I sat on my couch, browsing through the T.V. vacantly. It was two in the morning, and I couldn't get any sleep. I had called Jungkook up a couple of times, but he didn't pick up. Figures, since they were probably still practicing. But it still kinda hurt to hear his voice when it went to voicemail. The way he said "I'll get back to you later!" was so cute. He was so cute.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I just wanted to hug him and have him sing me to sleep. 

"You still up?" Hyerin yawned, walking into the living room.

I grunted, turning the T.V. off. "I can't sleep."

"Aw, you can't sleep without your boyfriend?" She teased, pouring herself a glass of water.

"Not helping, Hyerin." I burrowed into the armrest, hating the fact that she was somewhat right. "I'm feeling really ty and sad right now."

"Poor thing." She cooed, walking over and sitting beside me. "It's just bad timing."

"I know." I mumbled. "This isn't how I pictured my first relationship to be."

"Well, my first boyfriend asked his mom to accompany us on every date we went on." Hyerin tied her hair up. "And then she dumped me for him."

"Wait, was this in middle school?" I asked. "The guy that was weirdly obsessed with penguins? Min-something?"

"Minjoon, yeah." She chuckled. "See? Nobody's first relationship is perfect."

"But that's not fair." I whined. "I've like, gone out on four dates with him. The first time we kissed, he went off to Japan for two weeks. We finally become official, and he's too busy practicing to answer my calls. He keeps disappearing after these important milestones. It's so frustrating."

"He is an idol, you're going to have to get used to it." She patted my feet. "You won't have a regular relationship."

"I know that, you don't have to remind me." I grumbled. "I'm just afraid that he'll think I'm not worth the effort."

"He won't do that." She reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear. "He really likes you."

"He really liked Alice too." I muttered, pulling my blanket over my head. Hyerin sighed heavily.

"Try to get some sleep." She said, getting up. "I'm heading back to bed."

"Night." I said mechanically. She sighed again, before walking back to her bedroom. She shut the door and I turned the T.V. on again, hoping to find a boring movie that would put me to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. I rolled over and checked the time on the clock. 5:30 a.m. Who was it at this time?

I got up slowly, adjusting my shirt. I wasn't in the most presentable of outfits; I was wearing one of Jungkook's old white shirts (which was basically a dress for me) and no pants. But whatever idiot had rung the doorbell also had unwittingly agreed to being greeted with the hot mess that were my legs.

That idiot turned about to be Jungkook, standing in my doorway, panting like a dog.

"Heyoo." He greeted me cheerfully. "What's up?"

"What the ?" I rubbed my eyes, sounding a little harsher than I intended to. To be fair, he had interrupted my sleep. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Um...practice just got over." He mumbled, sounding a little hurt. "So I came to see you."

I blinked, wondering if I should be annoyed or charmed. A big part of me wanted to yell at him, to tell him exactly what I felt. For some reason, I wanted to test him. Test his feelings. 

"Jungkook, it's like five in the morning." I said angrily.

"I wanted to see you..." He repeated quietly, his voice trailing off. "Did I wake you up?"

"What do you think?" I snapped, pointing to my clock. He grinned sheepishly.

"So you gonna let me in or what?" He bounced eagerly, taking off his beanie. "I'm awful hungry."

"I'm awful grumpy." I grumbled, crossing my arms. "I really wonder how I haven't killed you yet. I am pretty hateful after all." 

"'Cause I'm your fave!" He smiled, eyes gleaming with affection. I loved that look of his. This one time, Jin took a photo of Jungkook and I trying out his new homemade salsa. He was looking at me like that; lips curved into a slight smile as he gazed at me stuffing my face with all the laughter and love in his eyes. According to Jin, he looked at me like that all the time.

I wished I could believe him.

"Can I do anything to make you less grumpy?" He giggled, breaking me out of my thoughts. I blushed, embarrassed by the fact that I had been staring at him this whole time.

"I guess, maybe, you could- uh, you could gimme a hug and stuff." I mumbled quietly, feeling really embarrassed. Something about huggable pretty boys standing in my doorway in the middle of the night clouded my inhibitions.

"You want a pug?" He scratched his head. 

"A hug." I mumbled, slightly louder. "Get your ears checked, old man. Gosh."

"You remind me of those tsundere girls in shoujo mangas." He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me. "The ones that are like 'it's not like I like you or anything!'."

"Don't compare me to them!" I cried, hitting his chest. "I'm not like them!"

"Seems a bit rich, coming from someone who can't even ask for a hug without mocking me." He laughed. "My little tsundere."

"Don't call me that." I hissed, pushing him away. I stomped my way over to the couch, plopping down on the very end. He followed me, cheeks flushed from laughter.

"Go away." I snapped, pulling the blanket over me. "Boyfriends are supposed to be cute and loving."

"I'm plenty cute. And I got a lot of love to give you." He scooted closer to me, trying to pull the blanket off. For some reason, that pissed me off. Damn, I was being a real today.

" off." I snapped again. His mood shifted from playful to serious just like that. He huffed, before turning to face the other way.

"Fine, I'll leave you alone." He shifted to the other side of the couch. I observed him quietly as he the T.V., pushing his hair back.

Guilt pierced my heart, and it took every ounce of strength in my body to not scream. I was beyond exhausted, and I didn't trust myself to say the right thing, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. 

Sadness kept washing over me as I watched him stare at the T.V. uninterested, occasionally looking down to check his watch. A minute ago, we were great. What was wrong with me?

Jungkook's POV:

I didn't know what I had done wrong, honestly. I had hoped that my surprise visit would make her happy. It should've, right? Jin had told me that girls liked when guys did unexpected things. 

I sat there, blankly staring at the T.V. screen. I wasn't really paying attention to it; I was more focused on Jihye. I could tell she was looking at me from the corner of my eye. I wanted her to say something, anything.

I cleared my throat, preparing to speak when it became evident that she wasn't going to talk. "Are you going to sleep anytime soon?"

She remained silent, peeking at me from her blankets. She reminded of a cat.

"Are you really that mad at me?" I asked, sighing. "I'm sorry for waking you up, ok?"

She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was thinking. She always bit her lip when she was thinking.

"I'm sorry, for whatever else I did, too. Or whatever someone else did." I smiled at her, hoping it would make her smile too. But it didn't.

I gave up then, slumping my shoulders and turning away from her. Panic set in after about five minutes of her silence. This was it, wasn't it? I had finally ed something up. She was going to stop talking to me, cut me off and break up with me. Maybe she had already found someone else. I bet it was someone who was older. A doctor, maybe? Yeah, someone who earned lots of money and was always there for her. Someone with perfect hands. And forehead. Would she ask him to hoist up his bangs so she could see his forehead too? Would she mumble his name in her sleep? 

"How's your practice going?" Her voice broke me out of my internal breakdown. I looked at her, a little surprised that she had decided to speak up.

"Good. I hurt my ankle though." I shrugged. She nodded, returning to her silent state again. I waited for a response, a 'Are you ok?' or 'I missed you', but I got none.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked her, slightly desperate. "I haven't seen you in two weeks."

She stared at her hands, not looking me in the eye. 

"So, what, is this how you're going to be?" I frowned, losing my cool slightly. She was silent, picking at the stitches of her blanket. "I walked here on a broken ankle, and this is what I get?"

She sank even lower, still refusing to say a word. I sighed in frustration, pulling my beanie back on and getting up from the couch. 

"I guess I'll leave you alone." I shouldered my bag, before dragging my feet to the front door. I didn't want to leave, but if she wasn't interested in my company, then I had no reason to stay.

"See you later, I guess." I muttered indifferently, my hand reaching for the door knob. But, a quiet sob stopped me right as my skin hit the metal. I looked back, half surprised and half-alarmed at what I was hearing. I had seen her cry twice in the time I had known her, and both times had been because of me. 

"Jihye?" I said cautiously, shrugging off my bag and approaching her. She receded into her blanket, hiding her face with it. "Please, just tell me what's wrong." I persisted.

I sat down next to her, gently prying the blanket away. She hiccuped, my hands becoming wet as I wiped her tears away. I remembered how I had wanted to kiss her the night I had left for Seoul. I reached over and kissed her forehead, gently swiping the mascara from her cheeks. She had forgotten to take her makeup off before going to bed again.

"I'm sad." Her voice was shaky. "I'm sad when you're not here."

If it weren't for the current mood of the situation, I would've screamed with happiness. I pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her waist. I wanted her to keep talking to me.

"I'm sad because it reminds me of when we were back in school." She buried her face in my neck. Her endless tears wet my shirt, but I didn't care. "I liked you so much, Jungkook. So, so, much. But I could never tell you. It was so sad."

I rubbed her back soothingly, pressing tiny kisses to her hair. 

"Anything you do for me feels like a dream." She cried. "This moment, right here, I dreamt of this all those years ago. Except back then, I woke up to a grey ceiling and a voicemail from you, telling me that you were too busy to hang out. I'm scared I'm going to wake up again, Jungkook. I don't wanna wake up."

I pulled her closer to me, feeling helpless. I knew that this was her exhausted, delirious mind speaking, but her words still hurt my heart.

"It feels like I'm asleep when you're here." She sniffled against me. "And when you leave, it feels like I'm waking up. I hate it. It's so sad. So sad, oh, so sad."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. I was still trying to process the fact that my absence affected her this much. 

"Don't apologize." She slung her arms around my neck. "God, don't apologize. Just promise me that you won't let me wake up, hm? Don't let me wake up from this dream."

"Go to sleep, Jihye." I her hair, shifting slightly to make her more comfortable. "You're really tired."

"Can I tell you that I like you now?" She said sleepily, her tears drying up. 

"Sure." I brushed her hair from her face. "But go to sleep after, ok?"

"I like you, Jungkook. I also liked you when I first saw you. I liked you when you teased me about that math test. I liked you in the cat cafe, in that dress store, in the awards show, at your home, at my home, and all the places we went together. I liked you every second of those moments." She sighed, as if a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. "But I swear, you're going to make me fall in love with you. And then I'll love you every second of those future moments."

I closed my eyes, leaning my head against her shoulder. She sounded so nice saying "I'll love you". I don't think I would ever get tired of hearing it.

She fell asleep pretty soon after that; the familiar sound of her steady breath and tiny snores that I held so dear to my heart filling up the room. Her fingers were wrapped around my thumb, her head resting in the crook of her neck as she slept peacefully. I studied her face for the billionth time, amazed by how it still made my breath hitch a little, even though I knew every wrinkle and blemish on it by heart.  

"Go ahead and fall in love with me." I whispered to her, hoping that my voice would carry through to her dreams.

"Fall in love with me, so I won't be the only one."

--

I have risen from the dead huhuhuhu

also I'm writing this at like three in the morning so forgive any mistakes lmao ill get to editing later

/u guys should comment more bc that's what keeps me going tbh ;-;/