Thought # 25.

"After waking from a dream, we feel confused.

But then our minds tells us where we are. And we face reality.

Sometimes we wake up ready to shine like the sun, but sometimes we feel as sad as a gray day.

Life is not always as we would like it to be, and wake up becomes a difficult task to do, but while we trust in ourselves, we can overcome anything."

[Juliette's long hair was rocked by the wind as she watched the neighborhood from the window of the car. It was raining, and she loved the rain, so that decreased a little the fatigue she felt for flying and the time difference. The sky was gray and looked a little sad through her eyes. It was the first time she was traveling outside her country and had done it without her brothers and without her grandfather. But he had told her to be brave and she would be. He told her that everything would be fine and she trusted him.

"We are going to greet someone, honey." She met her father's eyes in the rearview mirror and he smiled, making her smile. "Our house is only a few blocks from here. I want to introduce you to someone, I know you two will be great friends."

Having a friend improved the idea that they would live there during the vacations. Sammy and Danny were her best friends, but having someone to talk while she was there was an idea that made her happy. Minutes later her dad parked the car outside a house where a man was waiting on the sidewalk under an umbrella. Her dad went out to greet who appeared to be his best friend. They had a nice garden full of colorful flowers.

"Are you ready, my love?" Her mom leaned from the passenger seat, Juliette nodded and she smiled to reassure her young daughter. "Everything will be fine, darling."

They got out of the car and her mother opened an umbrella to protect herself and the little girl who clung to her sweater. The lady who waited on the porch with a child came to them under one as well. They talked about things that Juliette didn't fully understand. Juliette kept her eyes on the floor for a moment, because his dad didn't say that the child he was going to introduce her, was a boy. When Juliette felt her mother's hand gently touching her shoulder, she watched her mother asking her to introduce herself.

"Hello." Juliette bowed trying to get her korean to sounds good. "My name is Juliette, it's a pleasure to meet you."

At her 6 years old, her Korean was acceptable. Ms. Lee bowed, smiled tenderly and touched her cheek making her smile.

"You're so beautiful, dear."

Then she looked at her son and smiled sweetly. He looked at Juliette with a expression of surprise and pressed against his chest the photograph he was holding in his hands.

"Hi." He bowed smiling. "My name is Jinki, it's a pleasure."

"Hi, honey." Her mom also bent down and his black hair. "You are so handsome."

Their eyes met again while her mother straightened. Juliette smiled at the little boy waving her hand in the air. He smiled too, and it formed dimples on his cheeks. He looked very friendly, and now she was happy to be there.]

The scene disappeared and everything went black.

Absurd.

it had to be, or I risked going crazy.

My senses came back to me, and an uncomfortable light filtered through my closed eyelids. Small pains toured every part of my body and joined in that side of my head that had hit the sidewalk. I looked for something to hold on and my hands clenched the sheet. I opened my eyes and sat down with a push.

My mind traveled to a completely different scene and every dream I had since I arrived piled one upon another in my own mind. I had those laughter hitting my ears, but I shook my head to send them away. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding my chest and my arm throbbed painfully by the needle hidden in it. I looked up and put my hand on my belly while breathing sharply.

"Sam..." Sam was sleeping on the couch next to the bed. My voice came out sharp as if i had not spoken in a long time. "Sam, wake up."

Sam raised her head and looked at me a few seconds through narrowed eyes. But then reality hit her and rose to sit beside me. The warmth of her embrace enveloped me completely.

"Juliette, you're fine." She exhaled deeply. "The baby is also fine. Both are fine, thanks god."

And now it wasn't just laughter in my ears. My mind began to show the face of that child and all that we live during the vacations. My own mind tried to tell me what I already knew but i didn't hear it, my memories buried deep in my memory were clamoring to be remembered. I opened my mouth but I couldn't speak, and in my second attempt, the door opened, silencing me completely. My first tear fell so easily when I saw him, because I had liked him since childhood, because he had loved me without missing a single day. Sam stood aside to let him take her place, but feeling him close felt painful. Dad went in after him.

But Jinki looked at me as if deep down he already knew what was going on.

"You and I didn't meet before, right?" I said, feeling the heat of a tear running down my face. "I don't know you, please tell me you didn't know me either."

Jinki moved closer and took my hand. Tears formed in his eyes, too.

"Can you remember me, little angel? Do you know who I am?"

Everything was real.

This whole nightmare was real.

"No, no, no." I shook my head. And as if he was going to hurt me, I tried to go back until my back touched the bed wall behind me.

"Don't cry, Juls." Sam just had to look at him silently asking him to stay away, but i didn't dare to see the pain in his eyes.

"My love..." Dad said. And although I didn't dare to look at Jinki, i felt his eyes on me. "Uncle Richard told us about this as one of the consequences that might happen when you wake up after the car accident, but your mom and i never considered it as a possibility... until you woke up. You want to hear it from me, or I should call Uncle Richard?"

"Call him." I whispered; I knew Dad would tell the story with too many personal details that would be painful to hear. The medical side would be better.

"Honey..." I heard his voice on the speaker a moment later. "Right now your memory should be showing you some... parts of your life that were deleted. You suffered from a rare kind of amnesia, at least until tonight. We didn't know it until you woke up in the hospital after the accident. When your father told you that Jinki was worried about you, your reaction was nil at that time."

"I thought he had confused." I said, trying to ignore the guilt I felt.

"Tests showed that part of your brain had gone, all the memories linked to feelings were erased. You were a strange case, honey, patients with such serious accidents forget their whole life, yet you just forgot the time you lived there, and as a result, everything that followed that. But why only the time you lived in Korea? I didn't understand until your nana told me about the letter you received before going to the club with Jeremy that night. And I came to the conclusion that you forgot him because you thought about him in that moment. Having lived through that traumatic time and grief you felt for saying goodbye... your head tried to erase it. This is how the body works; an instinct of protection. When you woke up, I asked you to tell me everything, and you feel incomplete, Remember? You used that word."

"I thought i felt like that for losing my brother."

"I know, my love. But can you do it again, honey? Tell me the missing parts. I know that now your brain must be played at the same time every situation that you lived, and even if it's painful, I know you can tidying up those memories and tell me the parts of your life that you had forgotten."

I sighed deeply and i tried to tidy up those memories.

FLASHBACK

Juliette plopped on the couch in the living room and checked her watch, they had 10 minutes to leave. In her mind she kept repeating that if they left before, they would return sooner.

"Jeremy! hurry up!"

Seconds later, Jeremy went down the stairs well dressed and with a smile on his face.

"Stop crying, brother, I'm coming."

Juliette rolled her eyes.

"Don't provoke me. You shouldn't bother who must go with you so you can go out."

Before leaving home, Juliette took her coat off the rack and the keys to her car.

"Honey..." Her hand gripped the knob of the front door when her nanny called, she looked back and she saw her coming holding a letter in her right hand. "I forgot to tell you..." She handed her a letter, ans Juliette thought about just putting it on the table and leave, but it seemed unfair to make Jinki wait. She folded it and hid it in the back pocket of her pants. Her nana frowned at her because of her cold attitude, especially for the happiness that Juliette had shown every time she received a letter from him. "It's from Jinki."

"Uhh!" His grandfather smiled, sitting in the large living room sofa. "Another love letter, young love is the most beautiful one."

"What love, Grandpa?" Juliette knew that wouldn't be more letters after this. "We're leaving."

Sammy couldn't go with them and Jinwoo worked weekends in the company of his father. Without anyone to talk in a club, she unfolded the letter sitting in the bar of that club.

I have read hundreds of times "we can not speak more, Jinki," and i try to give it a meaning that is not so painful. I've been for a year at the SM academy, I try every day to fulfill what you made me promise you the last day we met. I had a little dream of being a singer, which thanks to you i could see it wasn't so little. I trained every day, for you, for us, little angel, so I don't understand that think you're just a distraction for me. I can handle  school, the academy, even when you are in my thoughts since the last time we met. Don't do this, don't end the only way I have to feel you beside me.

She couldn't finish it reading because a tear ran down her cheek ruining the letter. They would meet again. They just had to wait. Juliette folded the letter when Jeremy told her that he would step down to the companies, and the last thing she had in mind when the accident occurred, it was he.

FLASHBACK ENDS.

I wiped with my fingers the tears that ran down: I had remembered a letter written many years ago.

"Honey, be strong. It will be difficult to live again, and be careful, because this could have a different result."

"Different?"

"Richard, i don't think---"

"No." I interrupted Dad. "How?"

"Contrary to the belief that a second blow can make you have the memory back... if you had a stronger blow, everything would have been wrong."

Sam and I exchanged glances, i could see that she was upset with me for what I did. And now I wondered if Luna was fine.

"Uncle... Can you give me a medical explanation?"

There was silence on the other line.

"I can not, there isn't one. Years of medical research, and today bodies and minds still react in mysterious ways."

"Is it possible that... my mind choose which memories have and not have?"

"It's strange, but apparently that was what it did."

"Thank you, Richard." Dad said.

"Take care, sweetie, be aware that life gave you another chance, I love you."

"Love you too." And he hung up.

Dad took a deep breath and sat in the corner of the bed.

"Listen, dear. Like every year, I visited the companies abroad, in one of those trips I met Jinki's dad. One night during the time you were 4 years, Jinki's father and I went out to have a few drinks, and then we agreed that nothing would break a friendship if our children get married. We only live one summer here, so after the accident we eliminated that from your mind. I told Jinki what happened, and... he could understand. I told him that the wedding wouldn't be canceled because he wanted to be with you, and it was the least I could do for you two. I tried to think about how Jinki would feel having to pretend not to know you for months until the wedding, so I used some contacts to make it as soon as possible, and I left so you could live with him and know him..." Dad saw a empty spot on the bed, as if he was taking time to not break down. "I'm sorry. I left you alone, and a year later I told you you would get married. It was selfish, but I did it for you."

And for the first time after so long, he started crying.

Jinki walked towards him and helped him up to leave the room. Maybe some fresh air would do him good, because Dad had also suffered for losing his son. Sam sat and brushed my hair with one hand. I pulled my legs to my chest under the hospital sheets, and listened in silence all that maybe she wanted to tell me this long ago.

"Sometimes I wanted you to remember the love you felt for him, but when I saw how happy you were, I knew that love was inside you even if you didn't know it. But now, I would like to send this pain away. I'm sorry, baby, this shouldn't happen. But maybe, you had to remember him to strengthen that love."

"Sam..." It was Jinki's voice, and my heart raced. "Can i talk to Juliette... alone?"

Sam looked at me in silence, and our nonverbal communication, i tried to tell her not to leave me alone. But in her sad eyes I could see that she was going to do it because she thought it was necessary and the right thing to do. And I saw her leave.

There was so much on my mind, so many memories that come to me. I had forgotten two months I lived here, not to mention the years we spent writing. The accident lasted only last a few seconds, and I had forgotten years and an important part of my life. My body shook with a thought: I had spent days in the hospital unconscious and then i woke up without a part of my memory. I looked at this hospital bed and tried not to choke on my voice.

"How long have I been here?"

Silence reigned in what seemed an eternity.

"Nearly a week, angel."

My lips parted in horror. One week? I breathed as i watched the palms of my hands; They couldn't keep my head hit the asphalt and now their wounds were healing. God help me, I feel I'm going crazy. I wanted to stop thinking, but this was not just about me. Guilt ran through my body because i had excluded Jinki from my mind and my life, and it felt heavy and extremely painful. I hugged my knees and hid my face in my arms, trying not to drown in my own sadness. I had focused so much on what happened to me, that our baby had left aside.

"Please don't cry. Everything is fine now, and we will overcome this." Jinki sat near me, his hand my hair and I felt the warmth of his lips on it. "I'm sorry, Angel, but I promise you'll be fine."

I could never imagine all the pain he felt, and i came to a simple conclusion; the worst thing wasn't to lose memory, or feel you lost a part of you if you recover it, the worst was to see that person ignore the life they once had. From the time we met, he had to speak to me as if I had never seen him, when in fact he had always looked at me in a special way.

I raised my head but I didn't dare look into his eyes.

"I'm sorry. i'm really sorry, Jinki."

Will I ever be able to stop apologize for hurting him?

"Don't do it. I chose this, I bet for us. I loved you, angel, since I met you, and my feelings for you have not changed, not even a little. I told you; I see you. I had my own angel and i wouldn't let you go of my heart even if life kept us apart."

I couldn't do this now, because I couldn't even look at him in the eyes. What else could break inside of me if I did?

"I don't know what to say. I have a lot on my head and i don't want to think about it."

I felt defeated, deceived and guilty for the things they possibly had to do or the changes they had to make in their lives so i could continue with my new life. Can you hug me? It was his warmth what i wanted and needed to feel, and it was ironic that it was from the person I wanted to get away. He reached down to my belly and it. His hand seemed to burn my body even through clothing.

"Our little Tokki is fine." His eyes met mine and the air remained in my lungs. "Please just listen to what I need to tell you, Okay?"

I nodded softly, because the movements of my head made me feel dizzy.

"I remembered you and i couldn't tell the world I would marry the love of my life exposing you as an stranger. But I didn't tell the whole story about how i met you. After mom told me I could keep your photo, she told me to wait with her. I was sitting on the steps of the entrance of my house still with your picture in my hands, thinking of you and if someday i could meet you in person, and then a car parked in the street. Although I couldn't believe it, the girl in the photograph got out of the car. With that pretty white sweater that matched with the blue ribbon that you put on your hair, and you just... shone. I had never seen an angel but I knew you were one..." Even now, Jinki managed to make me smile. "You just confused me, so I took Mom's hand and she said; is better than a photograph, right? I didn't understand anything and she laughed, she leaned over and told me: Jinki, after she was born life chose her for you. When you grow up you will join her in marriage. His father and yours have decided that at some point in her 24 years, you both will be sealed this great friendship they have. I know you'll be a good husband for her, my love."

I could understand everything, and didn't understand at the same time.

"It was not too hard for you? You should cancel everything. You suffered through my fault, and you kept doing when I meet you again."

I knew he controlled himself to not react with surprise.

"I saw you every day for two months. You made me fall in love with you from that day. We spent years together by the letters we send. And then one day you wrote telling me you didn't want to talk to me anymore, and that hurt more. I thought you wanted to no longer be my friend, and then I found out you didn't remember me, and the only thing that kept me alive was that you would be by my side one day. When you came to Korea i was about to take a plane to see you, but my members had to convince me that i couldn't be so obvious with you. I took that time to convince me to keep my distance from you. I had you beside me again, and that was enough to be happy. I decided to start our story because I knew... that best times would come if I could make you love me again."

"During all this time... during our marriage... you can't tell me it wasn't hard to pretend we were strangers. Have you ever wake up wanting to talk about our past, but then remembered that I could not remember it?"

"Nothing has changed, angel, for me you are still the same. Sometimes i did woke up thinking about our childhood together, but it didn't matter because I woke up next to you. The past didn't matter because we were building a future."

"How many people know about this? Did you know Jinwoo before i saw you in college that night... or Sam, Danny?"

"Yes, I knew him. When he moved here again he threatened me and said i had to take care of you. We both shared a love for the same girl. He said he was in love with you inadvertently, but also told me that you had told him what I meant to you. He understood, he was with you after what happened to Jeremy, and I was very grateful to him and jealous at the same time thinking that it should be me who should be at your side. That's why I was so jealous everytime he touched you, I thought he did on purpose."

I felt a pang in my head and I took it in my hands.

"Are you all right, angel?" Jinki was already standing. "I'll call the doctor."

"No..." My hand found his arm and held it until he sat down again. It was like spending the channels on TV, seeing only small incomplete parts of programs. This was the same thing. "That bracelet is not mine, right? It was never mine, or my grandfather's, it's yours. And the necklace..." I could remember Jeremy and Jason wearing them, but after the accident, they had disappeared, as if they had never been there. "I gave you my necklace when we parted. That "J" is not for your name, it is for mine."

"You gave me your necklace and I gave you my bracelet. It was our promise that the day they returned to their owners, that day we would be together forever."

"So that happened?" I stared at him with the strength I didn't have. "It was easy for my grandpa to make me believe it was mine? When dad told me that the marriage would take place, grandpa was like Sam, insisting that i should give you a chance. He said: Take care of the bracelet, and wherever you are, I will be with you, and although we are separated..."

"I know someday I will find you."

These were not my grandfather's words, and I feel offended, as if they had lied all my life, even when it was not anyone's fault.

"It's almost funny, dad put me a name with the same initial that your father's. You gave me your necklace, before kissing me." He chuckled.

I remembered that too.

"You called me angel since we met." I could hear in my mind his child's voice calling me angel every time he saw me coming.

"I couldn't stop doing it, for me you will always be an angel. Thanks for reminding me, little angel, oppa is so happy to have you back." He smiled, and wrapped his arms around me. "Now we can be happy."

Someone should give him a role in a drama, this guy is so good at pretending. I am not one thing that my father can simply give. I hate you.

"No... No." I pulled away. "I made you suffer, I forgot you. This is all very confusing, and the only thing clear is how much you have suffered because of me... even if you say you haven't. I can't be with you, to see you and think about everything you went through. You should forget me when all this happend, and I'm sorry, Jinki, I am really sorry."

Could my heart broken more? Jinki exhaled, and stared at me.

"The afternoon I saw you for first time i knew that life had created the most beautiful creature to be beside me. Life joined our ways, and everything leads me to you. Even if we are separated life keeps putting you in my way, and it's the same with yours, because you and I belong together. I know this is very difficult to understand, I'm sorry how it all happened. I feel a little selfish because sometimes I wish that you could remember me without thinking how you would feel. Having you by my side again was the best thing that it could ever happen to me. I managed to make you love me again, or at least I managed to take you back to the time when you were happy. I wanted you to feel safe again, without fearing that I might fail you, to embrace you when you were afraid, that i would love you for the rest of my life. My little angel, what it happened to me it doesn't matter, because I forgot everything when you came back to me. It was all I wanted. Don't think that you hurt me because this was just a test that life put us through, and we won." His gaze dropped to my belly for a few seconds. "I don't want to be selfish and thinking about not letting you go, but I feel that I can't open my arms and allow you to stay away from me when what I most want is to have you with me forever."

It was clear to me that you were the person with whom I want to share my life with. She's mine, she belongs to me. You're the one for me. I just want to love you. I'm the one who will not let you go. I love you, Angel.

"I was happy being with you, and I am afraid of not being happy again without you. But it hurts me to see you and I feel I need to apologize even if you think I shouldn't do it... Please, leave me alone, please."

Against all that he might be feeling, Jinki nodded.

"It's okay. I waited for you, angel, I can do it again." Jinki leaned over and placed a hand on my belly. "I love you, baby. Please take care of mommy for me."

Jinki stood and although i knew he wouldn't let me, I felt I was losing him forever.

"Jinki..." I said when he was near the door. He turned to me and my gaze fell down. "I was that girl, right? Joohee."

"Yes. That was you korean name. Throughout my life, angel, you've been the only girl I ever loved, you're the only one I will love forever."

And then, he left.

Even after the accident, life made us be together because we were meant to be together. Casualties don't exist, and all this was because of destiny. Life created us to be together, but now I felt that I wouldn't get more kisses on the forehead, or shared smiles, impatient kisses or more hugs, and all that only made this situation more painful. Then, alone, silently inside the room, I began to cry again.

Hi, everyone! Well, i know this is so cliche XD. I mean, i know a lot of stories have this concept. But i don't know, it just happened this way.

This is my first story here so i'm really proud of it because i could improve my write with it. And my english too ^^

Sorry if it's not credible, i tried my best :3

But as always, hope you like it. XOXO - v.