The game went on and on, many hours and glasses of wine had gone by before we finally got a closure to it. We had been talking about things while playing, things like friends, love, family and our likings and interests. He already felt like a really close friend, even though I had met him live first time today. I hoped that he felt the same way about me. A few times I had been caught on just staring at him, forgetting the game, which almost made the game end many times as my loss. I just couldn't help but stare at his figure, the way he concentrated on the game even when we were talking. I really admired him.

Kyuhyun glanced at me over his laptop and looked like he was going to murder me. It made me smirk.

- I can't believe you won! You said you have never played this before!

I laughed, I couldn't really believe it myself, but it was true. I beat Kyuhyun at his Starcraft.

- Well, I thold you I have played warcraftt~ It's almosht the same~

There had been one slightly major problem in my plan. I can't handle alcohol that well. Just a few drinks and I am so drunk that I can't even speak properly. My eyesight was a bit hazy after the first wine bottle, but gladly I still saw the screen and the keyboard, so I was fine.

- You are so drunk and still you play that well! How on earth did you manage to build such a strong army?

I giggled and poured the rest of the wine in my glass down my throat.

-It's a shecret! I won't tell youu~

At this point I guess I need to tell you a bit more about my behaviour when I am drunk. I become really happy, and sing every single thing I have to say. I also flirt without even understanding it. Anyone who has seen me drunk can confirm that. And I usually confess my feelings when I am drunk. One time I have been in love with someone and blew it, because I confessed to him when I was drunk. After that I haven't really been drinking, so the wine went into my head really quickly.

He got up and strecthed his limbs. He looked like the wine didn't affect him at all. He had drinken just as much as me, and he was still sober. I envy him for having such a good head. I tried to get up as well, but only managed to fumble and fall on the floor. Kyuhyun came to me and lifted me up.

- Erika, you are really drunk. Maybe you should take a nap.

It was like "nap" was a magic word, I started to rub my eyes. I shook my head in denial, but it only made my eyesight turn into a complete blur. I wrepped my arms around his waist so I wouldn't fall down and pressed my head against his chest.

- I am not sleepy, I'm hungry~ And I don't know how to cook~ Kyu-ah, would you cook for me? Then we'll play some more~

I felt my legs rising from the floor and assumed that he was carrying me. Then I was put somewhere, and I noticed that I was in the kitchen. My upper body was laying on the table, since I didn't have the strength to keep it up. After a while, who knows how long, someone sat next to me and something smelled really good. I heard my stomach growl when I smelled food, and somehow I managed to lift my upper body from the table.

Kyuhyun handed me a bowl and a spoon, but my eating was so slow that in the end he was feeding me. I don't know if he ate anything himself, but I got my tummy full. I smiled and focused to stare into his eyes.

-Thank you Kyu, that was reeeeally good~ Are we going to play now? I will kick your again~

I gently caressed his cheek with my palm and for my surprise I saw him blush. My eyes widened and I got a little bit aware of my actions. I quickly pulled my hand away and crossed my arms on my chest. That wasn't a good idea, because I almost  fell off from the bench and Kyuhyun had to grab my arm, pulling me closer to him.

- Oh, Kyu, I, ummm~ 

I stuttered because his face was so close, and I felt his eyes staring right into mine. I could feel his hot breath on my face, and I blushed hardly.

Oh I want to kiss him now...

But Minho...

The thought about Minho made me lower my gaze and press my cheek against his neck, trying to prevent the kiss that I almost already did. I could feel Kyuhyun's heart beting fast against his chest, and he was panting just like when I called him earlier today.

- I'm sorry... I muttered, first time not singing for a long long while.

I felt a hand press against my back, as he pulled me closer to his body, off from my own chair and on his lap, wrapping me into a tight hug.

- About what?

I didn't know what to say. I felt that tears started to fall from my eyes as I pressed my face tighter against his neck. I didn't know how to apologize that I wanted to be there, in his arms, wanted to kiss him, touch him, make him love me. How could you say someone that you were sorry because you were already taken, that you wanted him but couldn't have them both?

Instead of answering I just opened my arms and wrapped them around him, squeezing so tightly that I felt like I was never going to let him go. I felt Kyuhyun press his face against my hair, kissing my vertex. I wanted to raise my face and kiss him, but I just couldn't. At that moment I understood that Minho really had had all the reasons to be jealous, I just didn't want to see it.

Time passed and my tears started to flow wider and wider, making him realize that I was crying. I started to sob, and he lifted my face to see into my eyes. He looked really concerned.

- What are you sorry for, that you are crying?

I shook my head, lowered my gaze and tried to get off of his lap, but he didn't let me go. He kept his hands tightly on my waist as I tried to wiggle out.

- I'm sorry because I think you need to go now. I said and looked back into his eyes.

Maybe he saw something in my eyes that he wasn't supposed to see, but his eyes grew a bit wider, and he let go of me. He stood up and stared at me, looking surprised. I got anxious. Why was he looking at me like that? My eyesight was still hazy but I could still see that he was staring at me.

- You're right, maybe it's best if I left now. Are you going to be okay? His voice sounded gruff and his expression was really serious.

I nodded, which made me sway a bit and he grabbed me again when I fell against his chest. His touch made jolts go through my body and I shivered. I hugged him again, and this time I was sure I wasn't going to let go. I got a bit scared of my own actions, but Kyuhyun probably guessed why I was acting like that, I could bet that he saw it in my eyes, what I thought about him.

- I'm going to be fine. Could you just come and check that I am alive in the morning?

- What the hell are you talking about? Of course you are alive... he sounded panicky.

- I wouldn't be so sure about that... I guess you don't know how I met Minho? Would you like to know?

I knew that it would be better if he didn't know, but I felt like I should tell him, that I could talk about anything with him. I wanted him to know me. He lifted me on his arms again, and carried me to the living room. He sat on the sofa and I laid there with my head on his lap. I understood that he wanted me to tell, so I closed my eyes and started to tell.

- I met Minho three days ago. He found me standing on a rail of a bridge near here. I was going to kill myself.

I heard a gasp when I told him this, but just continued on with the story, still with my eyes shut.

- For my luck, or his luck, whatever, I have a fear of heights. I had been standing there for at least five hours, but I was too scared to jump down. Maybe it was faith, but he rescued me. But now I am alone again, so I don't know what I could do...

I opened my eyes, to see his face. He had been looking at me, and just when I opened my eyes I felt a cold drop fall on my chin. He was crying. I sat up and pinned his face between my palms, sitting on his lap with one leg on his both sides, so he couldn't get up.

- Why are you crying, it's my burden. I'm sorry that I told you this, it wasn't your burden to bare. Please don't cry.

I pleaded him, trying to make him stop. He just shook his head and stared into my eyes.

- Why were you going to do that? That is the stupidest thing someone could do with their life! Why, Erika?

I didn't let go of his face even when he stopped crying. I caressed the corners of his eyes, trying to wipe away the remaining tears.

- That is the point. I didn't have a life. I don't think I still can call this living, but I am on my way to life. You are all helping mee on that path, and I hank you because of it. That is why I want to get to know you all so well, I want to feel that there is someone I care so much about that I know everything about them.

- I, I will make you feel alive again, I promise Erika. I will take care of you.

He smiled at me and I had a sudden urge again to kiss him. Somehow I got the feeling that he wanted to do the same thing since his face started to come closer. I almost jumped off of his lap when I realized what I almost did. I took my glass and poured it full of wine.

- You can go now. You just need to promise that you'll call me in the morning or come and see if I am here.

I sat on the heap of pillows and blankets again, which had been my gaming spot and started to get ready for another game, wherther it was going to be with Kyuhyun or someone else. I heard him stand up from the sofa and when he walked to his computer, I saw that his hands were twitching a bit. First he looked like he was going to pack his computer and get out of here, but then he sighed and sat down.

We started to play again, and I drank more wine, even when I knew it really wasn't a good idea. We played late in the night, and the wine had gone long time before we finally decided that the day had ended. I wanted to ask him to stay in there with me for the night, but I knew that it was better to all of us, me, Minho, Kyuhyun, that he left, so that no one could get the wrong idea.

We said goodbye and he kissed my forehead when he left. He promised to call me the next morning to see if I was okay. When he was gone I noticed that I had forgotten one bottle of wine in the kitchen, so it had been left untouched. I decided to destroy the bottle and drank it in less than 15 minutes. When I felt the alcohol kick in I undressed myself and went to bed, waiting for the wine to lull me to sleep.

- This day was the best birthday I have ever had... I muttered to myself.

Even if I had had a fight with my boyfriend, almost kissed a guy that isn't definitely my boyfriend, told that guy about my suicidal ways and drank so much wine that my head was surely going to kill me the next morning, I still thought that it was the best birthday I had ever had. It was the first birthday that I had that someone else than my mother remembered it was my birthday, and I was happy.

I heard my phone ring, but I was too tired to answer it. I felt my eyelids turn heavy and soon I fell asleep without seeing any dreams.