Chapter 52 - Goodbye

When I woke up, he was gone.

I cried.

And cried.

The nurses came, wondering what was wrong but I wouldn’t stop crying. Mom came and held me and I wouldn’t stop crying. Days passed and Taehyung didn’t come back and I didn’t stop crying.

And eventually, there were no more tears to cry. My body healed, my color got better, and my room filled up with flowers from anonymous donors, and I stopped crying. During the day, at least. I put mom in contact with Mr. Baek and she arranged the packing of my belongings, so I wouldn’t have to deal with it when I got out of the hospital.

I was in there for almost a month after Tae’s last visit. During that time, Eunjung unnie came to visit me whenever she had free time, secretly telling me every little tidbit she could about the comeback – even though she knew she wasn’t allowed to – and constantly asking if I wouldn’t reconsider. She meant leaving, of course. After a while I told her to stop asking.

Stupid Taekyeon even came to visit too, and apologized for being a , which was a rather unexpected surprise. He said that he was just mean to me because he was angry that I was already taken. I knew it was a lie of course, but it made me laugh. He also brought it upon himself to bring me homework every time he came to visit, so between those two, and my mom’s daily visits, I had a little less time to mourn the love of my life, and I slowly got better. (along with my Korean).

The MV for Young Forever came out and I didn’t watch it.

The day after it came out, I got a mail from Taehyung, asking if I’d seen it. I stared at it for an hour, debating whether to answer that message or not. Eventually, I did. I said I hadn’t. He replied immediately with the link, and I laughed – that sad sarcastic laugh that you make when something happens that makes you want to cry because you want it so much and you know you can’t have it. So I watched the video. Then I cried. Because it was so beautiful and sad, and he was so beautiful, and I was sad.

After that I secretly kept up with the comeback. There was a TV in my room and I had a laptop and a phone. Also, I apparently enjoyed torturing myself. He looked good on TV and I was glad to see it. I wondered how good of an actor he was, that he could hide his pain so well. Or was it like mom had said and he had moved on already? Or was he just so busy that he had no time to feel sad? It was probably a little bit of 1 and 3… I hoped.

Their comeback was the shortest in the history of k-pop. They promoted it for only one week, but “Fire” was indeed fire, and everyone caught on. It got number 1 on every music show and the album got an all-kill on the charts, even though it was basically a repackage.

After years of fighting for it, they had finally made it. They had finally gotten that recognition they had yearned and worked so hard for. And I had gotten a broken sternum, 3 broken ribs, a pierced stomach, a concussion, and had lost a child. Nothing comes for free, as they say.

When I finally got released, there was no fanfare. Only mom slowly walking me out of the hospital, and a cab waiting for us to drive us back to her rental apartment. She’d had all my things packed up and sent back to Canada in crates already, except for a suitcase full of clothes and bare necessities.

After we got back to her place, she kept fussing over me, which was really bothersome. I finally got rid of her by feigning the desire to take a walk around the neighborhood, but instead, I made my way back to my old place. I looked up at the building and then those dreaded stairs. It was quiet, and there was no one around. I walked up and tried the code on the door; no one had changed it as it bleeped open for me. Everything looked almost exactly as it did when I moved in, except that all the furniture I had added was still there. (It wasn’t like I could take the couch or water-purifier back to Canada with me…) I had a vivid flashback of Yoongi helping me build all the shelves and all of us sitting on the floor laughing, eating chicken. I had to shake my head violently to make the mirage fade away. The shelves were bare now. I did a lap around the room but there was no trace of my having lived there at all remaining. Everything was gone.

I made my way back to the front door and glanced at the room one last time, sighing deeply.

“I guess this is goodbye, then”.