Seungyoun stared, and Wenhan stared. They stared at each other like this for a moment. Never had Seungyoun looked at him in this light. Now he wasn't just looking at his best friend, he was looking at someone who liked him. He had to be the one who he liked, who else fit the description? So they looked for each others feelings in their gazes.

"What just happened?" Seungyoun whispered out, still close to his friend, holding his hands loosely in his still. Wenhan didn't want to face the fact that he just did that, maybe even that he messed things up, so he shrugged.

"I don't know." The swimmer replied, his grip tightening on his hands before he looked off to the side. This was it wasn't it? He kissed him and this messed up everything. Now they couldn't still be friends. Hell, Wenhan didn't recall Seungyoun ever settling with a preference of guys or girls. Maybe all hope was not lost, but right now that was not looking too great.

"I don't know either." His eyes followed the older, and he frowned just gently. After that beautiful indirect confession, here they were sitting silently on his bed. No emotions were readable anymore, neither of them knew exactly what to say. Though Seungyoun could not erase this. He couldn't forget that sudden rush he got, or the feeling of the others lips on his. He knew this wasn't right, but it didn't have to be wrong. Seungyoun leaned forward, his hands disconnecting with Wenhans so he could gently push the other down. Now the swimmer was laid back supported by his elbows, his eyes watching curiously. "But I like it." 

This time it was Seungyoun who kissed him, leaning down to meet his lips in a soft mingle. It felt right, even if it wasn't supposed to. They both didn't quite know, what this meant. As Seungyoun ended up laying on top of his friend while they shared innocent kisses, and Wenhan's hands cling to his shirt and tangled themselves gently in his hair. This was perfect, to Wenhan, but he knew it could not be reality. This was confusing to Seungyoun, because he didn't know what was really going on or why his heart raced when he saw his best friend or why he was afraid to look into his eyes.

Some time after the second kiss, they were laying quietly on the bed. Crumpled sheets from trying to get comfortable, legs tangled innocently, and bodies fitting like puzzle pieces against one another. Wenhan was the first to look, his eyes glittering at the mere thought of finally being able to be as close to him as he wanted. And then Seungyoun. When he looked, he flushed deeply, shamelessly hiding his face in the swimmers shoulder.

"Seungyoun, you remembered what I said right?" He suddenly spoke of the past, his arm laying loosely over the others waist. Wenhan stared at him, enjoying the warmth he felt when he saw that smile.

"You said, the person you like is someone you want to stay friends with..."

"Can we?"

Seungyoun felt like a little piece of him went missing and was thrown far away to never be found. He felt like that single piece was crushed up and scattered around the whole world. Seungyoun would never get it back, but that didn't mean it didn't still exist. That's how he felt about Wenhan right now.

"One... more. I just want to know what this feeling is."

So there was one more, Wenhan rested his hand on the others cheek and lead him over.

"One more. Then you can break my heart."

"Hyung... Don't say-" He lost his voice when the other kissed him once more, his sad eyes fluttering to a close. He didn't want to hurt him, and he felt guilty for egging on this third kiss. Was the first not enough? The second not close enough? He had to torture the man who loved him with a third. For a second he felt disgusted in himself, but the feeling could not compete with the warmth this kiss made him feel. So he thought about it for a little while longer, while it lasted. They parted.

"I don't want to hurt you hyung, don't say it like that. I don't want to break your heart."

"But your own does not belong to me. Am I wrong?"

Silence, and for a moment. Seungyoun wanted nothing more, but to kiss his friend again, because it made all his worried and doubts go away. But the kisses themselves, created new problems. Seungyoun was torn into pieces, because he didn't know which way to go.

A few more hours later, and instead of laying around kissing each other. Seungyoun and Wenhan sat at the table, finishing up a conversation about a funny story that happened last week. Wenhan led it, and Seungyoun was more than happy to listen to his voice flowing through the small room. He was about to say something, when his phone rang and he was forced to excuse himself.

"Hello?" Seungyoun answered, listening to the loud sigh on the other side.

"Seungyoun, I think you should come home now.." On the other side of the conversation was his older brother, and it left the younger confused. Why would his brother be phoning him? It was only 6:30PM, this should be a time he was allowed to be out and about. It wasn't early and it wasn't late.

"Why? Did something bad happen?" The student shifted, his gaze steadying itself on the wall. He had rushed into the hallway so he wouldn't rudely talk in front of his friend, and so that the conversation would remain between who called him and himself. Of course, he feared the worst. Maybe there was a fire, or there was a scary accident or someone got hurt. Maybe Yibo got hurt, and everyone knew what Yibo was like when he got hurt.

"No, yes, sort of?" Yixuan stumbled over the words, his voice slightly shaky with thought.

"Hyung, what happened?"

"Listen, for the past thirty minutes I've had to listen to Yibo go on and on about Sungjoo. You know Sungjoo isn't my favourite person in the world, after what happened with my ex and him. He doesn't know his limits, and you know what? Neither does Yibo, so you need to come here and get his mind off him. I think Yibo lik-"

"He likes Sungjoo."

Seungyoun hung up the phone, his brows furrowed as he slid his hand phone into his pocket. Then he turned around and went back to the dining area, where Wenhan was patiently waiting.

"Sorry I took so long, I was caught up in something with my hyung." The student's hands were shaking, and he couldn't quite stop it. So when he went to sit down, he hid them under the table. Shaking his leg nervously, he watched as Wenhan watched him back. It was a silent sort of this, it was sort of overwhelming silence.

So Wenhan reached over, and took his forearm. Pulling it up, Seungyoun's hands now laid on the table top. knuckles white from gripping it so hard.

"Seungyoun. I know how you feel. Trust me when I say this. I know what it's like to have the person you like, only think and look at someone else. I've been living with it since high school." The swimmer's voice was no longer the familiar tone he had come to know and love, but a soft almost whisper. Of course, it ended with them holding hands. Seungyoun calmed down from it, gently squeezing the others hand as they sat there. His breathing calmed down as he took a deep inhale. He didn't want to think, that for three years Wenhan had liked him, and he always talked to him about a pretty girl he liked.

He felt like a jerk, for not noticing. He felt empty, for not being able to change his own heart. He felt discouraged, for not being able to feel that fire inside him when they kissed. Because they were not to kiss anymore, and that made his lungs pile up with ash and threaten to leave him in a wave of sadness.

"I've hurt you haven't I? Wenhan, I'm sorry." When he leaned in hopes again, the swimmer smiled sadly, tilting his head to avoid the kiss he knew was coming.

So this was it, the feeling of losing someone. Even when they were right there in front of you, for you to see, for you to smell, for you to touch. They were suddenly, not there anymore. And it was Seungyoun's fault.

"If only you knew, Seungyoun."

-

a/n : KYAAAAA. o n o wenhan bb.

seungyoun and wenhan are so cute why.

but it's so sad. it cannot be my friends, i'm sorry for ruining your lives. they're so cute and hng i ship.

buuuuut!

sungjoo and yibo????????? where will this lead? who is sungjoo in this story? e 3 e.

author-nim is v stressed. she has to act in front of her whole class tomorrow, from memory. author-nim is very shy and doesn't like speaking and is not confident, please help poor young author-nim because she wants to fall over and stay there until she dies and becomes a flower. /)(\

comment pls and have a nice day lovelys < 33