Still unable to love, I know your weary heart all too well 
Without change, I watched over you 
But your past love 
Is the only thing living in there

I want you and wait for you 
The kind of person who makes my short time drag on 
I don’t want to know your hurt words about the past

September 2019

Taeyeon POV

I just finished my concert at San Francisco, part of my USA Tour this year. This is my first concert outside Korea, I mean my solo. I used to be part of nation girl group, SNSD but our company and the members decided to manage our individual schedule, every members except one.  

As you know that SNS basically had 9 members but something terrible happened, at September 2014 to be exact. We had to lost one members that forced out without any warn before and made her felt pissed out. And I never forgot about harsh and hateful comment also gift that delivered to me after that moment. Many person blame me because I couldn’t do thing right as the leader, even from my own members. Even after she forced out from the group, we still tried to keep contact each other but our company found out. The company said clearly to us for not keeping contact with her with many intense because it’s very hard for their stock for increasing. I just don’t know why our company insisted to doing that way. For first time, she said that’s okay for not contacting us intensely like before. We managed that, although we missed each other a lot. But two years ago after all of SNSD members decided to have our own way, she already used to leave us. She was alone but she always gave the world her best smile. I miss her.

Even when you’re clearly smiling 
I get the feeling that your heart is crying 
And though I want to end that 
I don’t want my heart to be discovered in this state

*********

Flashback

Middle of 2015

“So the company said that we shouldn’t have intense interaction because of I just the former member of SNSD?” she said with bitterly smile

“I hate that thing actually” I can hear Tiffany sigh “How come they separated us like that?”

“It’s okay, guys. Just focus on your comeback. I think we will very busy after this so that we can manage the company’s policy. Maybe it’s the last time we can meet each other” again she smiled to us, try to comfort even she was very sad in her heart “I have to go, see you on top guys”

I accompany her to entrance after we have a group hug, for the last time like she said

“I know it will be hard for all of us, but hanging there. We will back together” said her

“What actually you feel for now?”

“I’m okay”

“You lie”

“Taenggo, why must I lie to you?”

“Because your reaction to this kind of thing was not Jessica Jung at all”

“I know” she look at her feet “But we have to do it”

“Are you really want to leave us? Leave me?”

She just nodded in response “It’s a choice”

“Why? After our time together before? Why don’t you said the truth?” I pull her arm so that she face me. I can see brim in her eyes

“You will never understand!” she take out my hand and head to her car, left me alone. Tomorrow come the news that she cut her contract with SM.

I just figured after, that company secretly pressed her to leave us and using Krystal for excuse. Jessica didn’t has any choice but leave. For our sake and her sister’s sake. But when I realized that, she already left me.

You will never understand!

Her voice always echoed at my ears everyday. Make me felt very sorry and lost toward her. How come I can’t understand her position at all? Why must I stupid like that?

End of Flashback

***********

“When you’re in SF, why don’t you enjoy walking around the city, T