Chapter 53 – Interlude – Don’t Go

Taehyung knew that this was the day Emma was being dispatched from the hospital and he debated a long time whether to go see her or not. They had just wrapped up their promotions the night before and there was only one and a half day of freedom before they were due to fly away to Europe for another reality show; though they hadn’t been told anything about it once again to make it more “realistic”. He hadn’t slept. He kept replaying all the possibilities in his head. Would his going to see her change anything? Eunjeung, like a double-agent, had given him news about Emma and her recovery; that’s how he knew she was getting dispatched today. He also knew that it was her last day in Korea. Should he chance it all? Or go for a last goodbye?

Finally – lack of sleep always making for bad decisions – he decided to go to the hospital to see her. He rushed there, not even bothering to change his clothes from the previous night’s fansign, and that, paired with his bright red hair, made him stand out more than a little. He got stopped by fans on the way and tried to get rid of them as quickly and nicely as he could, but when he got to the hospital, she was gone. Not the fans’ fault though, she had checked out hours ago, the nurse told him.

He wanted to scream and cry and bang his head against the wall, but there were too many people looking at him. exhaling loudly through his nostrils, he turned around and rushed back out, flailing a cab to Emma’s apartment. When he got there, he took the steps two at a time, running faster than he ever had, hoping against hope that she would be there, but instead, he found Mr. Baek in the hallway, fussing with the keypad on her door.

“Baek-sshi” he greeted the old man, both out of breath and in surprise.

“Oh! Taehyungie!” exclaimed Emma’s boss and landlord, “What brings you here?” he asked, an awkward strain in his voice, but trying to sound trivial.

“Emma…” Tae just breathed the word.

A sad expression crossed over the older man’s features and he patted the young idol’s shoulder. “You just missed her, son. Maybe 20 minutes ago.”

“Aaargh!!!” this time Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from screaming out.

“For the airport?!” he asked again, desperate, eyes pleading.

“No, no…” the old man shook his head, “She’s staying at some rented home with her mother… but she dropped by to visit. Sweet girl. I’m gonna miss her.”

Tae thought that the old man should really shut up but kept his thoughts to himself. Instead, he asked for the address, which Mr. Baek gave to him, and he rushed out without even saying goodbye.

*

Mom and I were watching TV when the doorbell rang. Well, she was watching the movie, and eating the chicken we’d ordered, and I was just staring blankly at the screen. We were leaving Korea tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Our suitcases were all packed by the door, except for pajamas and some toiletries. This was my last day here. My last day in this world. I couldn’t focus on anything. I just wanted it to be over.

We both turned to look at each other at the sound, as if to ask “did you order something else?” There was a short staring contest about who should go get the door, which I lost due to the fact that I was the one with the most Korean-speaking ability between the two of us. (which was not saying much.)

I opened the door rather carelessly and then just stood there, staring, dumbstruck. I hadn’t seen him in weeks. His hair, which had grown longer again, was ridiculously bright red, the color of cherry tomatoes, making me remember happy memories of when he had first dyed it this color. His eyes, a dim sort of grey, due to colored contacts he had probably forgotten he was wearing, stared at me with an intensity that I had tried to make myself forget. He was so beautiful. God, but he was beautiful. It hurt.

We just stood there staring at each other, saying nothing. It felt like seconds but I vaguely remember mom calling, “Who is it? Is everything okay?” and then a much nearer “Oh!” when I didn’t answer.

The surprise in her voice made me turn around and I saw that she was standing right next to me, staring at Taehyung. When had she gotten there?

“I’ll, hum… I think I’m gonna go for some last minute shopping… that movie’s boring anyways…” she said, hurriedly. I’m not sure who she was talking to, but she returned a moment later with her purse, telling Tae that he could come in, and stepping around him when he didn’t, to leave us alone.

We still stared at each other.

“Taehyung.” I breathed out his name. It was a -in gasp. A desperate word. What are you doing here? Why now? I already almost died once, are you trying to kill me all over again?  That was what that word meant.

“Emmaaa…” he brought a hand to my cheek and took a step in. His word was dragged out, pained, and bursting with love. Oh god, but it hurt.

“What are you doing here…” I finally asked, having to look away to make myself sound somewhat normal, though his hand still rested on my face.

“I wanted to see you before you go…”

I could hear the attempted smile in his voice, though I knew he was close to tears. Always trying to make people smile. My baby. My puppy boy… I pressed my lips together.

“You knew?”

I looked back up at him, my eyes b with tears, though I was trying hard not to cry. He just nodded, returning my desolate look.

Again we just stared at each other in silence. He had taken a step inside though the door still remained opened behind him. I’m not sure when his arms had come up around me.

“Won’t you change your mind?” he asked, his voice shaking. He knew then answer but still he had to ask.

I glanced at the suitcases by the door and he followed my gaze.

“There’s no point…”

He pressed his lips together and let his head hang down. I knew there were tears in these strangely colored eyes of his that he was hiding from me. It was my turn to bring a hands to his face. Slowly, I touched his cheeks, his skin feeling like the most delicate porcelain I didn’t wanna break. I was shaking. He was crying. He kissed me and I realized I was crying too. I kissed him back – slowly – hoping it would stop the tears but it didn’t, and then the fire came. It always came when I kissed him because I loved him so much. I wanted him so much. Always. And he wanted me. He swooped me up in his arms without breaking the kiss, and though he had never been in the house before, he had no trouble finding the bedroom and depositing me on the bed while ripping his jacket off.

They say there are different kinds of in a relationship. There is first-time , everyday , special occasion , breakup , makeup … this was goodbye . And it was heart-wrenching. I knew every inch of him and he knew every inch of me and it didn’t even matter that it felt good because we were both crying and it hurt so much. We were just holding on for dear life; holding on to each other because we didn’t want to let go. And yet we knew we had no choice.

Whoever said life is unfair…. They were right. And I hated them.

Once it was over, we just held each other, locked as one. I lay in the crook of his arm and he my hair. And he started talking. He started telling me about the promotions that had just ended, about the new reality show that they were going to film in Europe, about the world tour that was coming up and the new concept album the company was already starting to plan. He just babbled. The words just pouring out of him. I couldn’t have stopped him if I had wanted to. But I didn’t want to. I just stared his face while he talked, trying to memorize every inch of it, the shape of his eyes, the softness of his cheeks, the crinkle of his smile… I inhaled the smell of him trying to make sure I remembered everything, the sound of his voice, the pace of his breathing…

Soon, much too soon, we heard the bleeping sounds of the front door keypad being unlocked and immediately pulled away from each other. He hastily put his clothes back on and was out the door before I could even utter an argument.

In a way, this was better. Less painful. Like pulling off a band-aid. Don’t drag it out.

*

Shortly after 4am the next morning, I sat in the back of a cab with my mom, on the way to the airport. Nobody talked and all we could hear was the faint trot music the driver had playing on the radio. Mom hadn’t asked what had happened while she was gone and I hadn’t told. She’d gone to bed on the couch, and I hadn’t slept a wink. When the alarm had rung, I’d gotten ready like a robot and we’d gotten into a taxi.

I sat there, watching the Seoul skyline disappear behind me in the growing morning light and finally mom put a hand on mine and dared to ask, in the tiniest of voices.

“Are you okay?”

I took a long time to answer, still staring out the window, and not looking at her.

“No. No, I am not.”

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The story is almost finished!!! Please tell me what you think before I upload the last chapter. In a way. This how it ends... and yet... there is another chapter.ou
Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me for so long... God knows this story almost got thrown away, but I'm glad I stuck with it because I'm really proud of it. I really wanted to write a story that was like a drama, and I think I've succeeded. I hope you guys enjoy the ending.

Sincerely, 

AoH