23th Sep FNC ~ 8:30 p.m ~ 

yonghwa stared at his locked dimmed phone and sighed heavily , he wanted to call her or check out her pictures at least but it would be more depressing to do so .. 
he could have checked out his SNS but it was scary what if met the netizens criticism over what he did last week ..

until now the news didn't make out it to the public nor to the CEO , but he knew he'll get called to the CEO office any moment soon .. 

" she told me i'm boring ! " minhyuk sighed as he explained krystal's opinion to jungshin and jonghyun

" but of course that didn't shock you ! you heard that a lot " jungshin smirked mocking

" exactly ! " minhyuk approved  whole heartily , " hyung has always called me boring so i was sensitized to this , i didn't feel humiliated " 

jonghyun closed the book in his hand and joined them " but she apparently intended to humiliate you "   

" why ! why would she ! i even apologized when she asked for it " minhyuk stuttered in confusion 

jonghyun leaned on the couch to relax and shut his eyes talking seriously 
" you'll never understand a woman feelings until you provoke her with unexpected twist that would stimulate the her unconscious inaccessible mind faster than her consciously perceptible exotic region which will surely gives you a pseudo negative results "   

minhyuk listened to every word jonghyun said , however he failed to understand ; so he nodded slightly and shifted his attention to jungshin " so why would she treat me like that ! "

jungshin answered " either she's asking for a special attention or she really got enough from the dense you and wants to trade you for some other cool guy "  

minhyuk sighed heavily and played a slow depressing drum beat 

jungshin busied himself tuning his bass and suggested " you're too available that you're boring , make her feel jealous ! girls change 180 degree when they get jealous "

minhyuk frowned with insecurity , if he did a wrong move provoking krystal , he could establish that hate relationship for real and forever

jonghyun starting talking again " seriously , i don't think that's the problem ! your personalities doesn't match in the first place , you might get hurt later " 

minhyuk frowned as he defended " it's okay ! i can deal with it , a lot of couples exist even with contradicting personalities " 

jonghyun replied seriously " but at least they do respect each other ! krystal is too sharp for the cutie you " 

" but they could work it out " jungshin said 

" no , our cutie minhyuk~ah can't deal with it " jonghyun insisted

" i'm not cute " minhyuk protested 

" you are " jonghyun insisted

" arghhhh " minhyuk grumpled in pain , and shifted his gaze to yonghwa , he would always trust his hyung words because yonghwa would never give an advice unless he means it ..

" hyung .. " he called for him in a pleading tone and yonghwa didn't even notice that he was called for 

" yonghwa hyung !! " 

" what !!! " 

" is everything okay ? " minhyuk managed to change the topic as yonghwa clearly wasn't in sync with them , either he wasn't interested or he was spacing out from the start 

" yeah " yonghwa replied shortly and went into his isolated depression shell again 

minhyuk gave a glance to jungshin and another glance for jonghyun who opened his eyes wide awake again , they absolutely hated happy greasy yonghwa who would giggle non stop and provoke them with his love life but they hate it more when he swirl with depression .. 

they knew something surely happened , something big or scandalous and the things that could throw yonghwa into this storming gloomy mood could be either his career or seohyun .. 

" mmm .. so hyung , what is juhyun like when she gets jealous ? " minhyuk asked trying to sort yonghwa's reason of depression , if it's really a lovers' quarrel then mentioning seohyun should get him irritated at least .. it wasn't the best strategy but the boys knew it will work as usual ..

yonghwa rose his soulless gaze to minhyuk .. it took him a five seconds staring at minhyuk before he sighs heavily 

he had been trying hard for days to restrict his thoughts about seohyun , he barely calls and keeps it on the casual texts level so he wouldn't miss her more ! he knew it would be hard to be separated from her by their busy schedules again but he never imagined it would be that hard .. 

" juhyun ... " as he murmured her name , his body memory recalled it all and his heart raced eventually , " i don't know " he ended up saying to get out of the whole painful dilemma

" aha " minhyuk nodded in awkwardness

" he's a maniac depression " jonghyun remarked pointing at yonghwa who in response gave a glare to jonghyun 

jonghyun shrugged his shoulders acting innocent " what ! it's really better than a solo depression , manic depression is fun ! " 

they heard a knock on the door and the manager opened the door 

" annyonghyseo , sorry to interrupt you guys " the manager said and got the boys attention 

" never mind " jonghyun shouted with a welcoming smile  while yonghwa held a breath in curiosity 

" the CEO is asking to see you at his office when you get time , yonghwa-ssi " the manager announced and it was just as what yonghwa predicted ..

" ok ,i'll go see him .. thanks " yonghwa gave a warm smile to the manager 
the manager went out and closed the door 

" what happened ? " jungshin asked seriously and the boys stared at yonghwa for explanation

although yonghwa wasn't willing to interact with anyone in the moment yet he knew the boys deserves an explanation since it's considered CNBLUE career too ..

~ yonghwa told them the whole story as quick as possible , including how the fans waited at his door step and how he asked them to go home and lastly the fan who cried because of him

" mmm .. and that's why you were depressed for the past week " minhyuk nodded as he got the story finally 

" i'm not sure what's more depressing , me hurting my fans' feelings to the point that one of them cried ! or the fact that my juhyun will never step a foot in my apartment again ! " yonghwa said his words as he stood up from the seat getting ready to meet the CEO 

jonghyun frowned in irritation " you did the right thing !! actually , it's the first time that you do the right thing ! enough pampering those saesang fans , they'll hurt you later if you allowed them closer than this "  

" you don't understand ! i don't want to hurt anyone who ever cared for me , saesang or not - they're still fans " 

jonghyun growled in frustration at the usual passive yonghwa
 " are you even trying to get a proper life ! " he mocked yonghwa with a bitter tone and stood up from the leather couch and left the practicing room 

" man ! why did he exaggerate the whole thing " jungshin remarked gazing at the just roughly shut door 

yonghwa massaged his tensed nape and minhyuk talked gently " you can't satisfy everyone hyung , don't worry too much about that fan ! don't worry about the CEO he'll calm down for sure since nothing was documented by media and don't worry about jonghyun because he really cares about you " 

" i know kiddo " yonghwa nodded pulling his lips to the side in a faint smile 

" shall we come with you to the CEO office ! " junsghin suggested 

" anyia , it's okay " yonghwa waved a hand in disapproval and went out to the CEO office 

he knocked the CEO door and took a deep breath filling his restricted caged lungs as much as possible , getting his - so called freedom - from the CEO wasn't an easy task , it took him years of hard work and self responsibility to get him where he is right now in the company .. however the CEO had the potential to bring his career back to the zero point or at least his personal life to follow the trainees' restrictions list once again .. 

" yes , come in " 

he took a step inside and closed the door behind him , walking toward the main desk and watching CEO han expressionless face 

" you asked for me " yonghwa acted clueless as a start 

" i heard about you kicking out your fans from your building " the CEO used an offensive words to break down the least calmness yonghwa tried to show ..

he continued " but i want to hear the story from you " 

yonghwa gulped his nervousness as there wasn't a different story , what he said was exactly what actually happened 

" fans spend the whole day at my doorstep , so i asked them to go home and allow me some privacy " 

" and why did you ask them to leave ? sorry i didn't get it " CEO han gave yonghwa a mocking smile mixed with a confused frown 

" mmm .. it was scary " 

CEO han traveled a glance from yonghwa's head and all the way down to his shoes before he laughs hard " was it scary ? really ? you should have called for jonghyun to protect you .. or just go live somewhere else until whenever ! " 

yonghwa fisted his hand and released it , calming himself down and steadying his tone " i didn't think about those choices that moment " 

CEO han pulled his lip to the side in a chuckle enjoying the event  - which lit a confusion spark within yonghwa's busy brain .. 

" since you've already done the deed , we'll have to take advantage of that event before those fangirls spread a false -fan dissing - rumor " the CEO said with a smirk 

" what do you mean ? " 

" saesang fans are really a hot topic used by celebrities nowadays to bring their names on the news , so you have to make the incident public and gain the media attention too instead of burying it " the CEO suggested or more precisely ordered

yonghwa hated to take advantages of the same incident that had hurt his fans , he already dealt with them and asked them to go home and they responded to his request , so why would he act as a helpless victim  

" i already took care of it , and i prefer having my name on the news for better reasons " yonghwa protested

" i already asked the media to watch over your SNS closely on chuseok , and guess what ! chaneyol , jo insung and others are all ready with similar news,  so you better update your SNS soon with your sincere words " 

yonghwa gritted his teeth in frustration as blood circulated away from his brain making his intellectual senses blank  " i don't want to do it ! " 

the CEO sighed in pain acting as if he got a stubborn son 

" yonghwa son , on 2013 you were seen riding HER van , 2014 you were caught heading back together to your building .. however surprisingly we managed those somehow ! but you're not really willing to end 2015 with the rumor of you kicking out your fans for your lover sake , right ? that would be more horrible than a mere dating scandal ! " 

yonghwa widened his eyes at the simple declaration of the CEO - he knew everything all along -

" i didn't do it for her sake " 

" yeah , i'm sure you didn't ! " the CEO nodded in understanding and continued seriously " however , you better invite your family over for this chusek , since you can't really use - i was scared - excuse , it'll never make sense " 

yonghwa was already aware that CEO han wanted to protect his career with whatever possible way ! 
he admits it was easier and more comfortable when the CEO restricted his freedom in his early debut days -at least he just followed the orders without thinking -, but now that he has his own freedom , he had more things to protect and more responsibility to bear and consequently more conflicts going on with the CEO .. 

" okay , i will do it " yonghwa announced in exhaustion giving in to the CEO rules , since he hadn't a better solution anyway

" that's my boy ! " the CEO smiled happily hitting the desk slightly with his palm as a mini celebration 

" i'll go now , sajanim " he bowed

" ok " 

all what yonghwa wanted to do ; was just to get out from that suffocating room - the luxury spacious room that always haunted him with a virtual effect of being a doll with no living soul , all what he got was orders he had to follow no matter what he thought or felt ..

once yonghwa went out from the CEO room , he found jonghyun leaning on the wall and smoking a cigarette ..

yonghwa read the situation and obviously jonghyun was worried for him ..

" why are you smoking here ? do you want a lecture from the secretary noona ! " yonghwa said calmly 

" i'm really craving to hear a lecture or two from noona , it's my opportunity to analyze her psychiatric behavior " jonghyun smiled smugly 

yonghwa walked in the corridor toward their practice room " those psychology books you are hooked on these days are slowly eating your brain "

jonghyun let out a ringing laugh as he followed yonghwa , he stretched his hands and massaged yonghwa's shoulders  as they walked 

" so what is his plan ? " jonghyun lowered his tone asking 

" a crazy one , and i'll have to participate in anyway " 

jonghyun got his blood boiling again , he tensed his hands painfully squeezing - crushing - yonghwa's shoulder ! 

" ouch ! are you trying to break my bones ! " yonghwa whined in pain and reached for his vibrating phone from his jeans pocket 

he took a look at the screen and  it was - my hyun

" awww , your love light is calling " jonghyun teased and slid his arms over yonghwa's waist back hugging him 

yonghwa froze on the spot , staring at the phone in loss ! he appreciated hearing her bright voice in the moment but not his distressed voice to be heard .. 

jonghyun was planning to more , but apparently his hyung was already having his own conflicts that busied his brain over any jokes trials 

" i'll go first , hyung " he said and left yonghwa 

yonghwa took a deep inhale before he picks up the call 

" hey yongiee~~~ " his ear buzzed at the sudden change of mood , seohyun loud and cheerful tone was the opposite of whatever he heard previously on that specific day 

" hyun~ah ~~~ " 

" are you busy in the moment ? " 

" anyia .. " 

" are you at FNC right now ? " 

"aha " 

" i'm at SM right now , can we meet for a while when you end your practice tonight , i have something to say ? hehe ~ " 

the speed she talked with , her enthusiasm , and those giggles were showing off how happy was she for today  

" something good happened ? " 

" yes , love ~ " 

he glanced his watch and quickly calculated the songs they had to practice for tonight 

" okay i'll finish my practice an hour later , and we could meet in SM parking lot " he answered with a solemn serious tone

" but you are going to drive me home at least , right ! ? " seohyun asked teasing

" yes , i will " 

" wouldn't you let me drive your new car , yongieeee ? " she requested pleading with aegyo tone 

" nor my old car , hyun~ah " yonghwa responded coldly 

" chummm ! it's me juhyun~ah your love " she acted sulky 

" seo juhyun " he straightened his tone acting firm 

" wae yo ~ , mr. jung ? " 

yonghwa admired his own smile as he lowered his tone " can't wait to see you " 

" can't wait to see you too ~ " she giggled 

" see you one hour later " 

 " see you one hour later yongie " 

~ later 9:00 p.m 

i drove to SM garage and waited for seohyun's to come out for me .. 

i massaged my forehead for that killing headache to lessen but it was a fail , i reached for my phone and called my mother 

" yoboseyooo .. " 

" ommaa " 

" yonghwaaaa yaaah , how are you doing son .. i'm really happy you called me " she said happily

" i'm fine omma , sorry for not calling you for the past week " 

" it's okay son , i know you are busy .. just make sure you are taking enough rest , and eat a lot , don't over work yourself .. aigooo are you really taking care of yourself ? i bet you don't " 

" konchanayo .. " i assured her 

" you don't sound alright though ? did something happen ? work ? seohyun ? your dongsaengs ? " she questioned worried 

" my voice is tired from practicing , anyway omma .. could you come to seoul for this chuseok together with apoji ? " 

" that's sudden ! i'll surely come for you dear , but i'll just make sure your father is available for chuseok " 

" okay omma , i'll wait for your arrival "

" daee , take care son " 

" take care too , bye ~ "

just before i end the ongoing call , i remembered seohyun's instructions and placed the phone again on my ear waiting for my mother to hung up first .. 

" bye son " 

" bye " 

" daee " 

" bye " 

she ended the call at last and i took the phone down ..

after minutes seohyun opened the car door and quickly went in ..

" hey yongie~ " she greeted me with a bright cheerful smile that i truly missed so much 

" hey babe " i smiled at her and held her hand , tenderly brushing it with my thumb

i gazed at her for a few minutes quietly admiring her details all over again .. her dark eyes sparkled , her lips glittered with a cute pink color and her hair's lovely scent filled my lungs ..

she handed me the warm drink she brought for me " here , drink this .. you look dehydrated " 

i smiled and placed the warm drink away into the holder " gomawo " 

" how is your practice , i'm sure it's hard practicing for both korean and japanese comeback simultaneously " she said with concern and i shook my head denying  

" i missed you " i changed the topic , saying the words sincerely and gazing at her sparkling eyes 

 i was really tired , depressed , suffocated and breathless .. for no reason and for every possible reason , nothing is going well and i'm not sure why exactly .. 
i needed seohyun but i wasn't sure for what , or how would she help me .. maybe her warm embrace could do wonders and brighten my life , i needed to breath probably again within her arms 

" i miss you too , yongie " she said with a smiling voice 

she blinked twice at me with evilish determined smirk " i got something for you " 

i grew curious as i dropped my gaze checking out her hands and handbag for unexpected gift ! 

however , she leaned closer grabbing my shoulders with her both hand and planted a kiss on my cheek " that's for cinderella 's first win "

i was going to get shocked over the sudden kiss but she printed another kiss on my other cheek " and that's for your second win "  

i breathed probably from my mouth as i was aware that i didn't get my third win yet

" cinderella is doing well " she smiled congratulating me

" yeah , it is " i nodded 

" how is your allergy ? " she asked as she flipped my hand taking a closer look , then rose her gaze to check on my face 

" i'm totally fine now " 

" are you sure ? " she asked worried as she palmed my cheek 

" yes , it's all fine " 

" why did you drink too much from the tea i left at your apartment ? it's a relaxing tea but you shouldn't have over did it ! " 

" i just wanted to relax " i replied with a depressed tired tone and she brushed her thumb gently over my cheek 

" did something happen ? "

" anyia " i shook my head denying 

" are you tired ? " she frowned in worry 

" i'm exhausted ... but i feel better seeing you " i smiled at her 

" of course , you should be!! " she said with ego and giggled ..

her hand found it's way to rest on my shoulder massaging it with a strong rough

 " you're right ! your muscles are stony stiff " she murmured in a gentle tone , paying more attention and effort into the sweet massage session 

 " should we drive to somewhere more private ! " i suggested and slid away from her hand , i couldn't risk another mistake at the moment by being seen acting intimate even to SM idols , CEO han is already flaring with anger 200 meters away from here at his office 

" car dating !! it has been a while " she exclaimed in excitement as she traced both hands on the dashboard virtually hugging the car , my lips curved into a faint smile admiring her cuteness 

" you miss car dating but you don't really miss our honeymoon days , do you ? " i questioned her as i let out a heavy sigh showing off my angst 

" oppa !!! " she hit my shoulder lightly in embarrassment and i chuckled " wae ! " 

" please ! " she whined pleading for me to stop my teasing 

" i was just making sure you're the real juhyun " i smirked assuring 

" even though !! what if it wasn't the real juhyun , imagine you would go around saying something private like this to an alien or disguised face off ! how should i face them later " 

" sorry , i never knew you had aliens as your fans ! " i said sarcastically mocking her words 

" now you know ! " she replied with ego 

i appreciated the smile on my face , especially that i never thought i would be able to survive today ! if i wasn't hell busy i would have locked myself in my room sleeping for days but i didn't have the luxury to get depressed 

i drove to han river and seohyun didn't stop talking about her various funny encounters for the past week trying to convince me to start talking about my daily encounters too ..

she continued " the magazine photoshoot was fun , the stylist kept on coming back every minute delicately messing up my hair ! i just thought messing up my hair is my daily job so why are they making it a big deal !! " 

" ehmmm " i nodded approving my eyes on the road 

" MIXXO collection were fine this season , i guess i could use a lot of sponsored items in my personal daily fashion " 

" aha " i nodded ~ 

 i arrived the han river un-inhabitant spot that felt private enough for the moment and finally i felt a little relaxed as i turned off the car engine and stared at the black river with the moonlight reflected as a sparkling glittery lines on the river surface ..

she cut her story telling halfway and asked instead " what about you ? do you have any raw news " 

i started talking with a low tone hugging the steering wheel and watching the river 
" my family , i invited them to spend the chuseok with me , they will stay for a week " 

" jinjja yo ! i should visit them when they come , i really missed omoni and apoji " she exclaimed with so much excitement that left me more depressed

i leaned my back on the seat trying to find a suitable posture to relax " visiting my apartment will be a little hard after what happened "

her smile instantly faded " ah right ... then we can go for a restaurant ! "  

" i don't think it's safe for the time being " 

she grumbled in pain and seriously objected " but it's really rude not to meet them this time too , i always have schedule excuses when they come to seoul "

" they understand how busy are we , so don't worry about it " my tone was completely composed and stable that didn't express much of what i really felt 

she pouted unconvinced , i was thankful for her intentions but it wasn't the time to be reckless , i need to sort out the last incident first 

" but it's chuseok , oppa !! and we are supposed to be one family .. and they're gonna be already in seoul ! we could sneak them into some place somehow .. we could make it if we ... " 

i cut her words and worries as i firmly announced " they're not here for you , they're here for me ! .. so you don't have to pay attention for them being here in seoul .. " 

i wonder if i sounded harsh but i hated the reason i invited them for , i hated that i had to invite them for some kind of sick plan !! if it was up to me i wouldn't have brought them all the way here for this kind of reason 

" okay " she nodded 

" i'm not sure if i'll be able to visit you privately for the next week too " i said my words as i shifted my gaze to her eyes 

" we'll be able to go through it somehow " she calmly responded  

" but i prepared a vacation to LA on the 13th October , a vacation for us both to rest and enjoy " i reached and held her hand 

she tensed her lips into a thin line being sorry " i don't think i can go with you " 

" wae ! you don't have a schedule ! " 

" that will be just three days before the fashion week " 

" three days is enough ! " 

" it'll be tiring going to LA back and forth within three days , yongie ! i really want to go but LA is so far away " she shook her head unconvinced 

i caressed her hand delicately persuading her " should i choose somewhere closer ? " 

" i can't go on a vacation right now , i don't have the time nor energy to do so " she explained seriously and anger swirled within my muscles as my caressing thumb froze and i was ready to let go of her hand ! she wasn't willing to try to find time for me ! 

" then ! should i go alone ? " i frowned at her in anger 

" take bruce with you " she replied urging and i let go of her hand 

she stared at her abandoned hand in disbelief before she glares at me 

" bruce ! i'm thankful for such a suggestion , i never thought about it " i mocked her suggestion angry and she rolled her eyes on me , i continued sarcastically " i should be able to spend a lot of quality time with bruce ! " 

she gave me her side profile looking forward ignoring my random talk and i shifted my gaze forward ignoring her too , clinching my fist for a control so i wouldn't end up recklessly slamming something ! we fell quiet for a several minutes trying to calm ourselves down 

" you need a vacation , you really need it .. " she talked with a broken soft tone and continued " if you're going to let go of my hand that harshly , then you really need a relaxing vacation " 

her gentle voice and vulnerable words broke my heart , and i came to realize how much i acted as an earlier , hurting her over a mere vacation ! pouring my whole day builded up stress on her 

" i'm sorry .. i'm just a little .. " i felt ashamed as i gazed at her broken beautiful side profile 

" i know , that's why i'm saying you really need a vacation , away from everything for the time being " she chewed on her lips gently controlling her frustration 

i nodded helplessly " i think i need it too ! i guess i'll have to go alone after all .. " 

staring at her clinched fist on her lap , i wondered if i'm allowed to reach out for her again 

compared to the moment she went brightly into the car , she's  the complete opposite now , with her tensed posture and lost gaze and it's all because of my recklessness 

i almost forgot about her being the one who called me for this meeting with a bright excited heart , probably she had a good news to announce but i never cared except for my own plans .. 

" so what is your good news ? " i brightened my tone 

she kept her gaze away " i will tell you later " 

" hyun~ah !! i can't survive that much curiosity , so tell me and we could do a quick celebration " i convinced her and reached to hold her clinched hand anyway 

she shifted her wide eyes gazing at me " i got a new musical role " 

that's the third time i hear such words and it always has the same mixed effect on me , anxious more than happy 

" jinjjaa ! that's good .. i mean great ! " i nodded with a smile trying to digest the whole thing again and again 

" i was really hoping to get a musical role for next year too , and thankfully mamma mia musical called for me " she explained for me the importance of such a chance and i knew what she was trying to say to me which made me more anxious 

" congratulation " 

she continued talking seriously " my character is sophie , a bright energtic girl in love , she doesn't have fears and express herself cheerfully " 

i nodded with a heavy face , trying to absorb her excitement to charge my fake smile 

" and the main lead is a married man so it's less awkward " she said with a bright smile , and released her fist to held onto my hand probably , firmly and nervously ! 

confusion slowly crawled to suffocate me and my to begin with -heavy heart - sank even deeper into my chest .. 

" less awkward ? "  

seohyun tightened her grip over my hand as she talked casually " i mean the few kissing scenes and other lovers interactions , it's going to be less awkward and totally professional since he's a married man " 

however i thought about it , i didn't like it - as her boyfriend and as a creepy protective fan ..  

" how many kiss scenes ? " i asked with a fading tone as bitterness coiled down my throat 

she paused for a moment , shifting her gaze to my chest " four or maybe five .." 

i widened my eyes in a shock and glanced her cute lips in pain , i couldn't stand the idea of them being abused by whatever stranger for whatever reason 

" and .. you are okay with it ? " i'm not sure if i'm repeating myself but i could tell i asked the same questions one year ago 

" those are original musical storylines , i can't really change anything about it if i'm willing to take musical acting professionally i have to follow the script " she replied 

i was tired , emotionally tore and completely helpless about all the things that concerned me ..
i was asked to walk along a certain path , doing what's expected from me without a word ! so who am i to control other people lives when i don't even have the slightest control over my own , she already auditioned and got accepted , already received her practicing schedule and will do it anyway .. so at least i should give her my support as she always had done for me 

" as long as you're okay with it , it's fine juhyun " 

she let go of my hands and took me between her arms instead ! the warm hug i craved for but in an awful timing , so i couldn't relax my stiff shoulders how much i tried to

" i'm not okay with it either , i'm really not ! " she sounded insecure , her fingertips trembling on my nape 

she continued " you know who i am , you know how hard it is for me to let some other man touch me , i hate how casually my intimate gestures turns out into a public property , if it was my choice i wouldn't have allowed anyone to even hold my hand " 

" but i have to do it , for me to have professional achievements in my career , another step to prove my flexibility in acting ! i'm not the awkward seohyun i need to prove them wrong , i want to show them that juhyun has other sides to her  " 
her tone got stronger again as she broke the hug , locking her determined gaze with mine 

i was running out of patience by the moment , i understood her career reasons but i hate it when she talks about it in personal way , why would she go that far to prove anything ! who cares about what other people think , the way she is right now is just ... perfection ! 

" it's my happiness to perform musicals and blend with new people , my happiness to perform the character professionally portraying whatever feeling the original writer wants to deliver , i have to accept the uncomfortable scenes to be able to perform the enjoyable scenes !  just like how you performed every song assigned to you until you proved your talent and now you got to choose your own music .. i'm the same , working very hard to prove my self , i have to take whatever available chances and be thankful ! " 

i took a deep breath and shifted my gaze away , i really hate being here in the moment discussing such a topic for the thousand time , if i was her i would have done it too , i would have taken every chance to establish myself , but i'm not her i'm just me 

" musicals are my passion , i live to be a better musical actress " she continued softly

i really know ! and that's why i'm speechless 

i sensed her stare on me by the corner of my eyes and she brightened her tone talking in excitement this time " it's really fun oppa ! the whole play is fun and bright ! it's not as you think .. and .. you should be immune by now ; you went through scarlett just perfectly , right ? hehe ~ " 

i nodded in understanding 

" say something , oppa ? " 

" congratulation " i said it solemnly as i the car engine intending to drive her back , i guess that's all i need to go through for tonight 

she reached and turned off the engine protesting ! 

" say something yonghwa would say " she said seriously this time insisting to hear my heart conflicts 

i shifted my gaze to her challenging eyes

 " congratulation ! " i stressed the word clearly 

" so , you don't want to say anything more ? " 

" anyia " i replied

she shut her eyes momentary at my cold response .. 

yes , that's all for tonight ~ i thought to myself determined to keep my emotions cool .. but then i heard the car door opening and seohyun getting off the car , by the moment i processed what's happening she was a few meters away from the car 

i took a deep inhale in annoyance and got off the car to catch up with her ! thanks to those random reactions we could get easily caught by any paparazzi right now ..

i took two steps a time and caug