Gift for Bao-N-Tao

Gift from ???

Title of the gift: baby it's cold outside

Pairing: Markbum

How many words: 1,969 words

Rating: hopefully angst with a lot of frustrations

Warnings: very tame violence


Note to my giftee: this is my first time writing Markbum and I'm still unfamiliar with their dynamic. I keep reediting this fic because it was either too long or not angsty enough or I'm just not satisfied with it. so I hope this is okay and you liked it. happy holidays!!

baby it's cold outside

something about the bright city lights and seoul’s crisp winter night that reminds mark so much of his home back in the states. the warm sun and the endless summer air of l.a. was something mark definitely misses since leaving. he has never gotten used to the harsh cold of the city, and it hasn’t even snowed yet.

maybe that would be why he couldn't wait to go back to california. mark had planned on leaving seoul for some time. he misses home and he misses his family most of all. the winter break is the perfect opportunity to do so.

in fact, he was planning to go back to the states for the first time since he started studying here. it is only recently that it seems imperative for mark to leave, because so much has happened lately and mark needed some time and space to think clearly. to get his life together and his priorities right again.

in his head, leaving feels like the rational option.

waiting for his flight, he his phone out of boredom, only to cringe at the wallpaper. a picture of him and his friend, and the memories associated with it. the emotions that piled up to this moment. the tears that would soon spring up from his eyes. the countless calls of desperation and the silence of his answer.

mark bites his lips, unsure of whether he should call him, to see if there was any chance left for them, for their friendship at least, even after he ignored him for weeks for unknown reason.

yet at the same time, mark wants to end this pointless chasing. he realizes that now—days ago actually—nothing and everything has changed. he didn't know it would have happened so soon and so, mark should just leave it as that.

but for some reason, he can’t find it in his heart not to call jaebum, for the last time.

it is an hour before his flight. mark finds his finger dialing jaebum’s number.

x

they’ve known each other earlier this year—jaebum and mark.

jaebum was studying pre-law while mark was into business.

how they met was a funny story because mark was the loner transfer student who would get into trouble because of language barriers, and jaebum was the quiet kid who looked like trouble wherever he goes and somehow, jaebum got him out of a misunderstanding with a bunch of drop-outs who wanted jaebum’s neck while mark saved him by breaking some guy’s nose, which ended up with both of them running for their lives, and eventually becoming friends.

they could have stayed as unlikely acquaintances who crossed paths in the campus rarely, nodding heads and passing by as if nothing that mattered had happened, because mark was an introvert who never stepped out of boundaries and jaebum didn’t want amyone involved in his life.

but mark ended up stepping out of his boundaries and jaebum decided to let him into his life.

x

mark realized, despite his icy expression and temperamental responses, jaebum was really kind. gentle and friendly and easygoing and observant and talented and thoughtful—all the traits that you will never know at first glance.

behind his cold exterior was a warm soul, and mark loved it because it reminded him of his life back home. the brazing hot sun and the talkative people and the urban music and spicy dishes and everything else in between.

except the music and brand clothing and food, mark thought he’d never find something that reminded him of home in korea, but he found it in jaebum and he thought—i don’t want to ever let it go.

x

mark fell in love—it was sort of inevitable and clichéd anyway, and something that mark constantly tried to deny because a part of him was scared of rejection, of disgust, of losing his friendship with him. yet he would often catch himself daydreaming about the sharp-eyed boy.

lingering touches and longing glances, soft laughter and quiet understanding, yet mark was just as cautious as he was often monotonous, and would step on eggshells whenever he was around jaebum.

he knew jaebum doesn’t see him that way, but there were things that mark was aware of when jaebum doesn’t notice him. like the way jaebum would speak to him in a low, whispered tone, or the way he would look at him with serious but placid eyes, or the comfort of his touch when mark is anxious.

mark wonders whether jaebum's actions were affectionate or platonic. he's not even sure if jaebum's even notices it.

mark liked to think that deep down inside that maybe, jaebum cares about him, maybe not as much as mark loves him, but just enough for mark to believe that if it wasn’t for the sake of their friendship, there was a vestige of hope and love possible between the two of them.

mark liked to think that at one point, jaebum could have fallen in love with him as well.

x

ironically, life has its way of bringing things back in a circle.

for example, they meet face-to-face with few of the gang members jaebum works for, the ones that wanted jaebum’s neck before mark saved him by punching that guy’s nose.

they were supposed to get away quickly, but the gang cornered them in an alley.

mark couldn’t remember what happened. it started with their demeaning remarks that mark refused to remember, them pushing and hitting jaebum as if they were “buds” who wanted to get back at jaebum, and jaebum telling them to back off and leave them alone, especially mark who became the target of their misplaced ire.

mark also can’t remember how it ended, but it ended when one of them threw jaebum to the ground and mark’s fist breaking one of their noses.

let us just say, it didn’t work well in anyone’s favor because it almost ended up with mark bleeding on the floor and jaebum beating the out of everyone in that alley.

x

when mark woke up, he woke in a hospital room, clean and patched up and okay, but jaebum was nowhere.

he kept calling for jaebum through a spare phone, asking him if he was okay and wondering why he wasn’t answering his calls. he just wanted to hear his voice. but the calls would go to his voicemail and mark, who is just as in love as he was confused, doesn’t understand jaebum’s silence at all.

they’ve gotten into a lot of trouble, several times, and each one got hurt. but they’d never leave each other behind. so what the hell was this and why is it happening to mark?

mark’s calls don’t end until finally, jaebum sees him for the first, and last time, since his recovery in the hospital.

“i don’t want to see you anymore. don’t call me again.” was jaebum’s last words before he left.

x

maybe mark misunderstood it all. lingering touches, longing glances. maybe it was all in mark’s head and mark just deluded himself into thinking that jaebum cares about him, friend or not.

maybe jaebum found out that mark liked him. impossible—mark wasn’t that obvious. but jaebum has his way of figuring people out—it was his finest traits, and the one that would get him in trouble with the wrong people.

but mark had liked jaebum from the very beginning. it would not make sense for him to start avoiding mark now than before. he knew jaebum—he knew jaebum isn’t the type of person to be disgusted just because a guy would like him. and jaebum called mark ‘my best friend’ often, so why is he doing this?

confusion and hurt had stirred mark so much that it has driven him to the point of pestering jaebum’s phone, something thay goes beyond mark's boundaries, asking him what he had done wrong and what he could do to fix it. if jaebum wanted him to leave he would, but he just wanted some answers. he just wanted closure unlike the one at the hospital.

mark just wanted jaebum back.

x

“jaebum, jaebum please answer.” he got sent into voicemail again. “please jaebum answer your goddamn phone please.”

x

“i’m sorry.” mark breathes, “goddammit i’m sorry. i’m sorry for getting myself involved when you told me i shouldn’t. i’m sorry.”

x

“i know you said you don’t want to talk to me.” mark tries not to sob, “please i need to talk to you. jaebum please. jaebum—“

x

“i love you.” his hoarse voice was less enthusiastic, more despondent. like he’s got nothing to lose so he’s going all out yet at the same time at the brink of giving up. “i love you ever since i saw you. and i love you too much to not ever see you again. even if you don’t love me back, i don’t care. i just want to see you, talk to you. be with you. please, jaebum…”

x

"jaebum, it's mark. an hour from now, i'm leaving for l.a for the break..."

there was a long pause, the sound of a plan landing, and a tired sigh.

"...i just...want you to know. unless, you call me or something," he forced put a croaky chuckle, "b-because i would. if you still care, please, tell me to stay."

x

mark’s latest voicemail ended like that. it was sent 5 minutes ago, and jaebum felt his heart dropping into his stomach.

it had dawned on him—jaebum is in love with mark.

ever since that incident, jaebum had blamed himself for what had happened to mark. the way his body fell on the pavement after they beat him up, and jaebum had done nothing but watch mark, scared to even move. it was only when both of their eyes met that jaebum just…lost it.

guilt and fright pooled in jaebum’s heart, clouded his judgement, and he couldn’t look at mark knowing that what had happened had all been jaebum's incessant stubbornness and hot temper. all those beating from jaebum weren't enough to cover the damage they had given to mark. all jaebum wanted was to protect him.

when mark was pleading to see him, it was jaebum who wanted to see mark more than anything, to tell him of things he left unsaid, to hold and comfort him longer, to apologize for being a jackass for avoiding and ignoring him, be the one to make him happy.

at one point in their friendship, jaebum thought that maybe it was only him, all these feelings and all these want to be with the other. he had tried, multiple times, hinting mark of his interest and yet, mark had never said anything about it, never seemed to notice, so maybe, there wasn’t anything there to begin with.

jaebum realized he was wrong, so wrong. and now, mark was going to leave.

jaebum quickly ran out of his dorm, simultaneously dialing mark in his phone.

x

mark can feel the ice in his breathe after calling jaebum's phone. not necessarily was that call some form of closure but it was for mark. a small part of him believes that jaebum would answer his phone, and a smaller part of him believes that jaebum would call him again.

mark laughs, tears slowly running down his face. an hour has passed, and the plane has already landed.

when the announcer signals the passengers to enter the plane, mark wipes off the tears from his face, picks himself up and shoves the phone deep into his backpack. he rushes quickly into the terminal, feeling faintly a vibration from the back, but believing it was just the chills from cold winter air.