Chapter 16 – Realizations

I went home and slept like a rock til 1pm the next day. I woke up to several missed messages from Tae, who said he was already in Osaka, rehearsing for their afternoon performance. I spent the day very leisurely, doing absolutely nothing and not even getting out of my pajamas, and that night, he called me again, relating the events of the day and how they’d been able to watch a lot of other cool artists’ performances, but that Japanese summer was way too hot. I chuckled because I wholeheartedly agreed. After our little chat, I went to bed early because the next day was going to be busy again.

On Sunday morning, I woke up early and got ready to go all the way to Makuhari Messe for their Tokyo Summer Sonic performance. They were 8^th in the line-up on their stage, but I figured if I arrived early enough, I could probably get a good spot, so I aimed to get there around 11am, when the event started.

Just around the time I arrived, V mailed me saying that they’d landed in Tokyo and were on their way to the venue. I said I was already there myself and he sounded really surprised.

[You’re buying goods again?] he asked me.

[No. But I’ll watch the other performances while I wait] I smiled at his assumption. There was no need to line up for merch for such an event.

[Noona I’m sorry]

[Why?]

[You can’t come backstage today. Hyung said we can’t have guests]

[That’s ok babe, I’ll just watch the show from here.]

I tried to communicate that I was totally fine with that but he sounded really sad. To be fair, there were over 50 artists performing on 5 different stages for this event. I completely understood how trying to get someone backstage at the last minute might be a little tricky. Plus I knew he’d want me to meet him at his hotel afterwards so it was really fine.

We spent a while chatting as he got his hair and makeup done, and then he had to go off for interviews so I took the opportunity to go line-up in front of the stage. During the first two acts, there had been barely anyone there so I just sat at the back, knowing that I’d have to be standing in a sweaty crowd for several hours, but then suddenly a lot more fangirls appeared so I knew I had to secure a spot if I wanted to be able to see anything. I think I was about in the seventh row or so – if you can count a mass of bodies tightly pressed together as such.

The first 3 acts had been surprisingly good, so it was unfortunate when the next 4 were actually pretty terrible. They were Japanese groups too, and as a rule, I tend to not like Japanese pop music… but I bid my time, and finally, our babies came on. They only played 6 songs, but they were so turnt up!! They also got lucky this time because this stage was inside an air-conditioned warehouse. But they were literally on fire. Since this was an event where a lot of people watching weren’t necessarily their fans, I think they were trying to portray a more “cool” image than usual, so they did a lot of their “harder” songs. I was especially excited that I’d finally get to hear Cyper 3 live – and I wasn’t disappointed.

Once their set was finally over, I extricated myself from the crowd, which I noticed had become rather large, and made my way to the sort of cafeteria that had been set up in the next room. Tired and sweaty, I plopped down on one for the seats and fished my phone out of my back pocket. There was still no mail from Tae but they’d just finished, I figured they’d be busy for a while. I sent him a quick message, saying that the show had been so lit and I was really proud of him, and I’d wait here if he wanted to meet up afterwards.

I went to get a drink, and when I came back to my seat, my phone pinged with a message from him.

[I’m sorry noona. I can’t meet today I think.]

*lots of crying emoji*

[We have many interviews and very very busy. I’ll see you later.]

And that was it. I replied that it was ok and I totally understood, but to be perfectly honest I was kinda sad.

The 1 1/2-hour train ride home was especially unpleasant, as I tried to get over my disappointment. ‘Why are you even surprised though?’ I scolded myself, ‘this is what it’s gonna be like, being an idol’s girlfriend.’

I spent the evening looking at previews on twitter, and trying not to sulk, but it was hard. I’d almost given up that I’d even hear back from him today when a mail suddenly came from him around 11pm.

[Noona can I call?]

It made me chuckle because he still did that ever since that time he’d woken me up in the middle of the night, way back in May. Even though I now always made sure to sleep with my phone on “do not disturb” mode.

“Hiya my noona…!” he cooed cutely into the phone, making me smile. “I’m sorry so long no mail. But I’m back now, you can come!”

“But it’s so late already… I’m really tired. Let’s just meet tomorrow.” I sighed. I really wanted to see him, but I felt so trained after the weird day I’d just had, and going there to see him for just one hour felt like more trouble than it was worth.

“Noooo!!!” he wailed loudly in disagreement. “Fine, I’ll go to noona’s house!”

“What?!” I chuckled, “It’s ok Tae, you just rest too…”

“Nooo!” he went on again, “Give me the address!!”

I tried to argue with him but he would not be deterred, so I finally mailed him my address.

He showed up about 30 minutes later, looking squeaky-clean in a pair of basketball shorts and a loose white t-shirt, shiny-smooth hair flopping down in his eyes and smelling of fresh soap. He grinned his wide rectangular smile at me as he stood on my doorstep, and embraced me into his arms right there, looking down into my face with bright sparkly eyes. I’d wanted to scold him a bit about today, but every word I’d meant to say just died on my tongue, because honestly, how was I supposed to resist that face?

After a few sweet kisses, and many admissions of how much he’d missed me, I ushered him inside, and he quickly went over to my bed, sitting on it and looking around as he reminisced about the last time he’d been here. It caught me by surprise but it was true, it wasn’t his first time coming here.

“You got so drunk that time… you feel asleep and your hyungs had to carry you back…” I remembered with a chuckle.

He gave me a childish eye-smile as I sat down next to him, not at all embarrassed.

“Did you know you liked me back then?” I asked curiously, the question popping into my head for some unknown reason.

He nodded right away, the smile never leaving his face, and my eyes widened in surprise, “Really?”

He nodded again.

“Noona… when you know you like me?”

I had to pause and think, and he watched me with eager eyes, waiting for my response.

“I think…” I started, not really knowing myself, “I think in New York.”

His grin got even wider and it made me smirk.

“When we said goodbye in the hallway. I thought you were gonna kiss me.”

“I was gonna kiss you...” he admitted, suddenly looking down at his fingers, like an embarrassed teenager.

“Really?” I asked, bending my head to peek at his eyes from under him, and he flashed me that eye smile again.

He nodded, and bent his face onto mine; soft lips pressing against mine, then grabbing on to my bottom lip to pursue the kiss a bit deeper… and our conversation lay quite forgotten as we toppled backwards and continued it without words.

That was another perfect and magical night. With no threat of another Bangtan member possibly popping into the room to distract me, I could really abandon myself in his arm. And since we were getting to know each other’s bodies quite well by then, he was a lot less tentative in his attentions.

I remember him lying in the crook of my arm after the first time (yes, there were more than one… *snickers*), and chattering away about the other artists’ performances that they had watched that day as I ran my fingers through his freshly shampooed hair. It was so soft… Even though he was already pretty famous himself, seeing another artist he admired perform still managed to turn him into a giddy little fanboy. I realized that was probably one of the reasons I loved him.

I paused, hand still halfway through a chunk of his hair, as the realization came over me. I had just said I loved him. Only in my thoughts, maybe, but still. I bit back the urge to sob and held him a little closer against me.

“Noona?” he asked, questioningly, somehow having grasped my emotion change, and tilting his head up to look at me. I just smiled and shook my head, bending down to kiss his forehead and he seemed content.

We stayed like this for a while, and then out of the blue he suddenly sat straight up. “Aaaah!!!! I forgot!!”

I looked at him, puzzled, but he just scrambled out of bed, heading over to where he’d left his bag, but soon came back, handing me a large envelope and grinning at me. It would have been funny even if he wasn’t just standing there buck-, completely unabashed, but as it was, I just burst out laughing.

“Yaaah…” he grumbled, climbing over me to come snuggle under the blankets again.

“Ok, ok…” I said, trying to stifle my laugher, “What is this?”

“Open it!” he grinned at me.

I obliged and noticed several printouts, maps and 3 tickets for the Undercover Misson shows in Osaka.

“These are all in my name… Tae, how did you do this??” I looked down at him in shock. He just grinned back at me, all pleased with himself.

“Are you surprised?” he asked, so adorably that I couldn’t held smiling back.

“Thank you Tae” I simply said, smiling at him fondly and he leaned up to kiss me, before staring at me straight in the eyes and adding, with a little smirk, “you’re welcome.”

“What’s all the printouts for?” I asked, glancing over at the stack of papers.

“Oh, I had to get another hotel for you.” he said, sounding annoyed.

“Oh?”

“In Osaka… it’s small and many fans find our hotel… I think if it’s bad if you stay there…” he explained, apologetically.

“So you got me a different one?”

He nodded. “It’s near. And paid all. Don’t worry. Just you get there by yourself. It’s ok? I want to be with you every moment I can…”

“Oh, Tae…” I said, embracing him into a hug to convey my feelings, “I love you.”

He grinned, his eyes disappearing into little half-moons, and then seemed to realize what I’d just said as his eyes popped wide in surprise.

“Noona?”

I looked away, embarrassed, “You heard me…” I mumbled, not looking at his face, but grinning slightly as he climbed on top of me.

“What you say?? Again? I don’t hear?” he said, pretending to be deaf.

I squealed and laughed at the same time as he started tickling me and trying to make me say it again, but I held my ground. Eventually, we dissolved into another puddle of limbs and kisses, and the rest of the night went on in a much similar fashion.