Thought # 8.

"Surprises come to us in different ways.

 Some of them are good, but sometimes they are not.

 If they aren't, we have to take them with a brave heart. Only then we can face difficult situations.

 And sometimes an hurt heart is even stronger."

[Sun. Colorful flowers. A pond reflecting the sky.

The light of the morning sun felt on my skin, conversations and the laughter of children could be heard everywhere we went. I could see the happiness in his face in every step we took, every place we looked at, every place that he pointed.

Always a smile.

"Here." Jinki held my hand and helped me sit near the pond. From the other side, children feed the fishes. Breadcrumbs. Little heads above the water. And more laughter. "I like your bracelet, angel."

Jinki didn't let go of my hand, and now his fingers touched my bracelet in a soft touch. An owl. A bird. A butterfly.

… A feather.

"It is for you... that way you will always remember that you are an angel."]

These kinds of dreams had created in me a question that maybe I could never respond. Why? These dreams had become a secret that I wouldn't share with anyone. Any attempt to find out why with the help of others just would take me back to the beginning; a question without reasonable answer. Besides, I was sure that my friends (and fans of this marriage) would use this as an advantage. That means that you should be together, they would say. My dreams seemed to be trying to unite me with him indirectly, because in reality he and I seemed to be far apart.

My lost bracelet was a gift from my grandfather and I couldn't believe I lost it.

I had searched everywhere, but couldn't find it, and now it had simply disappeared of my life. I promised my grandfather I would take care of it, he made me promise I would. It wasn't just a bracelet, he said it was the most important thing in his life, and i always had it with me. And now simply it is gone. And Jinwoo? What happened to that promise to be best friends forever? When did he changed?

Now... i have to lose him too?

... But I was going to leave all that to myself.

At 6 in the morning and with Jinki in the same room, my mind wasn't working well and looking at him just made me remember that dream that i never lived.

"Sorry, Juliette." Minho said. But the sigh that I made wasn't because of him. The shoulder that he had offered me to rest and remove the tiredness out of my body for having wake up at 5 in the morning had not moved an inch.

"No. Don't say that." I sat properly on the couch that the photography studio offered us while the boys waited their turn. "Thank you, Minho."

"Anytime." He smiled. Minho dropped his tall body a little and let the sofa hold his head.

Despite having woke up before the sun, the boys seemed to have learned to show sincere smiles in the photo shoot, no matter when.

"It would be unwise to say that... he has feelings for you?" Minho's whisper had been more effective to wake up to the idea of drink coffee. His position had allowed us to be at the same height and at the same time, sharing this confession. "It's not something that he said aloud. It's something that his eyes say. Look... he will look at you before looking at the camera."

Minho moved his hair to hide the fact that he wouldn't see what Jinki was about to do.

… He did it.

My heart was beating fast, showing my sudden shyness with each beat.

"He's pretty obvious... isn't he?" He chuckled.

How deep could be the feelings of one person to another? If it was true what he said, i wasn't sure what Jinki would do because of them. Or maybe the discussion in my college was a clear proof of what Minho had said.

"Is that possible?"

"I don't know. But if you really want to know, be brave and find out for yourself."

"What if I can't be brave?"

Minho thought about that for a few seconds, his gaze lost in the void.

"The brave people are those who at some point in their lifes, will realize that fear will not be obstacle to achieving what they want most. Rejoice, Juliette, because you have fears like everyone else. Now get ready for the moment. Your moment." To downplay the conversation, Minho waved his hand in the air too enthusiastic, and Jinki returned his attention to the camera. "Within seconds the photographer will say that we are done. Why don't you take the chance and talk to him at home? You might fix whatever happened that night."

"How do you know that the photographer will---?"

"Thank you, Onew, we're done."

Of course that would happen. Minho showed his dimpled smile.

"For my side..." He got up. "I'll go look for Key. I know the cosmetic line gives us free samples, but he doesn't understand the difference between free... and, well, be him."

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

The end of month brought with it the days when the sun warmed the apartment. At 8 in the morning the walls of the living room seemed to glow thanks to the sun. Spring was near, like the wedding. A spring wedding. The flowers were born again and they form a bouquet. When the bright sun would descend we will all dancing at a party, like a married couple.

"Angel?" Onew stopped of stretch his arms when he noticed that i could see his abdomen. In my mind, I was laughing as his gaze alternated between the couch behind me and me. "You realize that there is a sofa where you can sit, right?"

I chuckled and stretched my legs to show how comfortable i was sitting on the floor while reading my company's papers. Under the silence of the room, Onew sat beside me. My left hand rested on my knee holding a pen, and in one of my fingers rested the ring he had given me... and I felt his finger touching it.

Just like in the dream.

Since we born, we are part of a family. We belong. We share our lives with others, we deliver part of our being to the people we love. With the passage of time and in a natural way, we create bonds that will last forever. But this could also happen with the person we choose to love.

"What do you see for your future, angel?" His voice seemed to reflect a little spark of hope. Maybe he wanted to listen an us in my future. In our future.

I was walking through this world without thinking about what would come tomorrow, i had decided to take things as they come, but deep down, in that place where I kept my dreams and hopes, i had maintained a real answer.

"I want to make my own decisions. I just... want to live my life the way I choose. The world is big and I want to see it... I don't know." My shoulders slumped when I exhaled. "Maybe I just want to walk without someone telling me where to go."

I didn't know how to tell him but i hoped he would understand; none of this was because of him. My insecurities were about who i should be in this marriage. And if I could be the person others expected me to be. Or the person he deserved.

"I..." Jinki held my gaze. "I want to be the one who let you fly free, angel, not someone to hide you in his arms until you forget you have wings. Those things you want to do, you can do it... the only difference is that you could do it with someone by your side... so .. what kind of things would you like to do?"

"I don't know... Surf? At least I manage to stay on the board for a while." I giggled. "I'd like to help a pet shelter again. Watch the sunrise but not from the window of my room. I would see the light on the horizon through the mountains, or from the beautiful sea. I like to try new things... or just---"

"Or just get away from the routine." He concluded.

After all, we were not so different. Maybe in his mind, Jinki also thought about the things he would like to do, or maybe the things he couldn't.

"You know... There's something I want to learn..." I stammered quickly. Deep down I knew, after the little time that we had lived together, he would like to feel that i was trying to get close to him. "I'll confess you something... but you can't laugh."

He looked at me with a curious look and nodded.

"I don't know how to ride a bike."

3. 2. 1 second... and then he started laughing. An innocent laugh though.

"Sorry, angel, sorry." He laughed between breaths. "It is just... that's the most sweet and innocent thing you've told me."

Sweet.

"Yeah, well... I never learned so, would you like to help me?"

"Me?" He pointed to himself. If I thought about it... this was my second step toward him. Then his face brightened. "I can teach you, angel. You'll see it's easy."

My phone rang in my pocket, and the screen showed Jinwoo's name.

>"Hey! I'm sorry we don't talk these days, but I was busy as my dad told you when you called. Actually, I've been doing my paperwork to transfer to the university in Manhattan. My father found out that I am the audiovisual's club president, and I really have no idea how. But he doesn't want me to continue with such "nonsense." things. There really isn't much we can do, but... Can i see you, Juliette? I'd really like to talk to you."<

Everything began to move slowly around me, and i stopped listening: all the noise of the city disappeared, even to the little bird chirping outside. He couldn't leave, I couldn't lose him too.

"Angel, you're okay?" His hand on mine returned me back to reality and forced me to look at him; and concern was reflected in his eyes. "Please tell me what happens."

The words was going around in my mind, and yet i seemed unable to pronounce them.

"I have to go. I need to see someone." I stood up and he followed me, but his hand still holding mine wouldn't let me take a step.

Solve my problems alone had become a habit of mine.

"You're not going anywhere." He tried to look at me in a serious way, but those brown eyes were not good for that.

"I'm not kidding, I must go, really."

"Do you really expect me to let you go like this? Please, angel, just talk to me."

Jinwoo was my support. He had taken care of me; from the simplest situation until now. But this was the time when I should be there for him too.

"It's something I must do."

"Juliette..."

"I... now... I have to fix something before i losing it too. You said you trusted me... please."

He sighed, and in his face I could see that he was seriously thinking what he should do... but then he let go of my hand.

"I trust you." He walked over and kissed my forehead.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

I left the apartment and took a taxi; I still had the feeling of nausea, but I tried not to think about it. I wanted to believe it was by not eating, but because i was afraid that this wouldn't work. On the 15th floor of the building, the window of the reception showed me a picture of city; down there, people walking along the sidewalk, sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of someone else. Adults, children, adolescents. These could be us, Jinwoo. We should only be young people who are concerned about their own future.

"Miss Hamilton." The secretary called me. I saw my own reflection before turning around. "Sorry for the wait. Mr. Jo is waiting for you now."

I nodded, thanked her and walked into the office. Mr. Jo went from side to side with papers at hand.

"Come in, Juliette." He stopped and returned to his desk. "I'm sorry you have to waited. Come, sit down."

"I... I need you to listen to me, sir, please. "

"If is about Jinwoo then there's no point, I'm sorry you waited so long but i won't change my mind."

"But, sir..."

"No, Juliette, I can't allow the heir of the Jo companies is playing in the theater with a camera when one day he will be the president Jo, and if that's all what you want, sorry but you can go, I have a thousand things to do."

I sighed, I turned to the door even when I felt shattered, and my legs trembled with the thought of losing Jinwoo too.

"Mr. Jo-"

"Juliette..." He turned to me and i dropped to my knees.

It was all or nothing. And for someone like Jinwoo i had to bet everything.

"Please, just talk with me, if i don't convince yo i will go, but not without trying."

He sighed.

"Are you going to stay there?"

I nodded.

"I have no right to ask you anything, sir, my behavior has not been adequate, I know, I've being rebellious with my father. I was the worst daughter with my mother, but... I'm here asking you to not do this to Jinwoo. I know he will be the heir, it is his responsibility, but you know your child is strong, dedicated, and if you don't give him the opportunity to discover himself, he can't put all those qualities into something he truly loves."

"Those dreams are nonsense, he should put his mind on something real, something that he already has."

"We have everything, we were born with everything, but the satisfaction of seeing our dream become real is something we will never have, to see that the hard work we put in it really worth it. I think that's something we have to figure out for ourselves."

"You're a good girl, Juliette, I met you since you were born, but your attitude has not been the best, what happened to you was horrible and I'm sorry. My son loves you, you are like brothers, even when the feelings for you... Did you know that?"

"I know it now, Sr., Jinwoo is important to me, but he doesn't deserve someone like me, still we have been loyal to each other, and even when we were in different countries he stayed with me, and I think it's time to return the favor. "

"I'm not surprised at all that you're here for my son. I know that like him, you're going to protect him as well."

"Thank you, sir, for trusting me that way."

"Since my son was born he has had this responsibility on him, I can't let my only replacement go after a dream that is a waste of time, even when this company will give him the life to which he is accustomed."

"Sir, we appreciate the life you have given us, but sometimes none of it matters when that void within us not let us live, I think... we are all born with it, this gap is filled once you do what you love most, that dream that will not let you sleep sometimes thinking how you will feel when you succeed, but something that we can never do, even with all the money we have is to fill that gap if we do something without putting our heart into it. I swear Sr., Jinwoo has everything it takes to achieve this, I know he'll make it if you give him the chance."

"Sorry, Juliette, really... but I don't..."

"You've never had a dream... uncle?"

Mr. Jo got up from his desk and walked to the front, leaning on it.

"I had it when I was little, but like Jinwoo, I had responsibilities."

"You understand; don't let your child live with that, please, you can decide to be like your father or support your child."

"You're his friend, you knew it, you protect him, i can't forget the offense of having hidden he was the president of a club."

"It was wrong, I know. But he is good, the best person I ever met."

"Did you have a grudge against your father? Because he allow your brother to be what he wanted and not to you?"

"I could never get angry with my brother, sr,. I love him, and I'm proud of what he accomplished without the help of my father. But if not a nuisance... May I ask what was your dream?"

We were silent for a few seconds, but then the man who i considered my uncle approached me. He extended his hand and looked at me with a smile.

"I wanted to be a director... just like my son."

I couldn't help smiling.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

In the silence of the room, I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. On the other side, that smile was the result of a completely peaceful heart. The result of this afternoon had calmed the anxiety I felt since we entered the store. There were wedding dresses everywhere, but this one was the one. The mirror allowed me to take a complete look at myself for once. That day, everyone would see me except me.

"Beautiful." Behind me, Dani held her hands and smiled in complete bliss. "Absolutely beautiful."

Beside her, Sammy smiled silently. I didn't need words to describe her happiness for me. From kindergarten through Sam's best designs, Dani's best runways, we had been together every step we had given. It was they who gave me peace. On the other side, and like them, Minha was smiling too.

And then my eyes met with the mother of the only person who couldn't see me, but still he could tell me how I would look. You will be a beautiful surprise, Angel. She smiled with all the love of a mother and held in her hands the veil while she walking toward me. Her hands my hair lovingly after she put the diadem holding the veil in my hair.

"I don't want to brag..." Sammy said. "But Juliette is so beautiful that Onew is going to forget how to breathe that day." She laughed. "And I say this with love, Mrs. Lee."

Mrs. Lee smiled taking my hands and looked at me fondly.

"Its okay, dear. Besides... I think he forgets how to breathe every time he sees her."

Her comment made the girls laugh.

"Isn't it?" Sammy asked cheerfully. "You have an amazing son, ma'am. He is polite, attentive, tender. And all that is for our little Julie." She walked over to me and slapped my playfully making me laugh. "How lucky you are. Maybe we should all dye our hair to get a guy like that."

"Don't worry, girls." Mrs. Lee said with an affectionate tone. "You all are beautiful. You will get the right guy soon. And I am really thankful for the appreciation you have for my son. We tried to be the parents that he deserved."

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

In the night, i went home.

The living room was empty without any of the members around, and I walked down the hall thinking about things that had happened in what appeared to be a normal day. But at the end of it, everything had gone well. By this time perhaps Jinwoo was talking to his father. They are saying all they had to say. The bedroom door was open, the only light came from the lamp beside the bed, and Jinki was resting on it, sleeping with a book on his chest and the blanket on his waist.

"When you have someone by your side; sometimes love just comes, other time you have to building it, and sometimes never comes. If it arrives, the real love will last forever. If it's built, first you like him, then you fall in love, and eventually you love someone with all your heart. If not arrive, we hope to find the right person. In any of the three, it is the fate who decides."

Your mother is a very intelligent person, Jinki.

After removing the book, I lay down on the empty side of the bed. If he didn't look at me, he was easier to contemplate.

"I'm proud of you, angel." Without opening his eyes, Jinki leaned on his left side. "Very proud."

I held my breath for a second. After all,  after i called him, Jinki didn't know all the details, but he hadn't insisted to know them.

"I think you're happy because Jinwoo is leaving." I whispered, playing with him.

"That too."

"Hey." I chuckled. "At least he'll be where he should be."

"You're not sad about it?"

"No, because... wherever he is, we'll still be friends."

After all, I was sure that no matter where we were; he will never leave me. If I hadn't lost the bracelet, this time would be only happiness.

"You've talked with him?"

"No, no yet. I... am waiting 'till tomorrow."

"Don't be nervous, angel. Everything will be okay."

I looked at him in silence, and he looked so calm.

"Why do you think i'm nervous?"

He smiled softly, with a little laugh that came out in a sigh.

Finally, he opened his eyes and looked at me. He took the other tip of the blanket and covered me with it.

I held my breath when his arm touched mine.

"I'm just guessing."

And he closed his eyes again.

"You will feel better if just close your eyes too, angel."

I did. And it feel better when all around me disappeared completely.

"Can I see a picture?"

I chuckled. Sam didn't allowed him to come with us because there were certain customs we want to respected.

"No, you can't."

"Fine." He sighed dramatically. "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat something?"

Yes. But it felt good to be here with him.

"No, just... let's stay here for a while." 

Hey, hey, hey!

The story is back. 

It's been a while. But better chapters are about to come.
I hope you like them. 

I used the title of SNSD' new song. I really like that song and the concept.
But here, it means that Juliette is stronger than she thinks.

Anyways, Thank you so much for reading this. XOXO