triple update # part 3

SM ~ 18th Nov ~ 3:00 p.m 

" probably you went too hard on your knee " the trainer said , examining my knee 

" i think it's okay " i was trying to lighten the mood when hyoyeon hushed me
 " shhhh !! be quiet for a moment maknae " 

i grimaced and dropped my gaze self reflecting , i should have been more careful 

 the trainer applied an ointment over my injured knee 
" i'll apply bandages to her knee to restrict her movements for the time being and until the concert "  

restrict my movements ! how in the world would i practice probably if my movements were restricted , i objected strenuously " NO ! it's not possible " 

tiffany unnie who was leaning on the wall and crossing her arms discussed the issue with a calm tone " so , is she going to perform at the concert ? " 

" do we have time to practice a new choreography without uri maknae ! " taeyeon unnie acted serious 

my eyes stung as i felt like crying , three days until phantasia seoul concert and i got a sprained knee which need at least 2 weeks for healing 

i heard a manly giggle and it was the trainee, he commented " the seohyun i know ; will do just fine practicing and performing at the concert few days later " 

he smiled at me assuring and continued " i'll prescribe you analgesic and anti inflammatory, i hope they'll work for you so you could practice as much as you want " 

" that would be perfect , thanks " 

he positioned my knee straight on the couch and stood up 
" rest here until i bring you a knee bandage "   

" thanks again " i bowed for him slightly 

the trainer left the room , leaving me and tiffany , taeyeon and hyoyeon unnie alone , i dispensed my apologetic gaze on my unnies 

" i'm really sorry " 

" you know maknae , you can rest for a while and just watch us practice " taeyeon suggested with a sympathetic frown and i shook my head refusing 

tiffany unnie talked next " if you rest for now , you'll do even better when you practice later " 

" i'm really fine , it's nothing " i assured them 

" gaaaah you're so stubborn , i give up " tiffany pulled her hair in distress  , " i'll go find something for you to eat " 

taeyeon tagged with tiffany stomping steps " probably sooyoung byun prepared something , let's ask her " 

teayeon and tiffany left the room next and i was left with hyoyeon unnie , who shared the couch with me 

" maknae , are you okay ? " she asked seriously with a worried eyes , her hand gently brushing my hair away off my temples  

" i'm really okay , we all get knee injuries once in a while , it's just the timing is a little ... " i twisted my lip in depression 

" i don't think a knee injury will hinder our smart maknae from memorizing the choreography " she smiled at me and i nodded 

her smile faded as she asked seriously this time " however i could easily tell ; your mind is  somewhere else lately " 

i gulped at her serious confrontation and wavered my hand in the air denying " it's nothing , it's just my schedule is packed " 

she nodded in deep understanding before she looks at me again with accusing eyes " pregnant ? " 

" OF COURSE NOT !!!! " my voice roared in the place and she laughed hard at what she considered a joke ! seriously just the thought of it brings the chill along my spine 

she toned down her laughing and took her phone suggesting excitedly 
" talking about pregnancy , let's call your husband to pick you up for today " 

" no ! he can't ! he's not gonna come " i pushed her phone away to sink down into her lap  

" wae ? " she rose an eyebrow looking at me suspiciously 

" i told him not to EVER come find me " my throat dried for the reckless words , how did i have the courage to say such a thing that night

hyoyeon unnie clicked her tongue uninterested " heeeeh , who would take such a sassy threat seriously " 

she reached for her phone anyway to call yonghwa and i hissed with a throttled tone 

" that was two weeks ago unnie " 

she froze at my word and looked at me with wide eyes in disbelief " two weeks ago !! " 

i nodded and stared at the floor " i was serious when i told him not to ever come find me " 

" oh , then maybe you should start looking for a new boyfriend " 

" he cheated on me at that vacation , unnie " 

" how did you know ? " she sounded unconvinced 

" my instincts " 

 " your insects ! you sent insects all the way to Las vegas to spy on him ! waaah our maknae is so cool " she joked around 

it was hyoyeon unnie way of seriously discussing heavy issues , using her sarcastic tone so she would assure me that nothing deserves my concern and certainly everything will turn out fine   

i explained seriously " he's hiding things , acting suspicious and receives fluffy texts from other females while being with me "  

" hmmm " unnie thought deeply before she talks again " aren't all men like this ! " 

" he showered me with expensive gifts and sweet talk " 

" now that's serious " 

" unnie please .. " 

" juhyun , i don't think you know what you are doing , you didn't discuss the issue with him and told him to stay away forever , and now you're expecting him to come back ? " 

" i never said that i wanted him to come back !! you're the one who was going to call him " 

" so you want a break up ? " 

a break up ! the words shot right through my heart .. 

" i don't think i can live without him .. " i murmured the words weakly before i get a hold of my emotions again " but i can't go on either .. if he cheated then nothing between us makes sense , it's all fake unnie .. " 

" i'm tired of thinking unnie , i keep on making up scenarios , thinking of possibilities , even giving him excuses , i just can't believe he would do something like that , he was never this kind of person so how could he change so suddenly ! i would say maybe he was drunk or forced or seduced , i don't know .. are those even legit excuses ! "

hyoyeon unnie frowned " there's no excuse for cheating , if he really did i'll be the one to beat him up until he's left wasted on some deserted land BUT yonghwa is smarter than this , he would never risk losing you for any other woman , someone as sincere as him will never take cheating as a route " 

i know this and more , about the yonghwa i trusted and chose to love however i couldn't find any explanation for how distant he acted lately 

unnie sighed heavily " were you afraid if you ask him directly he might confess the hurtful truth ? " 

i nodded and bit my lip " if i ask him : have you done it ? wether he lies with a No or tell me the truth with a Yes , i'll hate him ! i'll find it disgusting and burn whatever we had between us ! "

hyoyeon sighed and shook her head " both of you need to talk and discuss this honestly " 

i wonder if we will ever get the chance to talk honestly again ..
however my unnie was getting suspiciously quieter lost in her thoughts  

" unnie , promise me you're not going to contact him " 

" yeah , who would want to get between such a complicated couple " 

i asked her firmly again " unnie ! promise me ! " 

" i promise maknae , i promise "

-------------------------------

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later ~ SM 12:30 a.m 

time passed painfully slowly , with me being frustrated that i couldn't practice probably but i managed to memorize the choreography anyway so i shall be able to do well once i take off that restrictive knee bandage ..

i walked toward the exit after the practice , linking arms with hyoyeon unnie and walking extra cautiously , it wasn't a big deal for a professional dancer to have a sprained knee but i was extra careful following the trainer instructions so i would be able to perform perfectly at the concert 2 days later .. 
now that i wasn't practicing anymore , i shuffled my feet on the floor to keep my knee straight and thankfully my dearest hyoyeon unnie lent me a supporting arm 

sooyoung unnie passed by us on her way to the exit too 
" see you tomorrow , rest well maknae " 

i smiled at her " see you tomorrow unnie " 

she gave us another glance and smirked " i'm not trying to shake off your trust in your hyoyeon partner , but the way you're linking arms together - it's hyoyeon who's leaning her weight on you not the reverse " 

" eh ! " i checked out the way our arms were linked and probably sooyoung unnie was right ! it's me whom supporting hyoyeon unnie weight ! 

" since i'm older , it's me the one who needs support " hyoyeon unnie explained with a chuckle 

sooyoung giggled and waved a hand as a farewell and walked out toward her van 

the glass door slid open automatically in front of us and consequently a sudden gush of freezing night breeze hit us , slapping our bare face and palms .. my teeth trembled and bumped against each other in a silly fit 

" sssooo colddddd " unnie voice trembled when she couldn't stop her teeth fit either 

" yesss " i buried my arm into unnie's arm further to warm our bodies together and took a step down the few stairs , thankfully the manager's van was there waiting for our soon arrival to drive us home 

being exhausted i almost skipped the man who waited downstairs  , he blew warm breath into his hands and rubbed them together in attempt to keep the blood running through his vessels

" isn't that yong seobang ! " unnie shouted in amusement , she was happier for seeing him more than how would she usually for seeing her own boyfriend 

hyoyoen unnie's raspy voice echoed through the quiet street and got yonghwa's attention toward us , our gazes locked temporary before i look away avoiding his gaze  

" unnie , you didn't ? " i whispered with a throbbing heart 

" anyia , he probably knew from my IG update " hyoyeon unnie replied without a moment lag , as if she already predicted it !!

it could be that she planned it all , updating her IG with that selca so she would tell him indirectly about my injury and i recklessly posed for that picture , but how should i've known he stalked my unnies SNS too ..

i was trying to keep our steps directed toward the van but unnie had another plan and we were somehow rushing downstairs toward yonghwa 

" annyong , yong seobang " unnie waved at him excitedly as we stood at some point to greet him before literally crushing into his chest 

" you've worked hard for today too "  he greeted us formally and my heart trembled for his husky voice which i missed so much 

his face was small and pale , his eyes deep and dull , a polite faint smile twisted his cracked dry lips when he greeted hyoyeon unnie

" it's really cold tonight , how long have you been waiting here ? " hyoyeon unnie asked 

" not much , i was inside my car enjoying the heating system , playing with my phone, so i didn't really feel the time passing by " his tone was dry yet he wasn't gonna fail anyone with his indifferent acting skills , the mere fact that he was here past midnight in this cold night was heart warming

yonghwa was someone who had a soft heart beneath his manly vibes , a warm smile regardless how exhausted he was and his husky voice would revive any woman heart to life ! i envied myself for having him when i thought he was only mine
but apparently he wasn't mine and i wasn't his special ! what kind of mindset allowed him to think that it was alright to cheat on me and comeback as if nothing happened ! 

" ooooooh , how gentle of yong seobang " hyoyeon said her admiration word 

" let's go unnie , our manager is waiting for us " 

hyoyeon giggled , ignored my proposal and continued her chit chat with yonghwa 
" never mind her yong , you know how the pain killers medications works on the brain so she may sound a little ; disoriented and rude , using non sense words at inappropriate times , she gave us all a hard time earlier but we are getting used to her vague behavior " 

my jaw dropped when hyoyeon unnie ended her explanation with a hand gesture conveying the impression of me being crazy at the time being !

well, i might be a little dizzy but certainly sane 

" unnie " i hissed angry 

" the worst part is that she doesn't even realize it " unnie mocked and giggled enjoying her moment 

i grumbled in pain and finally shifted my firm gaze to yonghwa 

the air was getting awkward as we both stared at each other with a blunt annoyed face  

" why are you here ? " i started 

his gaze dropped to my injured knee as he answered " everyone was .. worried " 

i swallowed the lump in my throat and replied
 " inform 'everyone' that i'm alright "  

hyoyeon squeaked in my ear " waaah seriously 'everyone' is just so sweeeeeet " 

we both ignored the background noise sponsored by unnie , to continue our own staring contest 

he asked " what did the doctor say ? " 

" i will live ! " 

" how rude " he scoffed and continued " the doctor " 

" i know right " i crossed my arms on my chest challenging 

hyoyeon unnie barged in our talk " what doctor ! SM will never call for a doctor unless someone is dying ! " 

" i'll take her home " yonghwa directly asked for hyoyeon's permission and she welcomed his suggestion 

" no , i'll go with you unnie " i clang to unnie's elbow tightly like a scaredy cat going through a veterinary visit 

" i'll take good care of her " yonghwa assured my guardian and she approved " of course "  

she eagerly unlocked our arms , but my hands easily found her again and clutched onto her as if my life depended on it 

" unnie ! " i hissed and shook my head resisting 

yonghwa gave me a silent resenting glare before he drops his gaze to the floor and isolate himself with thoughts 
 
" maknae , he waited for a while to see you and drive you home ! so at least give him the chance to " hyoyeon unnie convinced me with a low tone 

i checked on him who passed time by shuffling his feat against the floor pretending to be oblivious to our discussion 

she continued " and maybe he has something to say too " 

i took a deep breath nervously , am i even ready to hear anything ! i wondered and checked him out again and he was impatiently glancing his hand watch 

i shook my head unconvinced " he doesn't look like he has anything to say "  

" you'll never know when you're clinging to me like a ladybug " hyoyeon scolded and shouted to get yonghwa attention

" yong seobang !!! " 

she called for him anyway and at her ringing voice ,yonghwa rose his head abruptly and got his attention on us again

i was still dumbfounded when he got closer and looked at me quietly waiting for my decision 

 " everything is settled , you can take her now " hyoyeon spoke instead and i widened my eyes shocked for the news

and while i was mentally shouting - what ! wait ! i didn't decide yet - 
i was pushed forward abruptly to test yonghwa's reflex speed and luckily he caught me between his arms  ! 
everything happened in a blink of eye and i couldn't be more thankful it was a trivial incident not worth the heart snatching fright that i just had ! 

hyoyeon earned a deadly glare from both of us for how aggressive she dealt with an injured human who had to perform a concert two days later 

she acted oblivious shrugging her shoulders and walking away while shouting " don't worry , if you don't appear at the practice tomorrow , i'll report him "  

she waved a hand at us and jumped steps energetically toward the van leaving us 

when she disappeared everything got deadly quiet so suddenly , igniting the awkwardness spark in the air again 

i coudn't help but to get conscious to the heat radiating from his arms that surrounded me , his manly cologne brought back familiar security 

i was cold , lonely and exhausted and the certain part in my brain responsible for holding grudge and anger was a little numb , my muscles too lazy to avoid yonghwa's warm embrace 

" let's go " he muttered and swirled his arm around my back , guiding me to get in his car 

he made his way toward the driver seat , and drove quietly for a while

whenever i glanced his face , he wore that angry expression as if he was driving me to hell rather than home 

" has someone paid you to pick me up ? " i asked 

" i didn't go bankrupt to accept such a deal " he muttered with a frown 

i clinched my fists on my lap irritated , why does he always act as if he was the only one who owns a car in this century 

" do you always have to say those things that makes me consider jumping off your car - even while moving " 

" would you do such a reckless thing when you got a concert to perform ? " he mocked calmly and i shifted my gaze glaring at him for a while 

if he was going to act like an , why did he offer driving me home in the first place ! 

just then , i noticed a Starbucks paper bag at the back seat .. 

my stomach knotted with emotions for the possibility that it might be  ..

" i brought you chicken salad " he answered my thoughts and i shifted my gaze straight forward again 

i shook my head and hardly voiced my disapproval " i'm not hungry " 

" it's only 200 calories " he added 

the warmer he acted , the weaker my reasons got ! unintentionally he was turning me into a complete insecure fool , who had nothing to support her accusations 

i shifted my gaze to the window beside me , i could tell how cold is it outside just by how lifeless the streets were , as empty as my soul .. yet here i was sharing this cold night with him , heated by his warm consideration and care ..
he was there whenever i questioned if there's anyone for me in this world 

i blew a warm breath on the window , i mumbled with a soft tone while i drew with my index on the window's fog " do you think it will snow soon ? "

his voice was calm and soothing when he re-asked " do you want for it to snow soon ? " 

i took a deep breath , my throat tingling with bitterness as i thought about it for a moment and answered

" it's scary to think that i might wake up one day and it's snowing hard outside , the sun is hiding and everything painted in gray and white , it's so cold that i'm hugging my body tightly , wind is blowing and shaking my heart with loneliness , then i walk to the kitchen and prepare a hot chocolate , i drink it on the couch and convince myself i'm getting warmer , i'm happier and everything is fine ! i'm certainly fine by myself and i don't need .. your .. " 

my voice was fading and my tears were slowly filling my eyes , i wasn't making sense anymore and i admit that hyoyeon unnie was right about the medications .. 
why was i even imagining my life without him when we didn't breakup officially , why did i decide for myself to be that weak without him ! he was my strength for as long as i remember but i shall be able to survive without him .. 

" are you sure you'll have the luxury to do those ! i thought you'll get hell busy by December " he reasoned with a serious tone 

i rested my head back and fought my lids which continuously fell with heaviness and whispered " yeah you're right , i'm too busy to long for you.. " 

~    ~   

" hyun~ah , babe .." 

i recognized yonghwa's gentle voice tickling my senses 

usually he would wake me up only if i had a schedule that morning , otherwise he would let me sleep as much as i wanted to ..

i opened my eyes again to find out a totally different sittings than what i expected ! the car was already parked in some building garage and another heavy coat was covering my body 

i widened my eyes looking right and left " where are we ? " 

 " sorry i had to wake you up , you need to rest probably " 

i nodded .. vigorously , how could i be that reckless and sleep in his car   

he got off the car and came to open my door , i got off the car by myself and took a dizzy sleepy step before i balance myself again getting a little more sober 

he offered his hand " do you need .. " 

" i didn't break my leg , i can walk alone " i scoffed arrogantly and walked a two further steps 

" really ! then why are you so gloomy as if you broke one " 

" i'm not gloomy , i've always been this boring " i replied stubbornly , then realized it wasn't even my building ! i marched back and frowned " i thought you said that you'll take me home " 

" yeah , and i fulfilled what i said ! " he acted calm

" no , that's not my home " i glared