Thought # 13.

"Like a free bird, i won't let problems get me into a cage made of my own fears.

It was time to stay strong because life is unpredictable.

And in this life i had to wait for the unpredictable.

I had to wait and be brave."

As breathing in for the first time. Or like the waves crashing against the rocks. A new feeling was born, a feeling that breathed for the first time. On it's first day out of the shadows seeking it's own light. A feeling that moved like the waves, and traveled freely as the wind. A free and unfettered feeling that flies like butterflies inside of me. That's how falling in love was for me. He had always been beautiful in my eyes, but his qualities had made him perfect even if I knew that no one was. But since when I started to ignore time only to watch him sleep? His hair falling over his forehead, his closed eyelids and soft lips. An adorable child inside the body of a man, and at the same time a real man.

I rolled on the bed and lay down on my back. Jinki had not objected to made origami birds that hang on the ceiling, in fact he helped me to make them.

But then someone knocked on the door.

"Yah! Stop doing whatever you're doing." Key said from the other side of the door and Jinki growled against the pillow.

"I knew it wasn't a good idea to tell him we were going out on a date." He whispered.

I chuckled and removed the blanket out of my body. Before getting out of bed Jinki grabbed my arm softly and stopped me.

"Good morning, angel. Did you sleep well?"

How could he be so perfect?

"Yes, I did. I hope you too, and even if you didn't said it to him I'm sure he was going to find it out." I left the bed, walked to the door and opened it. Key smiled and I did too. "Good morning, Key."

"Good morning, darling."

"Yah. Be careful." Jinki said. I turned to him as he sat on the bed.

"I'm being nice, hyung. Now go. It's 10 am and I have work to do."

Key had insisted on choosing our clothes. And nobody can say no to him.

"Thrown out of my own room. It's incredible." Jinki walked to us to leave the room. He kissed my cheek and left.

"Your clothes are in my room. But don't wake Tae up."

I chuckled and walked toward the bed. I sat against the headboard and spread my arms to the closet to give him full access to it.

"It's all yours."

Key smirked and walked towards it.

"See? Everything is easier if you give me what I want."

I shook my head and watched Tae enter the room. He was smiling through his tired eyes and lay in bed with his head on my lap.

"What did I miss?"

"Key thinks Jinki and I do something here."

Tae chuckled.

"I think this is the right time to accept your feelings for him, Juliette." Key smiled at me through the full-length mirror in the room. I laughed shyly and looked away from him. "So what should a person wear for a date?"

He kept trying on my clothes against his body, grimaced in disapproval with his lips and eventually threw it on the bed. I sighed. It had been too much that Key forced me to get up so early just to choose my clothes.

"Noona..." Taemin took the white blouse with small studs on the shoulders that landed near us and showed it at me smiling. "This seems nice."

"I think that too." I replied, but knowing that Key had not chosen it, Tae folded it and put it with the others.

"Hyung?"

"Huh?"

"Eh..." Tae looked at me nervous. I had learned not to play with Key and clothes making bad comments, and Tae knew that even more than i did. "All seem nice."

"Eish!" Key walked to the bed, rolling his eyes at such coment. "It's a date, Tae, clothing is important too."

"Is it?" We both asked with raised eyebrows and surprised expressions.

Key dropped his hands and looked at us seriously.

"Of course!"

"Not for Onew hyung." Tae said, shaking his head and sat beside me on the bed.

"That's because if the staff's noonas and I don't choose his clothes, he would wear the first thing he sees in the closet." Key shook his head, as if there were no more absurd thing in the world.

"What's wrong with that?" I .

But Key grinned.

"Don't try to change the subject. We are here to talk about your relationship with hyung."

People change people.

So many years living with my own style of life, because I hadn't lost the meaning of life despite being who i was; I went where i wanted to go, i said what i want to say even if sometimes that was bad. But something was wrong, and i noticed that when a look at him.

"I think that's something i should talk with him."

"Oh! Please." Key sat on the bed. "We are part of your life too. We have the right to know."

My mind became a mess. Anything could happen; Jinki confessed he had feelings for me. And i was nervous about that at some point i should do it as well.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything!"

"There's not much to know, guys." I giggled. "I'm still discovering things in this relationship. I think you know more than me."

"Watch this, Taemin." Key said and watched us with eyes full of wisdom. "That is the face of a girl who is in love but doesn't want to admit it."

20 minutes after I walked down the hall to the room with a white dress and black boots. Key seemed to be the reflection of Sam, or maybe it was the other way. My hands kept playing with my hair dyed pink again while those butterflies were fluttering inside me. Because I had never been on a date with a guy, and now i was going to have one with my husband.

"Angel?" Jinki rose from the couch when he saw me and walked towards me. He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "You look beautiful, angel."

"Thanks." I smiled. He was easier to contemplate if he didn't see me doing it. "You look very handsome."

"Key chose my clothes too." Jinki chuckled.

"Cough, cough." Key laughed, and forcing us to separate. That was ingenious; not coughing but saying it.

The others appeared behind him sitting on the couch.

"You look good, Juliette." Jonghyun said and covered his head as if someone was about to hit him. "In fact you look amazing. But don't do that here, don't try to kiss, please, because you both will stain the purity of the living room."

Minho rolled his eyes.

"You're just jealous because you're alone. You're just a bitter."

"What? Yah! I can get a girl when i want!" Jong said, exalted. "And you don't have a girlfriend either!"

Minho laughed nervously, making me look at him confused.

"Look at us, look at yourself!" Key said and dropped his hands in his lap. "None of us has a girlfriend!"

"Onew hyung is lucky." Tae said thoughtfully.

"Onew hyung skipped dates." Jonghyun said. "Now our leader has a wife! Just like that. I am the main voice in the band. And what do I have?"

"I understand girls." Key said.

"You are one." Jong Whispered.

"Everyone loves the maknae." Tae said quietly.

And Jinki watched at them as if he couldn't believe it.

"We're leaving." Jinki took my hand and led me to the door.

Being famous could be complication for something as simple yet as complex as love. The fame was an obstacle to have privacy. But they were good guys and I was sure they would find the right person. And when the right girl comes, they would know what to do to protect their future together.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

The sun felt nice on my bare arms while walking along the sidewalk toward the backyard of Jinki's house. He said he had a surprise for me, and then his hands covered my eyes gently. It was all about trust. I laughed holding his arms. What could it be?

"You're gonna love it, angel. You're going to love it when you see it." I could hear the excitement in his voice. I was nervous when we entered the courtyard through the back door. He hadn't given me any clue of what could be and It could be anything. "You can look now."

Jinki took his hands away.

I saw with surprise the little golden retriever. It had a small toy bone between it's teeth and rolled over a blanket under it. It was adorable, and I had run out of words. Jinki whistled and the puppy ran with it's little legs toward us. I knelt and lifted the puppy.

"Owww. It's beautiful." I lifted him in my arms. My love for animals was as big as my love for photography. But i also knew the story behind his fear of animals. "Is it ours?"

"Ours." He repeated thoughtfully and smiled. He played with the puppy's ears while the puppy his hand. "I like how it sounds. And it's a boy, so... How do you want to call him?"

"Gahul." I had thought about it since I saw it. It was like the name of a movie i had seen long ago but it was written different. "Do you like it?"

"It's perfect." He smiled.

The front door opened and his mom came out wiping her hands on her apron.

"Good morning." We said at the same time.

"Good morning." She replied and walked towards us. "I was getting used to it just like your father." She laughed. "I know you will be responsible and will take good care of it. It's like a baby, so be careful." Mrs. Lee laughed with the word baby and of our expressions. "Well, well... better go and enjoy your day. See you later."

She gave a kiss on the cheek and waved as we were leaving.

And the memories came to my mind, because my mother was like her.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

The horizon seemed endless, as if the world had been born into a world of flowers. The wind gently ran and rocked my skirt while i was holding my camera in my hands. One hour from the city there was a park with a wheat field. It was like a dream, it was like my dream. Exactly the same place except that he was not holding a baby.

I went back to where Jinki sat on a blanket making Gahul play and sat down too. My phone rang in my bag and my brother's name appeared on the screen when I took it.

>Hello, my princess. How are you? I was writing a story and thought of you. As always I want you to give me your opinion. I'll send you a copy then. I hope you're all right, baby. I love you.<

>Oww... I miss you too. And I'm anxious to read it. I'm sure it will be awesome. I love you too.<

I put the phone down and admired the beauty of the place.

"Have you ever been here before?"

"Many times. Why? Had you been here too, angel?"

A dream brought me here.

"No. But the place is beautiful."

"Do you like places like that?"

"Yes, very much." I saw flowers that were beginning to grow. If i looked closely, it was like watching flowers grow in my granpa's house in US. "My grandfather lived most of his life in a place like this, so far from everything. This feels like being there. I'd go back there..." I turned to look at him, but he was already looking at me. "Maybe we can go some day. I would like to show you the place where I lived."

"We can go. I promise we'll go, angel. I would like to see the place where my little Julie grew up. And how is that place?"

"It's a big house surrounded by miles of field. And a beautiful lake in the back. My brothers and I waited anxiously to go in vacations. It's just..." I sighed. "I would like to live there again. The field is so large that Gahul could run around till he get tired." I laughed running a hand over his small head. "And you? What about you?"

"About me?" He leaned sideways, leaned on his elbow and rested his head on it. "Not much about me. I am your husband and the leader of SHINee. I adopted a puppy for us because I know you love dogs. And last night I discovered you can speak French."

I bit my lip. Sam had called me last night and the conversation lasted until discuss what Luna did. And we had to speak in French.

"Ah! That..." I laughed. "I am the daughter of a famous architect." I arranged my imaginary tie and he laughed. "It was necessary according to him."

"Do you speak other languages?"

"Uhm... Korean, French, and some Spanish."

"Wow. That is amazing."

"Not that much. Jeremy was better with languages."

And I laughed softy when i said it. I had to hold onto the times we spent together. It was the only way to live in peace.

"If it makes you feel better, you can talk about him. I will listen."

"I know you would." I smiled to thank him as i Gahul. The memories with my brother were like a secret. "I'm like... his female version. People say that each person is unique, but I liked the idea of being part of something."

"That sounds good. Having someone who complements you. I like that." He smiled.

"Thank you." My life with Jeremy was a secret, but I was willing to tell him everything. "Did you feel that way with Joohee? I mean... she seemed to be important to you."

Jinki sighed and broke into a small smile, perhaps in his mind was thinking about her.

"She was. I know we were only children, but she was part of my life. I will always remember her."

"That is cute."

"Yes. She used to call me Jinki Oppa every time she saw me, no matter where we were."

"She seems cute. Have you seen her again?"

"No, i have not. She moved out and we lost communication. But I'd like to see her, maybe that way someone would call me Oppa."

I laughed. I knew what he meant.

"Oh no! I'm so jealous now." I said dramatically. "But if you have her, I have my best friend."

"What?" Jinki frowned.

For a second, I thought I had said too much. Jinki stood slowly, and as a reflection, I did it too.

"Yah. Don't do that."

"Why don't you come here and repeat that, angel?" He walked towards me as I walked back.

"Ya... Yah! It was just a joke!" I tried to keep up and not fall.

"Then why are you running?" He asked without stopping.

"Because you are approaching to me too much."

"Like this?" Jinki took two strides, forcing me to retreat faster. And that made him smile. "Are you afraid of me, angel?"

He was challenging me, so I stopped suddenly to prove him that he was wrong. I did it while Jinki took another stride.

We collided and fell on the grass.

He panicked thinking he had hurt me, but I laughed.

"You're crazy." Jinki shook his head and we sat just as Gahul ran toward us.

I held him in my arms and kissed his small head.

"But just out of curiosity... how should I call you?"

He giggled.

"Jinki Oppa, Jinki Oppa!" He said shrilly.

"I don't talk like that." I hit his shoulder playfully making him laugh. Maybe one day i would be able to tell him how I felt about him. "Jinki oppa."

I said the cutest way I could.

He smiled his eye smile.

–––––– BEAUTIFUL ANGEL ––––––

I'd rather stay in the lobby while he went to the apartment to get our jackets before going to his parents' house. I knew we were going to spend the day with them. And they were so kind with me that I always wanted to visit them again and again. I walked from one end to another with Gahul in my arms, smiling to myself as I thought how fun it had been the day so far.

The front door opened and I stopped when I saw who it was.

"Juliette!" Minho smiled.

"Hi." I replied, and Minho took Gahul in his arms. "Where were you? If i can know. I thought you were resting by now."

"The others are in the company and I was bored, so I went to take a walk."

"Ah!"

"And where is Onew hyung?"

"In the apartment. We are going to visit his parents."

"Well---" Minho paused when his phone rang. Whatever it was, he tried not to laugh.

Seconds later the message tone on my phone rang.

"Hey!" I complained to notice that my phone had died without knowing who had texted me.

"What happened?"

"My phone died."

"Oh--" Minho's phone rang again. But unlike the previous message, he frowned to that one.

"Minho? Are you okay? Something happened?"

"Let's go up. We will look for your phone charger."

We called the elevator and it opened seconds later.

"There's something I'd like to ask you, Juliette." Minho said. We both got inside and the doors closed after pressing the button. "But you must be honest with you, okay?"

"Okay."

"What do you think about me?"

Sam had a great answer for that, and she would be upset if I didn't say at least part of the truth. In the months after the wedding he had become a good friend. He cared for me; if i had eaten, if i had slept well, if i had work from the university.

The doors opened and I stopped in the hallway.

"I like you, you're a great singer and a great person too. I mean, you've been good to me since I moved in. You are like an older brother. Why do you ask?"

"The boys don't take my question seriously, they say I'm competitive and that. But they never give me a real answer."

"But you're. Aren't you?" Minho looked thoughtful. And I thought maybe i had offended him. "I don't see anything wrong with that. And believe it or not, Sammy is like you."

After i said that, Minho looked at me surprised.

"Wait." I stopped him with one hand while he hadn't answered me yet. "You laughed when Jong said you had no girlfriend, and now you're asking me that. You like someone, Minho?"

"Well... Hey! Did you hear that Sammy will work with us in our next music video? The clothes she make are incredible."

Minho turned away, walking quickly toward the apartment door.

"But what does that mean?" I ran. I got behind him just as Minho pushed the open door.

And just like that, Jinki pulled his lips away from Luna.

"Angel---"

GaHul barked, waking me from what appeared to be a dream... or a nightmare. That would be an image that i never couldn't erase from my memory.

"What did you do?" Minho asked.

"This is not what it looks like." Jinki took a step toward me, and I stepped back as if he was going to hurt me. "Let me explain this."

I stepped back and ran down the hall, ignoring the voices behind.

My good fortune allowed me to enter the elevator behind a young man and pressed the button for the lobby and closed. Maybe more than once. I tried to be friendly and smiled at the young man beside me and he smiled at me back. After all, we lived on the same floor. As the elevator descended, the seconds seemed eternal in that place so small, and my foot hit the floor nervously until the doors opened again.

I left the building and the fresh air hit me in the face.

I took a break taking a second to catch my breath and i disappeared around the corner of the building.

Walking hurriedly, I came to the middle of the park near the building while people passing through seemed to begin to notice who I was. The sun was high in the sky when I fell on a park bench. I had no idea how much i had walked, but I felt that I had gone far enough. The park was very big so they couldn't find me.

Definitely life can be unpredictable, and now i knew that although people always told me that I was the owner of my own life, there were certain aspects of it that I couldn't control. I exhaled sharply and focused my gaze on cherry trees whose leaves fall to be shaken by the wind. That really would be an image that would last forever. Luna would be difficult to bear. I knew that she loves him, and although she was wrong to try to get into an alleged marriage of love, which didn't exist, she was my problem. Even if I wanted to defend myself, I simply didn't want to try, i didn't want to endure this.

It was amazing to think how life was taking me from one end to another in seconds. Apparently there were situations that would define me as a person, that would leave a mark on my skin, like a scar that would live with me until eternity. Perhaps those situations would change the course of my life and open up new paths in front of me. Every decision I make, every step I take, it boils down to something; Good or bad, but I still wonder if situations happens because they have to happen, or because I made them to happen.

I couldn't talk with Sammy because she was ready to punch Luna. Even if it meant losing her job. Anyway, she was busy like Danny.

I miss you so much right now, Jinwoo.

I wasn't ready to return to the apartment. What would i do now? I dropped my head and groaned.

"I hate my life sometimes."

"Mine isn't always good either."

Hey, Here is a new chapter. 

Hope you like it. 

And sorry for those who loves Luna. But don't forget that this is fiction.

Bye . Bye!