyung” he just said, looking defeated.

And so Rapmon grabbed him by the shoulder and took him outside, on a little rooftop patio in the building where they’d just had their interview.

“Now you’re gonna tell me what the problem is, and you’re gonna tell me now.” ordered the leader, on a serious tone.

V looked up at him, with big childlike eyes, and then down again.

“Aaah… I don’t wanna be a burden to the group… I’m trying to get over it….” he answered, apologetically.

“Get over what?” asked the blonde boy, growing irritated.

“Noona… Emma…” Taehyung’s voice came out in a whiney whimper.

“Did you guys have a fight?”

“No… I’m in love with her.” he said, as if he was somehow ashamed of it.

“Well duh.” exclaimed Rapmon, which made him look up. “We all knew that.”

“You did?!” exclaimed the kid, surprised.

The leader laughed and grabbed his dongsaeng into a friendly choke-hold.

“Aish… this kid… it was really obvious.” he said, widening his eyes in emphasis.

“Omg, do you think she knows?!” asked V, suddenly worried.

Rapmon shook his head, “No way. You’re both as clueless as each other on that end.”

V breathed a sigh of relief.

They walked over to a bench on the patio and sat down.

“Do you think I have a chance?” he asked, looking up hopefully.

His friend took a long time to answer, and then finally gave him a look that made Taehyung look down in disappointment.

“I think she sees you as a little brother more than anything.” he said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I know…” Kim Taehyung sighed.

“But look kid, you gotta do something. Your mood is bringing everybody down.” said Rapmon, firmly, but with a touch of apology.

“I’m sorry.” whispered the younger boy.

“Don’t be sorry, just….” and then Rapmon paused as if he didn’t really know what to say.

“Look, maybe you should just confess.” he suggested.

“What?!” V exclaimed, in alarm.

“Well you’re miserable now because you have no idea what’s going on!” retorted Rapmon, throwing his hands in the air, “If you tell her how you feel, even if she turns you down, at least you’ll know, and then you can move on.”

“But what if she turns me down and then she doesn’t want to be friends anymore?!” Taehyung asked, in a sort of half-wail.

“Well… that’s a risk I guess… but think about it. Would you still wanna be friends, knowing she doesn’t want you?” asked the leader, looking at him expectantly.

“YES!”

Rapmon looked at him suspiciously. He opened his mouth to say something, but then changed what he was about to say and instead said, “Look Taetae… I guess you got a lot of stuff to think about… but from now on, don’t keep it to yourself ok? We can help you out.”

V smiled at him, glad he had such a good friend for a leader.

“And PLEASE no more of that doom-and-gloom during interviews!”

V nodded violently, somewhat like his old self and Rapmon put an arm around his neck and said “Good”.