Thought # 15.

"People say love is forever.

But it's true?

Love must be a feeling that can't be removed from the heart. If it born within us it will live there forever.

A simple word that can express who we are.

It's funny... one word can really define our lives."

The loud music of the club rumbled in my chest and sent vibrations through my body as I walked by. Minho walked beside me through the sea of ​​people to return to the table after accompanying me to the bathroom. He didn't approve the way Key dressed me so he would have to keep an eye on me. The fabric of the black dress hugged my waist and fell to my knees. From the center of my chest a thin ribbon rose up to my neck, it circled twice and then it opened to the sides, connecting with the shoulders of the dress. As we reached the table, I noticed that my legs were shaking slightly, but even so, I tried to walk confidently in my heel boots. Minho and I sat on the couch that it was on a corner and the conversation continued. The night was just beginning. This night, the club was celebrating their manager's birthday, and among his friends and idols, the party was full.

"Why don't you dance, Minho?" I asked. He watched the dance floor looking for someone. "You should ask her to dance."

Tae didn't know who i was speaking about, but he nodded. Minho took a deep breath, nodded and walked away.

"Aww... children grow so fast, noona." Tae chuckled. 

I chuckled too. If Minho and Sammy had created some kind of bond, Taemin seemed to like the idea.

"You don't want to dance? I thought dancers loved to dance."

"Yes, but... I'm trying to take care of my knee. We will make a comeback soon and in those days i feel tired."

What thoughts would Tae have about his life?

"The success you have is a reflection of how hard you've worked in life, Tae. But a very clever person told me that fame may be not forever, but the memories are. Think of the experiences you lived, solo dances you performed and hearts that you won. Just... take care of yourself... and you'll protect the hearts of your fans. If you are fine, they will be fine."

Taemin was in silent for a moment, and then gave me the most sincere smile.

"Thanks for taking care of me, noona."

The boys returned to the table minutes later. I kept talking to them, as they spoke enthusiastically about the idea of ​​returning to the stage with their next comeback, because despite being tired, it was something they loved to do. And minutes later, Jinki sat on the couch next to Tae.

"Are you having fun?" He asked smiling as he ran his hands through his messy hair.

"Hyung..." Key said looking at his band members. "You shouldn't do that."

"Do what?" He asked innocently.

"Don't play with us, hyung." Jong said crossing his arms.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

I looked at the dance floor and I couldn't help rolling my eyes. Their manager has invited Jinwoo, but Jinki didn't have the need to be mad about that... because after all he was dancing with Luna. I wanted us to be okay, but for me be okay meant that he would accept my best friend.

"What?" Jinki frowned. "Do you have something to say, Juliette?"

I met his gaze and i held back from saying something bad. Did he say that to me? He? What was I doing with him? Maybe Minho was right and he was going crazy because of me. But I took this as a challenge and decided to change my attitude. I wasn't going to act on the defensive and answer as he expected. I had to play along until some of us admitted that we were angry, and although this was childish, because seriously it was, I wasn't going to lose.

"Yes. I love the attitude you are taking, in which you pretend that nothing bothers you."

"I'm not pretending, I'm being a reflection of your attitude."

I blinked in disbelief.

"That is not you, that's not the way you are, and the only one with that attitude here is me."

Jinki looked at me in silence for a few seconds.

"We have a long way to go in this marriage, so there is enough space for both."

My phone rang. I took it off of my jacket and Jinwoo's name lit the screen.

"Where are you? I've been waiting for you."

Jinwoo chuckled from the other side of the phone while Jinki frowned. I didn't live clinging to people, but his laughter gave me a sense of peace.

"I'm at the bar. I will wait for you here, okay?"

I looked over there looking for him. When he arrived from Paris last night, I knew something had changed in him besides his hair.

"Okay." And I hung up. "There is not enough space, Jinki." He looked at me again. "But I see that you're learning from me, and I feel a good person today, so I'll teach you how to really bother someone."

I stood up and he did the same.

"Are you going to go with him?" His gaze swept me up and down, and i felt my cheeks red. "Dressed like that?"

"Why?" Key complained, because no one would insult the way he had me dress. "I think she looks beautiful."

"Juliette looks more than beautiful." Jong said, and Minho hit him in the neck. Jong rubbed the damaged part as he looked at Minho with annoyance. "It was a compliment!"

"Be careful with those." Minho looked at him with a poker face.

"Noona, you look great." Taemin smiled.

Minho smiled and nodded.

"Thanks, guys, you too, Jong."

Jonghyun raised his thumb.

"Have fun, Juliette." Key said, and that's what I was going to do.

Two months out and Jinwoo looked different in my eyes. His hair fell over his forehead, and i felt his new attitude when he hugged me. The place had little lighting and it was a good cover for me, so people couldn't see me dance with someone who wasn't my husband's friends. That was a bit unfair in fact, because there were many fans who thought i couldn't have my own friends. Or that every male friend was a threat to my marriage.

"You look beautiful tonight, Juliette." Jinwoo smiled. "More than usual of course, my eyes can't handle such beauty."

I chuckled. I had decided to keep my hair black again. And I saw a bigger person every time I looked myself in the mirror.

"You look handsome." I replied. "I thought you were not coming."

"Why not? His manager asked me to come. Right? Also, i wouldn't miss the chance to see Onew squirm with jealousy."

"What?" I asked confused, but didn't dare to look at Jinki. "He's not doing that."

"Of course he is. He is looking over here." He replied. "He's losing his patience more and more every minute. Yes, he's looking at where I put my hands."

"Stop that." I hit his shoulder and Jinwoo chuckled. "You're doing this on purpose?"

"Not at all. We're just dancing."

"Don't make him angry, please. I have enough that we're not talking to each other. And the conversation ends bad every time we talk."

Jinwoo looked at me with concern.

"And you are okay?"

"Yes. It will be solved at any time." I rested my arm on his shoulder. "It just needs time." 

His hand around my waist held me firmly. That was what he had done in the past: to hold me so I wouldn't fall too deep.

"Listen, Juliette. Your friendship is the most important thing I have." He said. "I don't know what I'd do without you, you are skeptical, stubborn at times, but you have a good heart. Don't hesitate about it because I don't. I'll be there for you when you need me, and if i need to take a plane to see you I will. Even if you can't give me your heart, you'll always have mine." He kissed my forehead softly. "If Onew is the one for you, I don't want him to hurt you."

I blinked confused.

"Why do you think he hurts me?"

"Come on! Now you call him Jinki. Right? You're not completely away from him, and I want you to be happy, even if is not with me."

"Jinwoo..."

"I know, sorry." He smiled wearily. "Now that you know it's a little hard for me to hide it. But we've been friends for a long time and I feel protective towards you and that will never change."

"Thanks." I said sincerely. "You don't know how happy i am with you here... doesn't matter if it's only for a few weeks."

"I think the same." He returned to take me by the waist to keep pace with the music. "By the way... Where are the girls that I haven't seen them all night?"

"Sam have made new friends since working in the company. Danny had to travel again... so you will not see them very often."

"I'm happy for them. But... What about you? Do you have new friends?"

"Yes. I have met many people in recent months."

"Really? That's weird because apparently your husband doesn't like you to be with your old friend. I swear, his look says: stay away or I'll hit you. I can't deny it, Juliette, he really is in love with you."

I already knew that.

"Jinki is not the kind of person who punch someone, in case you haven't noticed it."

"You don't know what someone would do for the person you love." He smiled sadly. "But I know you're married."

I snorted.

"You and everyone in this world." 

He looked surprised.

"Yah! Why don't you tell things to your best friend?"

"I told you everything!"

"You tell me what is happening, not what you feel. You know you can trust me, right?" His eyebrows drew together. "I don't want to lose the confidence we had."

"I know I can trust you. This is difficult. That's all."

"Why don't you believe he loves you? I think jealousy show how much we love someone, and definitely he is more than jealous. Personally I don't understand why he is, because I wouldn't do anything to separate you from him."

"I think jealousy works in a irrational way. Doesn't it show insecurity?"

"You're right as always, but this is Korea, you don't see many dramas, right?" He shook his head. "And if fate wants you to stay with him, Juliette, so be it. But you both should start being one person, because in this life I'm sure some will try to separate you from him."

It was it painful for him to say that? How does it feel to be in love with someone who can't love you back? I put my hands around his waist and hugged him. Jinwoo chuckled and tightened his arms around me. His lips touched my hair, and I knew that through different continents or a few miles apart, his friendship would always be unconditional like his love.

"Sorry to interrupt." I clenched my eyes and I pulled away. Jinki was in front of us smiling sarcastically. "But the show ends here."

"Show?" Jinwoo laughed sarcastically. "You can't talk about shows, Onew, not if you dance with Luna."

I looked around, the lights were low but it wouldn't conceal the situation if they made a scandal. And it would end like that if they continued with this.

"This is not with you. This is with my wife." Jinki replied, emphasizing wife. Then he glanced at me. "You win, okay? You win. I'm jealous."

Jinwoo never betrayed our friendship trying anything with me, not as Luna did with Jinki.

"Sure... because I always win."

"I lose, angel." He took my hand and led me to him. "The game is over. Okay? I lose."

His words confused me. We both know what we're playing, and I said I was not going to lose, but sought not win either. I pulled my arm but he didn't let go, luckily no one was paying attention to us... yet.

"We will not do this now."

I didn't want to cause problems for the manager on his birthday, I just didn't want to cause problems at all. I was about to ask him to let me go, when Jinwoo put his arm around my waist.

"Just let her go." And he held Jinki's arm.

They looked at each other and for a second I thought one of them would finish what it started that night in the parking lot of the university. It seemed that the noise around us stopped and for a moment, everything seemed to have become an absolute silence, but when Jinki pressed his other hand until his knuckles turned white, it was as if the music back up at once.

"Jinki, please don't." I said quickly. And he let go of my wrist.

"I'm sorry, angel." His eyes turned sad. "I didn't want to hurt you."

I nodded and walked off stopping in an empty place. I leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath, the air was hot and heavy thing around.

"Are you okay, Juliette?" They asked at the time time. Both looked back at each other and frowned.

I chuckled, because they were like children after all.

"Should we go to the hospital?" Jinwoo asked taking my arm and leaned over to me.

His eyes had softened and now he looked at me with concern.

I shook my head.

"I will not continue supporting this, Jinwoo." Jinki said and Jinwoo looked at him. "I will not stand you approaching my wife."

When Jinwoo pulled himself away, Jinki put an arm around my waist and took almost all my weight. Like when I hurt my ankle.

"She and I are just friends, Onew. Now you tell me I can't be friends with her? Since when you have power over her?"

I knew i should stop them, but i was tired. Fend alone you two.

"If that ensures peace for her, and for me, then yes."

"It is you who make her feel insecure." Jinwoo raised an eyebrow. "Maybe if you were brave and tell Luna things as they are, she would leave your wife alone."

Jinki took a deep breath and his hand tightened around me.

"Luna knows she's not the one i love."

Jinki had said he loved me? That word gave me goosebumps. Love was a feeling that could make you fly high, and then crashed you against the ground, hard.

"Oh yeah. She knows it well."

"And what about you?" Jinki laughed bitterly. "How do you think that she feel when you're around knowing that she can't correspond to what you feel?"

"You and I know it well, don't we?" Jinwoo laughed sarcastically. 

I didn't understand what Jinwoo meant, but apparently Jinki did.

"What is your problem?"

"You are my problem." Jinwoo said.

"Guys stop!" And they stopped to look at me. This was ridiculous. "How old are you? Both of you are men, please act as such. I don't understand why you can't get along." I separated from Jinki. "He will not try anything with me, Jinki. I just want you to understand that he will not do it."

"You know, Onew..." Jinwoo said thoughtful. "If you can't trust your wife... divorce exists for a reason."

I stood against Jinki when I saw him move to Jinwoo.

"Move, angel. I'm tired of playing."

"So what? Are you going to fix things fighting?" They were killing my patience. And I was running out of ideas of how to make them understand. "Their manager asked you to come, Jinwoo, and you should be with me, but... I just need a few minutes alone. Okay? Fight if it makes you feel better, but you both will do it because you want to. This is not a drama where you are fighting over the girl. I refuse completely. And for this to work you both must stop acting that way, and if you don't do it for yourselves... at least do it for me, guys... please."

And I walked away. My legs were really shaking this time, as if my body had first known that this was going to happen. I released the air I held back, and watched Krystal at the bar, who called me to sit with her.

"Unnie." She smiled as I sat down. "I like your dress."

"Thanks." I smiled at her. "Key chose it, and I like yours too."

"Thank you." She looked at her blue dress for a second. "Are you having fun? Where is Onew Oppa?"

I turned and I didn't see Jinki, and Jinwoo was talking with Key.

"He went to the bathroom." I lied.

"Unnie." She said, looking shy. "I wanted to apologize to you for the way Luna is acting. I can not apologize for her, but I hope you understand that she just do it because... it is not love. If it was, she would be happy for oppa. She's just... angry. She always believed that one day he would treat her different to a younger sister, and then oppa said he was going to marry. But I like you, and the other bands as well. i will tell you one thing." She chuckled. "In the company there was a bet that you would be who would lead the relationship."

"What?"

"I'll tell you... just a few bet on Onew Oppa." And she laughed.

I smiled.

"Thank you, Krystal, for everything."

She nodded.

"But now can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Uh... you and Jinwoo-ssi have been friends for a long time?"

"Yes, since we were kids. Why?"

"No. It's nothing." She shook his head.

"Do you... like him?" I said, trying to .

Krystal giggled.

"Well... He is handsome."

I smiled a little surprised, and before answering my phone rang. It was a message from Jinki.

I will never ask you to choose between him or me, angel, because I know you will choose to Jinwoo... but at least now, I need you to choose me. Take the elevator to the top floor, please.

He didn't understand or perhaps I had not shown him, but I was leaning toward Jinki now. I did know Jinwoo and he knew everything about me. But it was as if i had met Jinki before, as if he just needed to look at me to know everything about me.

"Unnie?" 

I put the phone in my pocket and i smiled at her.

"If you like him you should talk to him. Or try to be friends at least. He is an amazing person and I promise you'll be delighted with him."

Krystal was surprised, and she smiled nervous. I saw Jinwoo walking toward us, but I needed to talk to Jinki first.

"Jinwoo." I smiled before he could say something. "You remember Krystal, right? We have seen her on TV many times."

He looked confused for the way I was acting, but still he smiled at Krystal with kindness.

"Of course. Hello." He bowed.

Krystal looked at me with a nervous look.

"Hello, Jinwoo-ssi."

"Just Jinwoo." He smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Krystal's blush spread on her cheeks in a cute way.

"Will you accompany Krystal for a moment, Jinwoo? I need to leave for a moment."

I would give an explanation to him later, and I nodded at her indicating it was okay.

I walked away from there and went around the dance floor and walked to the elevator. I waited, thinking what would Jinki say, and what I would say back. In what seemed like forever, the doors opened. When I got there, the roof of the club was huge and beautiful, and no one except Jinki was here. He watched the nocturnal beauty of Seoul against the railing that surrounded the place.

"Thanks for coming, angel." He smiled slightly as I approached. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't... it wasn't right the way i acted in front you. I... I can't spend one more night like this. Apparently, I'm the one who needs you the most."

I swallowed and a lump formed in my throat.

"How much do you think this will last, Jinki? This relationship, I mean."

"I want it to last forever, angel." He said with confidence. "That's all I want."

"Forever is a long time. But what will happen to us in the future? Every time we seem to be okay something bad happens." I exhaled. If Jinwoo was right, Jinki and I had to be one person. No lies, no secrets. And I couldn't live ignoring that something happened that day. "What happened that evening with Luna?"

He sighed.

"Luna was outside the apartment when I got there. She asked me to listen to her and then she would leave. She wanted to apologize, but then began to cry. I couldn't leave her, so we walked inside so she could drink water and cool off. I heard your voice in the hall, and the next thing I knew she had her lips on mine when Minho and you appeared."

This was absurd: it went from being an arranged marriage, a situation that only included Jinki and me to be an affair involving more people. As a drama in which i didn't ask to be included. I didn't ask to marry to Jinki, and it wasn't my fault that I married the person that Luna was in love with.

"It's a lovely story, like a drama actually."

But Jinki chuckled and shook his head.

"What am I going to do with you, little angel?"

I looked at him surprised, he didn't seem to notice that line between being good and let people treat him badly.

"Did you hear what I said? Why do you let me treat you that way? Is it that you don't mind at all? Don't act like you not notice what I say."

He chuckled.

"Of course I care what you say, angel, but I don't take it seriously when I see you lie to me."

"I lie to you?" My brow furrowed in confusion.

"Your eyes don't tell me what your words do. You can say many things, but your eyes say the opposite, so I would like to hear what your heart wants to say."

I blinked, feeling totally surprised.

"I... I don't wanna do this, Jinki." I looked away, ready to leave.

"Why are you so afraid to be in love with me?" He said, sounding tired. "Once you asked why I wanted you by my side... and It's because I see you, angel, I see the real you. You are very talented in drawing, and do everything with your left hand. You love animals so much, especially dogs, because you always had Levy next to you in the apartment. At dinner with our parents i knew you don't like seafood because you separate them from your plate. Or that you prefer chocolate ice cream when we see movies in the apartment. You like butterflies because in my view, they mean freedom. When you're nervous you play with the hem of your clothes. You like the color blue because your favorite sweater is that color. You love to read because the first thing you packed when you moved with us were your books... Do you want me to continue? I took the time to get to know you because you are important to me, because I'm sure life chose you for me."

The most surprising thing was that he knew what the butterflies mean for me because i never said that to him, or that he noticed me playing with the hem of my clothes because nobody saw me do it. Besides, not many people could see me beyond my family's fortune. But Jinki learn those things about me, what they meant. He didn't ask, he just learned watching, and I knew I was important to him because he had taken the time to know me.

"I don't want you to need me, Jinki." I shook my head. "You shouldn't need someone else. What if that person leaves you? How will you live then?"

He looked at me with sadness, because he knew what i was talking about. It bothered me to use my own brother as an example to explain how things were. But he my cheek with his hand and he used it to lift my chin to kiss me, gently. He could make me feel so strong at times, but sometimes he made me feel weak too. He was like water on my lips or the sun on my face: he was like everything good in this world.

"I love you, angel." He said against my lips and my heart raced. "I've loved you since I saw you in the church. Life put you in my way for a reason; because I have to take care of you, because i have to protect you. I just want to love you, if you let me do it."

Before responding my phone rang. I pulled out my phone and saw it; It was a message from Jill. I held my breath and let go of his hand to hold the phone with both. It was always a mystery what she had to say to me. I took a deep breath preparing myself for the worst, as always. And then I slid the unlock and read.

I didn't tell you i had come to Seoul for some papers from your father, but my flight was delayed until tomorrow morning. It has been a long time since we talked, and I know it's rude to wake you up, but... Can we meet now, Juliette?

She wanted to see me? I let the air that i was holding and the phone slid of my hand a little. I refrained from looking at Jinki after what he had said. And now not only I had to face him even if i didn't want to, but also had to deal with her as well. Maybe she could make him understand who I really was, maybe he would see who was the real Juliette through her eyes.

"What is it, angel?" His hand touched my cheek softly and his warmth enveloped me completely. "What happened? Something wrong?"

If you still love me after this, i will be by your side no matter what.

My stomach tightened painfully. because he should meet the person that helped me understand that love was a big lie, and that person was in the city right now.

My mom.

Hope you like it. 

Bye!