Thought # 16.

"Say I love you.

Show people you love them.

Love should never stop.

It's a word that fills the universe and our hearts.

Feel the word and say it. And you will get a smile and the heart from that person.

Love will make us stronger. Love yourself and love others.

That's a nice way to live."

I hadn't spoken with my mother in years and now it seemed a bad idea to have answered her. The momentary courage had left my body at the time that Jinki and i crossed the gates of the luxury hotel where she was staying. Her marriage lasted a lifetime according to me, but everything was destroyed in a minute. A person can't abandon family, but after the accident, she stepped aside and looked away as if we weren't there.

"If you don't want to be here we can go now." Jinki stopped still holding my hand.

The hotel lobby was so cold on my skin.

"I think i had to overcome bad times confronting them. And I can't live ignoring situations like this. She and I never... I just would like to give an end to this part of my life. I do this now because you're here." I squeezed his hand, and in his eyes i could see how happy he was though he too looked fearful of the unknown. He said he would protect me, but to be with him was enough. "And what happens now... I know I can handle it. But don't take importance to what she might say. Sometimes she's... a little rude when she talks."

Jinki nodded but he didn't look convinced and we walked again. And when i saw my mother sitting in the hotel restaurant, i knew it was a mistake to come. For a moment i thought of excuse myself and leave with my head up before my mom talks about the accident.

"Juliette." My mother hesitated about getting close, but in the end she chose not to. "Jinki."

And he politely bowed. I hesitated to say that my own mother instructed me that i should call her by her name, but I just nodded and we sat.

I played with my cup of coffee.

"So... when did you come to Seoul?"

"2 days ago."

It was neither strange or an offense that we would were in the same city and that she hadn't tried to contact me at all. The strange thing was that despite everything, Jill would be in the same room with me. Me and my mother could make an uncomfortable conversation, so I tried to smile at Jinki. He didn't get an answer after he said that he loved me, but he looked patient.

"How's your marriage? I'm sorry I wasn't there." Jill looked at Jinki and smiled in apology. Liar. "I hope Juliette's personality wasn't hard to handle, sometimes she can be temperamental... but I hope it didn't cause you any problems."

"Our marriage is fine." He tried not to frown when he replied. "And I like your daughter's personality."

He smiled proudly, subtly highlighting your daughter.

"Wow..." Jill raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I'm glad. You're a good boy, Jinki, and Juliette's personality is strong, so much that sometimes exceeds the limits. I think we've all noticed."

She categorized me as a rebel, but she never thought i did it to protect myself.

"Like I said, I love her personality. It's not something I've seen in other girls, but we have made a breakthrough."

He looked at me and i smiled slightly.

Jill nodded.

"I'm glad to hear that. Well, we haven't talked since you moved with your father." She was wrong. We hadn't spoken since Jill moved to L.A when i was 18, leaving me alone with my nanny. But it had also been my fault. "Jinwoo's Mom told me that he went to Paris, also she said it was you who made it possible."

"No, i just helped a little. His official classes haven't started yet, so he went back for a few weeks."

"Your father said you had an excellent score this cycle in college. Congratulations. And is good that you don't fight with anyone."

I hit Jinki slightly under the table with my foot when he was about to frown. He looked at me and i shook my head secretly with my eyes on my mother. Jinki knew that no one in this world would approve of the way she acted, but i also knew that the decisions i took made my mother act that way.

"Actually... I was nearly suspended for hitting a class partner."

"Juliette." Jill sighed deeply. "Why are you acting like this? You shouldn't do that to your father."

I needed to say it. It was wrong but i needed to.

"She, that class partner, talked about Jeremy."

It happened so fast: she got tense so fast.

"No one can talk about your brother, and you shouldn't do it either, it's time to let him go."

"Neither she or anyone else is going to talk about my brother just to provoke me." I tried to control my voice. I knew i was acting on the defensive, but this just come out for itself. I couldn't control myself when my mother seemed not to understand that he was part of me, too. "And when are you going to let him go?"

"He was my son."

"He is my brother..." I tried to keep my voice, but talking about my brother was talk about the only kind of love that i still believed in.

"We will not speak about this again, Juliette, you know how it ends."

"I know." I whispered and dropped my shoulders. "You cry and tell me that i'm a bad daughter, and I just pretend I don't care."

"You pretend? I see it was a mistake to talk to you." Jill shook her head. "You're still the same spoiled girl you always were."

I took Jinki's hand when he was a about to reply. I had to end this and go on with my life.

"Doesn't anyone remember me, Jill? I was like other girls, so let's not pretend that this is what I have been all my life."

"And you want to get innocent after what you did?" Jill tried to control her sobs. "I didn't raise you like this. You always defended your brother as if you hadn't been his senior by just 4 minutes. You destroyed everything with your irresponsibility."

I bit my tongue not to throw the harsh reality that she didn't know. People who don't seem to understand that i would never think of hurting my own brother always grumbling what i did. But even with my mother against me, i would never think of telling the truth.

Say whatever you want to say for the last time in your life and move on.

"You..." Jill started sobbing. "Because of you, your brother is in a coma and he's never to wake up. Do you know it?" She looked at Jinki. "Juliette & Jeremy Hamilton suffered serious accident back home, the elder of the twins was driving drunk. A neglected drunk left her brother on a coma."

Suddenly, I was so tired because i hadn't done nothing wrong. I was just tired of my mother treated my like that.

"Don't do that." HIs firm voice stopped my desire to cry. Jinki looked at my so seriously, but i knew that inside he was suffering, I could see it in his eyes. "We're leaving, angel."

Jinki took my hand and helped me to get up. His hand was warm and i didn't think to let it go, and I knew i was going to follow him anywhere. But before he turned to my mother.

"I'm sorry that happened to your son, madam But didn't you consider, for a moment, how your daughter felt at losing her brother? People say that twins have that bond that I can not understand, neither you. Is not enough with what happened? Why you try to sink her more when what she needed was support to recover that part that died in her? You not only lost one child. You lost both of them the day you decided to do this to the only one of the twins you still had."

At the end it was Jinki who could say what i wanted to say.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

I had lost the only chance to say what I felt. A mother should protect you no matter what happens? Through anything and everything. But she jumped this ship even before this accident could create a storm. I should tell that line to Jason.

"Nice to see you smiling, angel." Jinki squeezed my hand as we walked down the hall to the apartment.

I nodded. But why she couldn't love me after all? How could she think i would do that to my brother?

Jinki opened the door.

"Go to the room and change your clothes, angel." He tightened his arms on my shoulders from behind. "I'm going to prepare some tea for you. Okay? Then we will go to sleep."

I nodded again and walked.

The only light in the room was the moonlight that filtered through the curtains. I sat on the bed. I sighed heavily and looked at the clock on the nightstand: 12:15 am. Why I thought it would be good to see Mom? Maybe a part of me still missed her. Five years ago mom gave me a lesson and I will never forget it; her eyes cold as ice looked at me that morning. If a mother's love can be finished, if that is possible, there is no love in this life that is real. And that happened to me. How could I believe in love if my own mother stopped loving me? I had already gotten used to the idea and eventually it became part of me.

Gahul wasn't here and i missed him. 

Mom was very coward tonight, baby. But I promise I will not stop loving you.

"Angel?" Jinki knocked.

"Come in."

He closed the door behind him and left a steaming cup beside the clock. Jinki knelt in front of me and took my hands on my knees. Tears behind my eyes ached. My body trembled crudely trying to contain them. But i didn't want to cry, i had already cried enough for that woman.

"Everything will be fine, angel." He whispered my knuckles. "I love you, I promise you everything will be fine."

I pressed my lips together and tried to swallow the tears and the pathetic scene I refused to make. But i couldn't di it anymore. I could no longer sustain the lie. I had a sense of anxiety and despair across my chest. I felt I had a weight on my shoulders; Jill, that Jinki continue repeating that he loved me, and that I couldn't answer... all of that made me fall. I drop his hands and i knelt on the floor before him. I hug him by the neck, I hid my face in it and cried. I never cried like the way i did it tonight, letting go a pain that was hurting me so much, a real pain i didn't know I had. I missed my brother so much that i didn't even know how I could live without him.

"I'm so sorry, angel." Jinki hugged me. "Leave out the pain, Oppa is here."

At this time I was able to let go of everything. My heart was finally crying. It hurt so much... but it felt alright too. When I look up Jinki looked at me with sad eyes. I wiped his tears hating myself for making him cry too. But I took the box down on the bed I had taken from the bottom of my suitcase and opened it; taking some of the newspaper from that night.

"Did you hear what she said? Don't you care?"

But Jinki shook his head.

"It was an accident." He said. And I thought I would die with that secret. "I love you, angel, I will not leave you."

Those words made my heart clench.

"Don't repeat that, please. I lost my family and I lost everything I had, and I can't keep losing, that's why I don't want to have you."

"You shouldn't be afraid of losing me, angel, because I'm the one who will never let you go."

I took a newspaper clipping, my hands trembled as my eyes scanned the title. Fatal accident shook the Hamilton family, Juliette Hamilton exceeded the rate of alcohol allowed.

"What do you expect from me, angel? You want the divorce? I'll sign whatever you want." Jinki inhaled deeply, still looked at me harshly. "In a couple of months we forget this happened. All this must seem so unpleasant to you that you'll soon forget it. At the end you were right; this contract..." He put a hand over his heart. "Didn't work."

My stomach twisted at his words. Those words were what I wanted to hear since I learned of the marriage, but now, i didn't want to hear them.

"Are not you going to respond to what I said? You always knew exactly what to say to get me away from you."

I shook my head. All he had told left me speechless. It was easy to respond to people who think to know me, but words hurt when people you care say them. Jinki frowned and laughed bitterly.

"I just broke my heart talking to you in the hardest way that I could. And you're not going to respond? Why you are not the same cold person who made it clear that you would never love me? Why don't you tell me that my hopes for you to love me were a lie? or that it was stupid for me to even think that one day you and I could start a family? How pathetic is loving someone who doesn't love you back and never will? How pathetic is to tell the person that desperately wants to get away from you; I would give everything if that assures that you won't suffer anymore? I don't know how long we need to love someone, but I love you, Juliette. You just came into my life and you got under my skin. I need you so much that scares me to think about having a life without you... now I'll let you fly free from this marriage, but you have to do something first; look at me and tell me that you feel nothing for me. Why don't you make things less painful and say something to kill me? Just tell me you don't love."

I had lived years pretending i was not afraid, and i had done it so well that nobody thought i was acting, but i was terrified of living alone when i had spent 17 years beside the only person who really understood, without words, everything I felt. I was scared to find someone else who i would desperately need. I had hurt so many people just to protect my brother. And now, yes, I was scared to love Jinki and get hurt again.

"Just do it, Juliette."

"Please, stop..."

"Why don't you just said it? You're good at being bad-"

"Please, just shut up!" I looked away from the floor to his eyes. I should stop make silence, and I needed to say what I felt before my feelings die inside me. "Just shut up! I'm in love with you. Okay? So much that I would do anything for you. Is that what you want to hear? What do you want of me? Do you want me to tell you that i'm going to love you forever?"

And he looked at me as surprised as i was. And all we could do was look at each other.

Lips.

As an open door that let in new feelings.

In a second he took my face in his hands and crushed his lips against mine. It must be the contained frustration that led me to answer the kiss with the same intensity but I did. For how long we needed this? A chill ran through my body ending in my stomach. I got up on my knees to take his face when Jinki wrapped his arms around my waist. His cheeks were burning in my hands. And we had found a new feeling in our hearts; desire.

"I'm sorry, angel." He whispered breathing hard against my lips. "I didn't want to get that far. I didn't want to talk to you that way but it was the only option. As good husband it was my duty to know everything about you, and something that I learned from you is that you can not help but say what you feel when you are under pressure."

I didn't recognize myself at this time.

"I... I had to change. But since I met you all changed, Jinki. It was thanks to you that I wanted to return to who i was. But there is more. There's something I didn't tell anyone about the accident. And if after listening you're not upset, I want you to know I wanna be with you."

I pulled away from him and Jinki nodded.

I couldn't believe i really would say what really happened that night.

"It wasn't me who was driving that night."

Jinki blinked confused, and I tried to explain with the correct words the memories of that night.

"We were in a club that night, but I had just gone to take care of my brother. I don't know what happened, whatever i was drinking someone changed it because the next thing I remember is that he was driving in the rain at 1 am. My brother would be who inherited the business even when I was the oldest. I don't want to be the successor to Dad, I want to study medicine and help people, he said to me that night. If that happened the companies would be mine. You should tell him, I said. Dad needed one of us anyways. And being the last of his children, he would have no choice but to give the companies to me. Jeremy didn't want to realize his dream at the expense of his sister, but I would do anything for him. And suddenly a lightning lit up the sky, and then disappeared in a white flash that I will never forget."

FLASHBACK

When Juliette woke up the pain ran through her body and made her cry. She blinked a few times before she understood where she was; the car was upside down, the belts had broken and that was aware of the blood beneath them. Embedded glass was everywhere, and just breathing made her cringe in pain. Juliette sobbed.

"I'm... sorry... Juliette." Jeremy gritted his teeth and he was losing his color. Juliette used her elbows to drag on glasses until she took her brother's hand and squeezed it. Her wounds burned and she sobbed quietly. "I just wanted... one last party before... Dad forced me... to... find a university. Dad... will kill me... when they found out... i hurt his princess. After that... I will be chained to the company."

Juliette thought that Jason was more courageous to make it clear to his father that he would not take the companies. Deep down, she had enough brave to follow the footsteps of his older brother, but Jeremy would do what his father told him. So she was willing to stay with his brother.

"No." She shook her head, and the tears began to form. Part of her weeping was to see his brother that way, so weak and helpless. And deep down, she was holding to cry out in pain. "It was an accident. I'm the oldest, that was my job. Listen, when we wake up in the hospital i'll let everyone believe I was driving."

"What? Not---"

"Shut up, Jeremy. This is my car. But you know how the press will be. And what about dad? This is not good for the company or our name. I want to take pictures, but you will save lives. You see the difference?. You can not start a career when we cause an accident. Rather blame one and not both of us."

"But---"

"If you don't shut that mouth when you wake up in the hospital, I will not talk to you in my life, or worse; I'll suffocate you with the pillow. "Juliette sighed interrupted by the cold that crept inside her to the bones. "Did you understand?"

"Yes. Sorry, Juliette. "Jeremy cried. "I love you."

"Love you too."

After that neither of them had the strength to go on. And when Juliette heard the sound of the ambulance, she fainted.

FLASHBACK ENDS

We were silent for a moment that seemed eternal.

"I was unconscious for days." I continued. "Broken bones, bruises, some internal damage, and my brother was in a coma. The world believed the whole story. And the day I woke up... mom blamed me before I could say something, and I knew that love was a lie. I didn't bother to correct anything she said, and if it happened the other way around, people would have seen my brother in the same way that people see me. Mom couldn't bear to know that Jeremy was the one driving that night."

"Why didn't you tell the truth, angel?"

"When I heard that Jeremy wouldn't awaken, something in me died. Nothing made sense, so I let them think what they wanted. Besides, it was my duty to protect him. I know that was no excuse for acting like I did all these years, but what about the be good and good things will happen? I had to change to survive. I felt like I was just an empty shell. Without soul or heart. Nobody could understand what my brother means to me and they never will. To the world's eyes... the accident was my fault."

"Don't ever say that. When I saw on the news the accident, not even for a second i thought that was your fault, never."

I hugged him, remembering the last thing I said to Jeremy. But if a stranger was able to see who i was, I didn't want to leave him.

"I love you, Jinki."

He kissed my neck. An innocent kiss that took my breath away with the thought that haunted in my head.

But maybe he felt it too.

His hands still took my waist... and he left kisses from my neck to my lips.

Softly.

Kindly.

"What happened that night was just an accident. So don't let that change what I see in you; you're so beautiful, inside and out, you're smart, you're funny, and you don't have to pretend it doesn't hurt, because I'm here. You are more than you think. I gave you my heart, angel, and you can do whatever you want with it. Everything will be different, I promise." He breathed against my lips before kissing me softly. "As a man, I want you. But I want you to understand that I will never let you go. And after tonight, your heart and your body will be only mine. I love you, my little angel. I'll be here, I will never leave."

I sighed.

"Can you see that I love you?"

"I see it in your eyes. I know that you love me too."

Jinki kissed me and i ran my hand through his hair.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too. Say that again and never stop. Okay?"

And we said i love you all night.

Thanks to all who read this story ♥

And sorry if you see grammar mistakes.
English isn't my native language, but as always, I try my best.

Hope you like it!