Ji and I sat next to each other with my mom and Anuka opposite. We all seemed happy, well at least that is what I thought. My mother looked upset in a way; she had that look in her eye.

“Mom, what’s the matter? Is it something to do with dad?” I asked.

“Oh, anneyong, it’s just that we have been thinking you see. Since, your sister passed on and you went into the music industry and well Anuka also went into the music industry after all of her business studies.”

I knew what was coming; she wanted to make me take over our family business. I knew that this would happen. It was inevitable.

“Mom, don’t worry. I’m going to take over the business after our debut in Thailand”

I saw Ji sitting next to me surprised, upset even. I felt bad about saying this to everyone with no warning. Nevertheless, for me my family is more important than anything, not even Ji is more important. But his face shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. It was unpleasant, but we all have to give up something, in order to please someone else. That is the law of our psychological build, it’s the way we are. We use pain as the way to prove that we are still alive.

“Well, your father is going to be happy either way.” She smiled at me, as she bit into her kimbap gently.

“Mom, we should get going soon, and Anuka you should start practicing like hell if you want to reach us.” I laughed to lighten up the awkward situation.

Everyone seemed to notice that it was already 10 am and we should have already been at the studio an hour ago, we said our goodbyes to my mother, whom gave us all a gentle smile to calm our hearts. I was sure that she knew of my situation between me and JiYong and she was good to both of us. Unlike Ji’s mom that’s for sure. She always ends up freaking out through the phone when his trying to talk about anything that involves me in it. Like when Ji said about how the band is letting me have a solo in Thailand and in a flash, she started going nuts over how he should not be gay, not with me at least. The Ji would apologize, but to be honest I can understand why. I felt the same way when I first found out that there were some gay traits in me.

The awkward situation finally left us all when we arrived at the studio. Some of the guards told us to go to the main practicing hall straight away, which was a bit weird. Since we usually just went to the producer, but we silently went there. Whilst there were little murmurs about us from everyone that looked at us, some laughed and some giggled at us or about the thing that they were talking about us. I couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t notice that Ji had already grabbed my hand and was holding it very tightly. My heart skipped a beat despite the situation that we were in.

When we neared the main studio that was right in the heart of this huge construction that we called our agency, everyone was quiet when we entered the room with Ji’s had holding me tightly, but who knew that when we entered there would be balloons everywhere and party poppers shot in the air giving us a fright.

“Wha…? But, how can this… Huh?! ” Ji exclaimed not grasping the surprising situation.

“You see! I did something to make hyung. I told everyone about your situation and they were ok with it!” SeunGeun said with a huge grin on his face.

I was speechless and slightly glad that everyone was ok with this. But since I’m leaving in a couple of months, all of this is probably unnecessary. Yet in truth all of this made me really happy and made me want to be with Ji for the rest of my life, though that was sadly impossible for many reasons.

“Thanks guys, this is really reassuring.” I said.

“You’re welcome, but we have to warn you. The paparazzi aren’t as nice as us. They’ll turn stuff like this into a huge scandal and scar your entire career and might even destroy Big Bang.” Said the director.

He had a fierce look on his face, that was very frightful but we all knew. This was the truth and if this were to leak out then it was a life or death situation. I didn’t want to be the one who destroys this happiness that we have all made over 2 years to be gone in 2 seconds.

“Yes sir, I will give you my word that I will never let this out public.” I vowed before Ji could get a single word in.

I was sure that Ji was angry at me with everything that has happened today. However, I need to make sure that Ji hates me by the day I leave Big Bang.

“SeunHyun, why did you have to say that huh?” Ji whispered to me with a pout on his face.

“Because, we can’t be selfish and ruin other people’s dreams ok!” I whispered back.

I walked towards Anuka, since she had asked to come as well.

“Oh oppa what’s up?” she asked me.

“Hey, I need to ask you a favor. Let’s go out of this room first.”

 I didn’t think that I would ever be doing something like this to Ji but right now it seemed to be the best way.