Chapter 43 – Uh-Oh

I went back to sleep after Tae left, and I had a feeling Tae did too.

I woke up in the middle of the afternoon, disoriented, to a mail from Eun-Jung (I was still trying hard to stop calling her silent-noona…) who was asking me if I wanted to come have coffee with her and walk around in Hongdae. Since it was Sunday, and the sun was shining brightly outside, I agreed. So about an hour later – after a rushed shower and quickly applied minimal makeup under my shades – I met up with her at a designated spot outside Hongik Uni station.

“Who are you?” she joked, looking me up and down, “you look like secret idol.” she laughed.

“It’s SUNNY, ok?! And my eyes are blue! I actually need these!” I pointed to my sunglasses, as we started walking down the street.

“Chincha?!” she asked in surprise.

I nodded. It wasn’t the first time I’d had to explain to an Asian person that white people wore sunglasses not just for fashion, but cuz it was actually necessary.

We chatted a bit more, walking down the busy pedestrian roads, stopping to watch street performers or popping inside a store or two, and eventually settling down in a cute little café that we chose solely for the fact that it sold cupcakes. After jumping on the first sofa seats that freed up, we went to get our order and settled down to relax with some hot drinks for a bit.

We talked, and drank, and shared funny pictures from our phones, and while I was in the middle of trying to convince her that she HAD to talk to this dancer guy she had a huge crush on, my phone blinked with a new message and I happened to glance at it and read it.

[Noona!]

[Guess what?!]

I grinned like an idiot, so my friend guessed it was from Tae and sat back in her couch, gesturing that I should answer. I apologized with a head nod and quickly wrote back

[What?]

[Today is 250 days since you became my girlfriend!] came the reply.

It was not what I had been expecting, so I stared at the screen, perplexed. I showed Unnie the mail, asking her if it was a thing in Korea, and she shook her head.

“No… 100 days… 500 days… 1000 days… 250? No… but… Taetae is weird…”

I chuckled. Both because she was right, and because “weird” was a word I’d just taught her recently and she seemed to love using.

[That’s nice babe] I replied, not knowing what to say.

[I missed 100… and 500 is still far… but 250 is half 500…. It should be big point, no?]

I smiled, looking at the message. How could he be this cute.

[Aaah, I gotta go!]

[but I wanted to say, noona, I love you!]

[Happy 250 days! Xx<3xX<3xx]

Sticker

Sticker

Sticker

And then the screen went quiet.

I sat staring at it, smiling.

And then I started to cry.

“Emma, what’s wrong?” asked Eun-Jung, full of concern at my sudden burst of tears.

I waved a hand at her, indicating that I was fine and then started laughing for no apparent reason. Though the tears didn’t stop.

“He is so stupid….” I said, eyes still leaking, though my voice sounded soft and fond. I stared at my phone.

“8 months…” I said, counting on my fingers. “250 days is 8 months.” I stated, while she stared at me, puzzled.

“Is it… special, in Canada?”

I shook my head, wiping my nose, “No.” and then more tears came. “It’s just that…” I sobbed, “just that…” I stopped, and she patted my shoulder, not knowing what to say.

It was just that, 8 months had passed. 8 months, and he was still here. I had thought he wouldn’t last a month but he was still here. Still in love with me, still caring for me, and still sending me dumb, stupidly cute messages about being together for 250 days when it meant nothing. And it meant everything. I started bawling louder.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said, blowing my nose with a tissue she handed me, “I dunno what’s up with me, I must be PMS or something…” I tried laughing it off. It seemed to work a bit.

“PMS?” she asked, confused.

“Ahhh…. you know…, girls time” I tried to explain.

“Oohh…” she exclaimed, getting it right away, “ahh… I understand. Kwenchanayo!” she added, patting my shoulder and giving me the friendliest smile she could muster.

“You… you need chocolate!” she announced, and before I could say anything, she got up and headed for the counter. That, more than anything else, mayde my tears stop flowing and brought a smile to my lips.

I brought my phone out again and looked at Tae’s mail.

[Happy 250 days to you too, baby boy <3]

I sent back, after a while, and then put a phone away again.

Then, since Eun-jung was taking a while, I picked it back up, deciding to have a look at this app that tracked my period on my phone. It was really useful. I’m not really sure why I’d thought I was PMS in the first place, but anytime I had weird, emotional outbursts, I always tended to blame them on my oncoming lady-time. Actually, now that I thought of it, I couldn’t remember when I’d gotten my period last…

Your last period ended on January 5^th

‘What???’

The words glared at me.

I pulled the calendar up and looked. There was nothing. Had I forgotten to enter the last one? No… I didn’t think so… January… I’d been busy wrapping up my life in Japan… and February had been so hectic, with the move and everything, I know I hadn’t gotten a period then…. And in March… No… I would remember…. But , sh*t, … I was 2 months late.

‘It’s ok’, I told myself, ‘You’ve been late before…’

I’d been late for 2 months once…. More than once actually, but I didn’t have a boyfriend then…. And that was just after I’d stopped the pill. And I hadn’t had my period for 6 months once when I was 16. But I was still a then, so obviously that meant nothing…. But now…. ….

I tried to rationalize it in my head…  I’d been with Tae only twice in the last month, and we had always used protection… there was no way I was pregnant… And it was commonly known that stress and big life change could affect your period. Right? Yeah. That had to be it…

Eun-Jung chose that moment to come back with a large piece of cake, looking cheerful, while I probably looked as if I’d seen a ghost.

“You okay?!” she asked, dismissing the cake immediately and coming over around the table to hold my hand.

“Uhh, yeah!” I flashed her my best fake smile. “It’s just, my stomach hurts really bad… I think I am getting my period….” I gestured, pressing on my ovaries to get my point across.

“Oh no…” she said, lacking the words to say more, “Go home. Is best.” she added with a kind smile.

“I think so…” I smiled back apologetically. “thanks for coffee. And I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, indicating that it was nothing, and I excused myself from our girls’ date as quickly as I could, and nearly ran to the nearest pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. Actually I had no idea what it was called in Korean and ended up having to gesture my way through explanations with the male pharmacist. Fun times. He wrapped it in a brown little paper bag after I paid, too, making me feel as if it was even more shameful and no one should know about it. I hurried back home, the plastic bag burning in my hand on the whole train ride back.

As soon as I got home, I tore through the packaging and went to the bathroom to pee on the stick. It was, after all, not my first time taking one of these test… (unfortunately) I turned it over, not bearing to look at the screen as it changed, then I sat on my bed, staring at it. I looked at the box. The instructions were all in Korean, but it wasn’t rocket science. Two lines, you were preggers; one, you weren’t. I waited the allotted 5 minutes, even longer, just to be sure, and then turned it over………..

Two lines.

.

How had this happened? I did the mental math in my head again… The last time we’d had was just a few days ago, and the time before that, just after I’d moved in, but we’d used condoms… unless it had broken? And then before that I hadn’t seen him for nearly a month, as I was so busy getting ready for the move and…. Oh . Grandma’s house. We hadn’t used a that time. And we’d forgotten about it cuz of his mom and all that drama but… it made sense… it added up. And it meant…. I was over 2 months pregnant. . .