Chapter 48

Interlude – I’m sorry, son…

Tae pushed the door to the hospital room open slowly, refusing to believe what he saw on the other side when it finally opened all the way through: Emma lying there in a white bed, plugged into 4 or 5 different machines; bandaged and bruised, yet somehow still looking like she was just sleeping peacefully. He knew that wasn’t the case. How could this have happened? This was all his fault…

‘Why did I write this stupid fancafe post?!’ he scolded himself for the millionth time.

He was holding onto the door handle. Unable to go in.

He could still remember getting the call. It had come from Emma’s phone so he’d immediately assumed it was her. It had not been her, but a doctor, trying to find her next of kin; trying all the recent numbers in her phone.

“She doesn’t use her phone, sir.” he remembered saying, “She uses LINE or kakaotalk. She has her mom on LINE.” he’d explained, his voice oddly calm, before finally bringing himself to ask what had happened.

She had fallen down the stairs of her apartment. But it also looked like she had been beaten up. She had several broken bones, a possible concussion, and was currently in surgery for internal bleeding.

Tae had sat down slowly, after thanking the doctor. Jungkook had playfully swiped a hand in front of his blank face asking “Hey man, where are you?” but gotten worried when he’d gotten absolutely no reaction from his hyung.

Tae had then suddenly bolted up, muttering about how he had to get on a plane. Only to be stopped by his manager who refused to let him go out of the stadium, still half full of fans.

“THEY TRIED TO KILL HER!!!” he shrieked.

There was a pause as his manager loosened his grip on his arm, surprised, and looked at him with worried eyes.

“Emma, she’s in the hospital…” he fell down on his knees, crying, and everyone in the room grew very quiet. “My Emma… my baby… they… they…” and he was sobbing so hard the rest of his words were lost as they all watched him fall apart.

“Someone, get him a taxi,” had whispered the eldest manager, breaking the silence.

The boys had all looked up in surprise because that manager was usually the strictest.

And someone had. And Tae had been quietly led away to the airport, where he had boarded the first available flight to Korea, ahead of everybody, scared for his life that the person who was his whole world might die.

And there she was, lying in a small, clinical bed. Alive, but barely.

He couldn’t bear it.

A nurse entered the room to check on her vitals, barely acknowledging him, and he watched, like a stranger, this procedure that seemed oddly menial to the efficient nurse. Just before she left, he dared to ask “Is she ok?”

“She’s stable.” answered the young woman dressed all in blue, “but if you want to know about her condition, you’ll have to ask the doctor in charge.” before walking out as swiftly as she’d come in.

*

When a doctor came in, at 5:53am the next morning, Tae had moved to a chair next to the bed and sat there holding her hand – a position that he’d held for hours – still awake, staring at her unblinkingly; traces of tears still on his cheeks but his eyes gone dry.

“Visiting hours don’t start until 10am, son…” said the doctor, not unkindly, “unless you’re next of kin, which you’re obviously not since she’s…”

“We’re engaged.” Taehyung turned his head sharply to glare at the doctor; daring him to try and drag him away. “She’s having my baby and we’re getting married. I’m staying.” he finished, stubbornly, returning to his original pose.

“She’s…” the doctor’s throat caught, “You mean she… oh god…” he paused and wiped his glasses before putting them back on, “I’m sorry, son…” he walked over to put a hand on Tae’s shoulder, “She… there was a lot of internal bleeding… we had to go in and repair damage to her ribs, and lower abdomen too…” he trailed off.

Tae looked at him, his eyes pleading not to say the words he knew would come next.

“There’s no baby in there, son… she lost too much blood… she lost it.” said the older man, kindly, but with a sense of finality.

Tae choked a sob and then started bawling. “Emma! Emmaaaaaaa!!!!!!!” as the doctor silently backed away.

*

Hours later – or maybe it was minutes, Taehyung didn’t know – he felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced up to find Hoseok looking down at him, with the saddest eyes he’d ever seen on his usually laughing face. Together they turned to look at Emma who was still unconscious. They watched her in silence for a while before the elder spoke up.

“Taehyungie……. You’ve been here for over 24 hours… you need to come home.”

The younger boy shook his head stubbornly.

“Taetaeya… We leave for Dubai in a few hours, you need to come with us. And you need sleep before that.”

“Go without me.” retorted Taehyung.

Hoseok sighed, trying not to let his frustration show.

“We’ve done shows without Namjoon, you can do a show without me. I’m not leaving her.” said the youngest boy, his gaze not shifting from the sleeping girl in front of him.

“Tae, it’s the Summer Package too. We can’t do that without you.” added Hobi softly.

Taehyung frowned. He had forgotten a bout that.

Hoseok didn’t say anything for a long time after that, but then he finally suddenly spoke up again. This wasn’t unlike him.

“Her mom is coming, you know.” he said quietly, waiting for his dongsaeng to respond.

“Mom?” he echoed, not really paying attention.

Hobi nodded, smiling softly. “Arriving this morning, I heard. She’ll be well taken care of while you’re away.”

Tae looked up at his friend with huge eyes. Hoseok beamed back. That practiced eye-smile, except this time it was softer; more genuine. Taehyung looked back at Emma and gave a subtle nod. He stood up, not letting go of her hand and walked a step closer to her. Hoseok took it as his cue to back quietly out of the room.

“I’m not leaving you, ok?” he whispered fervently into her hand, “I’m just going for a little bit, but I’ll be right back. You hear me? I’ll be right back…” tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Hobi was waiting nonchalantly outside the door when he came out a minute later. He didn’t ask about his friend’s wet eyes or downcast look. All he said was “ok. let’s go.”

***

The boys went to Dubai for a few days. They had a Kcon performance, through which Tae performed like a robot, though nobody said anything, and then they stayed a few more days – at this magnificent hotel – to shoot the Summer Package photobook and behind-the-scenes video. Tae knew he would have enjoyed it so much if it had happened at any other time; in any other situation. But now he just felt hollow. He couldn’t taste anything, enjoy anything. He acted when cameras were on and when they weren’t he was sick with worry for Emma who still hadn’t woken up.

He called the hospital every morning and every night for news of her, but nothing had changed; she hadn’t woken up. the only thing that had changed was that her mom was now by her side, and none too pleased with him.

*

Of course, Emma had told her mother about Taehyung – you don’t move to a completely new country without alerting your parents; and you don’t do so without telling them why.

Isabella – Emma’s mother – knew all about her daughter “12 years old boyfriend”. She called him so as a joke; ever since Emma had started liking Bangtan, her mother had referred to the entire lot of them as “12 years olds” and daughter viciously about her love of boybands, even though she was now in her 30’s. And when Emma had visited home last summer, chattering nonstop about how she had become friends with one of the members (her mom wouldn’t go on twitter and talk about it, so who else could she tell?) her mom had known right away that this was headed in a bad direction.

She had never said out loud that she didn’t like him, but Emma knew that she disapproved. The girl had waited a long time to admit that they were finally dating, and then, her mother had just told her to be careful. Ultimately, she just wanted her daughter to be happy. But Isabella, like everyone else who knew about the lovebirds (Emma included) had assumed that it wouldn’t last more than 5 minutes. She thought Taehyung would get bored, or that Emma would get annoyed with a boyfriend she couldn’t ever flaunt, or see. She had only started worrying when her daughter had announced that she was moving to Korea.

If truth be told, she had not been that surprised, when she had received the call from the doctor that something HAD finally gone wrong, because she had been expecting it all along. She had just not expected her child to almost die. So she had jumped on the first plane to Korea to see her baby girl, and when she’d arrived by her side, the prodigal idol boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

She was not surprised.

*

As soon as Tae cleared customs in Korea, he rushed through the airport doors, running past the surprised fansites who weren’t expecting him to dash out so quickly, ditching staff and luggage behind him, to jump into the first cab to the hospital. He nearly slammed the door to her room open when he got there, out of breath, stopping himself at the last minute, but muttering a desperate “Emma!” as he did so.

An older white woman turned around from his usual spot at the disruption and Taehyung straightened up, noticing her.

“Hum… hello…” he said finally, not what to say. “She hasn’t wake up?” he asked, with a tentative smile.

The person he knew must be Emma’s mother stood up from the chair and walked over to him. She was tall for a woman – quite large and imposing – but he was still taller than her. However, Taehyung felt like a child who had sinned under her unwavering gaze.

“I guess you’re the one, then.” she said, looking him up and down. It was not a kind look.

“I’m Kim Taehyung,” he tried to smile, extending a hand to her, “I’m Emma’s boyfriend. I’m –”

The older lady slapped his hand away. “Where the h*ll were you?!?”

Tae backed away instinctively, like a scared cat. “We had a concert in Dubai… and a photobook shooting… I had to go…”

“Oh, Dubai?” she spat, “That’s nice. Did you get a nice tan?” she asked, venomously and Tae didn’t understand what she meant.

“I had no choice, miss…” he said, using the wrong word, “It’s my job… I have to go… it’s not the normal job, I can’t…” he tried defending himself, explaining that he hadn’t wanted to go, but his English failing him.

“Oh I know what your job is” she retorted, turning back towards her daughter, “I’ve known ever since she wasn’t even a blip under your radar…” she paused, smiling sadly as if she was remembering something, “She liked you all so much…” the woman broke down, sitting on the chair and wiping at her eyes as she sobbed.

“Don’t touch me!” she shouted, suddenly, as Tae tried to place a hand on her shoulder, which he quickly pulled away.

“I’ve known she was in love with you ever since that summer she came back and you were all she talked about. ‘We’re just friends, mom!’ she’d say, ‘he’s way too young for me!’ and she’d laugh… You should’ve just used her and tossed her like the last one!” she snapped out of her reverie bitterly, and then, as if realizing she’d been talking to herself, she hissed, “Why are you still here?!!”

Tae shrunk back “Why you say horrible things about your daughter, mam? You’re mad I treat her nicely??”

“I’m mad because if you had been a jerk like the others, she would still be alive!!!!” she screamed.

Tae gasped. He glanced at his girlfriend’s sleeping form, but all the monitors indicated that Emma was still breathing. He breathed a sigh of relief, though he understood the accusation.

A doctor popped in suddenly, asking in English: “Is everything ok in here?”

Isabella whipped her head away from them, not answering, holding her daughter’s hand.

The doctor looked at Tae and, in Korean, said, “Son… maybe you should leave….”

The young man gave one last look at the woman who had captured his heart and sighed, giving a small nod before following the doctor out.

*

Everyday he went to the hospital.

It was mad because their schedule was crazy with preparations for the looming comeback. They had this crazy ridiculous new dance to learn and would be up til 4-5am in the studio rehearsing it. They also had to shoot not one, but 3 MVs for this record. And on top of everything, he had to leave everyone for several hours each day to go to reading rehearsals for his upcoming drama. In a way, it was sort of a blessing, because he was so busy that, when he focused hard enough, he didn’t have time to feel the hurt too deeply. And when he got home, he would crash from exhaustion, for maybe two hours, until he was forced to repeat the pattern the next day.

Most times, he would slip into her room between 5:30 and 6:00am, when her mother was asleep and he had just finished his schedules, and just sit there, watching her, begging her to wake up. It had been over a week now, and with every day that passed, the doctors grew more worried. It was not normal to be unconscious this long, he knew it, though they told him to keep hope.

“Emma…” his voice broke, “Jagiyaaa….” small tears escaped from his eyes as he said the word. He had never called her that before but always wanted to. “Noona… my noona…” he swallowed back a sob, “please wake up…” his voice was only a squeaky whisper as he was trying so hard not to cry, holding her hand so tightly in both of his, it would have hurt anyone who could feel it. But there was no response from the sleeping body.

He let his head fall down and his tears flow quietly.

But a moment later, just when he was about to fall asleep from pure exhaustion, he felt her hand twitch in his and bolted right up in his seat, eyes wide open.

He stared at the hand in his, and at her face, back and forth, hopeful but not daring to hope, and the hand twitched again. He gasped.

He looked at her face and her eyelids fluttered, ever so slightly. His heart hurt so much with fear and hope, he thought it would burst out of his chest.

“Emma…” he whispered.

Her eyelids fluttered again and he held his breath when her eyes opened for half a second.

“Noona!” he called out, unable to control himself, jumping to her side.

Emma blinked once or twice, groggily, as if she was just awakening from a very long nap, and she turned towards the sound of his voice. “Tae?” she asked, smiling, before closing her eyes once again.

“EMMA!!”