Dear Instinct, There's a Reason You Exist

Paper Heart
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If Luhan was the one deciding, he would stay in bed a few more hours, or days. But after hearing knocks threatening to break the door, Luhan grudgingly got up with a yawn.

 

He had an idea of who was at the door as that person had been sending him messages the whole morning that Luhan didn’t bother looking at after the twenty-sixth. They were oozing with too much joy and Luhan was really not in the mood to smile for someone else’s happiness. That was why, when he opened the door and was met with a beaming Baekhyun, Luhan just wanted to curl around his sheets and ask the darkness why life hates him so much.

 

"He’s so perfect, I swear!" Baekhyun exclaimed loudly with a grin that could blind Luhan, but not as much as the sun throwing his rays in every corners of the room because Baekhyun allowed it to by shoving the curtains aside.

 

Luhan shield his closed eyes behind his palm and groaned. Realizing with a sigh that even the weather was happy, he closed the door and sat next to Baekhyun who deem it acceptable to lay on someone else’s bed without asking.

 

"There’s so much I have to tell you!"

 

And then, Baekhyun was recounting his two hours spent with Kyungsoo and the “love of his life” in between squeals and giggles, without forgetting to tell how handsome and flawless Chanyeol is for a good half of his speech. Which Luhan listened half-heartedly as it was no different from the texts that woke him up at ten. Luhan was glad when the subject changed to Kyungsoo and his good singing skill. Even though Baekhyun dismissed it a second after because “his voice is way better and it’s a pity that Yeolie didn’t ask him instead because they’d make the perfect team.”

 

"And he’s perfect." Baekhyun concluded with a blissful sigh and a loving smile that Luhan wished he could dream of rather than see. The person wearing it being on the only place Luhan wanted to be at right now since a coffin is damn expensive.

 

"Now I’m hungry," Baekhyun suddenly said while sitting up. His grinning face slowly contorting in one of disgust when he finally looked at Luhan; his disheveled hair, the dark circles underneath his half-lided eyes and his lips reflecting his whole apparence; sad and tired. "Ehhm… you know what? Go take a shower, anything that can make my pretty baby come back while I’ll search for nice clothes you could put on, okay?"

 

No. No, that was not okay. Luhan wanted to sleep the day off, watch a sad drama or cry about his miserable life while eating candies, and he showed it through a grimace, claimed it with protests and whines but to no avail as he ended up being shooed inside the bathroom with a last ‘Don’t come out until you're beautiful’.

 

Luhan heaved a sigh but winced once he got a glimpse of his face in the mirror. Walking closer towards it, he lifted an hand in a attempt to comb his hair but, seeing that he was only aggravating the mess, Luhan thought that following Baekhyun’s order may be a wise decision to take after all…

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

"Finally."

 

Though a mattress would be better for his aching back, Jongin sighed in relief when his behind met the floor. Never he thought that an action as easy as sitting down could make him want to shed tears of joy.

 

Sehun had been extremely mean to call him at 7 am for their dance practice when they usually start it after noon on weekend. Sehun should feel lucky to have a friend like him as Jongin had the decency to show up two hours after getting out of an awesome dream thanks to the person who welcomed him with a frown.

 

So ungrateful.

 

If Jongin knew it was the first thing he was going to see on a bright saturday morning, he would have stayed in dreamland, where Sehun’s kind side was, apparently, still at. When it comes to dance, Jongin knows that Sehun is serious and always seeking for perfection since Jongin is pretty much like him but, no matter how much Jongin loves this hobby, five hours of dancing without a single break was definitely not something he would do again. Jongin knew better than to ask for a pause when creating steps was like a therapy for Sehun’s grumpy mood however, today, it didn’t had any effect on it.

 

After drinking a gulp of his water bottle, Jongin calmly advised, “You should relax a little,” as if he didn’t plea Sehun the same thing during the whole session because of the numerous steps he couldn’t learn and his lack of synchronisation.

 

"I am relaxed."

 

You sure seem like you are. Jongin rolled his eyes, amazed by how bad of a liar Sehun was. Sure, his face always had that emotionless expression on, but his annoyance could be heard in his tone and Jongin’s aching back was a proof that Sehun was an who didn’t give him a mere rest. Instead of speaking his thoughts out loud and adding some curses, he grumbled, “Do you know how much my arms are aching? My legs hurts, my feet too and my heart is broken.” Jongin pouted for emphasize, but it went unnoticed by the one causing it as Sehun was finding whatever was on his phone more interesting.

 

"Will you come see Lay’s performance tonight?"

 

Staring blankly at the boy sitting next to him, Jongin realized that his supposed best friend didn’t only made him go through five of the worst hours of his life and just ignored his complains, Sehun was also not listening when Jongin answered that same question an hour or two prior.

 

"No…" Jongin refuted with a sigh. "You know I have somewhere else to go to." As his answer only got an absentminded hum from Sehun whose eyes were still fixed on his phone’s screen, Jongin inhaled deeply.

 

Sometimes, he wondered why Sehun wasn’t dead already.

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

Being in a place full of persons wasn’t what Luhan had in mind when he woke up from his second slumber an hour ago but, since waking up wasn’t on his to-do list of the day, Luhan ended up thinking that socializing would maybe help his current state more than moping all day in bed. And Baekhyun probably thought so as he had been the one ignoring Luhan’s whines to forcefully drag him out. Baekhyun was really convincing, Luhan decided, his bright personality earning smiles from Luhan every now and then on their way to Paradise.

 

That was the name of the shop they were currently in and the decoration defined the name well; it looked like one of those colorful, comfy place you would find in a modern disney movie.

 

"Byun Baekhyun! Why don’t you visit more often?! I’m so lonely here."

 

That was the question they got once they reached the counter. It came from someone wearing a plaid blue apron and a little s

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silentescapade
#1
Well, here it is. 7 years! This may be my final comment, but who knows? I might come back again next year, or I might come back in a few years… I don’t want to completely leave this behind forever, but I also don’t know how long we can consistently keep this going. So this may be my last long, deep message, but hopefully I remember to drop by with quick comments in the future. I definitely didn’t expect these messages to turn into this or become a regular thing when I first started commenting here. But it really is so wholesome, and I’m glad to hear it helped you. It helped me stay grounded too.

Happy new year to you too! These past couple of years have been rough, but I hope you’re doing well and staying safe.

I graduated from uni a semester early, so I finished a couple of months ago! Now I have to prepare to be a real adult haha. Since I'm done with uni, I figured it was also a good time to bring these comments to a close, but now that I’m here, it feels very bittersweet.

It really doesn’t feel like 7 years have gone by. Time moves so slowly in the present but it seems to have flown by when I reflect on it. Like I said before, this fic is precious to me because it represents many aspects of my young life and brings back lots of fond memories. I was so invested in Kpop, EXO, shipping, and all of that stuff in those days. I feel old looking back on things like this lol. But I think those were some of the best times of my life.

So, thank you. For Paper Heart. For writing. For creating something I will always cherish. For reading my annual comments and replying every year. For all of the memories.

Thank you for everything. ❤️
silentescapade
#2
6 years!! This one won’t be as deep as last year hehe, just some random thoughts. (I love reading your responses btw - I don’t reply to them because it feels right to leave it as it is, but I promise I read them every year.)

Since last year, I’ve delved back into Kpop a bit, and I decided to simply enjoy the content for what it is. I try to stay away from the toxicity in the community and instead just quietly listen to the music and watch videos/shows for my own comfort. I’m sad that Kpop isn’t what it used to be, and I will always miss the old times, but I’m happy that I’m still able to love Kpop like I used to. Nothing is the same as it was, but this is more than enough for me. This fic reminds me of how things were back then, and I am satisfied with that.

I had a long break from uni, so I’ve been reading a lot more fanfics these days and revisiting some old ones as well. I just reread this fic again after a long time and it’s just as good as it was back then :) I don’t know what it is, I just really like your writing style.

Reading Paper Heart again now, from beginning to end, is kinda weird because I still feel all of the emotions that I probably did when I first read it in its entirety (which was so long ago that I don’t even really remember what I was feeling tbh). But it’s funny because I still experience all of the frustration and happiness and heart-flutters with thoughts like, “Oh my god if Baekhyun interrupts one more time I swear-“ and “Awww Sehun~” and “Wow, Chanyeol is really dumb.” I remembered some of my favorite chapters quite vividly, but I think I forgot enough of the fic for it to feel like I was reading it for the first time again, haha. And 6 years later, I love it all the same.

This was just a bunch of random blurbs, so I’m gonna stop now. 2020 was an awful year, so here’s to hoping that 2021 is better. I hope you are okay and doing well, both mentally and physically, despite everything that is happening with the pandemic. Stay safe.

See you next year (hopefully).
xiaolin98 #3
Chapter 29: I am glad that finally they choose to stay with each other. The happy ending. But, I can't help but wonder about Luhan's parents reaction too
xiaolin98 #4
Chapter 29: Awwww sehun is so so romantic
xiaolin98 #5
Chapter 27: Sehun!! You can't say that to your hyung really !!
xiaolin98 #6
Chapter 26: Noooo.. why Luhan's parent is such a er really
xiaolin98 #7
Chapter 25: They are super diper aborable
xiaolin98 #8
Chapter 25: They are super diper aborable
xiaolin98 #9
Chapter 25: They are super diper aborable
xiaolin98 #10
Chapter 25: They are super diper aborable