Chapter 23 – On Stage and Off

The next day was basically the same, except more hectic. I didn’t join him first thing in the morning, instead choosing to sleep-in and meet up with him later. The guard at the front of the building let me in, recognizing me from the previous day, and I made my way to the practice room without much help from anyone else. They were in the middle of rehearsing a song when I got there, and everyone stopped singing as I walked in, making me feel rather uncomfortable. Then they all greeted me, and after Tae bounced off from his seat to tackle-hug me, they all got back to work.

They were all sitting on chairs that had been set in a row in front of mic stands and practicing their vocals. They ran through each song one by one, and it was actually mesmerizing to watch. My heart was beating so fast, not only because they were practicing with a live band and it was amazing, but because Tae would always look straight at me when he sang his solo parts. His voice, just on its own, had always given me goosebumps – even when he hadn’t been a part of my life. But this… this was something else.

They had a vocal trainer there too, and occasionally she would stop them to give advice and they would start over. Sometimes doing the same part over two, three, even four times. It was way past 7pm when they finally called for a break and decided to go out to a restaurant to eat.

We headed off outside and into the black Bangtan van. It felt a little funny for me to ride in there with them, but this was the only car, and there technically wasn’t enough room for an extra passenger… so I got squished between Tae and Hoseok on the first backseat. It wasn’t the most comfortable ride (although as a fangirl, there was no way I would complain), but it was funny because they both sang loudly – and terribly – to songs that were playing over the speakers. Jungkook too, from the very back row. Suga and Namjoon were listening to their own music with headphones, and Jimin was sleeping, passed out against a window. Jin, who was sitting at the front chatting with the manager, would occasionally glance back at the lot of them with an amused smile. I thought that he must be a really easy-going guy to just endure the chaos like that. Especially since this probably happened every single day.

Eventually, we reached the restaurant. It seemed like a traditional Korean restaurant, and we were led to a closed off room at the back that had two big tables with grills embedded into them. It was some sort of meat-grilling place, I’m not sure... Tae told me the name but I don’t remember. It was delicious though, and they kept ordering food even past the point where I totally wasn’t hungry anymore, while I just watched in awe. Jin and Jungkook, especially, just kept shoving meat in their faces. It was pretty funny.

Again, I tried to be inconspicuous, since I wasn’t always included in the conversation, but none of them seemed to mind my being there too much, so I was glad. Tae, who sat right next to me, spent the whole time alternating between resting his hand on my thigh, or reaching for mine under the table. Both gestures making me incredibly giddy and self-aware. Whenever he reached for my hand, I would turn and look at him, and just smile. He wasn’t always looking at me – sometimes being completely involved into a conversation – but he was always smiling. And he would give my hand a little squeeze, as if to say, without words, “Yes, I’m glad you’re here.”

After the meal, they dropped me off at my hotel and headed back to the office. I don’t know what time Tae came back, but I was already sleeping and didn’t hear him coming in.

The next day, I was the one to get up first since it was the first day of concerts and I was going to meet friends to line up for merch. Tae groaned as I got up, whining that he didn’t want me to go cuz it was cold, but when I came back from my shower, he was already deeply asleep. I gave him a little kiss on the forehead before leaving and he barely stirred.

I met up with my friends in the Olympic park, and we just sat there on our tarp, freezing, and waiting for the time when the merch booth would open. It was fun, but also I felt kinda alienated somehow. Like. There was the me who was a fangirl and lined up for goods at 7am in the freezing cold, and there was the me who was Tae’s girlfriend and who had just spent the last two days watching Bangtan practice and bantering with them. I didn’t know how to reconciliate the two and I was wondering how long I’d be able to keep up doing both. I didn’t want to give up being a fan, I enjoyed it a lot, but it felt really weird having to skulk around and hide the things that I knew from my friends. A part of me was also DYING to tell them of course, but I knew that no good would come of it, so I kept quiet.

Tae texted me throughout the day, and I’d text him back “I can hear you practice!!” or “I’m almost at the front of the line!”. Or I’d send him pictures of the merch and photocards I’d bought, which he somehow found hilarious. We killed time in a nearby café all afternoon and finally went to line up for the concert around 7pm.

It was amazing of course. The new songs were fantastic. Even though I’d heard some of them before, hearing them live like this was a totally different experience. After the show, I was supposed to meet up with my friends outside, but everyone got confused – some of us having forgotten to charge their pocket wifi and thus becoming unreachable – and in the end it was just too late and I was just so dead that I simply headed back to my hotel and went straight to bed. Tae didn’t sleep at my place that night. As I found out when I awoke to an empty bed the next morning. But he’d sent me several messages, which I’d missed, being completely exhausted as I was.

The next day went pretty much the same, and after the show, Taehyung mailed me to come backstage but I declined since I was planning to have dinner with friends. We all headed back to Hongdae – since that was where most of them were staying – and went hunting for a chicken place that was supposedly very good (yes, yes, I’m aware that we are always eating chicken… what can I say? Chicken in Korea is delicious.) though we got lost, and then found out that the place my friend was looking for had closed down, and finally ended up in another place, that was not as highly recommended, but by that point none of us cared, so we just ordered an insane amount of food and gorged ourselves, reliving every little moment of the afternoon, and just generally enjoying being fangirls.

*

When I got back to my hotel I was surprised to find that Tae was already there. I smiled, seeing him get up as I dropped my bag to the floor, and by the time I’d shut the door, he’d closed the gap between us was and pulling me to him, saying that he had missed me too much. Two days away was too hard, he said.

I laughed.

“What are you gonna do when I go back to Japan?” I teased.

“No. you’re not going back. You stay here.” he affirmed, shaking his head, though he sported a little smile.

I laughed again.

“I kidnap you.” he added, with a naughty look on his face.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.” he wiggled his eyebrows which made me laugh again.

Then he grabbed both of my wrists, pulling them behind my back and holding them like that, looking me straight in eye as he said, “You can’t escape.”

His gaze was so intense; it was incredibly hot. He kissed me like that and I could feel my insides dissolving. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck but he was still holding my hands back.

“Tae…” I whined, but he shook his head.

“No. my prisoner.” he said, with fake seriousness, before kissing me again.

Somehow we found our way to the bed, his kisses becoming more and more heated, and finally I regained control of my hands and used them to pull him closer to me and rake my fingers through his hair as we kissed. Clothes flew off and soon I was pulling him inside of me as he moaned my name into my neck.

The next morning, since I didn’t have to get up that early, we laid in bed talking after waking up; my head pressed against his chest as he played with my hair.

“Noona…” he said.

I loved how he said the word. I knew it wasn’t on purpose but it always sounded a little bit like a moan; like some kind of deep-voiced, little animal purring. I smiled drowsily, waiting for him to go on. “You come backstage after show today? It’s last day…”

I moved my head slightly so I could look up at him and found him flashing me a small pout. I had to bite my lip to repress an enormous grin spreading over my face from his cuteness and nodded. “Ok.”

“Really?!” his face instantly lit up and I just laughed.

I don’t know why he thought that I might not agree, but apparently it meant a lot to him to have me go. Since the next day I would have to leave very early in the morning to catch my flight, he wanted to spend as much time with me as he could.  

“Only important people are allowed backstage”. he added, giving my shoulder a little squeeze, and my heart swelled. I closed my eyes to prevent tears and wrapped my arms even tighter around him, squeezing as tight as I could. How else was I supposed to show him how cute I thought he was?? But since I wasn’t very strong, it just made him start to laugh and attempt an attack of his own. In the end, we were both late to our afternoon appointments… oops.

*

After a shower, I met my friends in the early afternoon at what was now becoming a very familiar café in the Olympic Park. We killed time in the usual way and then took our place in line before entering the gymnasium. The last concert was awesome, but also bittersweet, because once it ended, then we all realized it was really over.