i was there standing outside his apartment 3:15 a.m , i didn't know what to say to him , i didn't know what he thought of me ..

i entered the home's code and the door opened , i'm sure he's sleeping anyway .. i looked into his bedroom but his bed was empty .. i took a steps to the living room the lights were off and i thought no one would be here either .. but what if he's sleeping on the couch , i the lights and got a shock for a moment .. 

yonghwa was there sitting on the couch quietly , my heart raced and i knew he's mad , he's really mad 

i came closer to him sitting on the ground on my knees , looking at his face and saying sincerely " about what happened earlier ... i'm sorry yonghwa .. i'm really sorry " 

yonghwa looked at me and said 

" actually i didn't understand why were you acting like that .. what was all this about .. and how a sane guy will confess to someone already dating .... but now it all make sense "

i was confused , what is he talking about .. i looked at him frowning trying to understand ...

he continued with a solemn expression 

" your silly rule , that stupid question , changing the restaurant you are going to , talking about him non-stop too .. all make sense now " 

my heart suddenly fell from my chest , i was speechless looking at him .. everything i did turned out a weapon against me , my game to gain his trust was the same game that made me lose  all what i already had .. 

my lips trembled with words i couldn't say , - the scary expression on his face , the coldness in his eyes , the disappointment smirk he had - made my body shiver with fear .. 

" yonghwa .... you misunderstood everything .. my acting earlier got nothing to do with that man .. really i was surprised today he acted like this " 

" you liked him so you distanced yourself from me , but you were surprised he confessed to you , something like that ? " he reasoned with a mocking voice 

i felt like i never knew the man in front of me , he's someone else other than the yonghwa that i've always known 

" i never liked anyone but you .. i acted like that earlier cause i was insecure , i wanted you to trust me but you.... " i was saying seriously looking at him .. 

he interrupted me and stood abruptly and shouted " i gave you that trust , i never trusted anyone like i've trusted you ... but in the end ... you just acted carelessly and didn't draw that ing line with him like you always did .. " 

i stood too facing him " i've never acted carelessly , i've never even held hands with my male friends without a reason , so why are you talking like him confessing to me was my fault " 

he looked into my eyes frowning and said with a shaky voice " because him confessing to you although you're dating , means that you gave him the chance to do so ... means that you did something to assure him ..."

i forgot to breath listening to his non-sense talk , my vision became blurry and tears were overflowing on my cheeks , still i was shocked .. he said he trusted me but why his words are this sharp cutting my pride to pieces, i thought should i save what remained of my pride or keep discussing this non-sense with him .. but i took the decision that i don't want to lose yonghwa for a misunderstanding ..  

" i swear i didn't do anything ... i acted the usual .. i never gave my feelings to any man but you ... you're the one who made me happy , excited , loved , sad and hurt .. you're the only one who can break my heart easily with his words .. just like now " 

i said with my tears overflowing , sniffing and wiping my eyes ,i chose to  lose my pride this time , it was a mess , my face , my feelings , my heart .. i looked at his reaction and his frowning face softened a little , he looked tired so tired , like he wanted to give up on me just to lay on his bed .. 

" juhyun ... " he said massaging his forehead 

i looked at him waiting for his next word as if my life depends on it 

then he said " let's take our own time , you and me need time .. separately " 

huh ! i was shocked that i laughed , whatever the circumstances - he did it again !! again he wants to disappear 

i was truly irritated , clinched my fists as i said 

" you are the one who always needs time , it's just your way of dealing with the headache i'm giving to you , it was always like that ... don't say you're giving me time , you're giving yourself a rest and giving me the hell "
 i said going back and forth , my knees were getting weak , i didn't know if i'm saying the right things or just making it worse , looking at him he was confused , he wasn't sure of anything either ..

" i know we're pressured enough , and maybe that's why we are confused with our feelings .. that's why i'm saying let's take our time " yonghwa said with a soft tone 

i took a steps toward him extending my hand to touch his face " yonghwa please .. i'm really ... " 

but he took a step backward to escape my touch .................................... 

that when i got hurt the most ........ my heart ached like it never have 

i took a step backward too shocked .. 

" i'm just saying let's concentrate on our work for now " yonghwa said calmly 

it was cold .. that night .. because i couldn't feel yonghwa's warmth .. he was cold so cold .. i thought about it , my pride , and him not holding onto me a bit .. i took a last glance of him , the cold yonghwa i saw today who i'll NEVER forget .. 

i made my way out closing his apartments door 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

she looked at me with disbelief , and made her way out closing the door ..

 i was so stubborn i couldn't forgive her , she acted innocent as i followed her around like a fool , asked for her forgiveness everyday , and managed to hold my self back from touching her ... 

i missed her but she never cared , and then i found out her crush was already in love with her , she just let him say whatever he wanted to until he confessed comfortably to a women already dating !!! 

i really needed time after all , my feelings are a mess right now ..  

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i arrived my villa 6 a.m , i took a shower and went to my TTS practice 7:00 a.m , i had to practice because we've got to perform holler and adrenaline at GDA Beijing after 3 days 

i was like a maniquan , a doll with no soul , tiffany and taeyon unnie saw me and got shocked .. 

" seohyun .. what happened ? " tiffany unnie asked worried 

" what's wrong ? " taeyon unnie asked too 

" it's a long story , let's practice for now " i said with tired voice

we started the practice and after 15 minutes i lost my consciousness ... 

later i opened my eyes again , and found tiffany and taeyon unnie dead worried about me

" are you okay ? " tiffany asked 

" i knew it , the musical and SNSD are pressuring you , it's hard for you to perform for TTS too !! i need to discuss this with them " taeyon said irritated and took her phone out 

" no , i'm okay .. i want to perform too "  i said as i held her hand begging her , it's my work  !!! 

" don't tell him about this " i said begging tiffany 

" who ? about what ? i don't understand " tiffany said flustered 

" yonghwa , don't tell him i lost my consciousness , please unnie " i said seriously holding her arm begging her , i don't need his sympathy anyway

" ok ok got it " 

" promise me ..." i demanded 

tiffany sighed heavily , after all she really wanted to tell him , i knew it .. then she said " ok i promise "  

" i'm okay really , i just hadn't slept since yesterday , that's why ... " 

" rest for today , i'll talk with the company to cancel adrenaline performance " tiffany said 

" but really i'm okay , i can do it .. " i said begging them 

" it's already decided .. dance it alone if you wish " tiffany said firmly 

----------------------------------------------------

( at FNC 5:00 p.m ) 

AOA and CNBLUE were sitting together 

" are you okay ? you look like a ghost " jonghyun said to yonghwa 

" i'm FINE " 

" ok we need to think quickly of the song we are collaborating in .. cnblue and AOA " choa said      

" mmm i'm not sure , what about sleepless night ? " minhyuk asked wondering 

" what about .. hey you " yuna said 

" hey yonghwa stop spacing out and give us your precious opinion " jungshin said mocking 

yonghwa looked at him and said calmly " LOVE LIGHT " 

" stop joking around , it's my fault asking you " jungshin said 

" but i wasn't joking , let's sing LOVE LIGHT with AOA " 

" but ... you know ... it's ... " minhyuk said stuttering widening his eyes in shock 

" it's a yongseo song .. i mean you collaborated with seohyun before .. singing that song ... it's your special song both of you " jonghyun said 

" it's MY song .. " yonghwa said angry as he stood abruptly leaving .. he said while leaving " i'll re-compose it , and tell you about your parts later .. " 

" he's crazy , i'm sure he is " jungshin said irritated 

---------------------------------------------
( at seohyun's villa 9:00 p.m ) 

hyoyeon talking with seohyun on the phone 

hyoyeon : " see !! i told you that game was dangerous , especially with posse