Dear Past, You're Haunting My Present but Please, Don't Scare My Future

Paper Heart
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"What's wrong with him?" Chanyeol mumbled to no one as he glared at the direction Luhan and Sehun went to. He began walking towards it when a soft whisper coming from behind halted him in his steps.


"You still like him, don't you?"


"What did you say?" Chanyeol asked as he turned around, frowning in confusion. Baekhyun didn't reply, actually, he didn't seem like he was able to. Concerned about his lack of movement, Chanyeol reached out for him but, before his hand could give Baekhyun's shoulder a gentle pat, the smaller suddenly shook his head before raising it up, showcasing Chanyeol a bright smile that the latter could only blink at.


"Nothing! Nothing, I have a class now, I'll see you later."


Mouth slightly agape, Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun waved and turned around, quickly walked away and left him standing there, dumbfounded.


"What... just happened?"








“Sehun… we need to–”


“kiss right now?”


“I– what? No! I’m serious, Sehun. Really. I–I have to tell you about–”


“How beautiful you are?”


Chucking lowly, Sehun dodged just in time the slap he was about to receive on his nose by catching Luhan’s hand and changing its aim, forcing his boyfriend’s palm to gently rest against his cheek instead.


“Stop being embarrassing,” Luhan groaned, wanting to sound serious but failing miserably as he tried to retrieve his hand from Sehun’s hold and punch his smug smile off his obnoxiously attractive face. An action he was unable to achieve when his body was suddenly turned aside, his back meeting the matress, with both his wrists pinned on either side of his head.


The playful glimmer in Sehun’s eyes entirely removed Luhan’s surprise, replacing it with an indescribable emotion he never though feeling in Sehun’s presence; something akin to sorrow mixed with fear, something Luhan was persuaded he would need to live with in the future.


A future without Sehun.


Soft, familiar lips moving lightly against his, pressing just enough to murmur the love Luhan knew Sehun had for him did nothing to lessen that unpleasant sensation lodging itself in his chest and growing the slightest more when a on his lower lip urged his mouth open, giving space for Sehun’s tongue to dive in with ease, eliciting a faint moan that motived Sehun to earn a few more as he deepened the kiss and effectively pushed the problems present in Luhan’s mind aside to solely focus on Sehun’s unreserved affection and care.


Sehun was making it difficult for Luhan to think, so speaking about a matter that would end their relationship was, each passing days, becoming a secret he wanted to keep for himself. Luhan would like to tell Sehun about him returning to Beijing, about the flight he’s going to take the next day, about leaving the country he spent most of his youth in for good, but this always led him to think about Sehun's reaction, which once again, didn't fail to fill him with dread; an emotion that went away only when Luhan winded his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, holding him impossibly closer.


He would like to talk about his parents not understanding, and definitely not accepting that he had romantic feelings for a boy. He would like to apologize for being too open about it, when his parents came back from a long trip a week before, the happiness brought from sharing a meal with them had Luhan talking about his life, his happiness, and thus, his lover, without foreseeing his farther’s wide, shocked eyes and his mother astounded look. Luhan had no idea that they would be so strongly against it, they would want to send him to a private high school in China, ignoring his opinion, complains, cries and pleas.


Luhan would like to be honest with Sehun but, as his words would inevitably hurt the person he grew so much to love, Luhan stayed silent; a silence that concealed a secret that, revealed or not, would break this bond they built up over the years through hardships, understandings, promises, and were now learning to share. No matter how strong it was.


Sehun pulled away smoothly, as though to let sparks of his love linger to tingle Luhan’s lips. Understanding Sehun’s gentle touch on his cheek as a silent request to open his eyes, Luhan did as demanded. Sehun’s fond smile did nothing but give Luhan the sudden urge to ask Sehun to let him go, and push him away if he didn’t. For it was the best outcome; Sehun finding his happiness elsewhere, with someone better, someone worth of his affection. It did nothing but fuel that strong desire to keep him out of this mess, and protect him from those ill feelings already consuming Luhan. But what could he do? Luhan was only a powerless seventeen years old teenager obliged to follow his parent's rules, and Sehun was a year younger.


What could they do?


“It’s late, we should sleep,” Sehun whispered with one last of his thumb over Luhan’s cheek before rolling back to his side, throwing an arm around Luhan’s waist and drawing him closer till Luhan’s head was comfortably resting under his chin.


Luhan exhaled slowly. He couldn’t sleep. Amongst all the possibilities he could think of, he came to the conclusion that staying mute was the worst thing he could do so, after taking a deep breath, he mumbled, “Sehun?” earning a little hum as an answer that had Luhan sigh quietly as he wished his boyfriend was already asleep. T

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