I'm so sorry, but I suggest you read previous chapters since my last update is almost five months ago...

Three Days Before the Homecoming Event

Seohyun couldn’t sleep since last week. The Homecoming Event was getting nearer and yet she still didn’t know what to do.

She was crying again because of that.

What should I do?

But then someone knocked at her bedroom door. She was surprised and wiped her tears right away before she woke up.

“Joohyun-ahh, have you slept?” Her mother’s voice was heard from outside the door.

Seohyun looked at the clock. It was past midnight. Her mother never came to her bedroom this late unless she was unwell. Her mother must need something from her.

She made sure no tears left on her face before she stood up and said, “Not yet, Eomma.”

She opened the door for her mother. And when their eyes met, she turned away. The dim light in her room might blur her gloomy face, but she still didn’t want to make her mother worried. When Seohyun sat on her bed, her mother followed and sat beside her too.

Seohyun knew that her mother realized her messy feeling too. But when her mother squeezed her hands gently, she became teary again.

“I know that you have something in your mind that make you couldn’t sleep these past days. Mind to tell me what happened?” asked her mother carefully.

Seohyun couldn’t hold her tears anymore because of that question. She tried her best to keep her worries a secret and yet she failed. Now she made her mother felt so worried because of this.

She was not a typical daughter who always told all her feeling to her parents. She always tried to find the solution by herself. She didn’t want to add more worries to others, especially her parents.

But this time, she was really too messy, until her mother caught her easily.

“Mianhaeyo, Eomma. I just don’t want to make you worried,” said Seohyun as she started sobbing.

“Aigoo~ I know that you always try not to add more hassle to us. But if you’re not telling me, I’ll be more worried, Joohyun-ahh. So please, share your worries or burdens with me too.”

Seohyun was so hesitant but her mother squeezed her hands again gently. “Gwenchana, tell Eomma, ne?”

Seohyun then cried. She just couldn’t hold it any longer. The guilty feeling towards her parents and her family.

“Eomma, mianhaeyo. This is my fault. What happens to DEW and SAM are because of me.”

Her mother was stunned. But then she said, “No, Joohyun-ahh. Explain to me first. Don’t blame yourself.”

“Jinjjayo, Eomma. Their threats are real. It really happens, Eomma.”

“Their threat? Who are threatening you?”

Seohyun then told her mother about RHA and Madame Kang’s threat. And when she finished telling it, her mother looked so shocked.

Her mother became so teary too but she took a deep breath, she held her tears.

“I’m sorry for knowing it just now, Joohyun-ahh. I should have known sooner. I’m your mother but I couldn’t protect you from them. I’m so sorry, Joohyun-ahh…”

“Aniyo, Eomma. I’m so sorry, because of me, DEW should face a huge problem. I almost defame SAM name too. Mianhaeyo, Eomma. Jeongmal mianhaeyo.” She cried harder because of that. She didn’t want her mother was blaming herself too.

“No, this is not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, Joohyun-ahh. How can you be responsible for someone else’s greed? We might be suffered but be proud, my Dear, you’ve faced this problem bravely without running away. You also have shown them how strong you are even though they tried to break you down.”

What her mother said made Seohyun felt so pathetic. “But I’m not that brave, Eomma. I’m not as strong as you expected. This is so hard.”

It made her mother stunned again for seconds. But she then tried to calm Seohyun again. “I know how difficult this is for you, My Dear. Mian, for knowing this problem so late. I should give you more strength. But we’re fine now. SAM and DEW are fine. That’s enough. So, stop blaming yourself, ne?”

“But I’m scared to death, Eomma. After what has happened, I’m scared that they would harm you and Appa and Seulgi. I just can’t, Eomma.”

And then she remembered about Yonghwa, she cried harder because of that. “What should I do, Eomma?”

Her mother realized that there was something else. “Joohyun-ahh, what happens?”

Seohyun shook her head but kept crying hard. Her mother was so confused as she was still trying to calm her. But after this whole two months, Seohyun tried to hide it from everyone and cried alone every night, crying in front of her mother really broke her last defence.

“Eomma, what should I do?”

Her mother was still confused. “Ne, My Dear. Just tell me everything.”

Her mother rubbed her back, to soothe her daughter as she started crying too. But she didn’t say anything and just let Seohyun let her pain out.

“I love him but I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. This is so painful, Eomma.” Seohyun hit her own chest while saying that. She suddenly felt suffocating. Her mother needed to hug her because of that.

“I know exactly I don’t meet the Royal Consort requirements, and Madame Kang has started to fulfil her threat trough SAM and DEW. This is too much for me, Eomma.” Seohyun added as she was in her mother’s embrace.

“I love him. But why do I have to suffer for loving him? Why people are so mean to me just because I love him? What did I do so wrong until they always curse me and bash me nonstop? Why loving him should be this hard?”

“Seohyun-ahh…” her mother rubbed Seohyun’s back harder because of that.

“I’m just tired, Eomma. And I can’t handle anything more than this. But this heart…why this heart couldn’t stop loving him? I really – really can’t breathe, Eomma. What should I do?”

Her mother still didn’t say anything after that but she kept hugging her and rubbed her back to soothe her. It hurt her mother too but she decided to just let Seohyun cried more. Because it was what she needed the most.

It took for almost one hour until she was calmer and her cry turned into sobs.

Her mother then pulled herself after that. She wiped Seohyun’s tears as she was also still crying soundlessly.

“I don’t know that you’ve kept this yourself for such a long time. Mian, Joohyun-ahh.”

Seohyun shook her head as she was about to cry again, but then her mother looked into her eyes.

“Look, Joohyun-ahh. I know that you’re so scared right now. But you can’t let it controls you.”

Seohyun was stunned but she was still sobbing.

“If one of the reasons for your fear is us. You don’t have to worry, Joohyun-ahh. You’ve protected us more than you should. Yonghwa too. That’s more than enough. As long as we’re supporting each other, we can go through any problem, remember? So please, let go of your fear about us from now on.” Her mother said in a stern tone.

“Eomma…”

“We will always support and protect each other. But you should remember that Eomma, Appa, and Seulgi safety is not solely your responsibility, Joohyun-ahh. We also could protect ourselves. So, don’t you worry anymore.”

Seohyun was crying again because of that. “Gomawoyo, Eomma. And Mianhaeyo…”

“Ssshhh…” her mother hugged her again to comfort her. “I know how hard this is for you. I also know how much you love him. But you should come to your sense. Try to think clearly once again because I don’t want you to regret it later.”

“I tried, Eomma. But I can’t think clearly. What should I do?”

Seohyun really couldn’t stop crying that night. Her mother then pulled herself again to look at her eyes deeply.

“Then answer this question. What do you NEED THE MOST for your happiness? And what makes you unable to live without it? Ask those questions repeatedly to your heart. And if the answer leads to his name, then go for it. Believe me, it’ll be the best decision in your life. And you won’t ever regret it. But if –” her mother stopped to emphasized her next sentence, “…if he is not the answer, then don’t force yourself, Joohyun-ahh. I’m sure Yonghwa will understand it.”

She understood her mother’s point. But she didn’t know why her heart was so hurt after hearing her mother’s last sentence.

“But he gave me time to think about this until his Homecoming Event. What if I can’t find the answer until then?”

Her mother didn’t answer right away. She looked into Seohyun’s eyes again instead.

“Then it simply means your love for him is not strong enough, Joohyun-ahh. It’s understandable if you feel insecure or you got swayed because your situation is not simple. But if you keep doubting your feeling until the end, then it means he is not the one for you, Joohyun-ahh. Because love should make you stronger, remember?”

Seohyun felt like her heart just got stabbed by her mother’s statement. It succeeded in making her stopped crying even though she was still hiccupping a bit.

“This answer would help you go through all of your fears too…”

Her mother’s advice was right. And that night, right after her mother left her room. She finally tried to do what her mother had suggested her to do.

She asked herself what did she need the most for her happiness.

She thought about her parents and Seulgi. They were obviously the answer.

But who else? Do I need him the most for my happiness? Will I really be happy if I’m with him?

If she should be honest to herself, she was always the happiest person in the world if she was with him. But their condition was different now. Their relationship was known by all people in South Korean and being with him meant that she should ready to be main attention and got criticized by everything she did. Would she still be happy with that condition?

The problems that came to her lately was so hard for her too. She didn’t lie when she told him that she couldn’t breathe because of that. But in fact, she was still alive. It was true that she was broken, but she was still alive. She might feel like she was going to die but she wasn’t.

It made her cry again. She was so mean to him. She regretted telling him that.

Then she came back again to the first question, did she need him the most for her happiness?

But her mind asked another question instead.

Will I be happy if I’m with him?

And it scared her again. Let say she insisted to be with him and he really found the way for them to be together in the end. It meant that she became part of Royal. She should leave everything behind and focused on her duty as the Royal. Could she do that?

It was true that she slowly had prepared herself to be with him. This was one the reason why she chose to join SAM sooner than her plan. But after thinking about this deeper, she was not sure whether she was ready to leave everything to be with him or not.

Yonghwa had said that this would be the only chance for her to leave him forever. She admitted that his world was so crazy. No matter how much she loves him, she knew that their journey would never be easy. Marriage would never be easy for common couple, and it would be several times more difficult for her case. Besides, she was not born as Royal, to begin with.

So, do I really need him the most for my happiness?

She couldn’t go to the second question since she couldn’t even answer the first question. She hated herself because of this.

It was nearly dawn when she finally fell asleep because of tired from crying.

And she was awoken four hours later. Fortunately, that day was Saturday. So, she didn’t need to wake up early to be ready before going to the office.

She didn’t sit up immediately and chose to check her phone instead. But then she saw a new notification from the news portal that she followed. And it was about UN Peacekeeping Officers who were involved in guns shooting since last night. No one could confirm the Crown Prince safety.

Seohyun’s mind became blank. She admitted that she was always worried about him since he was deployed in a conflict country. She would be so scared every time news about him appeared in the notification. And so far, no news about guns shooting or another problem while he was there. But that day, what she was scared the most happened.

God…

With a little bit trembling, Seohyun tried to call him. But he was not answering. She tried it for the second time, third time until she lost count how many times she tried to call him but he didn’t answer it.

She really couldn’t think straight because of that. She was worried.

What if there is something happened to him during the guns shooting? What if he got injured? What if he got kidnapped by the terrorist? What if he…

No – no – no, jeongshin charyeo, Seo Joohyun. You can’t think about that.

But that thought scared her to death. What if she really couldn’t meet him again for the rest of her life? What would happen to her if she couldn’t meet him again?

Seohyun spent a whole afternoon by searching about Yonghwa condition. She called SKA, Sooyeon, and Joon to get any update from them. But until late night, she didn’t get any information about Yonghwa.

God, please protect him…let him go home safely…and healthy…I really don’t know what will happen to me without him…

She cried again that night while waiting for the news about him. She kept thinking what would happen to her if there was really something happened to him?

God…please…

She finally got the news that informed the Crown Prince was safe and had fulfilled his duty well, on the next day, right one day before his schedule to go home.

The same news also informed that it didn’t affect the homecoming plan of the officers, including the Crown Prince. They would still go home based on the schedule.

Seohyun’s heart finally could be at ease. She cried in relieved because of that.

Thanks, God…for saving him…

She didn’t realize that she actually had found the answers…for all the questions…

***

The Homecoming Event

Yonghwa was so happy to finally meet his parents and Soojung. But he couldn’t help to look around after that. He knew that he looked so desperate at that time. But he couldn’t help it. Deep inside his heart, he was really hoping she was coming.

Joohyun-ahh, where are you?

“What happen?” asked his father worriedly.

“Aniyo, Abeoji.”

When Yonghwa’s eyes met his mother’s eyes, he gave her a weak smile. His mother understood whose he was looking for and just him gently on his back.

He knew that it was he who made the options for her. He also had promised that he wouldn’t force her anymore if she chose not to come. But deep inside his heart, he still wanted her to come.

Joohyun-ahh jebal…

He kept on looking around for almost fifteen minutes after that. But then he realized that it was really over…Seo Joohyun didn’t come…

No matter how long he was looking around, she was nowhere to be seen.

This fact hurt him so much. When he finally was so sure with his own feeling, and he was ready to fight the world for her, she was giving up…

Yonghwa became teary, but he couldn’t show it in front of the people. He tried his best to hold his tears but he refused to say anything after that. He was worried, he would really cry if he said something.

“Oppa, gwenchanayo?” asked Soojung worriedly after he suddenly became so quiet with red eyes.

Yonghwa just smiled, but he shook his head. Her mother kept rubbing his back sympathetically.

The time was almost up. All the UN Peacekeeping Officers would be allowed to go anytime soon. And Yonghwa felt his heart clenched painfully. He couldn’t believe that it was really the end.

But then, he didn’t know from where he got the hunch, he suddenly wanted to look at his right side.

His heart skipped a beat…

…after he saw someone in ivory dress was tiptoeing between the crow