Chapter 20 – You Already Know Me Too Well

He stayed for a little under 2 hours. They were leaving for the airport at the crack of dawn in the morning and he couldn’t stay any longer than that. More than half of that time was spent with him telling me everything that had gone on with Jimin at the hospital, and me comforting him that it was going to be ok. He was super worried about his friend because he was always dieting so strictly, and though the doctor had said it was unrelated, he still worried something like that might happen again. The rest of the time, we just held on to each other, trying to not think about the fact that when he left the room, we both had no idea when we’d see each other again.

With all the drama involving Jimin’s accident, the fact that this was gonna be our last day together had completely slipped my mind until he mentioned it, a few minutes before he had to go. Suddenly I felt frantic. It was too short; too soon. I needed more time. I held on to him tightly as he kissed me goodbye – a kiss that lasted over 5 minutes and that was so passionate it could’ve put any romance movie to shame.

“Noona, don’t cry.” he smiled as he pulled away, wiping at one of my tears with his thumb and making me realize that I had indeed started crying.

I pouted, as if that was the best way to convey my emotions, and he laughed.

“I’ll see you soon.” he said, holding my head in both his hands and giving it a little shake, which made a small smile creep on my lips, “and call every day.”

I nodded, biting my lip and he beamed back at me, that smile of pure sunshine, his eyes disappearing into two little lines, before pulling my head close to him and placing a kiss on my forehead with a loud “mwah!”

That, if anything, finally had me laughing.

A few minutes later, he was gone, and I was standing alone in my room feeling completely dejected. I walked back to my bed, crawling under the covers, and though I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, I was out in seconds.

I woke up at 10am to the blaring sound of my alarm, and set about getting ready and packing my things on auto-pilot. After the intense emotions of our parting last night, I felt strangely empty in the morning. I checked out and made my way to Shin-Osaka in a sort of daze, just focusing on the task at hand, and it wasn’t until I had taken my seat on the train that I really let myself reflect on everything that had happened.

The whole thing was so anti-climactic. I remember sitting on the Shinkansen and staring out the window the whole time, feeling rather hollow. I’d just spent the whole entire week with Taehyung, and it had been as magical as any new relationship could be, but now he was gone and I was suddenly faced with the reality of what it meant to be dating an idol. I had no idea when I would see him again, and it suddenly made me incredibly sad. Plus I was mad at myself because I’d told myself that I wasn’t gonna fall… and here I was, right at the bottom of the pit. Completely smitten with my cute, adorable man-child.

I moped about the house the whole next day, but then finally, within a week, life resumed its normal pace. It’s kind of weird to say, but being away from him was easy. Going on with my daily activities, smiling when I got a mail from him, and expecting a goodnight call or mail every night, this was what I knew. I was good with that. It was goodbyes that were hard.

A few nights later, I was at an Izakaya, drinking with some friends for my birthday. It wasn’t actually my birthday til the following day, but it was Saturday night and this was when people were free so that’s when we celebrated. I’d stopped making a big fuss over birthdays a long time ago, and honestly, this was just another night out drinking between friends, but still, it had been a while since my last night of debauchery so it was nice. For a while, I didn’t think about Taehyung at all and just enjoyed being loud and annoying with my closest friends.

I was actually having such a good time that I was surprised when Tae mailed me around 11pm asking if he could call.

[Sorry bae, I’m out drinking with friends now. I’ll be home late.]

If you know me at all, you can probably tell that I was already tipsy by the fact that I’d just referred to him as “bae”.

[Ok. I’ll try again later.] he replied.

[Have fun]

[Love you]

[Love you tooooooooo] I typed back, grinning like an idiot.

After the two hours of our all-you-can-drink plan, we moved the party to a club. I hadn’t been clubbing in ages, but my friends insisted that it was a must since it was my birthday, and I was already dressed up anyways, so I had to. I not-so-reluctantly agreed, and we set off to dance the night away.

I’ll admit, it was really good fun. Sometime past 2am, as I went for a bathroom break, I happened to look at my phone and saw that there were several missed messages from Tae.

[Sorry baby, I’m still out] I typed back, giggling drunkenly at how cute I thought it was that he worried.

Instead of replying to me, the phone started to ring. Without thinking, I answered it.

“HI BABE!!” I sang loudly into the phone.

There was a pause on the other end before he finally asked me where I was.

“In the club!” I replied, putting on a fake hip-hop voice and laughing at my own joke.

“Noona, you like club?” he asked, sounding surprised and slightly disgruntled.

I shrugged, but then realizing that wasn’t an answer he could see over the phone, I just said, “sometimes.” and then added, in a drunkenly chipper voice, “but it’s my birthday!!”

There was another long pause before he repeated, “your birthday?!” in quiet disbelief.

I nodded, again, forgetting he couldn’t see me.

“Noona…” he complained, “why didn’t you tell me??”

The hurt in his voice made me sober up a little, and I suddenly remembered – and regretted – my decision not to tell him.

“If you had said I woulda made a gift! Or special event for noona!” he complained over the phone.

“Aww….” I cooed, giggling at how cute his moping was.

“Yah, it’s not funny!” he scolded me, “I should know when my girlfriend’s birthday is!!”

“Taehyung-ahhh…” I pouted, “I’m sorry…”

“I’m really angry.” he said, sounding serious and the smile fell off my face.

“Tae-Tae, I’m really sorry…” I said again, more honestly, “the truth is, when you were here, I was so happy being with you, I completely forgot about my birthday.” I explained. And while that was partly true, I also knew that if I did tell him, he would do just as he had suggested moments ago – plan some crazy surprise – and it would just have made me sadder to not have him here.

“You could’ve said later… you could’ve said today…” he kept on sulking.

Of course I could’ve. But even with all my excuses, the truth of the matter was that this wasn’t just any birthday; this was my 30^th birthday. I wasn’t in my 20’s anymore and it made the gap between us seem even more enormous in my eyes. I didn’t wanna be reminded of that, so I hid it from him. But now, seeing how sad he was at my omission, I felt a little guilty.

“I… I wanted to forget it’s my birthday… if you’d made a big deal I….” I started to explain, my voice shaking a little.

“Noona…” he cut me off, his voice warm and gentle again, “how many times I say don’t worry about that?”

My eyebrows quirked up, eyes widening as I wondered what he was talking about.

“I love you even if you are 30, 50, or 100.” he said firmly, “You know that right?”

It might have been the alcohol, but I wanted to cry. I brought a hand to my mouth in shock as if to stifle a gasp. How had he read my mind like that?

“How did you know?” I whispered.

“Of course I know…” he chuckled, “when I come next month, I’ll give you a big surprise.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Next month?”

“That was my news. We’re going to be performing at an event in Yokohama on September 13. I can see you again soon, my noona.”

I could feel the warmth and love in those last words and I felt my face flush as I started grinning stupidly.

“Tae-Tae…” I whined, tears threatening to spill over, and I heard him chuckle in response.

“I’ll talk to you again when you’re not so drunk,” he said, “Go enjoy your party.”

I smiled and let out a little chuckle, “Goodnight, my baby boy.”

“Goodnight, my noona.” he crooned back. And then I heard the click of the phone line.

How did he know me so well??