CHAPTER 19

Yurin is rocking her leg a bit, feeling completely uneasy on the couch she seated now. It took her almost ten minutes to get down here and facing him. The thought of he was coming all the way here, making her in fluster yet have no idea how to react on him. It just so sudden and there is so much things changed about her, she is not much longer a brave girl like he used to see before, instead looks like a weak girl that wanted to escape from the world any time soon.

She tries to pretend to not notice how the way his eyes are roaming every inch of her figure right now. The way they land at her skinny body, her cadaverous skin especially her face and her gloomy eyes with her pale lips like there's no blood in it. The fact is he is looking at her that way, make her wanted to cover those dark brown eyes of him from staring at her now. It seems unfair for her, when he has to meet her like this way. Look at her,

She looks very awful, horrible and a total sick and he knows it. 

She tries to control herself and act normally even though it's look such a mess. She feels like crying right now, like burst out how much she hates herself, how much she has to swallow up the fact she gives so much pain to people around her, especially to her mom, to her parent.

Who knew, the person who was always showing a smile actually the same person who is having a rough life. Well, to be truthful. A smile completely blind everything. That's power of a smile and almost people use this kind of trick in their lifes.

That's it, she was born to be sick in the beginning. She doesn't have a change to live like how people does. All her lives had to depend to a thing called a pill. She has to back and forth from the hospital to be like healthy people and she knows, this is her destiny for sake.

For a second, Yurin digs her big toe in the black and red carpet under her feet as watching them keenly. Yongguk on other couch, sitting with his albows on his thighs as bending a bit, observing her unwearied. The both of them had been separated by the coffee table in the middle of it. She had covered her head with yellow bennie, totally hiding her hair that beginning to less little by little and he had saw it a while ago. 

She is going to be bald because of her damn cancer!

Yongguk's face is serious and Yurin tries her best not to meet with his eyes. She in dilemma, don't know what should she say right now.

"How do you know my house?" She breaks the ice between them, shifting a little on her spot. Apparently that's what had come out of instead.

Yongguk snaps a bit then blink his eyes once before muttering "From Mrs Jang" he honestly says which is surprised him as well.

Yurin takes aback secretly at his unknowingly effort. Like is he really did that? 

Yurin grips down the fabric of the cushion secretly. She wants to know so she opens again" Did you really.." She quickly pause herself, shaking her head a bit, "I mean.. What brought you here?" She asks again, letting the first question fly away.

"Just visiting" He simply said. Yurin presses her lips for a second before meeting his gaze "because I'm sick? yeah, I know it" she mutters, breathing out. her voice sound uneven a bit in sorrow.

Everything turn quiet afterward and Yurin slightly noticed his jaws moving as if having an argue to himself that she secretly curious about right now.

"To be honest, I-I don't know you're sick or what had happened.. I mean.. " Yongguk almost growls on his stumble words. He really doesn't know what to say. His mind is so blank to even think of a thing after what had he saw just now.

"You don't have to come, if you don't want to and I never expect them from you" She blunts, cutting him off. Her eyes start to feel hot and the tears fill up a bit at the space of it when she told him that. However, she tries not to cry in front of him.

Sympathy. yes, that's the perfect word.

She notices, he looks like he is in sympathy over her, Over her life right now. That's the reason she doesn't want him to meet her. No, She doesn't want to meet him.

There is silent again and he seems didn't take off his eyes from looking at her as Yurin quickly straighten her tensed body

"H-have a drink" her voice shaking a bit and instantly get the glass of orange juice that her maid prepared for them in both of her palms, before drinking them down to her dry yet bitter throat with a force.

Yongguk runs his gaze eventually, can't truly look at her any longer as grab the glass of his drink from the coffee table and take a sip of it. He either didn't respond on her words.

Honestly, he has a lot to say but they seem get stuck in his throat instead. So, he just let it untold.

Suddenly, her mom appeared from the door and looking surprised to see her daughter in the living room,

Her face shows obviously a tired one and under her eyes turn dark clearly.

"Yurin, What are you doing downstairs here? you're supposed to be in your room, resting" Her mom approaches them and throw a gaze at her only child.

Yurin lifts up her head and look at her mom who are just coming from her work, giving her a tiny smile "I'm fine, mom"

Her mom grunts under her breath, instantly. Sound completely sick of it "You are not fine, Yurin" She emphasized the words one by one.

Yongguk on the other hand, having his eyes somewhere now but not to Yurin nor her mom, He stares on the cold floor and making the hole with his gaze as if he is not the part of it.

Yurin was about to open again but got interrupted by her mother "Don't say anything, I don't really believe you this time. you know how many times you have passed out in your bed after saying you're fine to me" She tries to control herself and her voice sound crack. Yurin bites on her lower as her face fell down, wordless.

But she always reminding herself to be strong in any situations.

"I know, mom and I'm really sorry, but we have guest now. Please don't be like this?" Yurin softly begs as glance at Yongguk once, feeling shame when he has to hear all of this. She can't accept it to be honest. She is starting to feel smaller around him.

Mrs Mee, look at her daughter a bit long before squinting her eyes to Yongguk. For a second, She runs her gaze away, as hardly hide her hurt eyes that show obviously in it. She is the mother after all. Who are not sad, right? 

Yurin wanted her mom to understand her, so does her mom who wanted the same too but both of them end up misery in their desires.

Mrs Mee turns aways and her tears finally flows down her cheeks which Yurin not noticing but Yongguk. He has happened to see that when he lifted his head up and silently send the figure who are walking in the kitchen way now.

"Yongguk"

Yongguk turned when his name come out from in monotone. He straigten his body and look at her softly and he sees something in her face. he is reading her expression and Yongguk believes she know it.

She knows that her mom crying,

but she pretends to not to.

How much she had swallow that. The pain.

The pain that he is curious about now.

"Hmm" He responsed, relaxing his body on the couch as Yurin keeps her eyes on the curtains behind him.

"Do me a favor" She said, not as if coming out in question way but it seems like a demand. For a second his eyes turns hard as staring on her face.

"What?" He didn't agree yet but asking for detail. Yurin tries not to change her already strained face and looking for her voice that she supposed to use now.

"Promise me, this is your last time to see me" She said eventually, searching his face.

"Promise me that you are not going to find me again " She adds. "Promise me-"

"I get it" He cuts her off with his dead serious face that changed only a second. She speechless as her lips apart abit but shut it back.

"Good" She slowly whispers, turning away which can't bare her anymore to look at his face. What she thought about him a few seconds ago totally flies away. She really didn't mean anything in his life. Her presence never means anything. That's it.

"Good" She repeats again in mubling, slowly accepting the reality.

...

"Make some friends" She remarks abruptly, she is walking him to the front door. Yongguk ignores her as take his canvas shoes then put them on.

After the demand sesion ended, He didnt say anything afterward, letting the silence accompany both of them for almost thirty minutes in the living room that beginning to tense obviously. And Yurin was mean enough to even broke the silent between them by asking how long he was going to stay here and He didn't wait any second when he got up and leave to the door.

Noticing how he doesn't want to talk to her now, making her lips turn into a bitter smile. Her eyes narrow a bit as observing him which done wearing his shoes and begin to walk away to her gate, turning his back to her. While Yurin stood by her porch, couldn't do anything.

Her vision slowly get blur due to the tears in her eyes as her hand raise up in slow motion, giving him a farewell wave unknowingly.

Yongguk stops after took two steps when suddenly he turns around. He as if reading her heart, In blink of eyes, her thin body already in his embrace. Her eyes wide enough as her chin on his left shoulder due to his height. 

Her body goes rigid in confusion while thinking what is going on over and over until he whispers something onto her. "Are not this is what friends does, giving a goodbye hug?" The pulling feel stronger in his arms and Yurin presses her lips into line while she looks up into the evening sky to prevent her tears drop down onto her cheeks.

For a second, she burried her face on his shoulder, shoving her face before mumbling "Yes, is it"

She grips the back of his shirt then secretly breath in his scent for the last time.

'I want to live' She thought 'I really want to live, Yongguk'

...

On the way he is heading to his house, make him completely looks like a drunk person. He feels empty and don't know what to do with his life anymore. He found himself lost, just how he lost his father when he was fifteen back then. The feels just real same that he couldn't say anything. 

His feet saunter aimlessly on the sidewalk, going wherever they are bringing him. For a moment, he wanted to disapper somewhere., run away from all of this and forget.. her.

What's the point knowing her, but at the end being like this?

It's pointless and he can't understand it.

His feet keeps stepping forward in pensive and the second thing the light bright through the corner of his eyes. 

He stops walking, turning to the side only to be greeted by a light that got brightest as if going to take over his dark world but instead his body had been throwing away by a hard thing and make him lay on the ground helpless.

He didn't know he is in the middle of the street and,

He didn't know he had shut tight his eyes and slowly to open them and noticed everyone already gather around his weak body with blood coming out endlessly. Less than one minute, his vision become blur as his eyeballs roll around in dizziness

By then, The real darkness really greeted him. 

*Hand you a box of tissue* I mean..if you're really crying.. hehe

Please love them <3