Gift for cily265

Gift from ???

Title of the Gift:  Choi Scrooge?  Choi Claus?

Pairing(s):  Youngjae/Jaebum (2jae)

How Many Words: 12,879

Rating: PG

Warnings:  Spoilers for Rudolph and Frosty as well as kdrama plots in general.  Other than that?  Major sugary fluff ahead.


Note to my Giftee:  Cindy, your request included 2jae, fluff, realistic, and Youngjae-centric.  I want to say thank you for allowing me to go with this AU storyline, it turned into a massively long fic, but I really enjoyed writing this for you.  I hope that this story fulfills your expectations and that it brightens your day!  I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas and I hope that your New Year is filled with many happy moments.  

Choi Scrooge? Choi Claus?
 

_________________

 

“Eomma,” Youngjae whines, drawing out the word with extra long syllables, successfully reverting back to childhood antics even though he’s a full-grown adult of twenty-five.  “No, you know how I feel about Christmas.”

 

“I do, but this will be the perfect opportunity for you to change your mind about the holiday.  Besides, what else do you have to do?  You just lost your job.”

 

“I didn’t lose my job, I just don’t start my new one until the first week of January,” he corrects his mother.  His original plan was to use the two and a half month break to get out of the city and go on a much needed and well deserved vacation.  But best laid plans change and fail, especially when his mother let it slip that she got hurt.  His sister lives an hour away and it’s not like she can offer help on a daily basis when she works full-time and has a family of her own.  So now instead of basking in the sunshine and enjoying island life, he finds himself back at his childhood home — a far cry from the pink sands of Harbour Island or the red sands of Kaihululu Beach, places he had hoped to visit.  

 

“Exactly.  You’ve got plenty of free time on your hands.”

 

“I was thinking we could spend that time together,” Youngjae counters, hoping to distract and entice his mother with happy thoughts of all the mom-and-son bonding time she could enjoy.  

 

She sees through his plan though.  Like a balloon pricked with a pin, his hopes are dashed and end up lifeless on the ground.  

 

“We’ll still have plenty of time.  Youngjae, it’s just a play.”

 

“Yes, a Christmas one.”

 

“It’s that time of year.  What do you expect, a Halloween one in the middle of December?”

 

Youngjae shrugs.  “Christmas is scary to me.”

 

His mom sighs and shakes her head at her son being difficult.  “I’ve volunteered for the last six years.  I play the piano and direct the songs and singing, but how am I supposed to do that now?” she asks, gingerly lifting her left arm to emphasize her point, the arm that’s currently in a cast and sling.  

 

Youngjae knows his mother started volunteering at the local Korean Community Center the year he left home, and he knows it means a lot to her.  Whenever he would call her starting from November onward, it’s all she could talk about, the play and all the kids that she worked with and helped teach.  

 

“There’s no one else?”  One last ditch effort of pure and utter desperation.  

 

“It’s volunteer, not paid.  We barely had enough people helping out last year, and no one has the talent or the ability to play the piano and sing.  Besides, who is better than my son when it comes to music?  Youngjaeya, please?  All the kids really look forward to participating and I don’t want to let them down.”

 

Youngjae may have spent the last several minutes hating his life and attempting to wheedle his way out of a commitment he didn’t want to make, but as soon as his mom asked he knew he would end up saying yes.  Not because his mother is tenacious and could wear down the most stubborn person — not mentioning she could guilt trip like a pro — no, the real reason, the only reason, is simple: he loves his mom.  She’d given up and sacrificed so many things to help him achieve his dreams, and if he could repay her in any way, small or large, he would gladly do that.

 

“Fine, you win.  I’ll do it.  Where is it, how many days a week?”  He grimaces at the thought of being stuck in his personal version of hell — all bright, sparkly, snow covered hell.  “When will the torture begin?”  

 

He doesn’t mind kids; in fact, he loves them.  He has two nieces and a nephew, and he adores doting on and spoiling them.  It’s just the whole Christmas thing he wants to avoid, but this year he’s obviously not on Santa’s Nice List because that’s the only way to explain his current predicament. 

 

His mother cheers and goes to kiss him, wrapping him in a semi-awkward one arm hug.  “My baby’s the best!  I knew I could count on you.”

 

—

“Kids, as you know, Mrs. Choi won’t be able to help out this year because she hurt her arm, but this is her son Choi Youngjae.  Please make him feel welcome and greet him properly.”

 

All the kids bow while saying, “Hello, seonsaengnim.”  One of the Korean Community Center’s goals is to help enrich and promote the kids’ understanding of their heritage, therefore they’re actively encouraged to use Korean titles, like seonsaengnim for teacher and attaching the nim suffix for added respect.

 

The play director, a lady who looks to be around his mother’s age and named Mrs. Kim, goes on to discuss the finer details of the play and Youngjae takes a seat in one of the chairs off stage.  He’s got a packet of papers, filled with the play’s rehearsal schedule, the songs he’ll need to play and help the kids sing along to, and other miscellaneous information.  

 

Who knew a children’s play could be this complicated?  His mom always made it sound like a breeze — obviously he’d been deceived.

 

All the kids are kids who have participated in previous years so that’s helpful, but there are a couple of new songs plus new arrangements to previous songs they’ll need to learn so that’s back to not very helpful.

 

The doors of the auditorium slam shut distracting him from his reading and he sees a guy around his age, maybe a few years older, and a young boy come in.  The guy looks cool and chic, though maybe a tiny bit frazzled around the edges, while the kid is adorably the antithesis.  He’s holding onto his dad’s pants like he’s afraid to let go when they come to a stop near Youngjae.  The boy turns in Youngjae’s direction, trying to hide from the kids staring at him from the stage.  Youngjae smiles and makes a couple funny faces and waves to him, and he sees the boy shyly smile before hiding his face again.  

 

“I’m sorry we’re late.  Small personal crisis, but we’re here,” the guy says, as he bends down to his son’s coat.  “This is my son Im Soohyun, he’s five years old.  This is his first year joining.”  He gently turns his son to face the other kids and helps him to wave.  To the play director who comes down to join them, Youngjae overhears the dad tell her that his son is shy and he asks if it’s okay for him to stay since he promised his son he would if it was allowed.  Mrs. Kim tells him it’s perfectly fine and motions toward the direction of seats where Youngjae sits before she takes the boy’s hand in hers and leads him up the stairs to the stage.

 

There are empty seats everywhere, but the new(late)comer chooses the seat next to him and introduces himself as Im Jaebum.  

 

“Choi Youngjae.”

 

Jaebum smiles and leans a little closer in order to keep his voice low.  He’s already noticed there are only a few other parents there, all mothers.  “It’s nice that I’m not the only father here.  Which one is your son or daughter?”

 

He’s about to correct Jaebum’s assumption, but he gets called away first.  

 

“Seonsaengnim Choi, can you come here?”

 

—

 

Three days later, second day of rehearsals, Youngjae finds himself sitting by Jaebum again.  Roles are currently being discussed and auditioned for.  The play is a fusion of Korean and American culture.  A couple songs will be sung entirely in Korean, Mrs. Claus will wear a modern take on the classic hanbok, and on the Island of Misfit Toys, there’s a gumiho.  

 

“How’s your mother doing?”

 

When his mom called the night he got home from taking Soohyun to the Community Center, Jaebum mentioned he hadn’t seen her friend and instead there was a younger guy who appeared to have taken over the singing and playing the piano parts of the play.  His mom quickly filled him in on who the new teacher was.  

 

“You know my mom?” 

 

“Our moms are close friends,” Jaebum explains.  “They belong to the same Go-Stop club that meets every couple of weeks.  I’ve met your mom a few times, when I go pick up or take Soohyun over to my mom’s house when I’ve had last-minute work emergencies.”

 

Youngjae nods his head in understanding.  “Wait, I may have met your mom too.  It was the day I came back home, she stopped by to drop off a bunch of side dishes and some bulgogi she had marinated.  She didn’t stay long because she needed to go pick up her grandson.”

 

Jaebum smiles.  “That sounds like my mom.  I don’t mind cooking, but I’ll admit I’m grateful for her help, keeping Soohyun and I supplied with side dishes and things like that.  Your mom’s actually the one who suggested the play to me a couple months ago.”

 

Youngjae’s not surprised because his mother has always been supportive of getting kids involved in after school activities.  

 

“We just moved back to this area at the beginning of the year, and Soohyun is quiet-natured and it’s been tough for him to make friends.  Your mom thought this would be a good way for him to gain confidence and make some friends too.”

 

“Your son is adorable.”

 

“Thanks, I think so too, but I may be a little biased.”

 

Youngjae laughs quietly.  “My mom’s doing okay,” he answers Jaebum’s earlier question.  “She’s upset she’s unable to help out this year, and she’s so use to doing everything herself.  It’s been a constant battle to try and get her to rest and let me help her with household chores and cooking.”

 

“You’re a good son.  I can see why your mother brags about you so much.”  He remembers a few months back, Mrs. Choi had been really excited about her son moving back home.  “Your mom even played an old tape recording of one of your earliest concert performances.  It was impressive.  I think you were only eleven at the time?”

 

Youngjae groans and tries to resist the urge to hide his face in his hands.  “Why are moms so embarrassing?”

 

“It’s sweet how proud she is of you.  That’s not embarrassing, my mom’s forever trying to set me up on blind dates.”  He pauses, like he wishes he hadn’t revealed that.  “Anyway, um, sorry about the other day thinking that you were a parent.  Seeing you again, you look too young to have a kid in school.”

 

“I’m twenty-five, so not that young.”

 

“I’m twenty-seven, and call me hyung please.”

 

—

 

It’s thirty minutes into their two hour rehearsal time when Mrs. Kim gets a phone call informing her that her mother-in-law had fallen and is in the emergency room. 

 

Today’s the fifth time the kids have met for play rehearsals.  Mrs. Kim has an assistant, but she’s not able to come every time they meet.  There are two costume designers that volunteer but after taking the kids’ measurements, they mostly do their work at home where their sewing machine is located.  Four college students help with the set designs, but because of classes they usually come by before or after play practice to build and paint things.  

 

All of which leads to Mrs. Kim asking Youngjae the impossible.   

 

“Youngjae, can you handle the kids?  My husband’s out of town and there’s no one else.  I’m sorry for asking you, but I need to get to the hospital.”

 

“Uh, I uh, well—”  He’s forgotten how to form actual sentences, because the thought of being alone with twenty kids is terrifying.

 

“I’ll help Youngjae.”

 

The voice of an angel, his savior.

 

Jaebum.

 

“Oh, thank you, thank you!  You two will do a great job.  The kids already love you Youngjae, and Jaebum, you’ve got plenty of experience.  Soohyun’s such a well-behaved young boy.”  She gathers her belongings as she talks.  “If you don’t get through everything on the agenda,” she begins, handing a sheet of paper outlining the day’s plan to Youngjae, “don’t worry about it.  I’ll figure it out later.  Just keep them happy and occupied until their parents come pick them up.”

 

With one final thanks and a promise to the kids that she’ll see them next time, she hurries out the door.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Yeah?”  There are twenty pairs of eyes trained on Youngjae and him, and he swallows nervously.  Taking care of Soohyun is one thing, but adding nineteen other kids, that’s something else entirely.  The ages of the kids range from Soohyun’s age all the way up to the oldest at ten.

 

“What did you help agree to?”

 

“Think it’s too late to make a run for it?” Jaebum jokes, although part of him is serious.  The kids start breaking out to dance and run around and sing Christmas songs loudly.  “We’re bigger,” he says, coming to stand next to Youngjae.  United front and all that.

 

“But we’re outnumbered,” Youngjae whispers back.

 

“You’re right.  I don’t think we’re going to survive.”

 

Three kids run up to Youngjae to grab his hand.  “Seonsaengnim, seonsaengnim, we’re bored!  Come play with us,” they yell excitedly, pulling him toward the stage with them.

 

Youngjae shoots a helpless glance back at Jaebum and mouths save me! before being swept into the chaos of little hands and loud voices.  

 

—

Soohyun is the cutest kid ever.  

 

Youngjae knows it’s likely frowned upon considering he’s in a “teacher” position to have a favorite “student,” but the kid just tugs at his heartstrings without even trying.  Soohyun’s coming out of his shell more and more, but it’s tiny turtle steps.  He’s still very quiet and reserved, but if you look closer, you can see how much the kid wants to befriend the other boys and girls and just wants to be liked.  

 

To be honest, Soohyun reminds him a lot of himself, especially when he was a young kid.  His family moved around a lot when they first came to the States.  He was only nine years old, and he found it hard to make friends with his limited English skills.  When he tried, he often got made fun of and that just made it harder for him to open up.  Music class quickly became his favorite period in school.  He found his refuge in song lyrics and melodies that pulled him in and spoke to him on an emotional level despite the language barrier.  

 

It’s not the first time that he has thought it, but he’s glad his mother suggested the play to Jaebum.  He hopes participating in the play will be a positive experience for Soohyun.  

 

Another rehearsal day ends, and Soohyun runs up to say goodbye to him like he’d been doing since the third time they met.    

 

“Have a good night, Soohyun.  Remember to practice the new song we learned tonight, okay?”

 

“I will.”  Soohyun’s got his hands clasped in front of him, like he’s trying not to fidget, while shifting his weight back and forth from his right leg to his left reminiscent of a little seesaw in action.  “Can I—”  

 

“Can you what?” Youngjae prompts, as he crouches down to be at Soohyun’s level.

 

“Can I give you a hug?” Soohyun quietly asks and ducks his head down real fast, like he’s scared the answer will be no.

 

Youngjae glances up and sees Jaebum standing a few steps away, watching the two of them.  His face is unreadable but when he sees Youngjae looking at him, giving him a questioning look, he smiles and nods that it’s fine.  Youngjae grins then and lifts Soohyun’s chin up gently, so that Soohyun can see the sincerity of his words.  “I would love a hug from you.”

 

Soohyun throws himself in Youngjae’s arms, and Youngjae can’t help but feel like a tiny piece of his heart, the one that’s been broken and battered, is slowly being healed.  

 

—

 

It’s a week later and Youngjae finds himself, like he does most of his downtime during play practice, sitting and talking with Jaebum.

 

Some of the parents attend the rehearsals, but they usually only stay ten, fifteen minutes at the most and then leave, using the excuse they need to go do errands or pick up another child at their sporting practice or take them to a tutoring session.  Jaebum is the only parent who has come to every single rehearsal and stayed the entire time.  He usually brings work to work on, but Youngjae notices that he never does any work any time Soohyun sings or is the center of a scene.  

 

Youngjae tries not to be touched but it’s sweet and he totally fails at stopping himself from falling a little more in like with Jaebum, despite his mind’s continued insistence against it.  

 

“Last night I had a nightmare,” Youngjae announces.  “You know what it was about?”

 

“Uh, zombie apocalypse?  The day video games stop being made?”  Jaebum asks the last question on a shudder, because it’s something he and Youngjae quickly discovered they both really enjoyed.  Soohyun’s not really into them, preferring books and learning to read over playing video games.  Later when Soohyun is older, Jaebum has plans to introduce him to his favorite manhwas and mangas that he read as a young teen.  

 

“Hyung, seriously, that’s not even funny,” Youngjae says in reference to video games becoming obsolete.  “No, my nightmare was having to listen to Christmas songs all day long every day for an entire year while being stuck in a tiny room.”

 

“That’s it?  Nightmare?” Jaebum laughs softly with a shake of his head.  “Try having a kid and it actually happening.  Soohyun was singing “Frosty the Snowman” on Valentine’s Day, and I’m pretty sure we watched Rudolph again around Easter or wait, it actually may have been as late as June or July.”

 

For some reason, despite his anti-Christmas feelings, Youngjae finds the picture Jaebum paints to be appealing and maybe he’s even a little envious, and that surprises him.  “I’ve never seen any Christmas cartoons actually,” he admits.

 

“Wait, what?” Jaebum asks, incredulous at Youngjae’s confession.  “You’re working on a Christmas play and teaching kids Christmas songs, and you don’t even know the source material?  That’s a tragedy.  Was Mrs. Kim aware of your lack of credentials when she said yes to hiring you?”

 

“Haha, funny hyung.”

 

Youngjae gets called back up to direct another song, and Jaebum tells him they’ll talk later.  He laughs and nods his okay.  He doesn’t think much of it until he’s getting ready to go home that night and turns to see Soohyun bundled up already and holding his dad’s hand.

 

“So we talked,” Jaebum starts off very somber-like and glances down at his son who nods his head in agreement.  “And we both think we’re duty bound to show you what you’ve been missing out on.”

 

“Soohyunnie, your appa is being silly.  What’s he talking about?”  As Youngjae speaks, he kneels down so he can readjust the scarf around Soohyun’s neck and then tie his shoelace that had come undone.

 

“Will you watch Frosty and Rudolph with us?”

 

Youngjae looks up at Jaebum startled because this is… new.  

 

Jaebum shrugs nonchalantly.  “Soohyun said that he wanted to watch some Christmas shows, and I mentioned that you had never seen them, and so yeah, what do you think?  Want to come over Friday?  We can order a pizza, make it a guys night… you, me, Soohyun?”

 

“You’re inviting me over on a Friday night, for pizza and Christmas cartoons?”

 

Soohyun has let go of his dad’s hand and is now clutching onto Youngjae’s.  “Please, please say you’ll come!  It will be fun.”  

 

“We can make it Thursday, or another day,” Jaebum offers after seeing Youngjae’s hesitance.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking you may have Friday night plans—” 

 

Youngjae thinks Soohyun looks like a miniature Jaebum.  His eyes and his smile are exact replicas of his father’s, and maybe that’s why when he looks at Soohyun and then back to Jaebum, all he wants to do is to ignore his mind and just say yes.   

 

“Friday is great,” he says after a few more seconds of internal debate.  “I think it sounds fun, thanks.”

 

After exchanging numbers so that Jaebum can text him his address, they head out into the night in two different directions.

 

—

 

“Youngjae, where are you?”

 

“In my room, but can it wait?  I’m kind of in the middle of—”

 

“Middle of what?  Destroying your bedroom?  I thought I taught you how to hang up your clothes properly,” his mom chastises him, stopping to stand in his opened doorway.

 

“You did, eomma.  They’ll be put up again,” he promises quickly.  He’s spent the last half hour going through his closet and searching through the few boxes he had brought with him.  “I should have brought more clothes,” he groans out loud.  “Why didn’t I?  It’s not like I won’t be moving here soon enough.  Well, an apartment or somewhere close to my work.”  

 

His previous job was in a city five and half hours away.  With the distance and his busy schedule, he rarely made it back home to visit.  His new job is only thirty minutes from his mom’s house, and while the job’s a great opportunity, he’s glad it’s also affording him the chance to live closer to his family so he can see and spend time with them more frequently.

 

“Why does it matter what you wear?  Aren’t you just going over to Jaebum and Soohyun’s place?”

 

“Well, yeah.”  But that’s not the point, or maybe it is the entire point.  He’s not really sure anymore, his mind too jumbled to focus or think things clearly.     

 

“So is this like a date?”

 

“Eomma!  No, no it’s not.”  He’s quick to deny it.  He does not want or need his mother to get interested in his love life, or more accurately, his complete lack of one.  She’s still upset with his last boyfriend.  

 

He had taken his mom to a nearby store — she complained about being stuck at home constantly, though it’s only because the doctor ordered her to take it easy — and the poor cashier had the misfortune of having the same name as his ex and his mom went off on a rant.  He had to pull her away and apologize profusely several times over.  (Needless to say, he doesn’t think he’ll be stepping foot in that store anytime soon, or ever again.)  

 

“Anyway, Jaebum mentioned a while ago that his mom is forever trying to set him up on blind dates, so—”

 

“Blind dates with nice young men.”

 

“Oh.”  Oh.  “But he has a kid.”

 

“I don’t know the whole story, and it’s not my place to share it, but things happen…”  His mom steps into his room and heads toward his closet.  “Will there be food involved?” she asks the question as she browses through his clothes with her one good hand like she’s at a department store.

 

“Huh?  What?”  Trying to keep up with his mother’s train of thought is difficult sometimes.  She’ll go from topic A to G and backtrack to B without warning or proper segueing.  

 

“Tomorrow, will there be food involved?”

 

“Yeah, I think Jaebum hyung said something about ordering pizza.”  

 

His mom makes a little mhmm noise.  “And you’re watching movies?”

 

“Christmas cartoon ones.  Apparently it’s this great big tragedy that I’ve never seen Frosty the Snowman.”  He smiles to himself at the memory of Jaebum’s reaction to learning he hadn’t seen any Christmas shows.  It’d been both hilarious and charming.  

 

“I see, I see.”

 

Youngjae doesn’t see what his mom sees because it’s just Frosty.  “Don’t forget there’s a kid involved.  Soohyun is going to be there.”

 

“I’m sure he has an early bedtime.”  His mom has made her way over to his bed and is now inspecting the clothes lying in an unorganized pile on his bedspread. 

 

He hadn’t thought of that.  He should offer to leave early then, right?  Great, another thing to add to my list to worry over and stress about.  Maybe he should cancel.  

 

But he really doesn’t want to cancel.

 

“You know, if it’s not a date,” his mom begins, turning to look at him.  

 

“It’s not.”

 

“And you don’t think of it as a date,” she continues, barely acknowledging his answer.

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Then why are you so concerned with what you’re going to wear?”

 

Instead of answering, Youngjae falls face first onto his bed with a muffled shriek and groan.  

 

“I think you should wear the dark jeans, a white button down shirt untucked, and that green sweater over it.  It looks nice, but not like you’re trying too hard.”  With those parting words of wisdom, his mom walks out of his room and leaves him alone again.

 

Ohmygod.  What am I thinking?  What am I doing?  His mother is giving him dating advice.  The end is officially near.  

 

—

 

Youngjae stands outside the door to Jaebum’s place, questioning himself for the hundredth time if this is a smart idea.  He’s got a kid, he’s got a kid, he repeatedly tells himself, this is just a friendly let’s hang out kind of Friday night that is totally not a date thing.  Of course that doesn’t explain why he has to wipe the palms of his hands on his jeans (twice) before he takes a deep breath and knocks on the door, or why when Jaebum opens the door wearing glasses the hello he planned to say suddenly disappears into the cold night.

 

It’s rude to stare, he has to remind himself, it’s embarrassing to have your jaw drop open and yes Youngjae please remember your words, remember how to speak…. it’s not rocket science.  

 

Jaebum notices though, how could he not when he’s just standing there like an idiot?  “Uh, hi?”

 

“I’ve never seen you wear glasses.”  Brilliant greeting, Youngjae.  

 

Jaebum runs a hand absentmindedly through his hair.  It’s loosely tousled, looking like the wind had just blown through it, but in a stylish way that looks completely effortless.  “Oh.  My contacts were bothering me and I needed to finish up some work stuff before you arrived.  I only wear them occasionally.  Don’t tell Soohyun this, but I’m a little self-conscious about wearing them.”  His smile is self-deprecating and he has a hand on his glasses to remove them when Youngjae’s voice stops him.

 

“Don’t.”  Jaebum’s hand falls away.  “I mean, you don’t have to because of me.  I uh— I don’t think you should be self-conscious at all.  They look nice on you.”

 

Nice is the understatement of the year though.  Soohyun wearing glasses is cute and all kinds of adorable.  In Jaebum’s case, cute and adorable are the furthest thoughts from his mind when he sees Jaebum wearing them.  

 

y.  Hot.  It’s twenty degrees outside and he can see little puffs of air as he breathes in and out, but in this moment, it feels more like a summer heat wave.  

 

“Thank you.  Uh, come in… it’s cold outside.”  Jaebum motions him in and he enters the apartment, taking off his coat and stuffing his gloves into the pockets before handing it over to Jaebum who hangs it in the entryway closet.  

 

“Samchoooooon!”  Soohyun comes around the corner to fling himself at Youngjae and Youngjae bends to catch him, picking him up and swinging him around twice, making the young boy giggle in glee.  

 

Soohyun is the perfect reminder to keep his thoughts G-rated.  

 

“Samchon?” Jaebum questions, raising an eyebrow at the new form of address.  Instead of teacher Soohyun is calling him uncle now.  

 

“Your mom stopped by yesterday afternoon with Soohyun to drop off some food.  I told Soohyun that outside of play rehearsal he’s welcome to call me samchon.  Is that okay with you?” he hurries to ask, thinking perhaps he should have gotten Jaebum’s permission first.  

 

“It’s fine.  Soohyun, just remember to call him seonsaengnim when you see him on rehearsal days, okay?”

 

“Yes, appa.  I promise!”

 

While Jaebum is ordering pizza, Soohyun asks if he can show him his room.  The room is shades of cream, green, and khaki.  There are a few posters hanging on the wall, depicting the solar system and the English alphabet as well as Korean hangul.  Next to the closet is a large bookcase that’s filled with books and more books and photographs.  Youngjae steps closer and it takes all it has in him to not pick up the picture frame — the one that holds a picture of a younger looking Jaebum holding baby Soohyun in his arms — and hug it to his chest.  It is, in one word, perfect.  It’s getting harder and harder to not fall for Jaebum.  His heart and his mind are in constant battle, and Youngjae’s not sure which side he wants to win.  

 

Jaebum comes to stand at the door just after Soohyun asks Youngjae if he’ll read his favorite book to him.

 

“Soohyun, I can read the book to you later tonight.”

 

Youngjae’s already seated on Soohyun’s bed (where the little boy told him to sit) and looks up at Jaebum.  “Hyung, it’s fine. I don’t mind.  We’ve got a little while before the pizza arrives, right?”

 

Jaebum nods.  Soohyun is on the bed next to Youngjae, but he’s not quite satisfied with his spot so he tugs on Youngjae’s sleeve.  “Samchon?”

 

Youngjae glances down.  “Yes?”

 

“Can I sit in your lap?”

 

Instead of answering, he opens his arms and lets Soohyun scoot over into his lap.  “All settled?” he asks, putting an arm around the little boy’s waist to keep him from falling.  

 

Soohyun nods.  

 

“Okay, good.”  Youngjae opens the first page of the book.

 

“What about me?” Jaebum speaks up, stepping farther inside the room.  “Can I listen to the story too?”

 

“What do you think, Soohyun?  Should we invite appa to story time?” Youngjae whispers close to Soohyun’s ear, his warm breath making the little boy giggle.  

 

“Yeah!  Appa, you can listen.”

 

Jaebum grins.  “Thanks, I knew I could count on you son.”  He goes to sit in the chair that’s in the opposite corner of where the bed is but Soohyun stops him.

 

“No, appa, come sit here.  Please?”  Soohyun pats the spot next to where Youngjae sits holding him.  

 

“Um.”  He looks at Youngjae who gives him a small nod.  “All right.”  Moments later, he’s mere inches from Youngjae.  It’s weird considering they’ve sat next to each other many times at play rehearsals but that’s in seats with armrests between them, and this, this just seems more intimate.  It’s his apartment, and his child is sitting in Youngjae’s lap.  It’s just the three of them, without two dozen other people surrounding them and providing countless distractions.

 

After reading the first few pages with Soohyun stopping him every now and then to point at pictures or to repeat words, Youngjae glances at Jaebum and sees Jaebum staring at him, and the intensity of his gaze makes his heart trip in his chest and his cheeks flush pink.  

 

“Next page, please.”

 

“Yes, where were we…. here we are,” Youngjae says, quickly turning the page.  He keeps his eyes on the book and Soohyun until he’s finished reading, careful not to look in Jaebum’s direction even though he can feel his gaze on him from time to time.  He’s flustered, and it’s embarrassing because he stumbles over elementary level words more than once. 

 

It’s after eight when they start the first cartoon.  Soohyun picks Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer to watch first.  The three of them sit on the sofa together, Soohyun sandwiched between the two adults.  A large quilt is shared between them, and there’s a bowl of popcorn that Soohyun is holding.  

 

When Rudolph gets teased, Soohyun whispers loudly, “I don’t like this part.”

 

“I don’t either,” Youngjae agrees and Soohyun looks up at him and smiles.  And later when Santa comes to Rudolph that foggy Christmas night and asks Rudolph with his nose so bright if he can lead his sleigh that night, Youngjae cheers along with Soohyun.  

 

As the end credits play, Soohyun jumps up, almost spilling the popcorn but Jaebum easily predicts the potential disaster and deftly grabs the bowl and puts it on the table while Soohyun goes to grab the Frosty the Snowman DVD.  “Can we watch Frosty now?”

 

Soohyun’s teacher told him earlier that his son hadn’t taken a nap, because he had been too excited about his Friday night plans.  It’s a guys only night and super special he kept telling her.  Jaebum can see his son fighting sleepiness and trying to keep from yawning, and he’s not sure Soohyun will be able to make it through the cartoon even though it’s short.  Still it’s the weekend and if Soohyun can manage to stay up, he hates to say no.  Maybe it’s true what his mom sometimes says, about him trying hard to make up for things, but he can’t help it.  He loves his son more than anything in the world.

 

“All right, let me put it in for you.”  He stands up and heads toward the TV.  Soohyun meets him halfway and gestures for him to bend down.  He does and Soohyun wraps his tiny arms around his neck and kisses him loudly.  

 

“Thanks appa!”  Soohyun hurries back to the couch to sit down again, excited to see his second favorite Christmas show.  

 

It’s a few minutes past nine o’clock, and they’re only halfway through Frosty when Youngjae looks down and sees that Soohyun has fallen asleep.

 

“Hyung,” he whispers quietly, not wanting to wake the little boy sleeping next to him.  “I should go.”

 

Jaebum looks over and sees his son snuggled up against Youngjae fast asleep.  He takes the moment and captures it in his mind and in his heart before pausing the show.  “Let me tuck him into bed and we can finish this, if you want…. I mean there’s only a little bit left anyway?”  (It feels kind of silly since it’s a kid’s show, but he doesn’t want Youngjae to leave yet.)

 

“If you’re sure, then yeah, okay.  Just so I can say that I’ve seen it and everything.”  (He knows it’s kind of silly since it’s a Christmas cartoon, but he doesn’t want to go either.)

 

Less than ten minutes later, Youngjae’s crying.

 

Spoiler alert: Frosty dies.  Well, melts.  He comes back to life, but that’s not the point at all.  Youngjae tries to discreetly wipe away the few tears that have fallen when something white catches the corner of his eyes.  

 

A kleenex.  Jaebum is handing him a tissue, and that’s not embarrassing at all. 

 

“It’s allergies, hyung,” he claims, hoping that maybe he can make Jaebum believe him.

 

Jaebum just laughs because he finds it more than a little endearing, especially because Soohyun does the exact same thing — he cries when Frosty melts but keeps insisting on watching it again and again throughout the holiday season.  

 

—

 

He sees Jaebum and Soohyun again the very next day because of play rehearsals.  

 

While the kids are busy practicing their lines, he takes a seat next to Jaebum.  “Thank you for inviting me last night.”

 

“It’s all Soohyun could talk about when he woke up this morning.”  All during breakfast it was samchon this, and samchon that, and can samchon come over again real soon?  “It’s probably not the most exciting Friday night you’ve had, but I’m really glad you came.”

 

“It was fun, really.  Christmas has been my least favorite time of year for a while, so yeah.  It’s something for me to say that and to mean it.” 

 

“May I ask why? I know you said you didn’t really celebrate when you were younger, but why do you hate it now?”

 

“It’s hard to be cheerful during this time of year when you find out your boyfriend of four years is cheating on you Christmas Eve.”  He leaves out the part that he had come home early from work, excited to surprise his boyfriend, only to find him in bed with another guy.  It’s been almost three years, but the betrayal and hurt he felt still gets to him sometimes and the holiday itself is just another painful reminder. 

 

“I’m sorry.”  The words seem entirely inadequate.  

 

Youngjae shakes his head.  “I was young and in love, and very very stupid.  I try to think of it as a life and learning experience, but—”

 

“It still hurts,” Jaebum murmurs quietly.  “And you’re doing this Christmas play to help out your mom, and then I invited you to watch Christmas cartoons… I’m an idiot.  You could have told me, or just said no.”

 

“No, don’t think that,” Youngjae quickly says, not wanting Jaebum to feel bad.  “Honestly after that happened, all I did was try my best to avoid the holidays and everything associated with it.  And yes, when my mom asked me to do her this favor, I didn’t think there could be a worst torture invented.  Christmas may still not be my favorite holiday ever, but it’s not seeming so bad these days and it’s thanks to the kids in the play and Soohyun and,” he pauses, to give himself a moment’s courage, “… and because of you.”

 

Being cheated on has kept him from believing in the possibility of a new relationship.  It’s a hard thing to open yourself up to the potential of being hurt again.  But seeing the genuine smile on Jaebum’s face, it helps to quiet the voices in Youngjae’s head, the ones that insist on keeping a fence built around his heart.  He’s not sure he’s ready to tear down his defenses, not completely, not yet, but for Jaebum, he wants to try.

 

—

 

“Samchooooon!” 

 

Jaebum had just got Soohyun out of his car seat and set him down in the parking lot of the Korean Community Center when Soohyun sees Youngjae getting out of his car.  

 

“Soohyun, remember it’s seonsaengnim at play rehearsals,” Jaebum gently reminds his son and grabs his hand to keep his son from running across the parking lot by himself.

 

Youngjae comes to greet them and Soohyun is a bundle of excitement as he takes off his backpack that he’s wearing.  “I made you something at school today.”

 

“Oh, you did?  I can’t wait to see it.”  Youngjae crouches down to be at Soohyun’s height.  

 

“Close your eyes please,” Soohyun requests.

 

Youngjae grins and does as he’s asked, holding out his hands in front of him.  He feels a piece of paper being placed in his hands.  “Can I open them now?”

 

Silence and then Jaebum’s laughter.  “Soohyun’s nodding his head yes.”

 

Youngjae slowly opens his eyes, and maybe Soohyun’s not going to be the next Vincent van Gogh or Rembrandt but Youngjae loves it anyway.  He doesn’t have to worry about deciphering the drawing because Soohyun inches closer to him and explains each little detail.

 

“This is appa, and me, and you,” he points to three stick figures that are fairly proportional to their true heights, and then points out other random drawings on the page.  “This is Frosty and this is Rudolph and a Christmas tree and… and, and this is the North Pole where elves work and Santa lives….”

 

Youngjae takes the drawing in one hand and gives Soohyun a hug.  “Thank you.  I love it.  I’m going to hang it on the refrigerator when I get home.”

 

“Really?” Soohyun asks, all smiles.  His dad and grandmother do that, but having another person do that for him makes him feel extra extra special.

 

“Yes, really.  Next time you come over, you can check, okay?”

 

“Promise?”

 

Soohyun seems a little uncertain and it makes Youngjae’s heart hurt.  “Promise.  Now let me go put this in my car before Mrs. Kim sees it and gets jealous that she didn’t get one too.”

 

“Forget Mrs. Kim, I’m jealous because I didn’t get a picture.”  Jaebum leans down to pick up his son, making him shriek when he tickles him and covers his face in kisses.  

 

“You didn’t get one?” Youngjae asks curious. 

 

“No, it must mean you’re special.” 

 

“I feel that way,” Youngjae murmurs softly, before turning to head to his car again.  “I’ll be right back.”

 

“We’ll be waiting.”

 

—

 

Youngjae’s walking out with Jaebum and Soohyun after play rehearsal ends when Soohyun quietly speaks up.

 

“Appa?  We’re having a Christmas party in our classroom.”

 

“That sounds like it will be fun.”

 

“I need cupcakes.”

 

“Cupcakes?  Sure, I can do that.  When is it?”  Cooking is manageable and he even has a few meals that he’s quite proud of, but baking is not his forte.  Maybe he can ask his mom to help since he knows she wouldn’t mind.  Anything for her little Hyunnie.

 

“Tomorrow?”

 

Jaebum stops dead in his tracks and Youngjae almost bumps into him.  “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

 

“I’m sorry.  I was sick when the party was planned and my teacher told me today.”  Soohyun looks like he’s about to cry.  

 

“It’s okay, Soohyun, it’s fine.  Maybe halmeoni can help.  If you ask, she will.”  He’s got a work project that’s due by nine tomorrow morning, and he already planned on staying up late to work on it since no matter how busy he was with work, he promised himself early on that he would always put aside time to spend with his son.   

 

“Hyung?” Youngjae interjects, as they come to a stop by Jaebum’s car.  His car is on the next aisle.  “Tonight’s Go-Stop playing night for our moms.”

 

Jaebum opens the back car door and lifts Soohyun to put him in his car seat.  “That’s right.  Well, maybe I can pick some cupcakes up at the store bakery?  That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?  Is that okay, Soohyun?”

 

Soohyun’s silent for a few moments as he bends his head down to look at his hands.  “I wanted to help make them,” he says in a tiny voice.  He overheard a few of his classmates talking about how they would be helping their moms out with baking, and he wanted to do that too.  At least, with his dad.

 

“All right, how hard can it be?  I can do this.  How many do you need to bring?”

 

“Miss Cindy says three dozen.”

 

Jaebum tries to keep from groaning out loud, but Youngjae can still see it in his face.  Before he can stop himself, Youngjae volunteers his assistance.  He remembers Jaebum mentioning an important work project and he wants to do something to help him out.  

 

“Soohyun, what do you think about helping me with baking cupcakes while your appa does some grown-up work stuff?  And if he’s really really good and finishes all his work on time, maybe he can help us out later?”

 

Soohyun looks up and there’s a huge smile on his face when he hears Youngjae’s idea. 

 

“No, I can’t…. we can’t ask you to do that.”

 

“You’re not asking,” Youngjae replies back.  “I volunteered.  Besides, I’m pretty good at baking.”  At Jaebum’s questioning glance, he shrugs.  “I have an older sister, and I had to pretend to be her sous chef many, many times.  Eventually I ended up liking it.”

 

“Thank you, but are you sure?”  

 

“You would be doing me a huge favor actually.”

 

“How’s that?”

 

“I need an excuse not to be home tonight, and you are providing one.  My mom’s on this when will you settle down and give me grandchildren speech lately.  Can you imagine me dealing with my mom, your mom, and seven other same-aged women?”  Youngjae shudders for extra effect, making Jaebum laugh.

 

“If you put it that way, then I’ll gladly accept the help. Thank you.  What do you think Soohyun?”

 

“Yes! But I’ve got a question.”

 

“What’s that?” Youngjae asks.

 

“What’s a sous chef?”

 

“It’s someone who helps the head chef out.  And guess what?”

 

“What?”

“I want you to be my sous chef today.  Can you do that?”

 

“Yeah, I can!  Can I, appa?”

 

Jaebum smiles widely, seeing his son so excited and happy.  “I bet you’ll make an excellent sous chef.  Let’s go to the grocery story before heading home and Youngjae you can meet us later, if you need to go do anything first?”

 

“Why don’t I go to the store and buy stuff and then come to your place in like thirty minutes?  You can pay me back the money later,” he hurries to add, already anticipating Jaebum’s refusal.  “That way both you and Soohyun can start on your homework.”

 

After deciding (with only a little protest from Jaebum) that Youngjae’s plan made the most sense, they head their separate ways.

 

It takes closer to forty-five minutes because Youngjae did a quick Google search for kid-friendly cupcake ideas before grocery shopping and that led to him spending a good five minutes being indecisive because who knew there were so many cute cupcake ideas and debating the pros and cons between chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry cupcakes.  

 

Which is why he ends up deciding on all three and knocks on Jaebum’s door with his hands full of grocery bags.

 

Jaebum opens the door with Soohyun right behind him.  “Did you buy out the whole grocery store?”

 

Youngjae looks a little sheepish.  “Decisions are hard, don’t judge.  How’s your work project going?” he asks, as he walks toward the kitchen.

 

“It’s going…. still got quite a bit to get through.”  Jaebum heads to the kitchen counter to help unload the bags but Youngjae stops him.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  Soohyun and I have this under control.  Just go and work on your project.  We’ll be fine.  Right, Soohyun?”

 

“Right!”

 

Jaebum laughs.  “All right.  I helped Soohyun change into some old clothes, so don’t worry too much if he gets anything on him.”

 

It takes another couple of minutes before Jaebum actually leaves — since he insists on giving Youngjae a quick rundown on where utensils and pans and such are located — and heads back to his bedroom to work.  

 

“Want to see pictures of the cupcakes we’re going to make?” Youngjae asks, after bringing over a dining room chair so Soohyun can reach the counter.  He pulls out his phone from his back pocket.

 

“Yes, please.”

 

When he looked up ideas earlier, he saved the pictures to his phone’s front page for easy access.  He opens the first image to show Soohyun.  “These are strawberry flavored cupcakes, and we’ll top them with a strawberry and use a little bit of white icing to make them look like Santa’s hat.  Cool, huh?”

 

“Very cool,” Soohyun agrees.

 

“And then what do you think about a chocolate cupcake,” Youngjae begins, opening up the next picture.  “We’re going to use pretzels, vanilla wafers, and M&M’s and it will look like Rudolph’s face by the time we finish decorating.”

 

“I like Rudolph!”

 

“I know you do.”  Youngjae laughs.  It’s precisely why he picked that cupcake idea.  “And now this one, this one I’m going to need a lot of help with.  Think you can do that?”

 

Soohyun nods quickly.  “I can, I promise samchon.”

 

“This one is going to be a white cupcake and we’re going to do vanilla frosting and then you’re going to sprinkle coconut flakes all over it, and see,” Youngjae says, showing him the third picture, “it will look like a giant snowball.  What do you think?  Do you like my ideas?”

 

“Uh-huh, they’re the best!” 

 

It’s well into two hours of their baking extravaganza when Jaebum takes a break from his work.  His excuse is he’s thirsty, but really he just wants to see what his son and Youngjae are up to and how they’re doing.  Neither notice him standing outside of the kitchen, so he takes the opportunity to quietly watch the two of them together.  

 

Youngjae is standing behind Soohyun, helping guide him in placing pretzels and vanilla wafers onto cupcakes.

 

“Are you sure you haven’t been a sous chef before?” Youngjae asks after they finished the last cupcake in front of them.  He steps to the side, standing next to Soohyun now.  “You’re doing a really great job.  I couldn’t ask for a better helper.”

 

“It’s really fun!”

 

“It is,” he agrees.  “Okay, now let’s add the M&M’s for the eyes and nose.”

 

“Samchon?”

 

Youngjae sets the bag of M&M’s down.

 

“Thank you for letting me help.”

 

“You are very welcome.”

 

“Samchon?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Instead of answering, Soohyun leans forward and hugs him tight.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” he says.  It’s not an automatic response out of politeness, it’s the truth.  Soohyun has won him over so many times and made his way into Youngjae’s heart without trying hard.  He can’t help but love the little boy in front of him.  And as for his father, well… Youngjae looks up and finally notices Jaebum standing right outside the kitchen and his heart does another funny little dance in his chest when he sees the way Jaebum’s looking at him.  “There’s your appa.”  Youngjae gently removes Soohyun’s arms from his neck after giving him one more quick hug, and then he walks over to the counter by the stove to check on the strawberry cupcakes that are cooling on the wire rack. 

 

“Appa!  Come see what we made.  We’re still working, but…”

 

Before going to his son, Jaebum stops by and briefly, ever so briefly, reaches to clasp Youngjae’s hand, startling the younger man before he relaxes again.  “Thank you,” he murmurs softly.  “For everything.”

 

“Appa?”

 

“Okay, let me see these cupcakes you made,” Jaebum says, coming to stand next to his son.  The snowball cupcakes are finished and packed.  The Rudolph chocolate ones are halfway done.  “Wow, these look amazing.  Are you sure you didn’t go buy them at the store while I was working?” he teases his son.  

 

Soohyun giggles.  “Uh-uh, we made them all!  Samchon let me help mix and decorate and everything appa!  It’s really really fun.”

 

“I see that.  I’m jealous, I wish I could help too.”

 

“Have you finished your work project?” Youngjae asks, turning toward them and leaning back against the counter.  

 

He shakes his head.  “No, but getting closer.  I think I’ll be able to finish in a couple of hours, maybe sooner.  I wanted to come see how things were going and get something to drink.” 

 

Youngjae heads toward the refrigerator to grab a bottled water for Jaebum and passes it over to him.  “Here you go hyung, now back to work.”

 

“You’re beginning to sound like a drill sergeant.”

 

“That’s Mr. Drill Sergeant to you, hyung,” Youngjae jokes back with a smile on his face.

 

“Maybe I can help?”  He really doesn’t want to work, he much rather stay and spend time with Youngjae and his son.

 

The look on Jaebum’s face is almost identical to Soohyun when he’s pouting and Youngjae bites his bottom lip to keep from laughing because it’s too cute for words. 

 

“Why don’t you work a little longer, and we should be finished in an hour here.  Then we can all take a break?  Soohyun mentioned wanting to watch Rudolph again, so maybe we can do that?  I made extra cupcakes, and you can have as many as you want.”

 

“You’re bribing me with cupcakes now, aren’t you?”

 

Youngjae shrugs and grins.  “Maybe?  My cupcakes are the best.”  

 

“Appa, let’s watch Rudolph or maybe The Grinch.  I’ll make a cupcake just for you.”

 

“Fine, fine.  You two have all the fun.  I see how it is.”

 

“Hyung, we’re just trying to look out for you.  Aren’t we, Soohyun?”

 

Soohyun nods.  “We love appa!”

 

Jaebum looks at Youngjae and he sees his face heat before he turns to try and hide it.  Youngjae picks up the bag of M&M’s, just for something else to focus on.  

 

“I love you too.”  He walks over to Soohyun and kisses him, before taking the bag of candy out from Youngjae’s hands, because the younger man seems to be having a hard time opening it.  “Here you go,” he says, handing back the opened bag.  “See my two favorite people in an hour?”

 

Youngjae nods, feeling warmth spread through him at Jaebum’s word choice.  Favorite.

 

—

 

Youngjae sits on the sofa with his mother while she watches You Who Came from the Stars.  She’d just finished marathoning The Moon that Embraces the Sun a couple days ago.  Dramas aren’t really his thing, but if it makes his mom happy — and most importantly keeps her from overdoing things — he’s more than okay with sitting through countless episodes and pretending to be interested in the drama unfolding onscreen.  His mom keeps picking out Kim Soohyun dramas though. The guy’s a fine actor and all, but it makes him think of the tiny Soohyun in his life which leads to thinking about Soohyun’s father and well, yeah.  He already finds his thoughts drifting toward Jaebum more and more often these days.  

 

The play officially starts next week, and the kids will perform Saturday and Sunday the first weekend and then Friday and Saturday the last weekend with the final performance on the nineteenth.  When his mom first asked him to help out with the play, all he wanted was for the play to be over and done with, but now, with it drawing closer and closer to the end, he’s not looking forward to the play ending.  He doesn’t want to think about not seeing Soohyun and Jaebum on a weekly basis.  

 

They’ve become close, and although his heart keeps getting more and more involved, it doesn’t mean anything will come of it.  There’s been moments, but what if it’s just his mind reading into little, small things that mean nothing on Jaebum’s part?  And then, what if maybe, just maybe, there are actual feelings on Jaebum’s side too?  

 

It’s one thing to have a crush on someone — yes, the word makes him think he belongs back in middle school, but it makes him feel safer to say that it’s just a crush.  It’s one thing to have a crush on someone you think is unattainable, and another thing entirely to be willing to put yourself out there and to be willing to take the risk of getting hurt again.  He’s not sure what he wants or what he should hope for, because the fear of having his trust (and his heart) broken again is hard to overcome.

 

He sighs, and his mom turns to look at him concerned.  

 

“Are you upset with Do Minjoon too?  Don’t worry, it’s always like this in Korean dramas.  You’ve got to go through all the angst-filled episodes before you can enjoy the moments when the couple finally gets together,” she says, grabbing the remote control from the table to pause the show.  “Sometimes we need to taste the bitter parts of life, so that we can fully appreciate the sweet happy moments when they come.  Does that make sense Youngjae?”

 

He knows his mom is no longer just talking about the show.  It really must be a mom thing, because somehow without him telling her what’s on his mind, she still manages to say the thing he needs to hear the most.  

 

“Thanks, eomma.”  Before she can ask him what he’s thanking her for, he changes the subject as he stands and stretches because he’d been sitting too long.  “Do you want me to get you anything to eat or drink while I’m up?”  

 

His mother shakes her head no just as his phone rings.  

 

It’s Jaebum.  It’s the first time he’s called him, although they have exchanged multiple texts since Jaebum gave him his number.  After assuring his mom that it’s fine to start the drama without him, he heads in the direction of his room and answers his phone.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Youngjae, what are you doing tomorrow?”

 

Tomorrow?  “I don’t think I have anything planned.  Why?”

 

“There’s a Christmas tree farm about two and half hours from the city, and I thought Soohyun would really enjoy it and it’d be a neat experience.  I wanted to see if you would like to come?”

 

“Isn’t that like a family kind of thing?  I don’t want to intrude.”

 

“It’s not intruding if I called you.  Besides you are family, remember?  Soohyun calls you samchon.”

 

Youngjae laughs.  “It sounds interesting, but… I don’t know.  Are you sure, hyung?”

 

“Soohyun loves spending time with you.  And maybe I could use the help in hauling the Christmas tree too.  There’s no telling what kind of tree Soohyun will pick out.”

 

“So basically you’re just inviting me to use me as free labor then?  My feelings are hurt.”

 

“No, it’s not like that,” Jaebum hurries to reassure him.  “I would really like for you to come Youngjae.  Please, will you?”

 

“I was teasing earlier.  I would love to chop down a Christmas tree with you and Soohyun.”

 

— 

 

The next day comes bright and early, and for once, Youngjae gets up before his alarm goes off and before his mother can come and give him a hard time for sleeping in so late.

 

Because he woke up so early, he makes his mother breakfast and brings it to her in bed.  (He’s pretty sure he’s never seen her so shocked.)  While his mom eats, he heads back to the kitchen to prepare a snack cooler for the day.  Before going to bed last night, he did a quick Internet search on visiting Christmas tree farms.  Apparently much like a kids’ play, Christmas tree farm visits are more complicated than he thought they would be.  The site he found was super informative, tips ranging from bringing extra rope and a tarp in case the farm ran out to mentioning that it was a good idea to bring food along for the kids since the trip can be tiring. 

 

Two hours later, he’s showered and dressed, the kitchen is cleaned and dishes washed, and he’s helped his mom down the stairs and into the living room.  He’s got the snack cooler packed and by the door along with a large tote bag borrowed from his mother that holds a blanket and disposable wipes and things like that.

 

“Your phone is fully charged, eomma?” Youngjae asks, after bringing his mom a pillow and a blanket to use in case she wants to lie down later on the couch.  

 

“Yes, I always charge it at night.”

 

“If you need any help, or just get bored, why don’t you call Mrs. Im and she can come over?  I may be gone most of the day and—”

 

“Youngjae, I’ll be fine.  I’m not completely helpless.  Go, have fun and don’t worry about me.”

 

Soohyun and Jaebum greet him with matching smiles when he knocks on their door thirty minutes later.  “Good morning, samchon!  What’s that?” Soohyun points to what Youngjae’s holding when he comes inside. 

 

He doesn’t bother taking off his coat since they’ll be leaving soon but he sets down the cooler and tote bag.  “It’s snacks and stuff in case we get hungry.  I made hot chocolate and apple cider too.”  He texted Jaebum last night and sent him the link to the website he found, and he told him he would take care of the snacks.  Jaebum, of course, replied that he didn’t have to, but Youngjae insisted on contributing to their Christmas farm adventure.

 

“What should you say, Soohyun?” Jaebum reminds his son.

 

“Thank you!”

 

Youngjae smiles back.  “You’re welcome.  You’ll share some snacks with me, right?”

 

“Yes!”  Soohyun turns to look at his dad.  “Appa, can I take a picture book with me?”

 

Jaebum nods his okay.  “Do you need help picking one out?”

 

“No, I got it,” Soohyun says, before rushing off toward his room.  

 

Jaebum opens the hallway closet and takes out his coat.  “Thank you for bringing food for us.  You really didn’t have to.”

 

“It wasn’t any trouble.”

 

“So you’re telling me you packed stuff that you had in your pantry and kitchen already?  You didn’t go out to the store late last night?”

 

“Well, maybe for a couple of things…”

 

Jaebum finishes buttoning his coat and sticks a pair of gloves in his pockets.  “You really are too good to us sometimes, Youngjaeya.  I don’t know what to do with you.”  He says the last part so softly that Youngjae almost doesn’t hear him.  “Did you not bring a scarf or winter hat with you?” Jaebum asks, after noticing what Youngjae’s wearing, or not wearing in this case.  “It’s freezing cold outside.”

 

“I was already halfway here when I realized I forgot mine.”

 

“Your mother will be upset with me if you get sick.  And Mrs. Kim will threaten to hurt me if you end up with the flu and not able to do the play.” 

 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

 

Jaebum turns back to the closet and pulls out a box containing winter gear like scarves and gloves.  One box is filled with Soohyun-sized things, the other is sized to fit him.  He finds a green wool scarf and pulls it out.  He likes the color on Youngjae.  “Come here.” 

 

Youngjae steps a little closer.  “Hyung, you do know that I’m twenty-five.  I can put on my own scarf.”

 

Jaebum ignores that and doubles the scarf and loops it around Youngjae’s neck.  “Maybe I want to take care of you,” he murmurs, his eyes focused on fixing the scarf perfectly.  “Is that really such a bad thing?”

 

Youngjae shakes his head no, while butterflies dance in his stomach and his heart feels… happy.  He steps around Jaebum to look through the box Jaebum had pulled out earlier.  “Here you go, hyung.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Youngjae takes the scarf he picked out (blue gray in color) and doubles it before placing it around Jaebum’s neck.  “So that you won’t get cold,” he says softly.  He wants to say more, to repeat Jaebum’s words about wanting to take care of him too, but the words aren’t ready to come out yet.

 

“Appa! Samchon.”  Soohyun’s voice rings out and they both turn to see Soohyun running their way.

 

“Did you find the book you wanted?”

 

Soohyun nods.  “I brought two with me.”  

 

“That’s fine.  Let’s go to the bathroom one last time, then I’ll help you put your coat and everything on and we can leave.”  

 

Three hours later and a dozen plus singing of “Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer” and “Frosty the Snowman” and other songs from the play, they arrive at the Christmas farm.  An employee comes to greet them and tell them about all the fun activities they have for kids to participate in.  There are reindeer they can pet and visit, a sleigh ride that’s scheduled hourly and lasts almost the same length of time, and a campfire where they can roast marshmallows and make s’mores.  The employee also offers a quick demonstration on how to properly cut down a Christmas tree and where to pick up a saw and wheelbarrow to help transport the tree back to the front of the farm.

 

After visiting the reindeer — Jaebum tells Soohyun that the reindeer are Rudolph’s relatives when Soohyun wonders why they’re not at the North Pole with Santa — and going on a sleigh ride together, they head to the designated area to pick up tools.  Later if they aren’t so exhausted, Jaebum promises Soohyun they’ll stop by the campfire and make s’mores.  

 

Since Jaebum’s controlling the wheelbarrow, Youngjae takes Soohyun’s mittened hand in his to help him walk across the snow without falling.  

 

“What kind of tree are you wanting to find, Soohyun?  One that’s really really tall, or one that’s short but full?  Or something in between?”

 

Soohyun thinks for a few moments as they begin to walk down the trail marked.  “I think I’ll know when I see it.  That it’s the right tree.”

 

“What about this tree?” Jaebum asks his son nearly half an hour later.  All the trees are beginning to look the same to him, but for Soohyun, this is a big decision.  He wants to apologize to Youngjae, but Youngjae is right there with Soohyun, helping him debate the pros and cons of each tree they come across.  Still it is cold out, and he doesn’t want his son getting sick.  So for all their sakes (and health), he hopes the right tree will magically appear sometime soon. 

 

Soohyun shakes his head no.  “Close.”  He pulls away from Youngjae and runs a couple feet farther and just stops.  His eyes are wide and there’s a big grin on his tiny face.  

 

Youngjae crouches down beside Soohyun.  “I like it.  What do you think?”

 

“I think it’s the one.”  His voice is filled with awe as he takes in the tree in front of him.  

 

Youngjae swears he can hear Jaebum breathe a huge sigh of relief, and he looks up at him and smiles.  “Appa, I think we may have a winner.”

 

“Yeah! I like it, appa.  Do you?” Soohyun glances up at his dad and claps his hands in excitement, hoping his dad will agree.  

 

“It’ll look perfect in our living room.  I think you picked out the best one here.”  He hi-fives his son.  “Great job.”

 

“Hey, before you cut it down, let me take a picture of you and Soohyun,” Youngjae suggests, taking out his phone from his pocket and pulling a glove off so he can properly take the picture.  

 

Jaebum picks up Soohyun and stands next to the Christmas tree.  

 

“Do a cute pose, Soohyun,” Youngjae prompts.  “Hyung, you too.”  At Jaebum’s frown, Youngjae laughs.  “Please?  Just do a victory sign.” 

 

Jaebum complies.  

 

“One, two, say kimchi!” Youngjae yells before snapping a picture.  “And one more.”

 

This time Soohyun hugs his dad while Jaebum kisses his son.  

 

“Perfect.”

 

“Not quite,” Jaebum disagrees.  “Let’s take a picture together.  You hold Soohyun, and I’ll take the picture of the three of us standing in front of the tree.”

 

They take a few pictures trying out different angles but it’s still hard to get a decent picture where all their faces show up.  It doesn’t matter much though because they’re having fun trying.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Youngjae stops mid-laugh and gives the young woman who spoke his attention.  By the logo on her shirt, he can tell she works at the Christmas farm.  “Yes?”

 

“Do you want me to take a picture of the three of you?  I don’t mind.”

 

“That would be great, thanks.”

 

Later, much much later, the picture of the three of them at the Christmas tree farm is the last thing Youngjae looks at before he falls asleep that night.  There’s a smile on his face as he drifts off to sleep, dreaming of snow falling on Christmas morning and waking up to Jaebum and Soohyun’s smiling faces.  

 

—-

 

It’s a couple of days before the play starts when Mrs. Kim asks Jaebum and him to go out and add a few more decorations to the lobby area and main hallway of the Korean Community Center, so that it’s more Christmas-y looking.   

 

Youngjae and Jaebum carry out a couple of boxes that Mrs. Kim gives them, stuff accumulated from the last few years of doing the play as well as things that have been donated.   

 

“How do we always get roped into doing extra work?” Jaebum asks.  

 

“Because you’re too nice to say no and I’m officially a volunteer?” Youngjae answers with a grin, opening up a box and looking through it.  There are strands of lights (white, blue, and multi-colored ones), garland (blue, silver, and gold), snowflakes (two-dimensional and three-dimensional ones to hang from the ceiling), Christmas decals to stick on windows, and other miscellaneous Christmas fare.

 

They’re almost finished decorating when they find themselves under mistletoe that someone had previously hung up.  Being caught underneath the Christmas plant, Youngjae lets out a nervous bubble of laughter.  “Isn’t this a little inappropriate to hang up when there are so many kids running around?”  He turns to grab the ladder that’s a few feet away so he can take it down but Jaebum stops him.  

 

“It’s mistletoe.”

 

“Yeah, exactly, which is why I was going to remove it.”

 

“It’s mistletoe, so….”  There’s a pause, then Jaebum leans forward and Youngjae completely forgets the fine art of breathing until he feels Jaebum’s lips press gently against his lips for the briefest, tiniest of moments.  It shouldn’t even count as a kiss, not really, not when his first kiss at seventeen had lasted longer, but his heart still pounds rapidly in his chest and the urge to touch his fingers to his lips is strong while his cheeks are painted a bright pink.

 

Jaebum looks like he’s about to say something but before he can Mrs. Kim appears around the corner.  

 

“Youngjae, Jaebum.  I knew you two were the right people to ask.  It looks great!” she exclaims, coming closer to inspect their handiwork.  “Thank you.” 

 

A few kids come out to join Mrs. Kim next and the moment is gone.

 

It was the mistletoe, that’s the only reason, Youngjae tells himself.  Jaebum’s into all the dos and donts of Christmas etiquette.  That’s all, and nothing more.  

 

The mistletoe stays up.

 

— 

 

The play is a resounding success.  No child forgets their lines, all songs are perfectly sung — a bit off key by a few kids at some points, but that only adds to the overall charm — and no one breaks any legs.  Each show ends up being sold out or nearly sold out, the local and regional newspaper both write articles covering the play, and one of the local TV stations comes out to cover the first night’s performance.  All of which happens for the first time since the Korean Community Center had started putting on a Christmas play.

 

—

 

It’s the day after the play has ended and Jaebum has invited a few of the friends Soohyun had made and became close to over for a congratulatory party.  Youngjae and his mom as well as Jaebum’s mom come, and a couple parents stay too.  

 

There’s pizza, cake and cookies, and a Christmas movie playing on the TV for the children to watch and enjoy.

 

“Soohyun looks like he’s having a lot of fun,” Youngjae comments, coming to stand next to Jaebum.  It’s nice to see how far along Soohyun has come from the beginning.  He can still remember seeing the little boy for the first time, shyly smiling at him before hiding his face in his dad’s pants.    

 

“It’s great, isn’t it?”  Jaebum cannot keep the smile off his face.  “I’ve worried so much, but now… now, it feels like maybe things will be okay.”

 

The party goes smoothly, and it’s well past dinnertime when the last guest leaves.  Earlier Jaebum’s mother had taken his mom home so she could rest, so Youngjae stays behind to help Jaebum clean up the mess and because Soohyun asks him to stay.

 

With the three of them working together, clean up doesn’t take long and they finally collapse exhausted (the adults at least) on the couch.  Soohyun still is a bundle of energy from all the sweets he was allowed to consume, but Jaebum knows that the sugar high won’t last too much longer.  

 

And it doesn’t.  Soohyun falls asleep in Youngjae’s lap within thirty minutes and Jaebum carries him to his room to tuck him into bed.

 

He returns to the living room minutes later with a couple of drinks in hand.  

 

“It’s been a long day.  Next time I tell you I want to throw a party for Soohyun and his friends the day after the Christmas play ends, please advise me against it.” 

 

“Sure, hyung. I’ll do that.”  Youngjae knows Jaebum’s not really serious anyway. 

 

“I’m tired, but it was worth it watching Soohyun play and have fun with the other kids.  Thanks for helping clean up and everything too.”

 

Youngjae makes a small sound of acknowledgement.  “Hyung, you know, I think Soohyun’s got a little crush.”

 

Jaebum chokes on his drink, and Youngjae hurries to pat him not-so-gently on his back several times.  “What?  On who?  He’s only five.”

 

“Didn’t you notice he stayed especially close to Anna all throughout the party?”

 

“Anna?  The little girl in pigtails, right?  Wearing the red and green polka dot dress?  She’s seven.”

 

“Your son likes an older woman.  A noona.”

 

The look on Jaebum’s face is Kodak priceless and Youngjae covers his mouth to muffle his laughter so that he doesn’t accidentally wake up Soohyun.

 

“It’s super innocent at that age.  My sister told me my nieces have had a few boyfriends.  All they do is play together.  I think once my older niece held a boy’s hand during recess.  Then they broke up the next day because he didn’t sit with her at lunch… or was it because he wouldn’t share a toy?  I don’t know, it’s apparently all very complicated.”  At Jaebum’s look at his usage of the word complicated, he hurries to add in a reassuring voice, “but it’s still totally innocent, hyung.”

 

Jaebum takes another drink and frowns slightly.  “I thought I had at least a few more years of Soohyun thinking girls had cooties.”

 

“Cooties, hyung?  Really I’m disappointed.”

 

Jaebum shrugs and Youngjae sighs.

 

“Anna is really sweet.  Your son has good taste.”

 

“She is sweet,” Jaebum agrees finally, though he’s still feeling the pangs of realizing his son is growing up, much faster than he thinks he’s ready to handle.  “I shouldn’t worry too much, right?”

 

Youngjae agrees with a nod, but then he thinks of something.  “What are you going to tell him, if he asks how to tell her that he likes her?”

 

Jaebum groans.  “How do little boys tell girls they like them?  Don’t they pull their hair or something like that?”  It’s been way too long since he’s been in elementary school.   

 

“Jaebum hyung!  Don’t tell him that,” Youngjae quickly protests.  “Is that how you tell someone that you like them?  No wonder you’re still single,” Youngjae says with a teasing grin.

 

“No, of course not, I was just trying to think in terms of kids Soohyun’s age,” Jaebum defends himself.  

 

Jaebum looks at Youngjae and sees the smile that makes his heart and stomach do a funny little dance every single time he sees it directed at him.  It’s just the two of them alone.  There’s a fire crackling in the fireplace and the white lights on the Christmas tree they decorated together are blinking bright.  It’s quiet and peaceful and the moment feels right. 

 

“What would you say then?” Youngjae shifts a tiny bit closer, and surely he feels like something’s about to change.  

 

“Would you like to go to dinner with me without my son, because I would really like to get to know you better in a non-friendship kind of way?”

 

Youngjae swallows nervously, because it seems that Jaebum is speaking those words directly to him.  “That’s a really good line, hyung.”

 

“It’s not a line,” Jaebum replies softly as he reaches for the glass Youngjae’s currently holding and about to let fall and he sets it down on the coffee table.  He takes Youngjae’s hands in his.  “Choi Youngjae, would you like to have dinner with me?”  And just so there can’t be a mistake in his intentions, he further clarifies, “As in a date.”

 

He can’t believe this is happening because as cheesy as it sounds it’s all he really wanted for Christmas but was too scared to hope for and admit out loud and here it is being offered to him — a bright, shiny present all wrapped up in a bow with his name written on it. 

 

“I would love to go on a date with you.  When?”

 

Jaebum laughs at Youngjae’s eager response and Youngjae feels his face heat up and he ducks his head quickly.

 

“Christmas Eve?”

 

Youngjae looks up at that.  He knows Jaebum is partly asking because Soohyun has to spend the night at his maternal grandparents and Jaebum had told him previously how hard the idea of it is, to not have his son with him for the holiday.  

 

Still it’s Christmas Eve; it’s the one day out of all the days in the year that he hated, dreaded, and tried to avoid the most.  He looks right into Jaebum’s eyes and he sees a sweet promise of something more, something lasting if only he has the courage to take and accept it.  It’s something to erase once and for all, all the pain and hurt he associated with the holiday season and especially the day itself.  

 

It is, it can be, a new beginning.

 

He takes a deep breath and answers.  “Christmas Eve sounds perfect.”

 

FIN