I didn’t feel like going back to the dorm, to see their hatred yet again would be like facing with the death gods themselves. Anko had already left to do practice since we already ate and we had nothing else to talk about. It was just me and the lonely morning, the time when no one was present. They had either gone to school or to their jobs or even meeting up with friends. The nostalgia was powerful, never before had I felt something like this before. It was like the time when everyone was either scared of me or wanted to fight me. I hated it, at that time I thought there was no love, no hope or even the slightest sight of the future. Now it’s the same, sure I will work in a big company, rule over it and all that but is that really what I want? Is it why I was born?

“Ah, biyanne.” Someone had bumped into me, he was short figured and weak.

“Argh! This is why I hate tall guys! Who do you think you are huh!”

I looked down at him, to this familiar voice that comforted me when I was weak and laughed with me in the good times.

“Aah.”

“You should be practicing with Anko.” I said.

He looked down and seemed to be thinking about something.

“I saw her just then in the practice room, I heard it all!, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!?” He shouted at the top of his lungs.

Slowly tears ran down his cheeks, they trickled down like it would never stop. He bit into his lips to stop himself from shouting.

“Why~…” his voice drained.

This was awkward, I didn’t want to deal with it. I thought that it would be best for him, but guess what? All of this, it was for my protection. Just like the time when I left my two best friends to get killed by those thugs. If only I had saved them that time, were the words that looped in my mind to the point of anger.

“I can’t stand this anymore!” he looked at me with tears in his eyes.

 “Let’s just go back to the way we were! We can right? Right?”

He spoke desperately to the point that it sounded like begging, rather than self comfort. I didn’t like the thought of seeing him like this. I turned around because of my weakness. Walking away just seemed like the easiest way to avoid it. Yet I still heard his voice, shouting at me from behind.

“Stop it… Stop it! Why do you have to become so weak! You were strong and didn’t care what others did to you! You used to just smile…” he continued, “But why now! Now that I have found out that this is not our destiny! Why do you have to leave?! You idiot!”

I turned around once again for the last time.

“Thank you, thank you for everything you have done for me during the time we used to be together. It was the best time I ever had, but now I can’t break your pride any further.” Then with that I left.

A single tear ran down my expressionless face. The last this that I heard was the scream of the man that I loved and will always love. My heart yearned for him and yet my mind hated him, he was like the forbidden love that I could never touch but just stare. Stare as he continues on with his life and wait for him to look at me. The thought of having him in my arms were nothing but a mere dream, a mirage if you would. Nevertheless, everything ends, when the ending comes then we may suffer and with that we start anew.

I went to the nearest hotel when the sun had disappeared from the sky. I got a room there, nothing special just an ordinary room. Nothing extravagant like those billionaires would get, but just a plane room, filled with only the necessary items that a human would need.

It was white canvas throughout the room; nothing seemed to shout out ‘LOOK AT ME!”. All the possibilities were left for the imagination. I heard two footsteps behind the thin doors. Both in rhythm, a simple melody was made. It showed how much they were alike. Something that me and Ji would never have.

“I’m really glad that you chose me instead of him.” said one of them.

“Um, yeah I guess…” The second voice was a lot weaker than the first.

They were both male, it reminded me of Ji and I. I wondered if I was born into my birth family, things would be different. The walls were thicker than the doors and somehow I was very glad about that. It was obvious that they were going to do it and well, I don’t really want to hear that.

At some point everything was silent. As if there was nothing in this world apart from me and this building. Slowly my eyes gave in to my lack of sleep, they weaver as they decided what to do. Eventually I went into a deep sleep, a flow of dreams started in my head. It was both wonderful and fearful. Images all seemed to play in scenes much like a play. Scene after scene, act after act. This story was neither boring nor interesting. It was just an endless loop of tales of the future possibilities and of the chances that I could have had in the near past.