She was alive. Now I was certain. She was there, I have seen her. I being alive is proof enough of that. And they had showed mercy. I am a living corpse, ready to give in to death, and they showed mercy. Was she crying for me? Was she begging for me? I was there, ready to give in, and they have spared me; they have chained me to my misery. She was alive, and so was I.

“Let’s go back in.” Youngbae said as he tried to drag me back to the hospital. I couldn’t talk, couldn’t properly think straight anymore. She was alive, she was safe and she’s being protected. And here I am, the nemesis to her throne. And here I am, losing the battle I had started. Youngbae tried to push me one more time, but I hissed, forcefully slapping his hands away. This was it, the push I needed, the strength I needed to keep fighting a losing battle.

“I’m not going back.” I said, my body shaking. “I’m leaving, Youngbae.”  Youngbae widened his eyes, his face turning from worry to anger in a split of a second.

“Your treatment…”

“ my treatment. I’m leaving.” I hissed as I turned around to leave. Youngbae followed, saying incoherent words about how I needed to stay and recover. I hissed, ignoring him as I tried to reach the sidewalk. “Make sure you get my stuffs. Tell the others I’ll wait for them at the company.”

“Jiyong, just listen!”

“No, you listen to me!” I shouted, losing my patience. “I am leaving and you’re not stopping me anymore. I’ve had enough of this bull. My life’s been more than exposed in this hellhole, I am not standing down and wait for my death. They know I’m here, I am an easy target. I’d rather die in my own house than giving it for free to those mothering bastards!”

Youngbae stopped in cold, watching me as I hyperventilated. I was done feeling nauseous, dizzy or weak. I was coming back, and coming back strong no matter what. He looked at me for another while, then let out a sigh, nodding softly as he took out his keys. “Alright, let’s go.” He said. “I’m taking you back, then.” I could only nod in response as he started walking towards his car. I followed, and by the time I reached the car, I was a shaking mess of a person. I tried to ignore the fact that my hands were almost impossible to move as I tried to open the door.

Youngbae started the engine as I sat down, looking around the car, smelling the familiar scent of new. I put my good hand over my face, rubbing my eyes, then cleaning my lips. My hand finally landed on my lap, and I missed the feeling of the cold barrel against my skin.

“My gun?” The question slurred out of my mouth, making me swallow a mouthful of saliva. Youngbae opened the glove compartment and took out my beloved yet hated golden gun. I looked at it as he put it on my hand. The dragon shone in the dim lights of the night, flashing through the window like strobe lights.

“It’s loaded.” He told me. I nodded, holding it tight on my right hand, almost feeling guilty of the damage I had caused my left hand, forbidding me from loading it or unloading it. I let out a sigh as I hid my gun on my pants, carefully pinning it with the elastic of my sweatpants. Another sigh escaped my lips as I rested my head against the headrest of the seat. My left hand was left on top of my lap, too painful to move. My fingers felt sore, my arm tingling with an uncomfortable sensation of slight cramps running up and down from it.

And as I struggled with that uncomfortable feeling of unmoving motion, I saw her face, filled with fresh tears, begging for my life. I couldn’t quite process the whole situation clearly. I had seen her, I wasn’t hallucinating, I hadn’t take any drugs in a week – my body was starting to feel the horrible sensation from it – and I have not taken one drop of alcohol either. She was there, in the flesh, crying and begging for my life.  

“She’s alive.” The words slipped through my lips like cold iron, hurting everything on its path. I tried to remain strong, to remain emotionless, but the fact that she was there, that she hadn’t died had completely broken any possible attempt at that. “She didn’t died.”

Youngbae simply nodded, not taking his eyes from the road as I kept struggling with my inner emotions. I tried to play it cool, but truth is, his indifference was starting to make a hole in my little, thin bubble of confidence.

“Why did you pushed her away?” I managed to ask. “Why did she came for?”

“I don’t know.” Youngbae whispered. His voice was so low it took a second for me to understand what he said.

“Was she armed?”

“I don’t think so -”  

“Then why were you trying to push her away?” I finally asked what I knew I didn’t wanted to know. Why did he pushed her away? I probably knew why. My left hand was proof enough of that. Youngbae’s last outburst was proof enough. I was a wreck, because of her. I was weak, because of her. I was vulnerable, because of her. I was insane, because of her. I tried to kill myself, again, because of her.

“Jiyong, I don’t want her to hurt you anymore.” He said, breaking the terrible silence that was starting to hurt me in ways I couldn’t pronounce. “Now we know she’s alive, so only God knows whatever plan they have to ruin you. You were poisoned with blood, you are weak, and they know it. She could be here trying to kill you, for all we know.” He explained the obvious, yet I failed to see that. Only her wet face made sense in all that mess. Was she forced to be hidden? Was she suffering just as much as I was? I couldn’t know. I had no way of knowing.

I tried to say so many things, yet I couldn’t. I was afraid of my own resistance to remain calm. I was afraid of my own choice of words as I kept imagining all sorts of things happening to me, or her.

“I don’t think she came to kill me.” I managed to coherently say as I kept hoping, praying she would be there to save me.  

“Why else would she come by?” And that was the most important questions of all. Why would she come by, then leave so suddenly? And why was she with Jonghyun when he clearly was the one who sabotaged the blood bags in order to attempt a murder against my persona?

But in the midst of everything, I looked at her. I managed to steal a moment from that moment and look at her directly. Look at her amidst the chaos. She was broken, she was as pained as I was. I could see in her eyes how broken, how empty and how miserable she was feeling. Just like me.

Youngbae wouldn’t care, even if I tried to explain how I knew. I had shared my fair share of intimate moments with her to know how much she felt. Her eyes always deceived her, and she wasn’t particularly hiding her pain, nor was she trying to avoid it. It was as if she wanted to feel pain.

“Her eyes…” I muttered, her lovely, feline eyes carved in my mind like a poisonous image of destruction and misery.

And here I was, holding onto the last strand of sanity in my head. My chest was empty, and as if a sinkhole had created on it, I had to put a hand over it to avoid breaking apart. I really just wanted to cry, to scream and cry until I lost consciousness, until I died of pain. But no one had ever died of that kind of pain, and no one had ever had a happy ending living the life I live.

~ * ~

Jonghyun kept driving without looking at me directly, and I didn’t know if I should thank him or hate him for it. I was sobbing, no need to hide the fact that I was a nervous wreck since the beginning of that day. Since the moment I attacked him, I was already lost into this nervous train, losing every stop as the night kept dragging me away.

I had pleaded, begged him to not take me back to the mansion, and he had agreed, not too convinced of the decision, but he agreed.

Something I had to thank him, besides sparing his life, was the fact that he allowed me to wail in his car without mustering anything. I didn’t wanted to hear anything other than my own sobs. Call me selfish, but I was done of people telling me to be strong, telling me to stand up and fight. I didn’t wanted to fight anymore. Ever since I was born, I had been fighting. I was more than done with it.

And I deserved this kind of pain. I was content with feeling it because I was certain, I was sure, I was convinced I was the who brought this Hell into Earth. I was fine with it, as long as I got to cry my heart out whenever I had the opportunity, I didn’t cared.

But the silent weeping had become unbearable, even to me. Jonghyun seemed to notice, so he shifted his position, clearing his throat before speaking.

“Why did you go to him, anyways?” He asked as I slowly calmed down. I bit my lower lip, intending to drift my focus somewhere else as I cleaned the fresh tears that fell from my eyes.

“I don’t know.” I confessed. I had been too shocked by the amount of blood I found on his apartment, and as any other human being, I thought the worst. I needed to know if he was alright, if he was alive. Silly of me I must ad, but the way my uncle had so sure said he won made me nervous, made me vulnerable – at least more than I already was.

But to be honest, I wasn’t sure that was the main reason anymore. I had been craving to see him ever since I woke up from my long sleep. I had been craving to touch him, to feel him, to see he was still the man I loved with all my soul. But this night had proven me wrong once again.

He wasn’t my Jiyong anymore. He had changed, his eyes were different. His pose was different, his hands, his body language, his face, everything. He wasn’t the man I loved, that man, I had killed that night when I stabbed myself in order to save him. And Karma was telling me how cruel my movement was.

I didn’t saved Kwon Jiyong that night, I had killed him merciless. That night, I saved the monster I feared. That night, I had released the evil within him, and there was nothing I could to stop it. Maybe that was the reason I went to see him, to prove myself wrong. But no, I was right all along.

His eyes had lost the warmth, now they were cold. He had lost the softness, now he was strong. And now, there was no way back. As I was fighting with death, he was gluing his pieces together however he could manage. He had tried to find all his pieces, putting them together and keeping them tight with duct tape.

But he had lost a few pieces. He was broken, his soul was broken, slightly glued together to keep only the hatred he felt, the hatred I saw in his eyes when he looked at me. I thought he would smile, he would be happy to know I was alive, but all I got back in response was a confused, angered look. I deserved it.

“I don’t know.” I answered. Jonghyun nodded.

“It was careless, you know that? Your family is out there, there was an attack tonight, and you just got in the middle of it. Why?” Jonghyun said. I lowered my face, the tears no longer falling from my eyes as I had come to the realization that the man I loved was long dead. He had said it himself.

“Because I love him.” I admitted. Because even if Kwon Jiyong was dead, I had a slight hope I could bring him back. Silly, stupid even, but I wanted to make it true. “Because I can’t bear the thought of him dying because of me.”

Truth was, I was selfish. I didn’t cared, I was selfish enough to admit the fact that, even if I had killed him when I made him watch me die, I didn’t wanted to go through the same. I don’t care if I have to live a thousand years alone, I don’t want to see that man die because of me.

“It’s not because of you.” Jonghyun said softly, but I shook my head as I looked at my hands.

“I drove him into madness. I made him who he is now. He is the monster I created.” The words slipped my mouth, and I didn’t know if I should regret them or simply not give a care anymore. It was the truth, after all. Jonghyun shook his head as he put a hand over my cheek, intending to soothe me. I won’t deny it, it made me feel all weird inside.

“Chaerin, he was already a monster. Kwon Younghwan made that monster, you just calmed the beast while you were there. That man, that’s the Kwon Jiyong we all know. He hasn’t changed, you haven’t changed him. That’s who he is.” Jonghyun said, but I kept shaking my head no.

“No, he was warm, he was good. He was so full of love, of… of compassion…” I said, an agonizing moan of pain was heard, and I blinked when I noticed the tears started to fall again. I started crying, again, and this time, it came out in a desperate moan of agony. I didn’t even felt it inside, it just burst out in waves of anguishing pain, and I couldn’t hold it in because I wasn’t really feeling it.

“No, he wasn’t…” Jonghyun started to say, almost trying to convince me, but was cut short as his phone started to ring somewhere. He grabbed it, quickly answering it without looking at me. “Yes.” He said as he pressed the phone to his cheek. I continued to stare at him as he casually nodded.

“Chaerin?” He said, now looking at me. I quickly shook my head no, and he nodded. “No, I haven’t found her.” I bit my lip as I nodded, silently thanking him for the lies he was saying – and I was certain wasn’t fine with it – for me. “Sure, let me know if you find her first. And great, that’s great. Gotta go, bye.” He ended the call, giving me one slight but powerful death glare.

“Jiyong knew about the attack.” Jonghyun muttered as he pulled to a stop in front of a building. I crooked my head as I stared at the tall building in front of us. I hadn’t realized we had already arrived to wherever we were.

“Did we, lost anyone?” I asked sheepishly, not even caring if we lost anyone or not. Jonghyun turned off the engine and looked at me, biting his lip as he fought with a few emotions I wasn’t sure about. I could see a glimpse of anger, and another glimpse of forgiveness, yet, I wasn’t sure.

“This is a dangerous game you’re playing, Lee Chaerin. You know how much this could cost me?” He said, but I just lowered my face, half in respect, half because I didn’t know what to say.

“I know.” I said, since he remained silent, waiting for my answer.

“It’s my life we’re talking about. If they find out I didn’t killed him, or that I am hiding you, I’m as good as dead.” He said, tracing his fingers through his hair. “Is it worth it risking it all?” I bit my lip again, now realizing what I have just done. Again.

Not only have did I forced him to ignore a direct order from above, I had force him into hiding me. I had forced him to disobey, something he clearly has never done before. And without realizing it, I had dragged him down with me into this pit, throwing the stairs down and filling it with water.

But he didn’t backed down, either.

“It’s not.” I said softly, carefully picking my words.

“Then why am I risking it all just for you?” He muttered, resting his head back and putting his hand over his eyes, then down to his mouth.

“I don’t know.” I honestly said. There was no reason for him to go down with me. He just played along with me, and I selfishly dragged him down without caring what it would cost him. There must be a reason why his father didn’t wanted him with me, and now, maybe I could tell why.

He had a heart.

“There’s so much you don’t know.” He said as he let out a sigh. “But I am already neck-deep in this mess, might as well play it along.”

“Jonghyun, I don’t know how to thank you.” I said, but he just shrugged, not even looking at me.

“Don’t thank me. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You’re helping me.”

“Helping you how? What are you going to do now?” He said, but I simply shrugged. I didn’t even know enough of that little word of theirs to know what exactly I should do know. But as usual, my mouth worked faster than my mind, and I made my hole bigger.

“I want to stop the war.” I said. And there you have it, Lee Chaerin dreaming big while being just a simple woman without any power to even know when to back down. Jonghyun, however, just chuckled, as if what I had just said made the lamest joke ever. It even sounded stupid to me.

“Jiyong’s not stepping down, neither is your family.” He said. “What’s your plan?” Fair enough, I had no idea what to do.

“I thought that if he knew I was alive, maybe he’ll reason, but he didn’t looked like he would.”

“I don’t think he cares anymore, Chaerin.” Jonghyun said, and I lowered my face in painful agreement. He had said the worst truth I have ever heard in my whole life. He didn’t cared anymore.

“But I know I’ll do something. I just have to think.” I said, opening the door. Again, I looked at the building and frowned. I had no idea where I was. “Where are we?”

Jonghyun closed his door and looked at the building. “This is where my private apartment is.” He said. I crooked my head, remembering Jiyong had once told me that exact same sentence. A private apartment.

“Why private?” I said as I walked towards the front of the car, following him inside.

“Because even I need to disappear from my reality.” He chuckled. “Come, I have a spare room you can use.” I smiled for the first time that day, and I didn’t even know if it was out of habit or the fact that he even risked his safe haven in order to help me.

“Thank you.”

~ * ~

Youngbae pulled to a stop in front of the gates of the high building known as YG entertainments, my home for almost my entire life. I looked at it in awe as I remember all my sleepless nights, my inhuman efforts to build that empire. Blood, sweat and tears had been the main tool to erect those walls, to create the fame and the money it produced. My blood, sweat and tears. I had dedicated my entire life to that place, it was rightfully mine. And yet, my father had taken it out of my hands and handed it to someone else, forcing me to work under the wing of that person, who had done nothing but ruin the perfect empire I had created.

But now things are different, my father was dead and I was in charge.

Now this was my garden, my own personal safe haven, my empire. My name was going to be on the top of this very building, and a statue should be the welcome to any person that entered its walls. I had created it, perfected every nail, every wall and ever person inside. This was my empire, my kingdom.

The gates opened, and Youngbae drove in, slowly, almost as if he knew I was admiring the empire that belonged to me and only me. “This is my life.” I muttered as Youngbae parked that car in his usual spot. He chuckled, turning off the engine as he too gazed upon the beauty of my bloody empire.

“It is.” He said, opening his door. I nodded, walking after him towards the crystal doors that I personally had picked. The guards were closing the gates, greeting us as we walked inside.

At the information desk, as usual, was a pretty woman taking calls and scribbling down on papers. I didn’t know her name, or when was she hired, we always changed them thanks to the true nature of this company. She stood up and bowed at us as we walked in. I bowed my head politely, trying to seem nice to the new receptionist, but she ed up.

She looked at me from head to toe, almost judging the way I looked. I glared at her. I know I wasn’t the hot stuff I usually was, but that didn’t meant G-Dragon wasn’t here. She quickly bowed her head, apparently she didn’t noticed, or didn’t cared, who I was. But she could tell I was important, because the moment I walked in, everyone stopped in their tracks to greet me, as usual.

I managed to see myself in one of the mirror walls, and I won’t deny it, I almost yelled in fear to see myself so wrecked. A white, plain t-shirt covered my chest while a pair of grey sweatpants covered my good parts. For the very first time in my life, I was wearing socks and a pair of flip flops. My arms were full of bruises thanks to the constant blood test and transfusions at the hospital. My face was terribly, my skin had gone paler, probably from the blood loss, my eyes were dark, my hair a horrible mess. My cheekbones were showing, almost breaking my skin, making horrible shadows over my cheeks.

I had to look to the side to avoid repulsing myself any longer. “God, I am a mess.” I muttered as I walked with Youngbae towards the elevator. He chuckled, pressing the call button on it. I looked at him, instantly feeling envious of his good looks.

He still was toned, his black shirt accentuating the already big muscles on his chest and arms. His skinny jeans accentuated his hard earned figure, and I had to suppress a scoff at his unbelievable nice . I had to admit it, if I was a girl, I would be swooning right now.

“You’re checking me out?” Youngbae noticed my constant stare at his , and I immediately shook my head, clearing my throat.

“No, I was just looking at your awful taste of clothes.” I lied. He chuckled, and I was about to, when a strange ruckus started to be heard at the main entrance. I frowned, and when I was about to ask Youngbae about it, he had already left my side to investigate the root of the riot.

I kept looking from a distance, and that’s when my heart stopped beating. Seungri walked in, covered in blood as he dragged a person. A person whose name was Choi Seunghyun, my Choi Seunghyun. I suppressed the need to shriek and quickly went over them, as fast as my body allowed me, anyways.

The receptionist was freaking out, and by the corner of my eye I saw Dara dragging her out of the place. One less thing to worry about.

“He’s been hit!” Seungri screamed as he kept dragging Seunghyun inside. I shook my head and finally made it towards them.

“Who did this?” I hissed. Seungri looked up, surprised.  

“What are you doing here?” Seungri said while sitting Seunghyun on a chair. Seunghyun grunted, but still glared at me.

“You should be at the hospital.” He said, holding his abdomen. His hand was filled with blood that was still oozing out. I shook my head as I took deep breaths, quickly putting my good hand over his, making as much pressure as I could, hoping to stop the bleeding.

“Who did this?!” I repeated as strong as I could, and to my surprise, my voice came out strong and dangerous. Seunghyun coughed, nodding softly.

“Lee Taemin.” Seungri said. “We went to Ellui to check things, and they were there, almost waiting for us. We tried to run, but Taemin’s a good shot.” He explained. As he explained, my body started to tremble at the sole mention of her family. I was ready to explode in rage as I saw Seunghyun’s hand with fresh blood coming out.

“It’s Hyunseung.” I hissed, feeling how the rage spilled out of my mouth in form of words. My mind drifted towards the third floor, and a torrent of hatred and anger came to me like waves. I was almost losing it.

“Youngbae, go and get Hyunsuk. Tell him his brother is a traitor and that he is under surveillance. Get him out of my company. Now!” I growled. Youngbae nodded and went towards the stairs without questioning – for the first time in a while – my words.

“Seungri, gather the gang. Let everybody know G-Dragon is back in the game.” I finally said. If they thought I was out, they were wrong. If they thought I was backing down, they were wrong. It was showtime, and I was ready to perfect my performance.

Gily's Notes: I'm too hyped up, as you can see, so here's another chapter for your delight.

I am completely satisfied with this way of writing, of course, it's still beta. It needs your aproval. 

But I have to say I feel more comfortable writing like this, it flows more naturally. I was starting to lack with the 3rd pov thing, so I'm giving this a chance.

I can manage to make longer chapters this way because one person has so much stuffs to say, or think.

Anyways, it's pending your aproval, so please, let me know how I should continue. 

Happy Reading ~

Gily ♥