The pillows never got dry, and the tears never stopped falling from her eyes as every waking moment, she would feel the emptiness of his absence. The sickness was driving her to insanity, the lack of food on her system was starting to make a difference. But she couldn’t eat. The food wouldn’t come down , and it would make her sick immediately.

She felt weak, a weakness that couldn’t be alleviated with anything. Sleep was rarely happening to her, and the thought of going out and having to deal with people made her frown. Chaerin wasn’t alright, she was in pain, both physically and emotionally, and even if she knew she needed help, she didn’t wanted it. Only Jiyong could help her, and he was gone. He was never coming back, and that made it all the more painful for her to bear.

A few knocks on her door made her open her fluffy eyes. Taemin and Youngbae walked in, both with their faces low. The gloominess on that place hadn’t left since Jiyong died, and every one of them felt it. It was still odd knowing that they all lived in the same roof now, but they decided it was enough fighting. Misook has made them all live together, and since Jiyong’s funeral, they agreed on it.

Everyone agreed but Chaerin, she was forced to it. Youngbae had tried to give comfort while making her get out of bed, all to no avail. It would either end with Chaerin sleeping, or both of them crying to sleep.

Chaerin sat up, holding her dizzy head. Her hands were getting thinner, but even if she felt like losing weight, she didn’t looked the loss on her abdomen. Maybe she wasn’t losing that much weight, maybe she was still alright.

“We got back the results.” Taemin said, handing her a piece of paper. Chaerin frowned, then remember the day they forced her to get out of bed and get to a laboratory to at least get a CBC done. She was against it, but Misook, Youngbae and Taemin forced her, and she couldn’t say no. It was either agreeing or being carried there. It was out of the question.

“Did you read them?” Chaerin said as she saw the envelope open. Taemin shrugged as Youngbae sat next to her.

“Go on, open it.” Youngbae said. Chaerin took a deep breath and took out the paper. She quickly opened it, her eyes landing on the words POSITIVE on top of the paper.

“What’s this?”

“Maybe a reason to get up?” Said Taemin. Chaerin looked back at the paper, reading it completely.

“I’m pregnant?” She said dumbfounded. Youngbae smiled a little, nodding. “I don’t believe this.”

“Is it true?” Seunghyun, who rushed into the room, asked. Chaerin lifted her face, hanging open as he snatched the papers from her hands.

“You’re pregnant?!” Seunghyun exclaimed in both happiness and surprise.

“H-How?” Chaerin said, still trying to process the information. Seunghyun frowned, looking at her.

“Do you really want us to answer that question?”

“I meant,” She said, shaking her head. “Why now? Why find about it now?”

“Maybe it was the time. You were pregnant all along.” Youngbae said. Seunghyun sat down on the bed, looking at her with warm eyes.

“You want to know something?” He said, and Chaerin quickly nodded. Seunghyun nodded, touching her foot a bit. “He wanted to get you pregnant. He wanted to leave something behind if he were to die, so, I guess his wish came true.” Chaerin bit her lip, a tear falling from her eye as she touched her abdomen. It was a little bigger, and what she thought was a swollen intestine was actually a baby growing inside of her. Jiyong’s baby.

“I’m pregnant.” She mumbled, crying silently as she caressed her abdomen. “You heard that Jiyong, we’re going to be parents. We’re having a baby.” She said, and everyone started crying silently, surrounding her.

Youngbae hugged her, then caressed her abdomen, smiling at her. “I will take care of your baby Jiyong, I promise you that.”

“We will all take care of your baby, Jiyong.” Seunghyun said, smiling at Chaerin. “It will be our baby!”

“Are you happy, Chaerin?” Taemin said, caressing her cheek. She smiled softly, shrugging.

“Not happy, just… satisfied…”

“So you see, your son is growing healthy. I guess you never left. I can still feel you. Are you there Kwon Jiyong? Are you watching over our son? I know you are, because you were just like that. Always watching over everybody. Always watching over the ones you love.

Well, guess what, I hope you will be there on the delivery room. I am scared to be alone in there. So be there, ok?”

“Hey baby, guess what, I can walk so much better now. I guess those vitamins are really making me stronger. I try to come every day, but my body doesn’t allows me to do it. You forgive me, don’t you? I wish you could be here, holding me while I try to walk.

Guess how we are naming your son? We are naming him Jihyun. I wanted to call him Jiyong, but Youngbae didn’t wanted it, so we stayed with Jihyun. He said the Dragons had hurt us enough, so naming your son with Dragon wasn’t going to be good. After all, you will be the only Jiyong in my life, so it’s not fair to name your son after such a big name. I want him to be big, but such pressure on him at such a young age is too much. So Jihyun is good. Do you like it? I know you’ll love it. Well, I am leaving now. I promise I will come back. I want you to see our baby growing up so healthy.

Jiyong, thank you, for everything. I love you.”

“Jiyonggie, how are you? I miss you, terribly. I don’t know if I can go on like this. It makes my heart weak. I try for little Jihyun, but I can’t go on. I’m exhausted. I wish you were here. I love you.”

“Jiyong, the delivery is coming fast. I am scared, I want you by my side. Are you going to be there with me? Please, just let me feel you that one time. I need your strength with me. I know I should let you rest, but it’s an important date. It’s the birth of your son! I love you, my Jiyong.”

“Jiyong, hello. I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. Jihyun decided to come before date. But he is strong, just like you. I wish I could bring him sooner, but he is still fighting hard at the hospital. Please don’t leave him alone now. He needs you… I need you. Our little warrior is fighting really hard, and I feel like I am going to fall into pieces. Your family really needs you Jiyong, please don’t let us alone. I love you, my Jiyong.”

“Jiyong, sorry I couldn’t come sooner, Jihyun needed me. He is so much better now, I brought him here with Youngbae. Jiyong, Jihyun is healthy, he is growing fast. He looks just like you. Look at him, he has your nose and your hands! Thank you Jiyong, for giving me such a beautiful son. I promise I will talk to him about you every day. You are not dead, just resting, and your son will know the great man you were. I just wish you could be with us now, because your son is so beautiful, just like you. We love you Jiyong.”

“Jiyong, I am tired… I swear all I do is for Jihyun, but I am tired. No matter how much I try to keep on, I can’t seem to find enough strength to keep me going. I need you, more than anything, I need you. Please don’t leave me just yet.”

“I thought I saw you the other night. It might sound crazy, but I thought I saw you. I could smell you, could feel you. Thank you. I really miss you, I need you. Jihyun is growing healthy, and with each passing day, he looks more and more like you. Youngbae is making an excellent role as his uncle and father. Thank you Jiyong, because if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here now. Jihyun wouldn’t be here. Thank you, I love you, my Jiyong.”

“It was you, right? But… I am sorry, I can’t let you go just yet. Please don’t ask me that because I can’t let you go yet. It hurts me, don’t go… just… don’t go…”

“Jiyong… Jihyun is… he wrote you this letter, but I can’t read it because he says it’s for papa. So I’ll just leave it here. I know we should let you go, and… I’m letting you go… Please rest Jiyong, you have done more than enough for this family. Your son is healthy, thanks for taking care of him all this years. I know you were there. It pains me, but I am here and you are not.

But it’s hard, because I wasn’t ready to say good bye. I wasn’t ready to let you go, because you are my everything. I love you, and I will always love you, so for now, rest. But promise me you will wait for me. I will raise Jihyun and make him a man of good, I will raise him to be someone great, like you wanted. You deserve to have a son that can make you proud, and that’s what I am going to do. There are no guns anymore, no daggers, no more blood. It’s all clean, it’s all good.

I’m doing this for you, so rest for me, will you? I am saying goodbye now, so just rest. Don’t worry about me, because you had worried enough. Just rest my love. I love you.”

The days flew by, almost like a soft breeze caressing the skin. And like the days, the years flew by, and in a blink of an eye, it was time to let go of the man that lifted her up from the darkness.

Chaerin was clapping loudly, her smile was so bright it could blind the people in the room. Jihyun was on the podium, the valedictorian student giving the speech at his college graduation. It filled her chest with joy, and next to her, Youngbae was cleaning his tears as he smiled at Jihyun, who was bowing his head at the cheering crowd.

“Good evening.” Jihyun said as he fixed the cards on his hands. “And congratulations to my fellow colleagues. We made it!” And the cheering continued. Jihyun smirked, bowing his head again. Just like Jiyong, he had an overflowing charisma that caught the stage and the people in it.

“Tonight, I want to dedicate all of this to you, the students who spent nights without sleep, who spent days without rest, all for this day. We made it, with all our sacrifices, we made it happen. We should be proud of ourselves, because there are not enough young people that can say that they made it to this point. We are blessed.

But I also want to dedicate this to the parents. Because without them, we wouldn’t be here. To my mother, who gave her all to get me up here. Lee Chaerin, my beautiful mother who I had to protect from my friends. Mom, thank you, because you made this possible.

To my uncle Youngbae, because without his guidance, I probably wouldn’t be standing here today. Thank you uncle, for raising me as your own, for being there for me all the time. My family is big, but it’s all thanks to you, because you never gave up. Even when mom wanted to give up, you never let her. You’re the best.

I also want to dedicate this to my father, Kwon Jiyong. Father, I never had the opportunity to properly meet you, but mom spoke greatly of you. For that, I always wanted to become a man that you could be proud of. Are you proud of me? Thanks to you, I am here today, and even if Destiny didn’t wanted us to meet, I know you were a great man, because mom still loves you, because uncle still loves you. Thank you for loving my mom so much, and thank you for giving me life. Kwon Jiyong, father, this is for you.” And a standing ovation followed.

Chaerin was crying as she stood up, applauding as much as she could. Youngbae had his head hanging low, also crying but applauding. Chaerin looked at him, touching his shoulder slightly. “We made it.” She whispered. Youngbae nodded, and she looked back to the front.

By the corner of her eye, she saw a silhouette, and when she looked to the side, in there, she saw Jiyong smiling and applauding. His face looked the same as she remembered him, the same perfect features of him, the same black hair that decorated his head, the same stylish clothes and beautiful hands. Her air got caught in as she saw the proud face of him looking at their son. She smiled, her heart pounding, as he slowly looked at her, his smile never faltering.

“Thank you.” She said. Jiyong smiled again, winking at her as he extended his hand towards her face. She closed her eyes, biting her lips as tears fell uncontrollably from her eyes. She felt the soft touch of his hand on her check, and her chest burst out in sobs. “I love you.”

Her whole body shivered as she felt his presence embracing her completely. She wanted to touch him, to hug him tight and kiss him, but was too afraid to lose that moment with him, so she stayed unmoving as he continued to embrace her. His presence was so strong she could smell him, could almost feel the warmth of his body on hers, and it made her smile while crying. How long had she wished this would happen? How much has she begged for him to be there for her through all those years she missed him? She missed him so much it hurt, and she loved him so much there was no more love for any other man. Her heart belonged to him and Jihyun, and only them.

“Thank you, my Chaerin, for giving me everything I could ever ask for. I love you, always.”

~ * ~

“Love you to death” by Taeyang

“You came here to audition? Dressed like that?”
“I came to show my skills, not my wardrobe.”

`~ * ~’

“He said I looked like a beggar, just a while ago.”
“I said I had an eye for talent, also for fashion. You can have the talent, but if you don’t dress the part, you will never hit big.”
“Is it all?”
“To be able to sing my song with such precision gave you a ticket to YG, don’t waste it

`~ * ~’

“You weren’t told? Do you need a map to get to the bathroom also? This is the industry, don’t expect people to be telling you what to do, you need to figure it out.”
“And why do you look so terrible? Nice change of clothes, terrible look on your face.”
“Great, now you will also complain about how I look?”

`~ * ~’

“Up until here Jiyong, I have to work.”
“We are working.”
“Good night Jiyong.”
“Listen here, little , if you’re going to be here, better get used to my way. If you want to become an idol, you better start listening to your seniors and do things as I say them. Understood?”
“Listen, golden boy, you are not anyone’s boss here, and I certainly didn’t come to get bullied by some gangsta wannabe. So off.”

`~ * ~’

“Listen here, Golden boy, I have no interest in telling you what I do with my life. So stop meddling about it, you look stupid doing it.”
“Ok then, good.”
“I quit.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“This isn’t for me. And like you said last night, I am not willing to be doing whatever your golden wants me to do. I am not your slave, and I don’t like you.”
“Right, you’re not a slave. But neither am I. Do you think I have the benefit of taking a rest? Do you think I like being here, working my off just for people to tell me how bad I am doing?”
“I don’t care.”

`~ * ~’

“What are you doing here?”
“I came back.”
“I can see that, why?”
“I thought about everything, and I think it’s stupid to waist my opportunities for someone like you.”
“You were eavesdropping.”
“I beg your pardon?”

`~ * ~’

“I need to get out.”
“And what does that exactly has to do with me?”
“You’re one of the reasons I’m so stressed!”
“Me? What have I done to you?”
“Come.”
“Hell no, you could be a mass murder and kill me, then throw me out in a forest so no one could find me.”
“I am not so lame.”
“Yeah right.”
“I wouldn’t throw you to the forest, that’s old school.”
 

`~ * ~’

“This is no time for your iness, we have to go!”
“Go where?”

`~ * ~’

“Where do you live?”
“I can go by myself, just leave me near the YG building-”
“WHERE THE DO YOU LIVE?!”

`~ * ~’

“Are you crazy? Why are you walking alone in the streets? It’s dangerous out here!”
“ off!”
“What’s wrong with you? Why are you so careless?”
“I said off! ING OFF!”

`~ * ~’

“I will not leave.”
“Why? Why not? Don’t you hate me? Just leave me alone, please.”
“I will not leave.”

`~ * ~’

“Listen, I don’t want you to think I am going to take advantage of you, or that I want any weird things with you.”
“It’s ok.”
“Because I don’t want it, ok. It’s not that you’re not an attractive woman, it’s just that I’m not the type of guy to take a woman into his home and do whatever with her.”
“Jiyong,”
“So I want you to feel comfortable while you’re in here. I won’t make any strange moves, I am only helping you.”
“Jiyong…”
“And if it makes you uncomfortable, I can take you to a hotel or anything.”
“Jiyong! I am fine, and I am grateful for your help. But now, I would really appreciate it if you tell me where I am going to sleep.”

`~ * ~’

“It’s deep, you will probably need sewing.”
“And you know how to sew?”
“I’ve sewed a few shirts, what difference could a hand make?”
“Are you mad?!”

`~ * ~’

“What do you think of them?”
“Can I give you my opinion?”
“Please.”
“They .”

`~ * ~’

“Oh come on, you’re working, not dating.”
“Are you?”
“I’m what?”
“Dating… are you?”
“As in seeing someone?”
“You’re dating.”
“No, I’m not. It’s just… Why are you asking me that?”
“I was curious.”

`~ * ~’

“I punched Chaerin, and I think I sent her into coma.”
“And why would you hit her?”
“Because she was about to kill me.”

`~ * ~’

“Chaerin, I’m taking you to dinner tonight.”
“Dinner? Why?”
“I don’t know, I feel like it.”
“Ok.”
“Then it’s a date.”

`~ * ~’

“I think I should you until you reach your apartment.”
“I will be fine Jiyong.”
“Let a man have his pride.”
“Only to the elevator.”
“Alright, until my door, but that’s it.”
“To the door it is.”

`~ * ~’

“Everything has an ugly side Jiyong, it’s stupid to think everything must look pretty.”
“I would bet you don’t have an ugly side, you’re too beautiful to have one.”
“I am not as beautiful as I seem. It would be stupid to think I don’t have an ugly side.”

`~ * ~’

“Jiyong…”
“I really like you, Lee Chaerin. Why are you so perfect?”
“I’m anything but perfect.”
“You are perfect.”

`~ * ~’

“I care for you, and what happened between us, that has been the most real thing that has ever happened to me, please don’t ruin it.”

`~ * ~’

“So that’s what you want right? Keep her to yourself? She’s already mine.”
“I am no one’s.”
“You’re mine, and this is who I am. Take it or leave it.”
“I’ll leave it. I just lost my father to some idiot with a gun, playing to be gangster. I am clearly not involving myself with one who is obviously mentally unstable, so I’ll simply will leave it.”
“What?”
“It’s over Kwon Jiyong, this define whatever was between us.”

`~ * ~’

“Is this why you called me? Because I really had a start yesterday with you all ed up and full of blood and I don’t want to see that again.”
“Is that because you care for me?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You love me.”
“No I don’t.”
“Now I feel offended.”

`~ * ~’

“Who are you?”
“Kwon Jiyong.”
“Who is Kwon Jiyong?”
“Who do you think he is?”
“I don’t want to guess.”
“Why not?”
“Because… It hurts to think I’m right.”
“What are you thinking?”

`~ * ~’

“You’re a killer…?”
“I am. But I am not a vicious one.”
“You kill people?”
“I am a mercenary. I kill under contract.”

`~ * ~’

“I think I love you, Kwon Jiyong.”
“Don’t joke with me, please.”
“I am not joking with you, I love you, for real.”

`~ * ~’

“What the are you doing here?”
“Trying to find you.”
“To kill me?”
“To see if you were ok.”
“I am, now you may leave.”
“I went by your family’s house.”
“You did?”
“They’re not very welcoming.”
“I know.”
“As you are not now.”
“Don’t move.”
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You already did.”

`~ * ~’

“You have broken me completely, taking everything from me. You took my love, and now I am yours.”
“I don’t know how I’m doing this, but I am talking to you. Jiyong, you took my father from me, don’t let others take you from me too.”
“I can’t bear the thought of something happening to you Chaerin.”
“What else could happen to me?”
“You being killed. That would be worst.”
“Yes, for you.”

`~ * ~’

“I swore to myself I would kill the man that killed my father. And now I find myself being unable to do that.”
“Kill me then, but after I’m done with the people that mean you harm.”

`~ * ~’

“How does it feels to end a life with your own hands?”
“Nothing. Nothing is felt.”
“Surely you must feel something.”
“I have forgotten to feel a long time ago.”
“For me, you feel for me?”
“I do.”
 

`~ * ~’

“One could only tell, hearing your music and reading your lyrics. I’d say you’re a professional liar.”
“I am. I am a master in lying, yet I fail to have the will to lie to you.”

`~ * ~’

“I should have known those hands weren’t the ones of an artist.”
“I am an artist. I specialize in the art of death.”

`~ * ~’

“Is that a problem?”
“Yes, there is. One, you’re to be wed, how can I let you? And two, if the Kims find out you’re with me, they’ll probably kill you too.”

`~ * ~’
(Can consider listening to "Haru Haru" again...)

“Please, don’t.”
“An eye for an eye Jiyong. I love you.”

`~ * ~’

“No, it’s true, this is no longer me, this is the corpse of a man, this… This thing is no longer what it used to be, she made sure she ended it. I told her, I ing told her what would happen, and still, she did. So cheers to that mothering that killed me merciless.”

`~ * ~’

“HE THINKS I’M DEAD!”

`~ * ~’

“Why did you do it? Why did you do this to me?”
“I tried to save you.”
“You killed me.”
“But I also wanted you to pay for what you did to me.”

`~ * ~’

“You don’t mean that.”
“Oh, I mean it. You thought that after everything that have happened, you could just pop back into my life and pretend nothing happened? You died on me, Chaerin, which means, you are dead to me.”

`~ * ~’

“Jiyong…”
“It’s over, Lee Chaerin. You’re nothing to me, don’t ever come back and beg, because you’re just making yourself look pathetic. You better be more careful, because next time, I will not be so resilient.”

`~ * ~’

“Why are we here?”
“I have been betrayed. And I want to apologize.”
“I’m glad to see you’re ok, Chaerin.”

`~ * ~’

“Jiyong.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
“I love you more. I love you so much.”
“I thought you hated me for real.”.
“I thought I did, too.” He said, messing his hair with his hand.
“And what happened?”
“I realized I could never hate you.”

`~ * ~’

“What’s your weakness Kwon Jiyong? They will kill you through her. Two birds down with one bullet.”

`~ * ~’

“I want to get out.”
“I can’t give you that. But I can give much more.”
“What, Kwon Jiyong. What can you give me?”
“Safety, protection, stability. And even in this dark life, I can give you light.”
“H-How?”
“I can protect you, I can end this and protect you forever. And maybe then, you can be free from this life.”

`~ * ~’

“Why does loving you feels like it’s so impossible?”
“It will be hard, to love me. I once told you loving me was risking it all.”

`~ * ~’

“Jiyong, you ride, I ride. You die, I die. I am not going anywhere without you.”
“I love you baby, no matter what, please know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

`~ * ~’

“I am not finished! Stop crying and yelling because you’re not a little girl anymore. Get up and fight. I do not love the weak Chaerin. I love that woman that walked into my company and confused Gummy with a receptionist. I love the Chaerin that told me to off when I pushed her limits. I love the girl that told me that she came to audition, not to show off her wardrobe. I love that fierce girl, where is she? Where is that Lee Chaerin? Bring her back!”
“I-I will…”
“Good, because that’s the woman I want to greet when I come back. So listen to me, stand up and fight, fight for that girl that swept the great G-Dragon off his feet the first time he saw you. And Lee Chaerin, don’t forget that Kwon Jiyong loves you more than anything in this world.”

`~ * ~’

“Jiyong, don’t die on me, please.”
“I-I t-tried…”
“I-I know you did.”
“Y-You’re the best i-in my l-life babe… I love you.”
“You’re the best in mine, Jiyong. I love you so much.”
“L-Live for us…”

`~ * ~’

“Thank you, Kwon Jiyong, for trying. Thank you, Kwon Jiyong, for living as much as you could for me. Thank you, Kwon Jiyong, for loving me so much. Thank you for giving me the best thing in my life. Thank you, please wait for me, because I’ll be longing for you until the day I die. I love you, My Jiyong.”

Author's Notes: 

FAREWELL

Gily ♥