Gift for RinaZar

Gift from ???

Title: 우리? (We?)

Pairings: (main) MarkSon; (minor) MarkJin

Words: 4.3k

Rating: PG-13

Genre: angst, sci-fi, bit fluff

Warning: sad ending


Note: Hello, Rina! :)
I hope the plot doesn’t fall under what’s absurd for you. :)
I hope you had a wonderful holiday!
Originally inspired by promptcentral on twitter:
“Because Chanyeol has moved on and Baekhyun's stuck.”
Please forgive my kpop puns in the story.
(This is the my first boy x boy fic *giggles*)
I had so many feels when I was writing this and hoping that those feels will reach you and other readers. I am open to constructive criticisms. :)
I hope we can be friends. :D
I wish you a good year and life! <3 

우리? (We?)


 

“Ewww, hyung, are you texting Jackson hyung again? And he said ‘Your voice is like an angel’s.’? By the way, what’s he like? When are you going to let him meet me?” Yugyeom can’t help but ask Mark, his older roommate, who is smiling from ear to ear. The younger boy displays a disgusted face to emphasize his bewilderment.

Annoyance is evident on Mark’s face as he looks up from his phone screen to Yugyeom and responds, “Quit reading other people’s text messages! What’s wrong with texting him, anyway? And never. I’ll never let you meet him. Who knows what kind of things you’ll say or do to him.”

“Ouch!” Yugyeom yelps as Mark pinches his right cheek. It is their way of showing affection to one another. On other days, it is Mark who receives the pinching.

Mark lets go of the younger’s cheek after a few seconds and he starts typing a reply to Jackson.

A sigh of relief escapes from Yugyeom as Mark releases his cheek. Mark’s pinch is no joke; he has serious grip strength that the younger roommate can testify to.

“Nothing’s wrong with texting him but what’s wrong is that mushy and giddy expression on your face,” Yugyeom says, while rubbing his sore cheek.

“Huh,” Mark lets out a puff of air and doesn’t even bother responding. He is too busy typing and deleting and then typing again a response to his boyfriend’s cheesy text.

Suddenly, Yugyeom speaks again, “Mark hyung, tell me something. Is it serious this time?”

Once again, Mark lifts his head to face Yugyeom. This time, he hopes the younger’s mouth will be kept shut even just for 10 minutes.

Not that he doesn’t like Yugyeom as a roommate. They’ve been living in this room for almost four years since their first year in college. Yugyeom is hard-working and diligent; he pays for his own tuition by securing scholarships through keeping his grades up; he compensates for the rest of expenses by working late in a nearby convenient store; he helps with cleaning their bathroom too.

So far, he has been a pleasant companion. Well, most of the time. Because, aside from being hard-working and diligent, he is naturally curious as well. And, sometimes, his curiosity gets to Mark, making Mark feel burdened by it – like this moment.

Mark thinks that he would rather stay quiet and comfortably wrapped in his cozy blanket. But he reminds himself to be the bigger, older, and mature person so he simply gives his answer, “Jackson and I? I don’t know. We’ve been dating for only four months. Why do you ask?”

Yugyeom says matter-of-factly with eyebrows raised, “Hyung, remember Jinyoung x you.”

***

Mark and Jinyoung. The end of their relationship was certainly not a happy and peaceful one. But, at least, it lasted for more than a year – one year and one day, to be exact.

Being a year younger than Mark, Jinyoung became the one of the first junior members of their club. Their club consisted of hobbyists, mostly those taking up Multimedia Arts course. They gathered at least twice a week and different times of the days. There were times when they took photos of people – those walking under the rain, those basking in the glorious sunlight, those watching the setting of the sun. Other times, they captured the simple yet exquisite beauty of nature – early morning dew on a field of flowers, rocky roads, colorful insects.

Most of their activities were done in pair. Mark and Jinyoung, as though by fate, became partners. Early mornings and late nights were normal part of their rendezvous. As days went by, they extended their meetings to three times, four times, five, six, seven times a week. They made time for one another, even skipped some classes and laughed together at the “daredevil” act either of them did.

One thing led to another; they officially became a couple after three months. Jinyoung always had an eye for beauty and he made sure Mark recognized it. On February 13, both with the thought of ditching the traditional “confess on Valentine’s day” thing, they brought and exchanged flower chocolates and confessed their feelings to one another. That marked their anniversary date.

All was well and good. However, due to the increasing paper works and projects, Mark became too busy to meet up with Jinyoung. From seven times a week, the days of their meeting decreased to six times, five times, four, three, two, one, and zero – just video calls and texts.

Finally, their first anniversary came. Both of them made time for the special date. They decided to go out to the movie house and have dinner afterwards.

The night was lovely and peaceful. It was well and good. But both of them felt unlike a year ago. The thought of meeting somehow turned numbing, the giddy and butterflies-in-stomach feelings gone. Yet no one said a word. They still held hands but they didn’t felt the same warmth. Their parting that day turned into dispassionate I love you’s and unconcerned good night’s.

The day of their breakup was their first and last kiss. The very next day after their first anniversary. February 14, Valentine’s Day. The supposed day of romance.

It was a Friday night and the club members agreed on having dinner together. They all ate heartily, grilling kilos of samgyeopsal and hanu. Laughter and mixed conversations filled the table. Pieces of meat wrapped in lettuce were shoved in one another’s mouth.

Beer and soju were poured to their glasses, one after the other. Minutes later, some started to chant “Couple shot! Love shot!” and the resident couple Mark and Jinyoung were the first to be put on the spot. They haven’t spoken to one another since the night before. Awkward laughter came out of the couple’s mouths as they stood up to satisfy their audience. They put their arms around each other, pulled each other closer, and drank their own glass of beer.

Amidst the shouts of “yahoo!” and squeals, Jinyoung grabbed Mark and locked lips together. Their kiss was slow and steady. He tasted saltiness, sweetness, and other sensations except passion. Tears started to form in his eyes. Whether it was because of the buzz he was feeling or the inexplicable pain of their inevitable end, he didn’t want to find out.

I’m sorry were the last words they said to each other that day. At least, they lasted for one year and a day.

***

Perhaps, the younger roommate is concerned that this new relationship will end up breaking Mark’s heart all over again. But Mark does not share the younger’s opinion.

Mark feels that, this time, it is different. He is determined to make it different. He wants to make this work. He is willing to give whatever Jackson could handle. He is willing to take whatever Jackson gives, even if it seems too much. He is ready to love again.

So, Mark says with a grin plastered on his face, “Trust me, this isn’t like the last time.” Yugyeom looks at Mark with uncertainty but he chooses to pat the older roommate on the shoulder. He is acting like an older brother giving his sibling permission to date but whatever. He wants to trust Mark on this. He wants him to be happy.

***

Mark reads the last text he sent to Jackson hours ago. “Will you accompany me back to heaven, then? See you later.” He crinkles his nose at his corny reply. Even at 11PM, he knows he could have done better. But he has no time to dwell on that because Jackson will meet him at the nearby park in five minutes.

Quietly, to avoid waking up Yugyeom, he grabs the nearest sweater and tiptoes to the door. The hallway lights of their dormitory are set to dim. No other person in the hall is in sight. A calm sensation sweeps him as he takes one step at a time towards his destination.

As expected, Jackson is on time. He walks halfway, smiling, as Mark rounds the corner. His blonde hair stands out even more because of his black coat. Just by seeing Jackson’s hair getting blown by the December breeze, Mark’s heart flutters.

Mark tells Jackson how his day went as they walk down the path. He recounts the scene with Yugyeom, making Jackson laugh out loud.

Their hands get closer, inch by inch, every ten steps they take – not that any of them are counting. Until there isn’t any space anymore. Trembling, their fingers lace with each other.

Furtive glances.

Shy smiles.

And then silence.

But it is the kind of silence that reassures, the kind of silence that makes one aware of the other, the kind of silence that makes them feel they are really together. They can see puffs of air form as they take deep breaths. At the quietest moment, they can even hear the thumping of their hearts.

It is the kind of silence that makes one forget of the pressing problems and just let things be. It is the kind of silence that Mark needs the most.

They exchange their short but sweet goodbyes and walk on their own paths going home.

“Dream of me. ;)” reads the last text Jackson sent that night.

***

The next day, Yugyeom is already awake as Mark opens his eyes. The sweet smell of pancakes fill their room and Mark remembers it’s Monday Pancake Day.

Years of living with Yugyeom has thought him that schedules can either be fun or tiring; it solely depends on the person. And in their attempt to make their lives full of life, the roommates designated specific food for breakfast every day. Tuesday Pasta Day. Wednesday Bibimbap Day. Thursday Ramen Day. Friday Bread Day. Saturday Any Food Day. Sunday Fridge Leftover Day. The day when their routine exactly began, they can’t even remember.

Butter sizzles as Yugyeom continues pouring batter on the pan. On the table, a stack of chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream seat on the plate. Mark recalls how much Jackson likes chocolates and he instantly smiles. It seems like every little thing nowadays is associated to his boyfriend.

Yugyeom asks after seeing Mark smile, “Is the pancake that good, hyung?” He sets another stack of pancake – his stack of pancake – and sits next to Mark.

Mark jokes, “Nah, I just acted like it is so I won’t hurt your feelings,” making Yugyeom pout like a baby. “Anyway, do you have work later? Jackson said he’ll come over.”

Yugyeom nods and gobbles up a whole piece of pancake. He sure has a good appetite. After swallowing his food, he says, “Uh-huh, I have work. Just don’t mess up the room later, you two love birds.”

Mark chuckles and almost chokes on his food, “Yeah yeah, whatever you say.”

Mark runs to the shower right away after eating his breakfast. Between the two, the younger takes ages to finish bathing so he better beat Yugyeom to it. He can’t afford to wait for Yugyeom today as his class starts in 15 minutes.

***

Yugyeom leaves to work at around 9PM, every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Usually, the roommates eat together before he goes to work. Sometimes, they order pizza, burger, and/or fries. At times, they order Chinese. Other times, they just munch on whatever’s left in the pantry. But on days when Jackson is coming over, Yugyeom is left to eat alone on the way to the store and Mark waits for his boyfriend who usually has food upon arrival.

Minutes later, Mark stands up and opens the door before Jackson even knocks. Jackson hugs him and they walk in the room together, staying in each other’s arms. His heart beat quickens a beat faster. And then he finds out why the other is being extra nice and sweet.

Jackson has no food for them tonight.

Mark pulls away from his hug, laughing and telling him that it’s all right.

Jackson turns his puppy mode on, asking for apology. He buries himself on Mark’s chest and makes puppy sounds. Mark rubs the puppy’s chin gently and says while giggling, “good doggie, good doggie”. This is one of the past times they have when they are together, Jackson pretending to be a dog, and they never really get tired of it.

After Mark goes to the bathroom, a laptop that is neither his nor Yugyeom’s is set up on his desk. It is Jackson’s, who proceeds to play a horror movie for them to watch. The movie starts with a bloody girl, making Mark sit closer to Jackson. Jackson places his arms around Mark. During the jump scares, they hold each other tighter. No screaming, just raised shoulders and muffled “oh my”. After finishing the movie, both of them release the breaths they were holding and they laugh at being scared.

To break the fearful atmosphere surrounding them, as if by telepathy, they start dancing with arms raise high and going around the room. Gleeful laughter and high fives resound in the enclosed room with four walls. It is to no one’s surprise when the person in the room across the hall knocks and asks them turn their “party” down.

They settle on the bed after a few moments and enjoy their quiet time together, surfing the Internet, sharing videos and funny pictures with one another. Jackson’s carefree laughter captivates Mark every single time.

This is what he loved most about Jackson and their relationship.

With just simple gestures and glances, it’s as if they both know what the other is thinking. They learn trivia and details about each other mainly by observing. Like how Mark knows both of them prefer burgers over pizza. One time, they ordered at a fast food chain and pointed at the quarter pound cheese burger almost in sync.

Like how Jackson knows that Mark thinks couple things are ridiculous such as the couple anti-pest bracelets Yugyeom suggested to use when the couple went to walk by the Han River in summer. Being both blonde, Mark even changed his hair color to shades of pink and brown to avoid looking “couple-y”.

Like how Mark knows how practical and health conscious Jackson is because of the stern look on Jackson’s face when Mark picked a high fat and non-organic milk but then Jackson insisted to buy low fat and organic milk as taught by his Uncle Jinyoung. Also that one time they bought clothes at a decent thrift store and nearby surplus and outlet stores, on different days as Jackson urged to do.

There is a deeper kind of intimacy in what they have. Unlike the one Mark had with Jinyoung. Mark admits to himself that can’t help comparing Jackson to Jinyoung, even after all the months that has gone by. For one, Jinyoung is his first and only personal reference to what a boyfriend is. Second, Jinyoung is one of the people who have a big part in his life. Third, maybe it is just human nature – looking back at the past, comparing ex to present.

Jackson also knows one particular thing about Mark. That Mark likes being kissed on the cheeks even though he doesn’t want to admit it. Especially when it’s Jackson who kisses his cheeks.

Like right now.

Jackson pecks Mark’s cheek while Mark is busy scrolling down his feed. Mark pretends he didn’t notice, smiling a bit, and continues scrolling.

Like the persistent guy that he is, Jackson tries to kiss Mark’s cheek again. But before his lips land on Mark’s cheek, Mark turns his head slightly to the side. Half of his mind screams panic at what could happen but his whole heart whispers “yaaas”.

Their first kiss.

That day is the day when he knew one particular thing about Jackson – great kisser.

***

A year seems to fly by. Projects are already submitted. Exams are already taken and cried at. Some couples are already broken up while some got back together.

But what’s important is today. Mark and Jackson’s anniversary – the same day as their hiking at the highest peak in Seoul. 837 meters high, Baegundae Peak on Mt. Bukhansan.

Days before, the couple have prepared for the event – meeting every night and running around the nearby park and doing morning exercises on their own. The online travel guide they read says endurance and strength should be improved before the hike. They did sit-ups; Mark held Jackson’s feet in place and intense tension happened whenever Jackson gets back up and his face becomes centimeters apart from Mark’s. They also did lots of running; at times, they fought for who would run more laps than the other and, other times, they ran side by side like the sappy people they are.

Now, Mark packs his bag with trail food, extra clothes, water. The other things like compass, gas burner and sleeping bags are already with Jackson, the one who suggested this thing. Mark declares that the guy is an adrenaline junkie – they actually went trekking, water skiing, and cliff diving months before.

They invited Yugyeom a week before but his family wants him back home. Mark threw a fit when the younger roommate declined. Admittedly, he was jealous.

His family is away from him as well but they don’t communicate often with him, unlike Yugyeom’s family. There are moments when he wanted to call first but he was afraid that they would be too busy to pick up. Despite the fear, he does his best not to think much about it and sends a text or two, asking how his parents are and if his siblings have already eaten.

***

A thousand or more steps later, the couple trudges along the hiking trail. A trail guide is nowhere in sight as Jackson bravely declined the offer. Their path gets steeper as they go but the lush scenery of their surroundings makes them forget. Hand in hand, they venture higher as they take in the chilly air.

It’s Mark’s first time to do this. It feels challenging yet exciting. He smiles and believes that he wants to have these kinds of first times with Jackson.

But then, Mark doesn’t notice a branch sticking out in front of him as he continues looking at Jackson and smiling like silly at the little hair bordering the other’s ears. Somehow, he finds it cute.

And then he trips, falling head first.

Jackson reacts quickly, holding tighter to his hand, and catching him midway.

Right, Jackson’s there to catch him when he falls.

The drama-like happening doesn’t disappear from Mark’s mind and heart as they take the last few steps towards the peak.

Magnificent. Majestic. Glorious.

There aren’t enough words to describe the feelings they both had at that moment. The exhaustion from the hike seems like yesterday. The cliff down below doesn’t even bother them. The muscle pains they feel are worth it.

While absorbed by the sights, Jackson hugs Mark swiftly from behind and rests his head on Mark’s shoulder. Mark leans closer to him.

And then reenacting the iconic scene of Titanic, Mark stretches out his own arms. At this point, both of them giggle.

But they stay in that position for a while, gazing down the vast city and gazing up the horizon covered in shades of dusk.

***

Mark arrives at their dorm. His breathe becomes irregular and his heart beat quickens abnormally fast. He uses all the strength he has to open the door. He steps in and hears a faint “Welcome back, hyung!” from Yugyeom.

Thud.

Mark collapses.

***

Back in their dorm, Yugyeom goes over Mark’s laptop and camera files. Nothing unusual, just like the normal Mark he knows. He came rushing from the hospital a while ago. Now, he feels imprudent even suspecting the older roommate.

But he’s trying to find evidence.

He wants to find nothing but a pressing hunch prods him to continue searching.

He struggles to make sense of what the doctor said. "It is possible that he has delusional disorder, the erotomanic type." Even with the explanation, “Delusional disorder is a condition associated with one or more nonbizarre illusions. People around the patient may never suspect. The erotomanic type is patient believes that a person, usually of higher social standing, is in love with the individual. Irritable or gloomy mood can be developed as a reaction to their delusional beliefs,” he finds it hard to believe.

He believes he knows Mark better – the older roommate tends to be quiet about things and gets moody at times. But isn’t that normal?

He doubts the doctor’s judgement.

Until he unintentionally presses a hidden icon in the desktop…

He sees social media and online community accounts that are logged-in.

Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Asianfanfics.com…

Fan accounts (@identifyed, @jackdamnson, @identifytheboy)

He scrolls further down and finds these:

IDENTIFY idol group.

Members: Jaebum, Youngjae, Bambam…

and Jackson.

He opens the “first meeting” folder and it dates back to the day Mark told Yugyeom about dating Jackson. The folder contains pictures of the group members sitting near a long table with fans falling in line.

A fanmeeting, perhaps?

Yugyeom remembers Mark’s words as he continues looking at the well-captured photos “And never. I’ll never let you meet him. Who knows what kind of things you’ll say or do to him.”

Late night walks in the park…

Hiking with Jackson…

Watching the last full show in the movie house with Jackson…

Jackson’s coming over late while Yugyeom is out working… Yugyeom recalls one night – one of the nights Jackson is supposedly coming over – when he left his ID at their room. Before opening the door, he listened through the door. He heard Mark talking in whispers. When he opened the door, no one was there besides Mark, who was using his phone. He thought Jackson was still not around at that time and Mark was rehearsing lines he would use to have a sweet time with his boyfriend.

Still in denial, Yugyeom comes to a conclusion.

All this time, it was just Mark… and Mark alone.

***

IDENTIFY schedule (01.09.2016)

Jackson

07:00 – 08:00 WORK OUT

08:00 – 08:30 BREAKFAST

Banana, Bread, Milk (all organic)

08:30 – 09:00 TRAVEL TO STUDIO WITH MEMBERS

09:00 – 20:00 SHOOTING OF M/V, PHOTOSHOOT

20:00 – 23:00 DANCE PRACTICE

23:00 – 24:00 …

Jackson stops reading his personal schedule. He knows that final hour of the day still has work-related activity. He closes his eyes for a while and makes “la li la la la blah blah” sounds to relieve some stress.

He goes around the dorm, finding Bambam. When he found Bambam, he starts talking – or pestering, as the other members would say – to the co-foreigner member of the group. They often talk before the start and the end of the day, random things or work-related topics.

At the other end of the room, Jaebum and Youngjae pet their squishy puppy.

Each member has his own way of spending time before the schedule kicks in. Before the lights of the studio shine on them. Before the flash of cameras stops them on their tracks for a short while. Before the swarm of people – supporters or haters – come at them. Before they wore their bodies to exhaustion.

Once in a while, however, Jackson remembers a tall, blonde, and handsome fanboy he met several times – mostly at their group’s promotional events.

He remembers the word 우리 as the dedication the boy made him write at a fanmeeting. He remembers signing it with a heart and exchanging smiles with the boy. He remembers how the boy’s eyes glistened as the boy looked back at him before leaving the stage.

But as quickly as he remembers, he forgets.

After all, the tall, blonde, and handsome fanboy is just one of the many.

***

Yugyeom contacted Mark’s family the night he was admitted. His family arrives at the hospital the day after.

The doctor says to them, “The pressures of the academic load, being away from his family, and other related things might have caused this. Maybe being a fanboy became a place of retreat and protection. A refuge. Where all are well and beautiful despite the difficulties. Because the brain has an innate characteristic to make up for the stress and hurt. He immerses himself in the lives of other people to shun – even for a while – the things that make his heart heavy. I will prescribe some calming medicine but the best thing we could do is to provide support for him in every way, especially moral and emotional support. As for when he would wake up, all we could do is wait.”

***

In the cold, dark, and silent room, a shivering voice says, “Jackson.”

Mark finally wakes up, tears in his eyes, after three days. His eyes adjusting to the dark, he looks around, trying to find someone – the One, his 우리.

He utters again, “Jackson?”

At a distance, he overhears people talking. He figures it’s about him.

Delusions… could be harmful… hiking…

Made-up… Not well… Mark…

He can’t understand the string of words. He can’t even remember why he is at the hospital. And maybe a part of him doesn’t want to.

Then, he remembers the fanmeeting. The day he met Jackson and the other members of IDENTIFY. The day he made Jackson write우리, a symbol of being together – no longer alone.

The days that follow that event are blurry in his mind. But the emotions that he felt and the unspoken promises that were said are clear in his heart.

He shakes the negative thoughts lurking in his head. He focuses on the things he has to do after this – albums to review, variety shows to watch, and concerts to attend to.

***

Maybe it’s because Mark is stuck…

But Jackson…

Well, Jackson, has already moved on.

끝 (end)

A/N: Please forgive me for the possible inaccuracies of portraying the disorder mentioned in the story. (it’s sci-fi, anyway <3)